★Being Alone and Content

Don’t know if anyone ever feels like this the words here really helped me have fun even though I am without a parnter.

Blessings,
Mary

Being Alone And Content
By Brad Paul

Being alone can be painful. It can also be blissful. It all depends on your level of personal development in this area. A joyful state when you’re alone is attainable. And it is a very worthwhile pursuit.

Once you learn how to be alone you will no long be chained to the desperate need to keep a person in your life even though the relationship is bad for you. Whether the person is a lover, a marriage partner, a friend, or even a family member what good is it if the relationship brings you pain and lower self-esteem? If you can’t bare the thought of being alone you will always be in a position of weakness in your relationships. However, once you learn how to be alone and truly enjoy it you’ll be able to negotiate your relationships from a position of strength knowing that you can end it and be okay.

We all experience moments of intense loneliness. We initially experience this when we are left alone for the first time as children. As we develop and grow we learn not to fear being alone. Nevertheless, there times when we face feelings of loneliness. These times can be extremely difficult at first.

Transitions in adulthood can bring on powerful feelings of loneliness. When we break up, get a divorce, or a partner dies we are suddenly alone. Before this event, we grew to rely on their companionship. We knew that during almost every evening, weekend, and holiday we would have someone to share it with. The sad feelings that you experience can be the same when a close friendship ends.

If your break up or divorce was preceded by months of tension, the separation might come as a relief initially. After a few nights and weekends alone, however, the relief can turn into desperation about being alone. It is at this point where profound growth is possible. You can use the pain of the break up and the loneliness to move yourself past the sometimes terrifying feelings of facing the future alone! Once you breakthrough and find your strength, which is present in you right now, you’ll experience a whole new world of personal power and freedom.
“I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.”

“I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.”

-Albert Einstein

In his insightful book “Intimate Connections – The Clinically Proven Method for Making Close Friends and Finding a Loving Partner” Dr. David Burns talks about the importance of learning how to enjoy being alone. He says that a person ability to have healthy relationship is in direct proportion to their ability to be alone.

If a person is comfortable being alone, they are in a position of power and not neediness in a relationship. People who do not have the ability to be alone will be imprisoned if they find themselves in a toxic relationship. You can break free by learning how to be alone and truly enjoy it.

Surrender to Your Loneliness

There is something indescribably sweet about surrendering to your loneliness. On that darkest of nights, when you come face to face with yourself, true self-discovery can occur. The quietness and the realization that you are completely alone in a world full of billions of people can be chilling. But once you embrace it and surrender to your aloneness you will begin to grow right there and then. And your growth can be rapid and profound. With each new experience of being alone you will grow stronger. Eventually you will begin to enjoy your own company without a nagging need to be with another person. Once you reach this point, you’ll have the power to choose whether or not you want to spend a Saturday night alone, with a friend, or with a love interest. Your ability to choose any of these options without any worries empowers you. Then if you do chose to enter into a relationship, you’ll be able to do it from a position of strength, independence, and confidence.

How Do You Learn How to Be Alone?

Don’t fight being alone by trying to distract yourself. Don’t distract yourself by scheduling all your free time with friends. Don’t distract yourself with over indulgence of food, alcohol, drugs, television, the Internet, or video games. Just be with your loneliness until you come to terms with it. Face it head on! Deal with the feelings that come up. Stay with the discomfort until you find your way to contentment. If you are frightened, move toward your fears until they dissipate. As it is with most fears, you’ll most likely find that what you feared was only an illusion or a misunderstanding.

Embrace Being Alone

Embrace being alone by using these periods to get to know yourself on a deeper level. Perhaps on a deeper level than you have in your entire life. You can’t do this by spending a few hours alone. You need much more time. Several weekends or even an entire week’s vacation would provide a great start toward mastery of being alone.

Once you can spend a Saturday night, a weekend, or an entire vacation alone and truly enjoy it you’ve mastered yourself. You teach yourself how to enjoy your own company by treating yourself like you would a close friend or lover. You look for ways to enjoy, entertain, and please yourself. And yes, I mean the big “M.” There are benefits to learning this art as well, especially for women. Men don’t need any coaxing in this area.

Whenever I refer to the benefits of learning to be alone, I am not only talking about you but also the benefits that your lovers and friends will enjoy. These relationships will benefit because you will be able to participate in them from a position of strength and giving rather than weakness and neediness. If you can’t bare even the thought of being alone you’ll put unhealthy demands on these relationships. You will also sell yourself short because of your inability to enter and maintain these relationships from a position of strength and confidence.

Use periods of being alone to get to know yourself. What do YOU like do on a Saturday night? Take yourself out to a fancy dinner. Make yourself a gourmet dinner at home. Have fun! Enjoy your own company. Enjoy your own humor. Laugh at yourself. Do you get the picture?

If you don’t know what you find humorous when no one else is present, find out! If you don’t know what you enjoy to do by yourself, discover it! Make it an adventure! Make it an adventure of self-discovery!

Your goal is to find peace, contentment, and confidence when you are alone whether you are at home, in crowded public space, or at table in a fine restaurant filled with couples on a Saturday night! Once you are comfortable, content, and happy in each of these situations you have mastered the art of being alone. Once this is achieved and you are able to “chose” whether you want to be in a relationship or with other people, your ability to truly love and give without fear or measure will be greatly enhanced.

Brad Pa

Excellent! Thank you GC. This makes a lot of sense. I think that one’s creativity may improve as well. You can be totally free from perceived judgements of others. Selfconscious (in a good way) Jan

I love this! Thank you.

In response to Raylene’s post:
In response to jancydat’s post:

I’m so glad you two liked it. I thought it was excellent advice.
On Friday I went out to sing at a karaoke club. There is a man there who is always alone. He gets up when he hears a song that he likes and starts dancing all by himself! Everyone gets such a big kick out of it because you can see he doesn’t feel self conscious.

I love it but for me it gets me very embarrassed. To go some where alone and be happy and content is such a sense of freedom. I already go to karaoke alone and at times people invite me to sit with them. Then when I feel comfortable and everyone is dancing on the floor and doesn’t notice me, that’s when it’s safe for me to go out there alone and dance. That is one fear that needs to be conquered. It’s my time to have fun and be free!
This life is no dress rehearsal! I leave you with this wonderful video. Pay close attention to the words.

This is it

There have been times in my life
I’ve been wondering why
Still somehow I believed
We’d always survive
Now I’m not so sure
You’re waiting to hear
One good reason to try
But what more can I say
What’s left to provide
You think that maybe it’s over
Only if you want it to be
Are you gonna wait for your sign, your
miracle
Stand up and fight
This is it
Make no mistake where you are
This is it
Your back’s to the corner
This is it
Don’t be a fool anymore
This is it
The waiting is over
No room to run
No way to hide
No time for wondering why
It’s here
The moment is now
About to decide
Let him believe
Or leave him behind
But keep me near in your heart
And know, whatever you do
I’m here by your side
You said that maybe it’s over
Not if you don’t want it to be
For once in your life, here’s your miracle
Stand up and fight
This is it
Make no mistake where you are
This is it
You’re going no further
This is it
Until it’s over and done
No one can tell you what you know
Who makes the choice of how it goes
It’s not up to me this time
You know
There comes a day in every life
This is it
Make no mistake where you are
This is it
You’re going no further
This is it
Until it’s over and done
This is it
One way or another
This is it
No one can tell what the future holds
This is it
Your back’s to the corner
This is it
You make the choice of how it goes
This is it
The waiting is over
This is it
No one can tell what the future holds
This is it
You’re going no further

Blessings,
Mary

˚ state of calm 💗thank you  

Posted on 14/02/2010. Last edited on 15/02/2010.

In response to Godscreation’s post:
Love the song(:

And the premise.

I love the company of good people.

When a relationship (of any kind) doesn’t bring out the healthy side of you (and no one is at a perfect balance all of the time)..then being other-oriented can be a short-changing experience for yourself and those in your world.

Be joyful 1st. Be true to you 1st. Then everyone else in your life can come to your joyful party. You can hang out at theirs.
Though, no chance in losing you..if you are there with full intent of not leaving you ever(:

Everything is better when you’re in it for the long haul with yourself.
Everything is better when you co-create your life inside..before decorating outside with people, places and things.

..strong belief .that you must be happy with you, before believing a relationship will fix something in your own world. After saying that…I believe if you have found that joy inside, and know how to care-take yourself, and desire to…then a relationship that offers you the space to be yourself..will allow for profound experiences.

When you experience losses of loved ones..it will be sad.
Though picture if you lost yourself. That kind of grief is more than sad. It is nothingness..it’s limbo..it’s true sadness

So Hold Out For Love

with you 1st..

I was working out some ideas I was having about values when I found this article. It is relevant to this thread, though that is not why I was searching for this information.
The Self and The Ego

In response to themadcookieman’s post:

Excellent information thank you MCM!

To be completely honest, I LOVE being alone. I love the quiet and peace from it. I can do my painting, crocheting, play my piano etc. without bothering other people, without demands from others etc. After being married and now divorced, I relish and cherish my time. It’s stange to say, but I’m so much happier now that I’ve been married and am now single again. It taught me to appreciate the quiet times and I DO. I love being alone because it gives me more time with God and more time to do what needs to be done and for what I enjoy. Sometimes I even turn my phone off and take what I call a MENTAL VACATION. I do what I want, when I want, don’t talk to anybody, sleep as often as I feel I need and just do what my body tells me needs to be done. It’s in these times I find I draw closer to the Lord as well and find out more about who I am and what I really need.

Sheri

that is so lovely to hear that you are at peace and happy with yourself .You have given yourself the silence to hear your inner voice ,loveflowergirl

This morning I woke up thinking about this subject and remembered having seen a thread but hadn´t gotten a chance to read. Not knowing who/when/what title this was, I logged on and there it was on top of the page :-) Thanks flowergirl and musicmaker1969 for bringing this to the top.

And thank you Mary for posting this.

In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:

I hadn’t heard this song for sometime and what true words, the melody is so uplifting thank you Laurie.

Thank you for opening up and posting this wonderful insight. I am going through a period of learning to live with my own alone-ness. There are many times I quite enjoy it, but there are also moments when it’s very painful… I will take your advice and allow myself to “go into” the pain. Blessings to you! AnnieB

In response to Musicmaker1969’s post:

How much fun you are having getting to know you! Enjoy it!

In response to AnnieB’s post:

AnnieB that is exactly what I am going through right now. Recently me and my friend went to a senior dance and had a lot of fun. It is lonely at times but for me to get into a relationship right now would not be a good thing. Being a single woman has it’s benefits and also lonely times. When the car needs fixing it’s up to me to take care of it. When something breaks in the house it’s up to me. There are times when it can be lonely like on a cold rainy day when it’s nice to have someone to snuggle up to and have a nice cup of hot coffee watching a movie together is what I miss.

Or trying to find someone my age who likes to dance. There are a few men that do but they are usually married but I won’t do that. Because my choices in the past were not good it has taught me to be more careful of who I get involved with and what signs to look out for. Life is still good though when I focus on the good things that are in my life. Never give up you never know when your miracle is 5 minutes away!!

Blessings,
Mary-GC

First become alone. First start enjoying yourself. First become so authentically happy that if nobody comes it doesn't matter, you are full, overflowing. If nobody knocks at your door it is perfectly okay YOU are not missing. You are not waiting for somebody to come and knock at your door. You are at home, if somebody comes, good, beautiful. If nobody comes, that too is beautiful and good ~ Rajneesh