★Oblivious to what's going on around us

Last night, when my wife and I pulled in the driveway, we noticed that my next door neighbor, Carl, had left his garage door opened. This is no rare occurrence. It was after 8PM, and dark, so I went on inside and gave him a call, so as not to alarm him with a knock at the door this late hour.

Well, it turns out that his wife passed away a week ago. Delores was 87 and had been in rough shape for a couple of years now – dementia and unable to care for herself. Home Health Care Workers have been coming in twice a day every day for a couple of years now.

I can’t tell you how terrible I feel for missing the funeral, and not “being there” for my good neighbor. We just had no idea!

The point of this post is just how easy it can be to go on about life, oblivious to what’s happening around us, even right next door. I frequently check in on Carl and his wife, but sometimes frequently gets stretched as thin as weeks rather than days. That is especially true during the school year, as I’m in an apprenticeship program and often do not get home until bedtime. Even on weekends, we can’t see their house from our windows, as we have cars in the driveway which block the view from here to there.

Now I’m not trying to make excuses, just pointing out how easy it is to miss the details of life (and death) around us.

I just wanted to share this in hopes that someone reading this, might pay a little extra attention to someone they know who might be in a similar situation. Also as a reminder that no matter what is going on in our own little world, sometimes there’s so much more going on around us, just next door.

I teach high school. Everyday I try to inspire, re-parent, DO all those things expected of modern educators. Its VERY easy to get frustrated and angry over the apathetic, disconnected kids which surround my every moment. Then I remember. In my classroom, everyday, there are kids with stories they don’t want to share. Realities of their lives they want to get away from. For many, school is an annoying inconvienence to the importance of their social lives. For others, it’s the only safe place where adults don’t abuse…where it’s warm….where they can have a meal. I know in each of my classes there is at least one soul who is silently living a life of sadness….I try to be aware and watch. They don’t want me to know the details of their situation….it’s just enough that I show some humanity and be that compassionate adult in their lives.

We can’t know everything going on in everyone’s lives – even right next door. I think the important part is how do you respond when you do become aware.

˚blessings upon blessings  

Posted on 17/11/2009.

In response to BKW’s post:
Great points. And I’m very sorry about your neighbor.

Just like you cannot know where someone has been by how they appear, you for the most part cannot know how anyone is if they are not sharing. Don’t beat yourself up, you and your wife sound like lovely individuals. You have your own grieving to go through now…and maybe the neighbors simply wanted their privacy at such a difficult time.

Though this sounds like a major eye-opener for all of us. And thank you for that. Was Carl the one that informed you? How is he? You and your wife can definitely be helpful/resourceful for him..now that you know..right?

˚blessings upon blessings  

Posted on 17/11/2009.

In response to BKW’s post:
In response to jfowler’s post:

In re: to what we can and cannot know:

I work in a bit of a healthcare-type environment..hear it all and nothing from people all day long. And what I mean by that people are lonely or simply have a need to share. Sometimes their sharing is any kind of chatter, meaningful things of what is going on and how they feel or just an empty smile (a smile that invites love for reasons and from people “unknown”).

*knowing people

*“knowing” people and “knowing” people takes not only time and desire, and love, it also takes willingness on everyone’s part.
I deal with a lot of elderly people and people with questionable issues, that sometimes do not get discussed.

I find it helps when I always try to respond to people:
1. like they are experiencing the worst case scenarios in their lives
2. and I like to treat them as resourceful people who also have access to God, and realize I am not God
*Have you ever noticed when you treat people as strong capable loving people who somehow as soon as they are able> when they are going through a crisis, that they can be/do what is necessary for them (even if it is getting someone to help them) it brings out their stronger more capable selves?
3. I also like to “handle” others as though they just came from a hard to handle situation -with quick, easy thorough responses, and ready to repeat it all if necessary with the same smile in my voice as I started out with.
4. I try to treat them like it’s a game show and whatever they get from me/us is a prize (enthusiasm and love)
5. Try to treat everyone as though they have disabilities (with respect and ready to give an extra piece of info if there is difficulty)

I know I don’t have to try so hard, but how do you treat others as you would like to be treated, if effort isn’t attempted?

It also makes a job sometimes yes more tedious, though it also gives it more meaning, and gives the opportunity to give to someone,anyone any where you can with all you’ve got.

The point I made about recognizing we are not God goes to BKW and JFowler.
We can’t always be perfect, we can just do better with what we learn and pass the lessons on to others too..like you both have done.

Progression not perfection

and There is a God and it’s not us(:

Those are all wonderful thoughts and ways of approaching situations where people are experiencing perhaps worst -case scenario reality. I know I was a VERY different person when I was taking my daughter to the hospital for her 2nd degree burns last spring and we were just STRESSED beyond reason. I’m quite sure I wasn’t always patient or listening well to the workers at the hospital. I just wanted my child to be out of pain and safe. the staff there did exactly those things you described here and we walked away with a wonderful experience – feeling loved and cared for in our darkest hour.

On a FAR less serious note – I have joked in the past that the best way to ‘handle’ the ‘average freshman’ is to treat them like they are mentally ill: it’s not their fault that they act the way they do and someday, they’ll get better. :)

In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post:
Carl is the one that informed me, when I called him about his garage door being opened.
I did go over and visit with him yesterday morning, and will be doing that more frequently in the near future. I let him know that we are here for him and he seemed to appreciate that.

In response to BKW’s post:

We live in such busy times trying to make ends meet and doing what we can to better our lives. You were kind enough to check in on him before things got so hectic for you. That was so kind of you to do that. I’m sure your neighbor and his wife were happy to know someone cared.

There are different programs that help people who have lost loved ones. The hospital usually has grief groups that help a lot. More than likely he will not eat properly during this time and there is a program called meals-on-wheels that helps seniors get a good hot meal. This may be too soon for him but the library will also go over to his home and deliver books or videos. Blessings to you.

Peace,
Godscreation

In response to jfowler’s post:

As the parent of a 21 & 18 year old, I sure could have used that humor earlier… at least I have it for my future teenagers… (three more just waiting to get older)

˚blessings upon blessings  

Posted on 25/02/2019.

thread with points-I'd like to revisit