★Do I Need A Rebuild

This is a follow on article from my previous article about the need to start from scratch again. I received a lot of feedback from that article. The two most frequent questions were how do you know if you need rebuilding and how do you go about doing it if you do?

Unfortunately, to these questions I had to reply with – I don’t know. The articles on bmindful are written from personal experiences. When I wrote the previous article, ‘self destruction’ (as Tyler Durden puts it) had only just occurred to me as a possibility. Until then I had thought that the best way to move forward was to push on.

Pushing on is one alternative to the rebuild method of making progress. I say one alternative because there are undoubtedly alternative approaches to progression that I have not yet uncovered. I also want to make it clear that no particular way is the correct way in every situation. If you ‘rebuilt’ yourself every time you wanted to make progress you probably wouldn’t get anywhere. At the same time, if you were attempting to push on blindly despite the fact that your foundations were crumbling beneath you you probably wouldn’t get very far either.

So how do you know that it is time for a rebuild? One way that I have discovered is testing yourself when you are down. An example: how easy is it to have a great day when you are on holiday in some lavish resort on a remote tropical island miles away from all your concerns? How easy is it to feel down when you have a bad day at work, your late home because of terrible traffic and your sleep is disrupted by late night construction down the road?

If you are trying to center yourself and prevent external factors from influencing your internal state then it should be easy to feel fantastic in both situations. If you are having trouble relaxing after your drawn out trip home, despite your best efforts in the contrary then you could just need more work – just push on – or there could be a deeper issue there.

Another example, very much related to the previous. You are attempting to be calm and nonchalant in all situations. When everything goes your way you have no problems maintaining your cool. If you’re put under pressure and you snap, it could mean you need more practice – just push on – or there could be a deeper issue here.

Obviously the ‘test yourself’ approach isn’t very scientific, and it will not give you a definite answer either way, but if you find yourself acting contrary to the way you want to when you are tested, and no amount of pushing on can see you successful, maybe it is time for a rebuild.

Don’t get me wrong. Rebuilding isn’t the cowards way out at all. I am all about persistence, but it seems to me that pushing on blindly might be an ignorant thing to do some times. You have to use common sense. As I mentioned in a previous article, rules have exceptions and rules are sometimes made to be broken. They say practice makes perfect, but Einstein, one of the smartest men to ever spend time on this earth, defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Maybe a rebuild isn’t the right option, but if pushing on isn’t getting you anywhere anymore then if nothing else you need a different approach. There is an infinite number of different approaches, it is just a matter of looking at your reality from a different perspective. Just keep that rebuild option in mind as something you can use if you can’t align yourself with the values of the person you want to be.

I absolutely expect some feedback on this article. This is a serious issue right here, and I anticipate and hope for some controversy. As I said, the bmindful articles are written based on personal experiences. Most articles are written after the event, so I can look back and say ‘hey, this worked for me’ – this particular article, and the one before it, happened in real time so I am having a little trouble articulating the flow of new awareness that is happening right now.

Once again, feedback is essential! I really do enjoy receiving feedback on this stuff. I don’t mind if you disagree fiercely – the more perspectives myself and bmindful as a community are exposed too the better off we all are!

This post was converted automatically from the old bmindful article archive. Some of the mentioned links or references may no longer exist.

˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 10/03/2010. Last edited on 11/03/2010.

This is a wonderful article by Lee. Let’s start a discussion..

“If you are trying to center yourself and prevent external factors from influencing your internal state then it should be easy to feel fantastic in both situations. If you are having trouble relaxing after your drawn out trip home, despite your best efforts in the contrary then you could just need more work – just push on – or there could be a deeper issue there.”

The only thing i’d have trouble with is the not sleeping part because I live to sleep, i mean I need 11 hrs of sleep at times when I don’t get the best sleep during the past few weeks/week

First off, Lee, I just want to mention that I think you are completely off your gourd! Man, what have YOU been smoking?

Hah! Got ya’! Just kidding. Just wanted to throw that in ‘cause I want us to remember that when we are discussing something that is important, we should (there’s that S-WORD again) be serious about it, but we don’t want to approach it with our brows furrowed and our jaws clenched. I tend to get like that when I’m frustrated because an answer keeps eluding me. Maybe my recent dilemma is relevant here.

I kept asking myself, “what do I want to DO”? I’ve struggled, I mean really, really struggled with this – similar to what I suspect you are referring to in the article – for a very long time. Then just the other day, something clicked. Must have been something I read somewhere, but regardless of what sparked it, something clicked. See, I kept answering myself with “I don’t know what I want!” Do you see, Lee? Is it obvious to you? It wasn’t to me! And it should have been! What I realized was that I was looking for my sunglasses when they were already on my head! I had just pushed them up and forgotten about them. WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME! This is square one basic stuff, and I missed it. I was affirming a negative! I must have said to myself a million times in the past year, “I don’t know what I want!”

Now that I see it, I’m far less frustrated about it! I can relax now because I’m open to analyzing my options more freely. The “have to” of the situation has been relieved. I made a new sleep-tape to help me overwrite this negative thought. I made the tape to address several areas to help me achieve better balance in my life overall, but I was careful to include affirmations for clarity.

So, let me ask you, have I been pushing, or rebuilding? I feel like I’ve been doing both. I pushed for a while, I struggled, I fought, all because I have been trying to rebuild. An answer finally surfaced and I relaxed. The answer I found wasn’t the answer to my original question, but it was an answer that I needed before I could answer the original question. Would the answer have come more easily if I hadn’t pushed so hard? Maybe! It was there all along, but I couldn’t see it, and I’m supposed to be a pretty “enlightened” kind a’ fella’!

In response to themadcookieman’s post:

HA! Wake-up pal! Gotch ya! For me what am I supposed to do? I found out just being me is perfectly fine. Society tells us we need a degree, a big house, a fancy car, beautiful wife/husband and brilliant chidren.

That way you belong to the in-crowd and are not an outsider. Most of those people are in therapy and taking medications because they are too busy working not living in their fancy homes. Their children do not know them because someone else is taking care of them until they come home and are too tired to deal with their kids!

Everything is mapped out for us already and if you don’t do any of these things then we become losers who don’t know what we want out of life. Having love in our lives and creating great memories and fun times is what we will take with us and nothing more.

All the material stuff that we leave behind goes to someone who may not want them and they are left in thrift stores or yard sales. Life really isn’t difficult or frustrating but it is when we follow along like lambs to the slaughter it’s unatural. We were meant to live!

In response to Godscreation’s post:

You gave me a good chuckle!

˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 11/03/2010.

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
You remind me of the no-car in parking space analogy.

The guy who believes there is no parking space, looks for the no-parking space and circles and circles. The one who believes no matter what, one is waiting right next to the place he is driving to ..gets the perfect spot every time.(:

˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 11/03/2010.

In response to Godscreation’s post:
So true GodsCreation-Mary(:

It’s when we decide to live with the who we are, and how we create our moment in time..that life is EXACTLY where we should be..with opportunities that come to greet us, when we take our blinders off that narrow our vision..
for the one way to be-mode, and just finally..be who we are—inside..once in for all(:

I think you are all right for you. Since we all create our own reality, we are creating everything that comes into our life. The biggest problem most of us have is we get in our own way. We have Limiting Beliefs that prevent us from doing what we could be doing and why do we do this because we were taught to do it this way.

Sometimes, I think if we could just step out of our life and see what is happening, with out the personal involvement and things would look differently then they do when we allow ourselves to get involved. I know that I can totally misjudge something if I think on it too long.

Maybe the key is learning to get out of Our Own Way. Every one of us is special and when allowed to act on our intuition miracles happen daily. I know that lately that is what has been happening in my life and I still find myself falling back into the old pattern of trying to control everything.

So I step back and tap it out, and things go back to taking care of themselves.

“Another example, very much related to the previous. You are attempting to be calm and nonchalant in all situations. When everything goes your way you have no problems maintaining your cool. If you’re put under pressure and you snap, it could mean you need more practice – just push on – or there could be a deeper issue here.”

I absolutly agree with the article after doing lots of research on how to rebuild. I need to continue rebuilding. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Lee you are a brilliant light..

I posted this in another thread, but wanted to add it here too.
————————————————————————————————-
You may have heard this before, but I’m posting this for a reason

So… there’s this flood, and a very devout person is sitting on the roof of a house waiting for God to save him. Up comes a boat and two guys yell, “Hop in!” The man on the roof says, “No thanks, I’m waiting for God to save me.” Later, another boat comes up as the water has continued to rise, “Jump in! We’ll take you to higher ground!” “No thanks, God will save me.” Later the water is washing over the man’s legs and he’s starting to wonder. A helicopter comes along and lowers him a rope, “Grab the rope!” :No thank you! God will save me!” So the helicopter heads off to help others. So anyway the flood finally takes the man and he drowns……
Up in heaven he asks God, “So I had all this faith in you, why didn’t you save me?” And God replies, “I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what else did you expect me to do?”

This story applies to me and here is why.
I kept saying “I don’t know what I want”. I was blocking myself by affirming a negative. I was having a hard time choosing! What I failed to understand was that the universe was and is laying a banquet before me! It’s saying “look at all the great stuff you get to choose from!” Now, I can either stand there fretting and starving to death or I can dig in! The universe isn’t going to decide FOR me! It’s ALL up to me. The universe is ready and willing to help, it wants to help but you have to make up your mind. Like I said earlier somewhere, there is not ONE RIGHT PATH! There are MANY! Pick one (you can do this wisely, examine your options, think about them, which one allows you to most fully live your values, come up with plans and scenarios for the different paths and then choose one wisely) and enjoy the ride, get on the roller coaster and off the merry go round. You can choose to change paths whenever you want. As Lauri reminds me so often, I am right where I should be, always. My path is my path, I can change directions at anytime and I am still right where I should be. It is impossible to get OFF of my path. I can stand still if I want, but I’m still on my path. I can choose to move forward and I’m still on my path. Pretty amazing stuff.

Also, this just crossed my mind, don’t know why, but I want to remind you of something else that is pretty amazing and if you stop for a second and think about this, even though you already know it, you can get a pretty great feeling of wonder. You can get this feeling whenever you want just by thinking about it and it is this: You are an eternal being. Really wrap your head around that one for a moment and see if you don’t get a nice little feeling of joy inside you. Don’t be surprised if you get a bit of a smile on your face or if you even chuckle out loud. Talk about a great idea to meditate on! What a great way to relieve the pressures of the world and the ego. How freeing! What a great way to become present and just “BE”, Baby!