★When we're not true to ourselves

Tired of the usual barrage of emails dangling the promise of wealth and success, I replied as follows:-

People succeed because because that’s how they are; some of them don’t even intend to. They instinctively know how to get what they want from people and don’t mind showing anger or fight. They are fearless, street-wise and can usually read people well and can find different ways to control them. It’s no magic, just the law of the jungle. We can’t all be rich; someone has to clean the streets and what’s wrong with that. You guys just cash in on the hapless and suggestible, taking your place amongst the other predators but it’s ok; that’s the law of the jungle too. The problem with what you do is that it makes me sad. There’s an increasing number of predators who try to turn grazers into carnivores by making them feel inferior, just so they can get their hands on more meat; yours! And when you’ve delivered, you feel unfulfilled and cheated. You realise that you are a grazers after all and return to yourself, all the worse for nearly losing your live trying to be something you’re not. This won’t stop you; after all, if you don’t take the ***, someone else will. I know humans are opportunists but what disappointing specimens some of us are.

I was rather dissappointed with my outburst but I wonder how others feel on this matter. I have tried to be something I’m not to please others but the importance of not being made to feel inferior and being happy in your own skin, no matter what you are, is surely thee most important accomplishment of all.

In response to freerace’s post:
Hello freerace! Great to see you on the forums again!!! Being true to yourself is what it’s all about. If we can be true to ourselves and get lofty goals met; more “POWER” to us. People shouldn’t seek the quick-fix action advertisements. They are everywhere though!

I am sick of the predators, like I am sick of telemarketers and marketing in pharmacies on tv and in every store(in all of the OTC items and RX’s). What I’m the most peeved about is not the marketers, because they aren’t going anywhere-they are here to stay I know I can change me;the heck with the con artists. Although it is not pleasing to the senses, to see all of that garbage!

I’m peeved, very peeved at people who do not “research” for themselves who they are, why they are and what really matters to them as the unique, beautiful spirit they already are

There are a lot of detours on the “information highway”. More understanding of true resources is needed. More footwork in learning and applying real info to go to optimal places in life is needed. That way, more people will take less detours and won’t drive off the road so frequently.

People want beautiful-looking and healthy bodies, and won’t take a second to research their foods or discipline themselves to eat them. They won’t take time to create a routine to exercise. We live in an exercise-in a-bottle mentality; all of the nutrients you need -in -a pill. If stumbling blocks are present to self-care, many won’t take time to see what their true obstacles are to engage in the work to make lasting healthy changes. I now understand a quote I once read, focus is sometimes more important than discipline.

People want to think less negatively, and they won’t take time to learn about how their mind (subconscious and conscious) and body act and interact. People want more riches(and I’m no exception to that); sometimes need to be more focused to find true contentment with current lot in life, with whatever it truly is. By the way, this is a great place to start; gratitude with the goods you’ve been given. Because anyone who has lived any length of time knows things can always be worse than their given moment. Our health, our finances, our looks are very changeable by nature and by the infinite kinds of experiences one can be presented with.

So bottom line, that is my frustration. I get tired of the individual who whines about how hard life is and turns to a quick fix before taking a longer look at what needs the real fix. Some persons have very real internal-chemical-challenges which make thinking, and being very difficult. For those that truly have those issues, I then am more peeved at the marketer.

We need to look at ourselves much more, and care a bit less to the way we believe we are being perceived. Individuals need to be more conscious of where they are on a change continuum, with what they they need to possibly alter in their lives This is important to make attempts progressively, to begin right where you are. I understand many of us simply are in involved in our own unique processes, that often look like we are in the same place, though really we are simply marinating our frogs Though, when the marinating is all there is, and we say we want more, and not willing to do the work, marketing products that have it ‘all’ for us, sound inviting.

We need to take a hint from the courage and inspiration from doing personal footwork from Jill Bolte Taylor,(her video re:her stroke)), to assist us from volunteering our very selves to be victims or prey to the manipulations of the emotional-buzz words on the market today. Anotherwards we all have our own personal footwork to do;no quick fixes; it requires a look at a larger picture. When you buy a bottle of anything at the store, after you’ve been enticed by the bottle, turn it over- what are you really getting? With all sales pitches for anything; close your eyes to those ridiculous glossy over priced buy-it now and get one free offers.

I just woke up this morning, and you’ve got me goin’. Heh Heh
I loved your thread! Once again Freerace, you got me thinking about meaningful things!Thank you. I never meant to write an article.

You have wow’ed me freerace.

And laurie I liked your quote – There are a lot of detours on the “information highway”.

“They instinctively know how to get what they want from people and don’t mind showing anger or fight. They are fearless, street-wise and can usually read people well and can find different ways to control them.”

This.

This can be analyzed. And that’s what I am about to do with it. It is possible to not be affected by the ‘know how’ of these ‘fearless’ people with the understanding that ‘everyone is a salesman’. Everyone wants something. All action is taken to ease tension. An unenlightened person (most of america for sure) will do what they can to obtain instant gratification.

They are always wanting and needing. Looking for something that will make them happy and then getting disappointed when it fails to. Then they repeat the cycle.

Much of what people do is driven by fear. Perceived strength is weakness.

Living in the moment is not about making you happy or solving your problems. It is about living with acceptance of what is and realizing that there are no problems. Only situations to be delt with now or to be left alone until they can be delt with. – Eckhart Tolle

There is no such thing as doing a project. There is only the action of doing something related to a project.

I want YOU to STOP and THINK of ALL the things in the FUTURE that you WILL and MAY have to do. (Schoolwork, work, bills, wash your car, etc.)

Now drop it all and read on.

Now, I want you to think of your PAST. All the things you have had to put up with (School, not fitting in, a bad boss, your parents, being treated unfairly, tragic events, etc.)

Now drop that too…

What are you left with? Right ‘NOW’. What is the one thing you can do right now?

What to bring out the good in people at least when they are around you?

Behavioral analysis 101:
Do not support their ego boosting tactics of jealousy, bragging, ect. with attention.

I am not saying to be rude to them when they act this way but let me ask you a question.

Do you find it hard to have a conversation with someone who only gives one word responses?

Topics of a selfish nature do not deserve more than a ‘Mmm Hmm’ or ‘cool’ for a response.

Once their boasting has died down it would be prime to change the subject.

If they are a negative person then realize this fact and do not let them influence your reality.

I didn’t mean to write a novel but people are f@cking crazy and its fun to make fun of them I suppose :)

In response to illusion555’s post:

It is my hope, that I caught the real jist of what you both are saying. My response to Freerace and now to you illusion 555;otherwise I’m ranting to myself heh heh.

Like what you said Illusion 555:“Much of what people do is driven by fear. Perceived strength is weakness” I see that a lot!

—————————-
A statement I don’t like from others is, “What do you like that for??!!!”
I love the fact that I know what interests me today. It took me this long to figure it out and get totally comfortable with things that really matter to me alone, whether someone else finds it interesting or not.
———————-
So what I get from most of this is:
Don’t be influenced by the many. Be one of the few that is true to yourself.

Life is not a quick fix. Live with a base of gratitude, and acceptance.
Keep on doing the next right (decent) thing. Live in the Now! Yesterday is a cancelled check. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is cash, so spend it wisely.

A question I will sometimes ask people is. ‘Why did you just say what you said?’. Very subtle but offers much understanding.

It is true that you should not judge a book by its cover. But once they open their mouth it is a different ball game.

I do not believe anyone person is better or worth more than another. Some may be superior at a skill, in intelligence, or in physical strength, but in the big picture even a father is not superior to his newborn son.

It is those who think they are better than others who have an ‘evil’ mentality to some degree. The ‘truth’ told in a manner in which someone logically understands it will stop their ‘evil’ or ‘destructive’ behavior. No one is consciously insane.

The homeless man wearing a body size “The End is Near” sign on a city street just doesn’t cut it.

There is nothing better than a good relationship whether it be a mentor, friend, or sig. other.

I feel a vibe from people when they are ‘ready’ for the ‘truth’. A give away is whether they talk about anything along the lines of how they are the only thing that holds them back or that they feel like they have ‘lived it up’ but are suffering for it now. If they contain any bit of true wisdom then odds are that they are ready to take a trip down the rabbit hole.

Sorry for generalizing but people on psychiatric medications tend to be more resistant to the truth. They feel that they are different and unable to be ‘happy’ on their own.

This is how I see that issue.

Yes, you have a chemical imbalance…but if I was as mentally identified as you then I would have a chemical imbalance too.

The doctor’s words “you have a chemical imbalance” are powerful.

I may be completely wrong about this. But. I grew up with disfuntional people all around me. And. Am from a bloodline of ‘crazies’. So. All I am saying is that I avoided meds and turned out fine. Heh :)

I am planning a social experiment.

Here is an idea. I will video tape the ‘awakening’ of someone into the present moment and put it on youtube.

It should be interesting to see the interaction play out in its entirety.

I had to edit this post because it may have been a bit politically incorrect. I am surprised this is the first time :)

If you have made it this far in this thread then read the thread “Read this, now” to see what the outline of the social experiment will follow.

I also want you to do a personal balance sheet.

Humans strive off of emotions, passion, and feeling! Do you agree?

If that is true then logic or straight forward material may ‘turn us off’.

A balance sheet is very practical, analytical, and critical. But. At the conclusion of the balance sheet if you are able to live with more PASSION and FEELING and just a general LOVE OF LIFE. Then it may be worth the time, yes?

You may have done a version of a balance sheet in the past but I want you to do a version that I highly recommend.

It is six questions long.

1.What is my ideal self?
2.Who am I now?
3.What are my strengths?
4.What are my weaknesses?
5.What is my learning agenda?
6.What new thoughts, feelings, and emotions do I want to experiment with?

Number 6 blows my mind!

Fascinating topic. I have been thinking of posting something along this line of thought so I might as well post it here.

In order to be true to ourselves, and thus be happy, we must discover our purpose. Our purpose is not a goal, it isn’t what we want, it is who we are. I’m over forty now and am just now figuring out my purpose. They don’t teach this useful kind of stuff in school, (our monstrously consumer driven instant gratification economy isn’t very interested in “truth”, it is more interested in feeding the monster by whatever means necessary!). Anyway, your questions all point to your “purpose.” I might even argue that finding your purpose is the best evidence as to the existence of “God”, in the sense that that is how we get “in tune” with the universe. I’m not trying to get too out there, but that is something that sort of came to me just the other night. Your questions all point to self-examination. That is the key!

I’ll give it a rest right now, but I would like to share more on this topic.

Whoa. Check this out. It came straight out of a Psych book that I am studying for a test.

We need to recognize that what people are now is a product of where they’ve been, where they think they are headed, and what situation is currently influencing their behavior.

And.

Perhaps it is vital to know when you should believe more in yourself than in the results of a test.

This one is good too :)

Although there is an association between creativity and some forms of mental illness, a causal link has not been established.

O M Goodness!! Leave my computer for a couple of days – and look at all I have missed!!

First of all, WELCOME BACK COOKIEMAN!!! ((hug)) I hope your computer is all fixed and your life is full of health, happiness, peace & blessings.

Second of all, you know I have to comment… This is actually an issue that I have been grappling with lately. And I almost started a new thread, because I feel like the decisions that I have made are costing me relationships that are no longer satisfactory to me.

When I was laid off years ago, my (adult) nephew-in-law (married to my niece) was laid off at the same time. We started two separate and completely unrelated businesses within days of each other. In the beginning, I was in it for the money. Heavy in debt and needing to provide for my family – money was the end all, be all. It wasn’t everything, but it was WAAAAAAY up there!!

Now, I find that I am in a different spot in life. The money came (and I am thankful, grateful, etc.), but I discovered that in the process of making money, I became unconscious. I was living life day to day by my appointments, to-do lists, goals, etc. The money was there, but the peace, harmony & happiness was missing.

This was the time I decided I needed to add spirit to my life. I am not a religious person (in the organized religion definition), but I do believe in a higher power (who goes by many names, so I choose NOT to use one). What I did was start to read. I read a LOT! When I started to follow the advice, teachings, beautiful words of Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Carol Adrienne, Sonia Choquette (and many, many more) – I realized that life was much deeper than what we own or what we do.

However, this attitude has been very costly in my life. I no longer fit in with family members who used to be VERY CLOSE to me. My niece, whose husband started a business at the same time as us, is on a different planet than me.

It is all about living in the right zip code (we still live in our modest house in a typical middle class neighborhood), having the right square footage house, driving the right brand of car (we still drive two cars that are over ten years old, but run just great), wear the right label of clothing (ok, I’m all about the comfort – turtleneck & jeans), etc.

I can no longer hold conversations with them, because I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like they are blinded by marketing and they are living a fake life. When I tried to ask about meaningful things, I am met by a brick wall. So, I don’t ask anymore. But, I don’t want to listen about neighborhood gossip, stories of all the new toys purchased (followed by endless tears of outragious credit card debt), etc.

But, what I have is priceless. I have peace of mind. I live well within my means (with gasp CASH) and have a growing savings account. When there come situations where I find worthy causes, I can donate without hesitation. It feels good.

When you decided to have deeper meaning to your life, have you had to give up certain relationships to maintain your sanity???

Give up relationships? No. But. It will never be the same.

I see what you are saying. They are trapped in their heads and wont come out.

If you read the thread “Read this, now” it shows the steps for ‘awakening’ someone into the present moment and giving the ‘now’ value to the individual.

I will post a video of ‘awakening’ someone to show that this topic really is not that hard to talk about with the unconscious as long as you don’t let them ‘smell fear’.

A lack of confidence is primally unattractive. To talk on the topic of enlightenment you must be truly fearless yet likeable.

Interpersonal interaction is a bit like a juggling act between likeability and dominance.

Too likeable and they will not respect you. Too dominate and they will avoid you.

Experiment with this concept on random people or simply observe. The world is your labritory.

I uncovered something tonight. I found a pattern.

Tonight I spoke with an individual who I knew from high school. She is as unconscious as they come.

We have been in contact for the past three months. I have been working with her and watching her progress. She is going through the same steps I went through. Except that I am here to keep her on track through her ‘spiritual boot camp’.

Very depressed. She called me tonight telling me that she cannot go another day and that she wants to die.

If you have read the nature of my threads you know what kind of jargen I was throwing at her. But. What I found was this.

1) Tell the person the ‘truth’ in a manner in which they will understand and accept.
2) They all of a sudden are unsure of life because everything they have ever defended is being challenged. (It is like in the movie ‘the matrix’ when Neo takes the pill and is stuck with his decision.)
3) They loose their uncontrollable desire to whatever ‘stimulus’ they were addicted to. (relationships, work, drugs, etc)
4) They hit rock bottom and are unsure what to do next

Step 5 is where this individual is at the moment.

I feel that these are the steps that the unconscious must pass through to some degree.

You are part of the solution or part of the problem. This is what happened tonight.

She went from hopeless to inspired in about five minutes. What does that tell you? IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD

Near the start of the phone call her behavior could be related to that of a person drowning in the sea. I let her talk as I influenced her to sit on the ground. Once she was seated I obtained her attention by saying her name a few times until the air was free to speak. Then, I said “Oh my goodness!” to get her curious and so that she would listen to the next thing I said. I then asked her very calmly “would you like the pain to stop?” Her reply was in the affirmative…

Then the shift came.

“Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Do you think I’m kidding!? Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose. Slowly. Focus on nothing but your breathing and the sound of my voice.

We are 10 years in the future! Ten years from right, now. Ten years have passed and you and I are talking on the phone.

I want you to imagine your ideal self.

You have the dog you always wanted.
The perfect house with green grass.
Your in a great relationship and have a big smile on your face.
You love your job and life in general.
You are your ideal self.

(I allowed some time for it all to sink in.)

But we are not there yet. You have one life and only one. You have to make it work. Tomorrow will come whether you want it to or not. Imagine three months from now. It will come and you will look back on tonight.”

There was much more said but you get the idea.

I let her speak from that point on because her words were making more sense and were positive in nature. She is on her way.

I read the following which helped me react to this situation properly.

Make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

An interesting thread…may I jump in :-)

Just a quick note…

Remember we are living in a holographic universe…

What we see in “others” is a projection of what’s in our own mind,
which is a fractal image of the universal human mind…

Being a “channel of Peace” to others, we are a channel of
Peace to ourselves, being a channel of Peace to others…
and so on…

but I know you know because I know!

Thanks for letting me jump in, this was fun!
Ilana

I am in the military. The marine corps reserves. I consider it neither good or bad. Just different. I see it as a chance for learning and observation of one of the highest concentration of ego driven individuals in the country. Because I am in the reserves it only comes around once a month .

They offer a hotel room for those of us who have to commute. They randomly assign us a roommate. This time I was roomed with an individual who had just completed his initial ten months of marine corps training. This includes boot camp, combat training, and technical school. It was his second drill at the unit..

He was very ‘moto’. After training the marines try, and typically succeed, at creating an angry pissed off marine who wants to spread hate and discontent onto the enemy.

I also noticed that he was very resistant to ‘opening up’. To get him to talk to me, a stranger, about emotions, thoughts, and his private life would be a task. So I said to myself ‘why not try’.

In communication the speaker must first have authority (the right to speak on the subject) from the audience. Respect and trust are a must. So, that is where I started. I had his respect for reasons such as I had not shown weakness and that I am part of ‘the in crowd’ in the section that we work. I seemed to just need his trust and then I would be golden.

I brought up how he only told me bare basics about his relationship with his girlfriend and how he was resistant to tell me any more. (bring it out into the open)

Statements as straight forward as that would push the limits. He would become mildly defensive so I would back off for a minute or two and bullshit about something unrelated until his ego had deflated.

I eventually got to the point where I said. ‘If anyone is putting them self out there it’s me. Let me tell you a little about my background’ I then continued to do so. He then freely told me about the inner workings of his relationship. That was the information and trust that I was fishing for. He might as well have lined up at the edge of the rabbit hole. All I had to do was give him a push.

"Being true to yourself means living in truth with each person in your life. it means refusing to say or do something that you don't believe is right. Living in truth with other people means that you refuse to stay in any situation where you are unhappy with the behavior of another person. You refuse to tolerate it. You refuse to compromise"

Brian Tracy

"To thine own self be true"

William shakespeare