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- -★★EFFECT DRIVEN- A NEW PATH TO HAPPINESS (#3 of 4)

Image result for effect driven a new way to happiness bmindful 

 

 

 

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 in case you missed workshop #1 or #2:

EFFECT DRIVEN - A NEW PATH TO HAPPINESS (#1 OF 4)

EFFECT DRIVEN- A NEW PATH TO HAPPINESS (#2 of 4)

 

 

 

Welcome Bmindfullers:

Announcing the 3rd segment  of EFFECT DRIVEN- A NEW PATH TO HAPPINESS

It is one of Bmindful's  Free and Ridiculously Rewarding  Workshops. This  current awesome series is facilitated by The Magician; (Laura Kohn LMHC,CHT). images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRYulBDL3VWBK0ZdVQp2xl43b7LoxxKxg9dX-sMVVSf3f_qBzTQ16_IHxRihQ


207886wyf8s5ujz3.jpgI now introduce to you The Magician;Laura Kohn

 

 

While my credentials label me as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Board Certified Hypnotherapist, I think of myself more as a magician. I help others to see, connect with, and create magic in their lives. I want to help people return to the place where they can live in wonderment, where they know how to play, and where instead of aspiring to live in the “know” they aspire to live in the mystery of life and the universe. My psychological bent if you will, is Jungian but nontraditional. I help people explore the relevance of ancient wisdom traditions, indigenous teachings, and the esoteric philosophies and how they can apply this information to their lives today to make miracles happen. Do you remember when you were able to play with wild abandon and entertain yourself for hours on end just by using your imagination and creativity? That my friends is the trip I intend to take you on. Along the way I hope to impart some interesting and useful information but most of all I want us to have FUN! I don’t purport to peddle truth, I’m here to give you ways to think about things. Join our group of explorers of consciousness and learn to reclaim the wonderment and innocence at the core of your being once again. The Magician has come to town and has many wonders to show the most discriminating of seekers!

Laura Kohn is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Board Certified Hypnotherapist in private practice in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. She does in person counseling, hypnotherapy, and group workshops around the country. She works with clients in person, over Skype, and by phone. She is also CEO of The Ascendant Empowerment Foundation which seeks to change the paradigm from scarcity and competition, to collaboration and abundance by showing its students the just and proper exercise of power through in person trainings and experiential workshops. You can check out her Facebook pages at “Laura Kohn Group” or “The Ascendant Empowerment Foundation” or visit her website at .LauraKohnGroup.com and www.aefoundation.com for info on upcoming workshops or trainings.

 

 

 

EFFECT DRIVEN- A NEW PATH TO HAPPINESS

By Laura Kohn LMHC, CHt 

 

 

                Hello seekers and explorers of consciousness!  I hope as we meet again you are starting to question the world around you and even what you read right here.  Last week we discussed the idea of paradigms.  A paradigm is a framework of assumptions, ways of thinking, and methodology that are commonly accepted by members of a community be it scientific, business, or religious etc.  We discussed that paradigms can be a problem when they are mistaken for how reality works instead of a way to think about reality and when we blindly accept them without assessing if they are the correct paradigm for us personally.  The biggest paradigm I have been outlining for you, polarized  thinking, is when we only give ourselves two options to choose from, good or bad, right or wrong, strong or weak.  We discussed how this narrows our view of reality and narrows our options or choices since we are operating from duality.  Finally we talked about the idea of being “effect driven” and how this gets us out of limited beliefs by taking us from polarity into a whole different paradigm.  This week I’d like to delve more deeply into how the effect driven path works since it breaks us out of the dualistic cycle, and ends our reliance on the polar extremes of right vs. wrong;  good vs. bad;  true vs. false, or any other black and white positions we may have previously taken.

                To do this, we need to determine the effect we wish to create, and then evaluate whether our behaviors are taking us closer to, or further from our goals.  Bear in mind that the ‘effect’, is not the same as the result, or end game.  If we treat life as a journey instead, then we will focus on our time here and our travels through this life, as opposed to simply looking forward to life’s end game, which of course is death.  Everything else in between birth and death is part of a journey – a transitional movement through life where we experience, share, indulge, suffer etc.

               

 

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“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

       Many of us have realized that aiming for a new car or a big house, once achieved, is a hollow experience on a personal level, and that it offers little compensation for feelings of internal emptiness, as it does not address fundamental human needs of a personal nature.  Acquiring materialistic elements to life may in isolation bring great pleasure, and if that is the effect we are seeking, then that is the course to take.  But an effect based on gratification, unfortunately is always short lived, and relies on ‘feeding’ this hunger endlessly.  And that is rarely the actually effect anyone trying to achieve.

                When asked what ultimately they wish to achieve in life, most people will likely reply, ‘to be happy’.  As obvious as the answer may seem, singular emotions and emotional states cannot be experienced endlessly.  In essence, to experience happiness we also experience a measure of non-happiness so as to appreciate the pleasant state.  We have all witnessed the spoilt child given everything they desired, only to see the failure of this strategy to bring contentment or happiness to anyone.  You can see how this is not the effect we are likely to be seeking, so it’s important to know and understand what it is we are trying to create.  Because if any of us were to receive everything we wanted in unlimited quantities, we would no longer want it.  As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for.

Image result for child throwing tantrums 

“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

     Whether it’s because we are seeking to feel free in a certain work situation or relationship, or to attain better results in our studies, or perhaps to be more popular in a social environment.  It’s from these vantages that we are best motivated, and from which the best effect driven results are likely to come. So first, we need to determine the effect we wish to create.  Next, we look to our conduct and behavior, and as to whether these are bringing us closer to the desired effect, or shifting us further away from our goal.  And this is where our flexibility of thinking comes into play.  The more flexible and malleable our thoughts and ideas, the more likely we are likely we are to see our greater options in terms of achieving the desired effect.  Having greater options, opportunities, or possibilities is going to encourage energetic expenditure applied to a problem or goal, thus improving our ability to create the desired effect. It’s like compounding interest.  The more we apply to the investment, the greater the payoff.

                This isn’t to say that applying these approaches will be infallible, or that an undesired effect will not manifest.  Life is riddled with surprises and quirks.  We cannot account for every possibility or contingency, and so sometimes we find ourselves-despite our best intentions-facing a circumstance in which the fight is no longer worth the energy.  Simply put, it no longer carries us toward the effect we are seeking to create.

                This is why the concept of being effect driven should be pivotal to our aim.  Because when we remain focused on the effect we are seeking – as opposed to focusing on an event or payoff – then having that as our barometer of desirability keeps our aims static and on target. 

                You might think that by aiming solely at the effect we are seeking to achieve, we run a risk of covering over the ethical or moral elements of our actions.  But what actually happens, is that we don’t do ‘bad things’, simply because the natural consequence would be to create the ‘wrong’ effect.  Think about it:  You won’t need to be policed externally if you line things up correctly internally by looking at the effect you are aiming at, and keep heading in that direction.  In effect you take back that responsibility and power, rather than shed it.  This is how you become truly empowered my friends.

conscience-thumb.jpg

“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

There always exists the temptation to allow others to dictate to us what is right.  There are no shortage of candidates in church, family members, the state, media and schools.  Even friends, co-workers, and strangers can have an impact in terms of what we perceive as right.  The problem with this approach – even though relinquishing the responsibility may seem easier than the pressure – is that it takes away our ability to create in the most powerful way that we can.  And that’s because we are working off someone else’s moral, ethical, or life agenda.  In effect we’re working for them.  This happens when we step aside to allow others to dictate and influence how we will think, and  perhaps even feel.  But when we grasp the concept, and accept the responsibility for defining our agenda as it best suits us, we begin to create our own effect.  One designed by us for us.

                Another benefit of being effect driven is that we can break out of the cycle of crushed expectations, purely by shifting our thinking toward the effect, and away from the result.  Even if we achieve material gains exactly as we set out after, when our focus has not been on the effect, the long-term effect will be deflation.

                Imagine working diligently for years, making the way up through the ranks of your company as you aim for one of the top executive positions.  You work long hours, miss your kid’s recitals, don’t take all your vacation, and continually roll out excuses to your spouse and family about why you’re not available.  Finally you get the promotion, the raise, and the status you’ve been after only to find that the workload has increased, as has your responsibility and stress, and you now have even less time for yourself and family.  You achieved the goal, but the effect was probably not what you were after.

 

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“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

           What I’m saying is that it’s far more important to focus on the desired effect – the power to have greater freedom, less stress and more personal time – than on the goal of simply getting the promotion and pay hike.  As I said before, an ‘effect’ is a moving thing.  It is fluid in nature and best compared to a journey.  A goal or achievement or a target, is always a destination.  It is a point in time, and it is rigid.  But as life is a journey, we should focus on that journey.  The destination always moves forward and away from us, and in the end the only destination can be death.  If we can achieve the effect we desire, it moves with us like a positive companion in life’s forward motion.  And because we cannot remain in a single static state (the eternal now is in a forward motion), a happy point in life becomes just that – a single point.

                So how do we choose the best effect?

                Many of us are locked into dreary realities because they fit in line with our own low expectations.  They may be safe, comfortable, or nostalgic, or even based on someone else’s agenda.  Be we own them by default, if we cannot see that we have other options.  But for many of us, the deciding factor in remaining locked into an undesirable reality stream is that choosing a better reality is an unpredictable thing, fraught with risk, difficulty, uncertainty, and the terror of possible failure.  It is only in the inability to accurately or fully predict the outcome, which we fight and struggle against.  Basically, my friends, it’s fear.

                So let’s think about how we can deal with this, because we can’t simply ignore the fear, or expect to move forward without taking it into account.

 

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“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

     The fear is in making the wrong decision, and paying the price and consequences of that.  It could even be a simple matter of shame, humiliation or embarrassment.  Or worse, it could be a financial loss, or a compromise to the security and future of our family.  These are all valid concerns, and their impact on everyone is equally difficult.  But what if every wrong decision made us better at narrowing down the effect we really wished to create?  Think about that as an upside for a moment.  With every wrong decision we are brought closer – not to the target or place – but to the effect we wish to create.  And remember it’s the effect that should be our currency.

                It’s still hard isn’t it?  So now think about what it would be like, and how we would act and behave, if we weren’t afraid of being wrong.  If we removed that element of fear from how we act and behave.  We can do that when we work towards creating an effect instead of a result.  The fear we experience actually resides in failing to achieve a result we set out after.  But none of us fear the possibility of not achieving a desired effect.

    humiliated-2d2bcee16050e9642e34452f360651edc07fa944-s500-c85.jpg

“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

           Ask yourself what might feel better.  Feeling you need to be right, or looking for as many opportunities to make as many corrections as possible, knowing that every time you do so you are making things better and better, and driving closer and closer to the desired effect.  We do this by making a decision to act in a certain way.  And we do this with less regard to being right.  If and when we are wrong – and we all will be – we reevaluate the new information, apply it to the lesson learned, and move forward by tweaking our behavior and actions.  I would call this being in flow.

                The important distinction we need to remain focused on, is that the aim we desire should be the effect we wish to bring into our lives, as opposed to the result.  Live the journey, not the destination, my lovelies!  Whilst the concept of chasing the effect (as opposed to the end goal or result) is simple enough, living it is not that easy.  The idea is a little like living the journey instead of maintaining the end result as your focus.  After all, no one plans a vacation with the goal of finally getting on the plane to return home, and making that their primary focus.

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“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

     The end point, result, or goal, is perhaps best defined as a simple momentary event or occurrence.  The risk we take when we disregard the value of the journey is that we lose sight of where the joy actually lies – in the ongoing experience.  It also delays our enjoyment of what should be in the “now”, as it creates a false condition to be met as to be happy.

                One of the things which keeps humans focused on goals and end results, is our innate drive to find security.  It drives the entire planet.  Whether through the military, police, bank, job, family ect. The aim is always the pursuit of security.  Here in the US we call that the pursuit of happiness.  But chasing security can be folly, if only because we can never achieve a state of perfect safeness and absence of need or want,  Think of the mind placing a high value or importance on what is not possible and the problems that then creates.  This negates our ability to be secure.  As for living a totally safe and secure life…No one ever has and no one ever will – no matter how much wealth or power they may have.  It is safe to say joy is not to be found there.

                Life is a journey through time and space for several decades for most of us.  Just as buying a new car or a new TV or house is exciting for a brief time, the shine wears off as soon as we become accustomed to the new acquisition.  To put it another way – If you got exactly what you wanted in unlimited quantities without that thing ever changing, you wouldn’t want it anymore.  And so it goes for all elements of life.  When we set aside the goal as the primary, and instead focus on the effect we want, joy has the opportunity to happen along our way through life.

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“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

Questions to go Deeper

     We know how to be Effect Driven at times.  When you plan a vacation you are being Effect Driven.  When you plan a surprise party you are being Effect Driven.  Many times in everyday life, however, we forget to think about the effect we wish to achieve or we confuse the effect with the goal or end destination.  The following questions are designed to help you start noticing the difference between the two.  As always my dear seekers, these are concepts to be explored and played with - not concepts that must be mastered.  It is always my sincere aspiration to explore with you new and different ways of thinking about things, not to tell you what is true, right, or correct.  That job has already been filled by way too many people.

  1. Have you ever achieved a desired goal only to be disappointed after you accomplished it? If so what?
  2. What is it in life that brings you serenity, fulfillment, or joy? Is it a thing, a person, an experience, or a memory?  Does it change over time?
  3. What would you do differently in your life if you were completely unafraid of being wrong or failing?
  4. How long did your happiness last after you achieved a recent goal?
  5. Were you happy about the attainment of the goal or what it took to achieve it in the first place?

“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

The Magician will be popping in Friday 3/10/17 from 11:00 AM  to 12:00 Noon EST to respond to all members who participate. And the Magician she is ... she may materialize around here when we least expect it beyond that allocated time. images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRYulBDL3VWBK0ZdVQp2xl43b7LoxxKxg9dX-sMVVSf3f_qBzTQ16_IHxRihQ

 

 

For those who want to take this workshop deeper, take a moment to review links and reflection questions Magician has whipped up for us.

 

Please remember, its a given our schedules/and focus  are varied ... for things...like all threads, workshops have a start time, though they never close. Feel free to drop in and respond when you can. Though to be part of a live connection with the facilitator, please know her availability is every Friday EST 11AM -12noon(:

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The applications of gratitude and blessing are virtually unlimited, can be used by anyone, require no waiting periods or large capital investments, transcend ideological differences, and are wonderfully contagious.

In response to The Magician's post:

Thank you for putting together this wonderful WORKSHOP!

I've read your and the concepts twice, and what I like about this is the power of choice.

To me, its a thoughtful process where its not about things but about experiences.  Its not about power or influence, its about being, and being in the now.

For me, the effect that I want to presence is abundance,possibility, connection and spontaneity and  serenity.  

 

in the midst of some work right now,though I'm saving a great seat for me! I am looking forward to responding...

I've been looking forward to finding words for various things I've been allowing over time. This is going to be a lot of fun!

creating a time/space for experience to transformed into words(:

see you before next week(:

 

The applications of gratitude and blessing are virtually unlimited, can be used by anyone, require no waiting periods or large capital investments, transcend ideological differences, and are wonderfully contagious.

2. What is it in life that brings you serenity, fulfillment, or joy? Is it a thing, a person, an experience, or a memory?  Does it change over time?

 

I have discovered on this magnificent journey what makes me feel truly sublime is being a Blessings to others. Whether it is sharing my time, efforts, kindness, a smile, encouraging someone, uplifting the spirit of others, I truly enjoy giving. It is so paramount to what sets my spirit free it is like the very the air that I breathe, it is that essential to me. Nurturing and sharing my gifts and talents with others unleashes a wave of joy, happiness and satisfaction that knows no boundaries.

As I look back and reflect, it has always been that way, even as a child when I would give all my bubble gum away. It is so awesome to know one of the magnificent things that makes my spirit sing a wonderful song of love.

 

In response to Kathi's post:  

I'll give you an amen to that!

“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

In response to Nancee1953's post:

Yes being of service is always fulfilling and that's also an experience instead of an end game.  It is the sharing that is fulfilling what what people do with the sharing.  You are already in the zone!

“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

Many years ago I ran across the Emerson quote. I framed it and kept it on my desk as a constant reminder that life is a journey. It resonated with me very strongly. I viewed my work as a road trip. I would enter each day not knowing what new experience I would find. My job was highly structured, but there was always many surprising elements in it. I would load up a bunch of kids on my bus and we would hit the road. Of course I had a destination in mind, but as a teacher, I knew I was only a small part of of their journey and I had no idea where they would end up. So I was free to change course at any moment. And I did make course corrections every day. That was the excitement and joy, and challenge I had every day, every year. 

Now that I am semi-retired, the greatest pleasure I find is walking down an unexplored path and seeing what is just around the bend. As I've aged, my knees have given me problems but I can still go exploring in my own backyard sitting with my camera in hand capturing pictures of old friends and new arrivals as they visit my bird feeders. 

This workshop has helped me realize in a much deeper way that life really is a journey and not a destination. 

Words are like seeds. When you write them out, they grow into your dreams and spark the imagination of others.

In response to Poppy's post:

Before I became a therapist I worked in Corporate America, first in the travel industry then on Wall St., doing Investor Relations.  Everything was a destination.  We had production goals and growth targets and I became indoctrinated into the idea that happiness is about pursuing goals.  It was exhausting.  It took me a long time to break out of that paradigm and looking back, it cost me a lot in terms of missed opportunities in my personal life.  I literally could never sit and be still because there was always so much to do. Now I focus more on experiences than on tasks.  My goals are about how I want to feel and to live and less on what material things I need to be happy.  The interesting thing was when I slowed down whole new worlds opened up for me.  I saw things I had been passing by for the very first time.  I like the journey now.  

BTW I always meant to ask you.  Is the bird in your Avatar picture a pet?

“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

No, the bird is a painted bunting. He showed up last year in my backyard the day following the news that my wife's cancer had returned. I took it as a sign that her future was bright. I have been feeding backyard birds for many years and have never had a bunting before or since. 

Words are like seeds. When you write them out, they grow into your dreams and spark the imagination of others.

In response to Poppy's post:

quick response to you Poppy! I never knew the story behind the bird. Its a beautiful thing.. that you equated the bird with hope. Thank you for sharing!

The applications of gratitude and blessing are virtually unlimited, can be used by anyone, require no waiting periods or large capital investments, transcend ideological differences, and are wonderfully contagious.

  In response to AlwaysWonderfulPossibilities's post:In response to The Magician's post:In response to Kathi's post:In response to Poppy's post: In response to Nancee1953's post: In response to Stillness's post:

Hello everybody!!!!

So nice to be here  in this Bmindful workshop-discussion!

 

 I remember my 2 favorite paying jobs   I had worked at 1 time...

It felt like both positions ...came to me. They were so perfect for me, my desire to create, and to serve large populations. I didn't have to punch a clock, I did have objectives to satisfy though.

I  was so passionate about these things I did, that as much planning that needed to be done to fulfill what was expected  and what I saw in my minds eye... it just never felt like work. It felt like an ongoing privilege.

In general, my goals and the carrying out of them only get the 'hard work'  & GOALS- feeling attached when I forget to take time for my spirit.. and forget that there are gifts within  'duties'.

 I love looking ahead at what feels like the next 'right' thing to do... Though right is equated w/my spirit ...Spirit generally throws a little buzzer in my body when I've veered off what is right for me. Sometimes I test it, just to see if ... it was something else saying ...No to me(:  I'm liking that I can hear better more and more of what fits for me & what just doesn't. It's even helping me to feel happier about the future ... when there is uncertainty. 

When I connect with the 'me' that is always the same... and the possibilities which always contain 'more' ...  I begin to feel, how all is a choice... and what beautiful choices there always are...  

 

 

My perception of  my own fulfillment seems to be happening more often than not... I allow myself to enjoy and create. I feel satisfied from a place inside...Sometimes  something in my experiences don't feel OK. I can still be fine, because I know I Am more than my experiences. The ticket for me is to stay in touch with my spirit so I can connect to the 'more' ... that always is .

 

The applications of gratitude and blessing are virtually unlimited, can be used by anyone, require no waiting periods or large capital investments, transcend ideological differences, and are wonderfully contagious.

"The Journey"


Always travel forward
To nowhere

Stopping along the way
At a whim

Stay and go
As you please

Always traveling forward
To nowhere

May your journey
Take you

To places you've
Never been

To find your destination
Is always tomorrows end.

 

 

 

Words are like seeds. When you write them out, they grow into your dreams and spark the imagination of others.

our-passion-picture-quote.png

 

Passion

I love this feeling of passion

There is always enough...

No need to ration

 

My spirit loves to sing

I enjoy the rhythm of life...

Sometimes I seem to love every thing 

 -----------------------------------------

Gratitude and appreciation filling me up

I choose to  admire  this vast space and time

Loving this  journey ...this   overflowing cup.

 ----------------------------------------- 

Focus is less on  specifics of  what will be

I Am   true to my spirit/ true to  me

Focus is more on keeping  the faith of awesome possibility

----------------------------------------- 

 ecf640e32d2ab4073568ecd18ea0c041.jpg

Love how I feel , no jokin 

 when I look within

All is well,  nothing is broken.

 

To conclude, much love to me, much love to you

This great place inside... all  are able to do

Yes, Its for all, not just a few

 

You see, I can focus on me

And You can focus on you

Though with regard to this journey

We're separate, though connected, &  that is what turns the key

 

The applications of gratitude and blessing are virtually unlimited, can be used by anyone, require no waiting periods or large capital investments, transcend ideological differences, and are wonderfully contagious.

In response to AlwaysWonderfulPossibilities's post:

This is the unexpected journey I hope to find when you so freely share your mind. I too enjoy the rhythm of life...I am sure part of your passion is writing poetry. Our focus is on ourselves each separate, but strongly connected to both each other and all others. 

Words are like seeds. When you write them out, they grow into your dreams and spark the imagination of others.

In response to Poppy's post:

laughing 

Ya know Poppy, wrote at a days end (after work)  just playing with my inner spirit's sentiments  It is a bit repetitious of things I tend to say ...though ya know what, I was glad... because the consistency to me, says its what I'm really feeling(:

It was genuine...  playful... relaxing and a  lovely  release(:

In response to Poppy's post:

Thank you for inspiring me to play(:

The applications of gratitude and blessing are virtually unlimited, can be used by anyone, require no waiting periods or large capital investments, transcend ideological differences, and are wonderfully contagious.

Wow I love the creativity that is flowing here! Also Poppy that bird is amazing.  I have been captivated by that image since I first saw it.  So cool that it is a wild bird.

“The trick to being happy isn’t to live in the know, it’s to live in the mystery.”

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