˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 16/10/2009. Last edited on 22/06/2023.

Do you come across people who actually (seem to) enjoy offending others? Whether it be directly to ones face, right after they are not in sight, or just in regular conversation….I call it gossipy by nature-. I don’t want to get real analytical about it..just aware and sometimes really wonder about it.. . What is your experience with this and how do you address it to yourself or when it’s happening?

(thread originally created in 2009. Feel free to visit in the present(:   pics added (thread originally created in 2009. Feel free to visit in the present(:

Great Handbook NonViolent Communication (compassion) The two questions What’s alive in us? Nonviolent Communication as we’ll see, suggests how we can let people know what’s alive in us. It shows us how to connect with what’s alive in other people, even if they don’t have words for saying it. The second question –and it’s linked to the first one- is: What can we do to make life more wonderful?

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I feel Matt Kahn has some interesting videos related to this topic...

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Moment of Acceptance

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When this occurs, I try to generalize it as much as possible. I do my best not to take it personal or internalize it as a reflection on me or blame myself in any way. I remind myself that this person is going attempt to offend anyone who crosses their path, especially if there person they attack seems to be a happy person. You have something that they don’t have or they don’t think they can have. Happiness. So in their mind, they are like, “hmph, I’ll show YOU!” So they are going to do whatever they can to bring others around them down to their level of misery, hence the phrase, “Misery loves company”

If you try to look at the situation and interaction between you and this individual as if you were 3rd party, you’ll be able to see them grasping at straws, desperately trying to make others around them feel bad so that they are not alone in their misery.

˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 16/10/2009.

In response to sophique’s post:
I love what you said.

To be honest, I generally don’t internalize it, and it can be about anyone, not just in my direction .and I witness it..and I really am just tired of it.

I really appreciate you sharing, and hope to hear more from you and others on the subject.

I’m just realizing more and more how prevalent it is…

In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post:

This is another good thread. I have a friend who records my singing but he isn’t happy unless he is putting someone down. It finally got to me so I explained that being around him didn’t make one feel good. Of course he attacked me and said, “you’re just too sensitive and weak and you can’t take it.” I said, “you’re rudeness will make the people around you unhappy and if you don’t stop soon you will lose your friends as well.”

He said, “Well I could care less.” I left his friendship for about a year. He kept calling me back. He hasn’t changed but has more respect for me now. My part in this is to keep myself around him as least as possible. Sophique is right on. It all comes down to considering the source. Also this person is really jealous of you. How dare you be happy and he/she isn’t.

Peace,
Mary

˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 16/10/2009. Last edited on 17/10/2009.

In response to godscreation’s post:

It isn’t taken personally.

The people I’m referring to are gossipy by nature.

It seems like a nothing-comment to them. It’s how they pass the time,and seems habitual.

It’s sarcasm or just an overall belittling.
It is directed at anyone in eye view.

It seems to be a way of “chatting”.They don’t look at it as mean. They’re just “communicating” by their standards. I just don’t get it.

Though I think you’re right about happiness. They don’t seem to understand that..

.

Look at television, movies, song lyrics as a role model!! It is valued to be rude, disrespectful and nasty. They have laugh tracks for it. You are more powerful and respectful (think Devil Wears Prada). Do our younger counterparts know how to filter fantasy from reality? I’m not so sure about the youngest ones.

It isn’t always easy, but I like to be an ostrich. I don’t hear or see it… NOT IN MY WORLD! (thanks Louise Hay)

In response to meditatingmama’s post:

This is so true MM I keep my thoughts and vision on positive movies, books and programs. Young people are around negativity all day and in the movies. In the past kids use to build things and used their minds to create. Everything on the computer does it for them.

When I have my young nieces and nephews with me we break out different board games. You can change it to suit certain true life conditions. The kids have a lot of fun with it.

In my house, books rule. We read, read, read.

You know, today, a rake and a pile of leaves lead to more fantasy play than any television show. The three little ones all played nicely together even with their age difference.

Before that, we had a role of freezer paper on the floor. We tore off sizes that matched double their height and folded it in half. Then, we traced their bodies. They filled in the details on the bodies with crayons, markers and yarn. Next, we cut them out and stuffed them, so they had “twins” of themselves. That little project entertained them for hours. They are still playing with their new pretend buddies.

Anything that encourages creativity rather than passive “zombie” tv watching is heavily pushed in my house. I don’t mind the extra cleanup… it is better for my conscience!!

Just saw your posting Laurie, sorry I misunderstood the context.

“The people I’m referring to are gossipy by nature.”

I guess you can apply the same theory to these types of people too. Those that sit around and gossip about people and their misfortune or shortcomings do so to make themselves feel better or boost themselves.

You wonder why wouldn’t they look at themselves and think about what is it that is making them unhappy and try to change that, whatever it is, rather than gossiping about other people?

˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 19/10/2009.

In response to sophique’s post:

yes that’s it.

For the most part I’ve ignored it. Though over time, it’s like having a news station on in the background reporting horrible stuff, and I can’t always turn it off or make it lower.

I guess I will think of some better process affirmations for this in particular.

How about this? :

Thank you God for giving me all of the joy that you have; the kind of joy that comes from my heart, and not the kind that rejoices in the issues or negative views of others. Thanks in advance for increasing my joy even more! And thank you for letting this feeling and ability to be absolutely contagious to those I am around.

Amen

In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post:
Laurie, when someone offends me I pray for them.
I pray that whatever is going on for them may ease so that they dont destroy all good around them, and in doing so often they come to realise their wrongs and apologise so that it doesnt continue to hurt them – because thats what it is really, they are hurting themselves by offending others (indirectly).

I feel if you go away with a prayer for them, you are instantaneously dissolving that negativity and turning into a positive. Perhaps they had reason to offend me…maybe I did or said something to offend them??? Either way, that prayer will inevitably teach you and guide you in the correct and appropriate response.

In response to anoushka_f’s post:

That is a beautiful way of thinking anoushka. That is a win win situation for all and it encourages people to change.

˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 19/10/2009.

In response to anoushka_f’s post:
I do lots of praying!

I do totally agree with you.

The point I’m expressing is, how unnatural it is for others to be kind and see the good astounds me, no matter how long I recognize it.

In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post:

That is very true Laurie. It is unnatural these days. We have forgotten about being loving and the world needs it so badly. When we can get away from only caring about material things and vanity that’s when we realize that we have so much to be happy for.

There are days when I wake up and feel totally at one with all that is living I feel as though I am communicating with all life and it feels wonderful.

It’s easy to put down people because it takes away from changing oneself. In the long run people will continue to feel badly and be mean. What is difficult for them to understand is when we are mean or cruel to others even indirectly. “It’s like drinking poison and expecting others to die.” Their bodies are releasing negative chemicals that makes them sick. We instinctively know it is wrong to hurt others directly or indirectly. The other’s who go along with it are also releasing negative chemicals into their bodies. Thus illnesses begin. They are living with conflict.

I am glad that it is hard for you to believe because it means that you are not in that kind of thinking mode. That’s why blessings are all around you because you have that great spirit and loving heart. May the Creator/God bless you always.

Living without conflict

Lots of love,
Mary

I generally think of myself as a nice guy, but I am not as nice as some of the other people posting here. When I run across people that take pleasure in offending/hurting others, I drop them like a rock! That kind of negativity is extremely toxic. In my little world, I don’t need any more cancer cells near me. I let them be, but not around me. You can’t change others, only yourself!

In response to “Just” For Me’s post:

I’m really not that old, and I do qualify for Medicare, so I have been around the block a time or two…I am semi re-tired, fully retired from teaching. I was an elementary school administrator for the last 15 years of my career. I supervised about 100 teachers and I had the occasion to interact with thousands of parents each year. I was able to spot negative people pretty quickly. I learned teachers that take pleasure in offending or hurting others were to be dealt with swiftly and severely. I fought to expunge them from teaching altogether. Small children need to be protected from mean spirited people. At least that was my feeling about it. I tried everything to help them be more supportive and kind, but most would not change. That is when I learned that you can’t change other people, only yourself. So I started removing myself from these toxic personalities and I was much happier and I could suggest to others who came in contact with them to remove themselves from them as well. I kept a medium sized rock in my desk and when members of a team would come to me about at negative person, I would get out that rock and hold it high as I could and tell them to drop it like rock and iI would let go of the rock and it would fall to the floor. It was easy to let go and my teachers saw that they could not change the negative person either, and they let it go…Taking care of myself and staying positive was vital to my success as an administrator. I started taking time for myself too. I would meditate for hours on end to free up my mind and relax. The stress of the job was great. I had to figure out a way to release my frustrations and survive. I did it with relaxing music just before bed and drifted off to sleep. I also started using affirmations that I read over and over to myself every day. Then I found Bemindful, by chance, and well…the rest is history.

In response to Poppy’s post:
you bring a tremendous amount of wisdom & experience here… And I thank you for sharing all that you have(:

Just For Me /aka AppreciationView

In response to AppreciationView’s post:

Thank you, I appreciate you as well. You have helped make this site a wonderful, caring, positive, nonjudgmental, loving experience for us all.

You have taught me to be comfortable in my own skin, to respect others, to truly love myself, to take care of myself so that I can help others, if I so choose…

To accept ourselves as we are and that is the perfect place to be at the moment…to be in the flow, to free ourselves from distractions that interfere with our higher purpose and to move into a higher vibrational state.