Advice? Help with Severely Distorted Self-Image

What do you guys know about helping people with anorexia or other related disorders?

thanks mcm ,i would love any advice ,knowledge or understanding as my 20 year old daughter is starving herself with anorexia but thinks she is fat ,she restricts herself to less than 200 calories a day and has done for months refuses any help /councelling etc

This is the story my friend told me. She is tall. When she was a teenager, she was way taller than everyone else in school and was having issues with that. Her mother though, bought her some cloths and told her, look I had to have these taken off the mannequin for you. Pointing out that she has the hight and the figure of the mannequin.

Find and point out the positive sides of the fact the person is distroying herself/himself for.

I believe anorexia is very much encouraged by the media nowadays, everyone in the movies is skinny and beautiful, every model in the magazine is skinny, and they are the role models of how we should look like.
Maybe by subtle affirmations pointing out the persons beauty.
Maybe reminding that the acteresses have gone through surgeries, or pictures have been retouched, or the model in the magazine is actually 14 and not yet gone through puberty would help.

In response to flowergirl’s post:
In response to themadcookieman’s post:

Afi is so right about beauty…As WE know beauty is something from within and about a lots of characteristics besides weight and appearance ….. - BUT in the mind of an anorexic this is so NOT what they want to hear. They have gone beyond the stage of wanting beauty – it has become addiction of self torture that they cant physically get out of. The physical appetite is not capable of normal eating anymore. Bombarding them with inner beauty stuff wont work.

I am not an expert, and these sorts of things really ought to be assisted professionally, but the only practical thing I can say is just remember it is nothing you have done or said. It is a state of mind that has undergone years of negative programming. We cant ‘fix’ them – even though you wish you could. Keep yourselves strong and positive and do your best to give them positive energy in the ways that you know best. This could be talking (about anything but the anorexia), giving time to listen etc.
Also remember it is a disease of self – so any way you can get them ‘out of self’ – e.g doing something to help you or others is a good thing. Just a suggestion.
I was a very self conscious teenager – that I now identify as selfish- I am not implying that your loved ones are the same. I just had to realise that it wasnt ‘all about me’. By doing things for others I was able to see that eventually. Just a suggestion – but may not be appropriate for different levels of this illness. As I say, I am not an expert, simply someone that was once there and can identify with their struggle.

I found this.

Finding an eating disorder specialist

For treatment advice or referrals, click here or call the National Eating Disorders Association’s 24-hour information and referral helpline at 1-800-931-2237.

Helping Someone with an Eating Disorder

thanks for these posts ,until my daughter decides she wants to recover andstart the long process of eating and gaining weight -im very limited to how i can help apart from unconditional, love never ending hugs and being there for her .

flowergirl – There is ALOT you can do beyond those things you listed.

My daughter is currently in treatment in Arizona for her anorexia – this is an issue which invades every waking moment ( and dreaming as well). We live in Ohio and this is 60days she’ll be gone is the longest I will have ever been away from her to date ( she’s 16).

First. Educate yourself about your power in helping her recover. Go to Remudaranch.com This is arguambly the best facility in the nation and they have an incredible WEALTH of information on their website.

Second. This is your child. This is a DEADLY disease. It is BY FAR the most deadly of the mental illnesses currently known – including bipolar, depression, schizophrenia etc. Would you wait for your child to decide she wants cancer treatment?

YOur daughter is over 18 and therefore and ‘adult’ but she is a member of your family. Ask her to be responsible for the results of her actions. What will happen if she dies – to you? To the rest of your family? It’s not a guilt trip – it’s truth telling.

There is hope. There is help. It won’t be easy. My daughter is fighting everyday. She doesn’t want to eat. She says she just wants to die….but she’s fighting anyway….with the hope that it WILL get better.

More than anything else – take care of you. I have been struggling with feeling alone and carrying the weight of my mourning for her all by myself…..I can’t help her if I fall apart.

Jennifer

Laurie –

She won’t be able to see herself objectively – it’s a body distortion beyond reason. My 5’8” daughter was under 100 pounds and thought she was fat. It’s not something we can understand….it’s the disease talking

In response to jfowler’s post:
Wonderful information!

My prayers are sent to you for your wonderful health, strength, peace and courage…and of course to your daughter as well.

Love, Laurie

Thank you Laurie. These are dark days for me and I have ben soul sick. I have needed to come back to bmindful…..and LOOK what I see when I log in? the universe is perfect.

Jennifer

In response to jfowler’s post:
Thanks for explaining the severity of this level of anorexia. I know you know, and your educating others here is wonderful.

In response to jfowler’s post:
So glad you’re here.Welcome back(:

OH! Hey! As a wonderful side note…her therapist wants her doing daily AFFIRMATIONS! I smiled when the therapist told me they wanted her doing some and that my daughter had sad that “My Mom gave me some affirmation cards when I was in the hospital in January” She has them posted on the cart that holds her feeding tube she she sees them first thing when she wakes up.

I KNOW she’s in the right place – they are using ‘western medicine’ but also spiritual healing practices as well – animal therapy, affirmations etc.

In response to jfowler’s post:
How wonderful(: God bless her(:

hi ,thank you Jenifer so much for your post and for sharing .Its time for some tough love again and im going to make her listen .I got2 books out of the library today by Tanet Treasure from the Mawdsley hospital in london and will look at that website now ,thank ypou and can i semd you and your daughhter lots of love

Peace to you and your family flowergirl

In response to themadcookieman’s post:

I am not sure MCM but it might be helpful if she had hypnosis sessions as well. This way it goes right to her subconscious mind.

hi jfowler i just recieved this e.mail from thought for today and it seemed so right “ if i keep the weeknesses of others in my mind ,they soon become part of me “ and i realised focusing on how helpless i was feeling was doing nothing to give me strength to help my daughter .She needs to see me being strong and positive not falling apart ,love to you and your daughter ,i love the combination of healing she is recieving .

In response to Godscreation’s post:
i asked about this when my daughter was in a unit but they were not open to it .I would have thought it was worth trying .

Seems strange to me that they would be opposed to that. I would like to know why they don’t think it is a good idea. I would also seek some reliable information and opinions on that subject and do what I thought was best. I’ve met many “experts” in my life who didn’t know doodley squat about what they were supposed to be “experts” in. There are plenty of stupid doctors, lawyers, accountants, congressmen, presidents and teachers in this world.

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
i agree with you so much,but we live in the industrial north of england and its very -cant think of the word i want – negative i suppose towards commplementary/alternative healing .I have asked g p about hypnotherapy ,accupuncture ,equine assisted therapy and they look at me as though i’ve lost the plot .

As usual i was awake thinking during the night and i realised something that i can do myself .My daughter likes things tidy and keeps her bedroom lovely ,i have letour home get scruffy and i realised as i have got started clearing clutter and spring cleaning how much better i feel and how much she apreciates it .While i cant cure her i can place affirmations around the house ,burn uplifting aromatherapy oils ,play my lovely relaxation c d s ,and stop eating junk myself so she has a good role model and a relaxing home .Maybe i can provide the complementary side in a small way to the medical care .

Flowergirl-

Yes, your attitudes about self love and self care matter in helping your daughter heal her disease. Eating disorders are sometimes really a form of obsessive compulssive behavior which fixates on foods. Eating disorders are also sometimes under the umbrella of anxiety disorders so getting to the root of her underlying anxiety will be key to understanding her illness.

The facility my daughter is at does incorporate equine and dog therapy, affirmations, daily chapel as well as group therapy, art, individual counselling, body image work, and ‘life skills’ work. There are programs and information you can find for EFFECTIVE treatment.

Release the expectation that you can or should be able to heal her all on your own. This is an opften fatal disease and it’s good and right to get help from qualified professionals.

That said, there is ALOT you can do to support and assist your daughter – both in accepting the need for treatment and then in her recovery.

More than anything else – take care of yourself and know you are not alone. I have struggled with guilt and deep sadness and I’m still there sometimes. It’s easy to blame myself for ‘bringing her to this point’. Taking responsibility and beating myself up are different though and I have to stop the guilt. I choose to work on me – so I can help her recover and we can ALL have a GREAT life. Creating something MUCH MUCH better in the future.

In response to jfowler’s post:
thank you for your encouraging post ,lots of love to you and your family .Im going to push for help despite them saying she has to decide ,her mind is too starved to make those decisions,

You are exactly right about that! At less than 90% of her ideal body weight, her brain is literally starved and cannot function rationally and perform well. My daughter talks now of no longer being able to understand the spoken or written word. Mental function shuts down and the victim is no longer able to make clear rational decisions about anything.

Love and blessings to you too flowergirl!

In response to jfowler’s post:
I think you are absolutely right, better yet, I don’t THINK – I KNOW you’re right. There is NO WAY she is thinking clearly – her mind simply CAN’T function properly if she is malnourished. I’m so glad you brought out that point.

Flowergirl, I would suggest (I’m no doctor or therapist or anything of the sort, mind you) that you make a sleep cd for her. I would turn the volume down low, set it to repeat and let it play 24/7. I wouldn’t begin to know what affirmations to use, ( I think most of us wouldn’t be comfortable telling you what affirmations to use because the situation is so serious) but I suspect you and jfowler could come up with some good ones. If not, I’ll bet Laurie could at least steer you in the right direction.

In response to flowergirl’s post:
In response to jfowler’s post:

As the mother of two daughters, I am sending both of you much love & hugs. Reading this thread brought me to tears. I cannot even imagine the experiences being in your shoes. All I have to offer is prayers in your direction. Keep your strength!

In response to jfowler’s post:
thanks ,its amazing how her brain can be so illogical towards her weight /diet etc and yet she spends hours every day working on open university courses ,she does struggle with any science/maths type questions but always has and is very clever with english language ,literature and has written 3 beautifull childrens books which she is trying to get published .
Making decisions is such a struggle for her too .If only the mental strength which she uses not to eat could be turned around .Do you have good support for yourself .Take care and lots of love flowergirl

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
hi mcm ,thanks for your lovely suggestion ,although she is 20 i bought her a couple of c d s a while back from a series called “relax kids “ and they have lovely simple meditations for kids with gentle music ,she often listens to these in bed .I love your idea and will try to borrow a tape recorder from someone ,she loved me reading to her so i could record a couple of short stories too .

In response to meditatingmama’s post:
thank you for your kind post and the love and hugs ,they are very welcome .The love for our children gives us strength as we would all do anything for them ,but its love and prayers and suport from lovely folks like all of you on here that hold our hearts together ,love and hugs flowergirl

Do you have a cd burner in your computer? If you do I can help you figure out how to make one. A tape deck will work fine if it has a repeat function, it’ll take a little longer to make the tapes though. I’m sure you know someone with a cd burner though.

sorry to sound thick – what is it

I’ll send you a private message with some info.

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
thanks

hi folks ,has anyone heard ofor experience of Mercy Missions in treating anorexia .My daughter has accepted she needs help and has appliesd to the one in england .Thank you all so much for your love ,prayers and caring you have given as i care for her .love flowergirl

What changed her mind??

In response to bbirishbug’s post:
a mixture of things i think ,her gp and myself tried talking with her yesterday and pointed out if she lost 5kg more she would not have a choice ,all the things she is missing being able to do ,and she worries about me and gp is worried about my b p .Also a lot of people have been praying and thinking loving thouhts about her

I am so happy for the wonderful prospects for your daughter, now that she is going to be receiving help. My prayers are with her and your whole family,

Oh my goodness that’s terrific news!

I feel like i’m on the Dr. Oz show!

This is specificly for you flower girl

& this