★Learning from suffering

This month was a big learning time for me, gathering together with my rainbow brothers and sisters. Confronting with no comfort but self. It was tough, but I am happy to have gone through it. I have touched my centre and I see where I would like more openings. The blocks can only be realised in stress and I saw them ALL in their glory!

They are intensely personal, honest, raw and suffering. I’m not sure I want to share, but they came up for review and I’m dealing with it all now.

SO suffering is neccessary, for progression, without contrast there is no light.

Freya

:)

I consider myself spiritual, not religious, so I don’t usually like to talk about specific religions. However, the link between your post and the words of Buddha are too strong to ignore, so…

I’m reading and studying this book and have developed an obsession with the inspiration behind Santideva’s words.

It seems that the Buddha’s of the three times agree with your post!

It’s no coincidence that I’m Buddhist :)

Have read the Way, like it lots – is very relevant to my life.

You know the suffering doesn’t have to overwhelm, it’s just a bit of discomfort to shake things up!

“Is suffering really necessary? Yes and no. If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you, no humility, no compassion.” Eckhart Tolle

i agree, and i am grateful that i suffered a lot during childhood because it shaped who i am today.

I disagree, i’ve grown from my lifelong trauma and yet wish i hadn’t been victimized. I say, it’s true people should be tested to grow, but not harmed.- Jules

I can remember going through different things, that were unique to my experiences that I had felt one should ever have to had endure, and prayed with a why me. I think we can all say that about life about something. Everyone experiences their experience differently. And I hope whatever it is you’ve been through- that over time—you become a greater strength to yourself and others;like you said you wanted in your introduction.

In response to laurie’s post:
Aww, you left me almost speechless (in a good way!)
you said: “I can remember going through things I felt one should not ever have to had endure, and prayed with a why me. I had experiences since then that allowed the wisdom and compassion that I had gained from the pain, comfort others. I tried harder in my life to understand things and learn to give to myself in a way, that I probably wouldn’t have had to if it weren’t for my versions of trauma.” you and me both think a like and i’m sure so do many others. Thank you Laurie for your kind thoughts. I read an article on psychological trauma from wikipedia the other day that said “How severe these symptoms (psychological trauma) are depends on the person, the type of trauma involved, and the emotional support they receive from others. There are several behavioral responses common towards stressors including the proactive, reactive, and passive responses. I agree that we all deserve positive influence.

If we had blissful lives, why would we move to change (for the better)?

Crisis can make us move (I am talking about current discomfort).

As for past suffering… I suffered a lot in the past, but in the last five years I have learned and processed enough to deal with it. I no longer suffer. It’s not important WHAT I suffered, what was important was my ATTITUDE towards even insignificant set backs.

If I had not been through what I had, I would NOT be who I am – and I LOVE who I am. I even love my illnesses because they shape me too!

I too have suffered from childhood traumas and am astounded how I have coped going from a complete and utter mess to the person I am today.
Yes would agree it definately does make you stonger and more compassionate towards others, but there is that sense of all that time that is lost( 10yrs in my case) attempting to put the pieces of your life back together; that time spent trying to be truly happy with who you are which could have been used living life to it’s fullest and giving more to yourself and others instead of just getting through the days completely inside your own head and just coping .So suffering will always leave with you a great Loss because it has taken so much away but what is left behind is the true person—Vulnerable & Raw and THEN we have to explore all these terrible feelings and summon the strength to get through them with the WHY ME ,but then comes the POWER in knowing that we can get through anything and what’s left behind is the best of us unharmed and beautiful and this is something to be truly thankful for…xx

“If it wasn’t for the sounds of the traffic, there would be no silence between them” — Paul Haller

Also, Mel and I have gotten a lot out of The Prophet – especially the chapter on Joy and Sorrow.

edit, btw I’m not comparing anyone’s suffering to traffic noise. The meaning behind the quote is scalable :)

In response to netty75’s post:
“living life to it’s fullest and giving more to yourself and others instead of just getting through the days completely inside your own head and just coping .So suffering will always leave with you a great Loss because it has taken so much away but what is left behind is the true person—Vulnerable & Raw and THEN we have to explore all these terrible feelings and summon the strength to get through them with the WHY ME ,but then comes the POWER in knowing that we can get through anything and what’s left behind is the best of us unharmed and beautiful and this is something to be truly thankful for”-netty75

Hi, Netty! Those are truly beautiful words, thanks.
I think we all need to learn to live life to it’s fullest everyday. That is my next step. I look up to Kylie Minogue for what she makes out of life, despite her recent scare. Keep your chin up!

In response to netty75’s post:

then comes the POWER in knowing that we can get through anything and what’s left behind is the best of us unharmed and beautiful

Beautiful yes yes yes – we are always unharmed, untouched. Always perfect, no matter what happens!

I was doing a search on The Prophet and found this:

http://leb.net/~mira/works/prophet/prophet.html

Looks very interesting, I think I will go read some now! Thanks for referring to it Lee!

Christy

I suffered plenty as a child. That was back then and went in for therapy and hypnosis. What is important to me is now. Do we know what comes tomorrow? No, if all we have is now better to do the most with what we have.

The suffering molded me into who I am today. The road has not been an easy one but it has been exciting. The suffering helped me to become a soulful singer. Everyday is a new adventure, my goal is to be happy.

Bottom line is we all need love. Just look at this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Love and happiness to you all,

Mary

Now, İf you always suffer and can not find a solution and the problem you suffer happened in your childhood, I mean when you were weak and did not understand why you lived this kind of things,
It causes PTSD or choronic depression or I do not know.

But If you are lucky and when you are suffering, you have a good parents and friends and if they help you to solve your problem:

It makes you stronger, wise.Because you solved your problem, you know when you are in trouble, your parents and friends support you.And you took your lesson…

I have an issue that I am not sure if it relates to suffering or what. I live next door to a very loud, angry family. There is a man in probably his early 60’s & his wife (probably late 50’s). Not that age matters, but they are past the age where one would thing they’d move past impulsive behavior into the relaxed enjoyment of life. They also live with their three GROWN children (at least in their 30’s) – who never seem to keep their jobs and move in and out of the home often.

These are very grouchy people. Usually I have a plethora of patience and try to send them love (privately). Most of the time, I just hear a lot of yelling and arguing, nasty family fights. They keep their windows open so anyone standing on the block will know what is going on in their life. They have no qualms about standing in their driveway having family arguments. They are all loud, obnoxious, and VERY COLORFUL language.

However, my good nature is being tested, because now my fairly innocent 5-year-old is asking me the meanings of certain words that she has no business knowing (yet)… heard from name-calling next door.

We have never spoken after we first moved in and Mr. MAN came over to introduce himself and tell me how glad white people were moving into the house because (I won’t name the specific race) were taking over the neighborhood and he didn’t want to see the values decline. YIKES!!! Then, he saw my husband (who is olive-skinned) and never spoke since.

I’m ok not speaking or knowing them. Personally, I think the loudest of them all may have a mental illness (how else can you explain such anger). But, things are declining these days. He yelled at my UPS driver for delivering a package to my house and the truck was too loud. He yelled at my sister for parking on the street in front of my house and making my house look like a “rental”. Mind you, when my husband is around, he wouldn’t dare with such behavior because my husband has a presence that commands respect.

Now, part of me has huge empathy. It must really stink being retired and all of your children keep coming home to live with you. It must stink living in a house full of such anger. But, what is it about my husband that he has this invisible boundary that people just KNOW not to cross. How can I get one of those so that man leaves me, my guests, etc. alone? I don’t want my kids to hear his yelling.

What do you recommend? I say affirmations such as I am surrounded by loving people. I am always safe. Things like that… I TRULY (and I am very sincere) send him loving, peaceful energy. I visualize a healing white light surrounding their house (and mine). But, I swear a black storm cloud hangs over their house and I feel like it is starting to encroach upon my house.

I want their family happy. I’m not looking for friendship, just peace. Any suggestions? And, no, I don’t feel safe talking to them. They don’t talk. They yell – and I am intimidated by loud voices… especially ones from men that are much bigger and stronger than me!!!

The world has indeed gone insane. I guess there has always been suffering, and suffering has a purpose, but you would think that in this day and age that man would have evolved a little, but I guess we haven’t. I want to believe that mankind will become more enlightened, but I fear we are headed for disaster. As I said, I know that suffering serves an important purpose, but when I watch the news I can’t help but feel sad and sick in my soul. I saw a video on the news of a woman from Oklahoma who was videotaped at a party blowing the smoke from her joint into her seven year olds face. The child had downs syndrome, and she wasn’t doing it by accident, her intention was to get the child high. Later she was scolding the child that just wanted to be held. What diseased humans live among us. Today I saw a video where some employees of some kind of home for the mentally ill had set up a fight club. Yes, they were having the mentally challenged people fight. How do we resolve these horrible things for ourselves? I often get tears in my eyes when I see news stories about missing or abused children. Why does the world have to be so cruel? How can we NOT judge acts like these? I know it’s not enlightened, but I feel that the world would be better of if we simply executed these monsters, and these monsters can’t hold a candle to what muslim extremeists do. How do you feel when your thoughts turn to the Taliban, or Pol Pot, or Pinochet, or the SS and countless others?

Hello everyone,

With most of these abusers sadly they are acting out the pain that was done to them instead of breaking the chain.

Because of the suffering and beatings I endured as a child it caused me to have a brain operation in which I was at the door of death. The doctors were stunned that I was alive. They called me a miracle. When laying in that hospital bed it occured to me that the suffering continued on in my own mind even though the abusers were no longer around. I WANT TO BE HAPPY NOW! The first part of my childhood was taken from me but not now!
It’s my choice.

We on our own can cause misery or happiness. As a child there was no one there to support me. It taught me to learn to be my own friend and to this day that is exactly what I try to to. Mind you it isn’t perfect but if there is to be change it has to happen first in my own mind.

Depression and PTSD were my constant companion along with anxiety and agoraphobia. Yet I got past most of it.

The media is quick to put up all the negative things happening in life right now as a way to keep you from having hope. There are also wonderful thngs happening every day but they are not mentioned. Just look around you today and see miracles that happen on a daily basis. They do exist.

MM those neighbors of yours love the negative attention they are getting they are in a major comfort zone. Keep your boundaries and when they start with whatever race they are taling about just say “I love all my fellow man and God bless you.” Walk away. I’m not saying it’s easy but there is always a solution somewhere. That’s exactly what had to happen to a friend of mine that loves to flirt with everyone’s husband or boyfriend. I finally kept my boundaries and now she doesn’t cross them. It was hard because I felt guilty and not a good person. That’s exactly what they want you to feel in order to stay in the game! Happiness and peace to you all.

Mary

In response to meditatingmama’s post:
MM – this is a very childish suggestion but I heard it somewhere & it makes me laugh – record their fighting/yelling etc and then play it back at full volume at a quieter time. OK maybe that’s just stirring the pot ;)

There’s a girl in our street who has personality traits and bad language that I don’t want my children to copy. Without me stopping them playing together, my kids recognise her behaviour is not ideal, they themselves use her behaviour as an example of ‘what not to be’. It’s useful that kids know there’s all types out there, but good luck, they sound dreadful.

In response to freygan’s post:
This thread is from 2009, and was highlighted today in 2015, and I’d like to bring forward from the initial post: Freygan said, SO suffering is necessary, for progression, without contrast there is no light.
I’m believing this is quite an intro thought to continue in the present. Your thoughts?

In response to SelfCareJoy’s post:

Not quite sure where I stand on this. It is very interesting. My initial thought was to hope progression is possible without suffering. Then again, suffering can accelerate progression.

In response to Poppy’s post: I love the positive spin …you put on suffering… suffering can accelerate progression

I’m believing: When we our open to learning from all of our experiences…suffering can be more optional(: & as we age… just part of a life experience…one that actually gives hope for added wisdom.

I certainly wouldn’t summon suffering…Though, I am grateful for my experiences which were bitter-sweet, which taught me something-needed & allowed me to create and desire something… that makes living even better.

And it doesn’t make hardships happy…though, it often assisted in grand ways …that I couldn’t have planned. And by accepting the less than easy times…I also accept new ways of looking at life…creating a wider path…to narrow it down to something …possible…and with time…something better… & instilling hope, and faith and eventually joy(: (much joy) (: