★The Day I Surrendered my Life and Soul to the Universe

(Extract from my notes taken at the time)
25th December 2000 – 5:00 am
I was so fed up with living with the ‘bad hand’ (so I thought) that life had dealt me. I was sick of hating and doubting myself, also fighting with myself. With my life and the devastation I was experiencing; I have now come to the realization that I can no longer survive living this way, homeless and totally helpless; so for the first most genuine time in my life, I felt this incredible urge to “Surrender” my life to the Universe … after all … IT seemed to have all the control here! Having survived two suicide attempts, having nothing to my name, having neither family nor friends … just a lonely box of meagre belongings and a suitcase of old clothes … and my faith and love of all things good; what else was there for me to do; I was indeed desperate and had reached the very point of no return …. I spread my arms open wide, screamed out loudly in exasperation for the Universe to take me; then I suddenly felt my soul being physically taken into the loving arms of God (The Universe). I know I am loved and accepted here; I know that the Universe will guide me now that I have given it TOTAL control of my life. I am now feeling a very deep and sincere sense of enlightenment.
Later that beautiful Christmas day, my brother, Andy arrived for lunch and gave me a copy of the book, “By the Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav. At the time I had no idea what was to immediately transpire … no idea how this book released my soul from all its pain and demons and the events that were about to follow.
The next morning my boyfriend at the time, Iain, who I have lived with for three years; decided to start his usual daily abuse, and told me it was over between us (again). I went and soaked in an extra long bubble bath. I knew this relationship was damaging to me, surely I was worth more than all those degrading things he tells me I am; surely I was worthy of love – not all of this hate and anger he constantly gave me? I was always told how hated I was, and nothing but a ‘trouble-maker’.
This time, I felt different – stronger – more hopeful – I had confidence in the Universe! I slowly and purposefully removed his gold chain from my neck; emerged from the water feeling cleansed; wiped away the wasted tears; dried and dressed myself. I then gently handed the chain to him and told him that it was over this time – the LAST time! I then quietly picked up my copy of this book that was given to me by my brother.
This was new, exciting and different. I took time examining every word this man had to say in his inspirational writings … I absorbed its energy. The information all made sense and every sentence was so enjoyable that I was able to put it down and start putting all my newfound knowledge to practice – bit by bit- chapter by chapter. I didn’t want to rush this metamorphous of my new life! I could see that there were so many things I didn’t like about myself’ the choices I made and how they effected others!
The first thing I had to do was to re-gain control of my own life. I had allowed too many men control over my life prior to this. The more control I gave them, the more they took. I had lived in several monogamous relationships in order not to live in a cardboard box on the street – that was the only other option I could see at the time. I had given away my soul to them! I had begun to blame them without realizing that it way MY choice to give them the control! I had always feared rejection, so naturally ALL of my relationships ended in disaster! This is why I had no one!
How could anyone love me if I did not love myself? The love I was looking for was always in the wrong places with all the wrong ‘MEN’. I had trusted them because I had never trusted myself. Fear is so destructive and misguided … I found not to trust in fear but to trust in love. The only fear is fear itself. Love and respect must replace fear in order for my life to reach authentic and total enlightenment. I never knew I had so much power within me.
I was looking for someone to ‘rescue’ me until I woke up to the fact that I was the only person who could rescue me. I don’t need “saving” anymore. In the past, I had come across so many gifts I never knew I had; everywhere I looked; and every single living thing was much clearer, brighter, colourful and surprisingly more beautiful! I now see the beauty in everything and everyone. I am now trusting in myself, my God, my Universe and my guides and angels. I revere life, Gaia (the soul of our planet) and all creatures from micro to macro; because all of these things ARE God! I now FEEL the substance of yin and yang … I’ve left my physical behind and am dealing with the “within”. I love being able to now feel the different forms and levels of energy. I was never open to thee wonderful experiences I am currently enjoying now. I have never truly known the meaning of the work “FREEDOM” before now!
I have now moved into a little place which the Universe found for me. I now have a car, all brand new whitegoods (fridges, microwaves, washers, dryers etc), a house full of furniture, T.V. and video etc. It has now only been 3 months since I surrendered my life and soul to the Universe, and already it has provided so much! Miracles are REAL – they have happened to ME!
I have now spent the next 2 years discovering who I am, and learning to love the things I liked about myself … and changing the things I didn’t like about me. I have spent this time alone – as a hermit would – my spirit needed deep mending. I had to break down the structure of my foundation and re-build it so I could love it! I have now attained a respectable level of love, reverence, harmony, co-operation, forgiveness, humbleness and trust (placed appropriately, of course). I couldn’t move forward with so much anger in my life – I had to forgive in order to feel the core of love. This was a very hard thing to do – so I placed myself in the shoes of the other person; and wept tears at what they may have been going through themselves at the time. It was so easy to forgive when I felt the genuine tears fall from my heart. This didn’t mean to say that I needed to have these people in my life, but I was able to let them go with love.
I receive miraculous gifts every day. Everyone does. It’s just a matter of opening your eyes and looking around at the beauty surrounding you … you can see it if you look hard enough! My questions are always answered by the Universe now. If I feel tired, I just let the Universe take the controls – and I drive along on ‘auto-pilot’ until I feel strong enough to take the controls once again. Works every time!
I went back to school and did 2 different courses in 2003. I found a wonderful man in my class and we instantly connected. Needless to say, Richard is now my husband!
I have come so far now … it is now Christmas 2008 … a very special celebration for ME and the Universe! I have been showered with precious miracles every day. I’m so happy the suicides never worked, and am even more happier now I’ve surrendered … I am a proud and happy mother of 2 beautiful daughters, 2 grandsons and a precious new little granddaughter – a darling husband and a sweet little puppy, Patrick who is ‘our baby’! I celebrate these years with so much gratitude! It was only a short 7 years ago that I had nothing to my name and no one to love me! I am at the peak of my happiness … yet know there is so much more to come! The gratitude is oozing from every pore of my skin!
This year 2008 – has been such a huge year full of many miracles! I have so much to be grateful … the Universe holds me in the palm of its hand, and I KNOW I won’t be tipped upside down! I have now attained 3 certificates from studying different courses at school, I have 2 delightful daughters, 2 grandsons and we have moved into a beautiful house, we were delighted with the arrival of a precious little granddaughter named Summer Lily in June. And as I sit and finish this; I ponder, shaking my head in amazement, at all the blessings I have received since this time in the year 2000! The more gratitude I have, the more blessings I receive.
I NOW HAVE A FAMILY AND I HAVE FRIENDS WHO LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM.
THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS – THINK GOOD ONES

Thanks for sharing your story, it’s beautiful :) I have had much the same emotions in the journey although the details are different :)

WOW!!!!what a story…I am so happy for you

˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 08/12/2008.

I too am very happy for you.

It’s wonderful when the conditions of life and are openness to wanting the good and change come together. It gives us gratitude forever!

great story, its very true that you cannot wait for someone to save you, we need to take responsibility of our own lives, the good and the bad

What an amazing story, thankyou! its true we just need to open our eyes and heart to the beauty and miracles that surrounds us

Thank you so much for sharing your story Judiann! Touching and inspirational, thank you!

“bit by bit- chapter by chapter. I didn’t want to rush this metamorphous
of my new life!”

I love this quote, enjoying the process. There’s so many cliches about life being a journey, but that’s because it’s so true.

I appreciate your willingness to swing out there and let ‘er rip! The honesty of your struggle touched me to my core as I could relate to your journey. I am reminded that we are spiritual beings having a physical adventure (or something to that effect). I like the notion that we are each separate aspects of God/Allah/Higher Power experiencing life. My psychic mother said, “No, we aren’t God ~ we’re “God-lets”. Isn’t that precious! Anyway, I too enjoy the astonishing beauty of the sky by observing the harmony of God’s palette. Even the air quality, the wind, the scents, everything conspires to surround me with beauty and wonder (I have to laugh as I am remembering that hilarious movie with Jim Carey in “The Truman Show”). In a way, it does seem as though there is a transparency in this life that can momentarily allow for deeper meaning and love to be experienced in a profound way. Maybe that is what is called a spiritual path? I’m glad that you have found your bliss and I am inspired to surrender to “all that is” as well. God bless you and keep you, Judiann.

Nancy I loved what your mother said about us all being “Godlets” … how precious! It’s lovely to see such respect blossoming in this wonderful and exciting world. How wonderful to know that so many people have had such similar journeys! Isn’t life incredible when it gives you the opportunity to start afresh! A new journey … a new beginning. Always in search of answers when they are right there in front of you!

With a strong love and reverence for all,
Jude xxx ooo

Thank you so much for your lovely responses Lee, Freygan, se da luz, manfierp, Daisy and Laurie …. You are all so kind to have taken the time to read this. I didn’t expect many people to read this post due to it’s length! Lee … Thanks for commenting about resounding that one quote I made! LOL … it meant so much to me Lee.

May the Universe work in your favour, protect and love you forever,
Jude xxx ooo

A thought came to my mind a minute ago regarding the soul, so, I thought I’d just pop over here and share it somewhere. I did a search for “soul” in the forums so here I landed.

Here is something that crosses my mind now and again – it is the possibility of a distinction between the soul and the sense of self. I tend to think of the soul at eternal and my sense of self – who I am in this life – as different things. I want to remain who “I” am after this body passes, or at lease some sense of the “ME” I am now. At least, right now, I think I do – , but, maybe that’s just “for now”. Maybe after this body passes, I will find that the “ME” I am now, it just a smaller part of the real “ME”. I also tend to believe in a universal soul and that I am a part of that soul. So, how can I be “ME” and also a Part of something that is “other” than me? I don’t really feel a conflict, but, I just want to share these thoughts while I am having them. Anyway, allow me to ramble a bit more. It seems rational, and, actually, rather easy to think of myself as both ME and OTHER simultaneously. Doubtless, I am ME. I am ME right now. At the same time, perhaps, I am also, no – not, “perhaps”, I AM the ME I am aware of as myself, but, also, I am more than the ME I am aware of “RIGHT NOW”, not only in the conscious sense of who I am, but, right NOW, I am more than that. Beyond our current consciousness, and beyond even our current subconscious and our cells and chemical processes – we are our thoughts and we are some sort of “ether” beyond the boundaries of our cells even as we are right now walking, living, breathing, physical beings. I feel inclined to think that way, but, even in a broader sense, I feel like we can apply this to the concept of the soul, maybe as a sort of framework of thinking we can apply to something much bigger – the Universal Soul, of which we are a part. A cell is to our body as our soul might be to the Universal soul – the cell, is more than JUST a cell – it is a complex living thing, BUT, the cell is not US, it is only a part of us. Now, where am I going with this? It is simply this – rather than fearing that my sense of who I am right now vanishes after I leave this body – my “sense of self” is, indeed, ME. But, my “sense of self” is not ALL there is to me – there is more of ME than I can comprehend in the state I now exist. Just ‘cause I can’t comprehend it, though, doesn’t mean that it is not there. The same way I don’t know each of the cells in my body – in my present state, I can’t know all of the ME that I actually am. Perhaps when we leave this body we lose our current sense of self, maybe not, but, it makes sense to me that it is worth considering that my sense of ME does not vanish into lost memory, I go on, but, after I leave this body, maybe it’s kind of like what it would be like actually knowing all of the cells in our body right now while we are living, physical bodies. Maybe, when we leave this physical existence we find out that the ME we thought we were was actually only a tiny part of the ME we actually were. When we cross over, we still love that cell, but, we don’t MISS that cell ‘cause it’s not really gone, we are just more aware of how limited that cell’s consciousness was. Anyone follow?

May I jump in?
I think you are describing the function of “union”, true union which is experienced when you overcome your 3 fold lower man nature: your physical body, mental body and emotional body. As you overcome certain impurities, the union grows stronger, becoming more pure.

As this gets stronger, you experience less suffering and are more present to illumination.

I haven’t been on in so long I was clicking on all the tabs just to remind myself how to get around on bmindful. Just now seeing thse comments. I’ll be sticking around for a while I think, hopefully the new changes taking place will make this a healthy place again – bmindful, I mean – it wasn’t for a long time.

Hello again Smart Routines!!!

Glad that you are here, finding great threads!!

Yes, Bmindful is going through an intentional transition with an open forum, with a foundation of harmlessness. And Appreciating has been tasking to create the perfect list of categories, so that there is functionality and prosperity, peace and more than anything, community…

Welcome back!