MARCH 2009 Did I create that stillness?

I wrote this a little over a month ago, and never posted it. Lots of people have been asking me about meditation though, so I thought I’d post this experience. I’d love to hear your thoughts and/or experiences!

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I have a very busy mind.

In many ways it’s a blessing, but sometimes it’s a real burden. That sometimes is usually at night when I’m trying to get to sleep or on the weekend when I’m trying to relax.

My first experience of ‘quiet’ was after I’d read about the legal herb ‘scullcap’ and it’s supposed ability to quieten the mind. I had found a source for it but had not touched it since I’d bought it.

On one particularly sleepless night, I decided to give it a go. I made a very strong skullcap tea and forced it down myself – it was far from the best tasting herbal tea I’d ever had! About half an hour later and other than an awful taste in my mouth I was no better or worse than I had been for the last several hours.

I decided to go for another shower to try and relax. I jumped in and a few minutes later I realized that it was really, really quiet!

Obviously it was the early hours of the morning, it had been ‘quiet’ for hours; but this was a different kind of quiet, one that I could really connect with. I could connect with it because all of a sudden I was ‘still’ on the inside so I could finally ‘empathize’ with the quiet of the night.

I finished that packet of skullcap a while ago and haven’t yet purchased another. Whilst it is sometimes effective, it’s hit and miss; it tastes awful and it’s not really a long term solution. I needed another way to quiet the chatter.

I used to meditate regularly, but for some reason I’d stopped practicing.

I’d experienced the benefits first hand and I was continually coming across articles that spouted the now scientifically proven benefits of meditation. For some reason though, I wasn’t prepared to put in the effort to get back into it.

In his book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill talks about the ‘burning desire’ that is required for any change to take place. I didn’t have that burning desire until my inability to sleep became debilitating and was seriously preventing me from making progress with my life.

So I picked up meditation again.

I suffered through the usual things I assume most people do when they pick up meditation for the first time or after a long hiatus. The discomfort, the agitation, your mind constantly nagging and trying to tell you that you’ve got more important things to do.

But, I persevered. I obviously still get the nagging and occasional discomfort, but I’m getting better with every practice. I’m sleeping better and even when I don’t, I am able to calm myself down, get some rest and then do something productive until my body decides it’s time for some sleep.

Meditation shouldn’t be about having a goal in mind, the practice of meditation IS the goal. It’s fine to meditate on an affirmation, visualization or mantra, but sitting down to meditate with an expectation in mind can limit your possibilities and actually prevent you from gaining insight or wisdom from the practice.

Sometimes though, things do happen and whilst you shouldn’t go into your next meditation anticipating it happening again, you will certainly feel tremendous gratitude for having had the experience at all.

Something happened to me this morning and although it might not sound all that profound to many of you, I know just how busy my mind is 99% of the time and so I consider this a tremendous step forward in my practice.

I came out of a meditation that had lasted somewhere between half an hour and an hour. I ‘came to’ and realized how busy it was outside, trucks moving, people yelling, birds squawking, unknown objects crashing. Just the ordinary sounds of a big city that usually flow freely into my home and disturb me from concentration of meditation.

Then I reflected on the stillness and absolute calm of the meditation, and a question came to me.

Did I create that stillness?

It really was profound. For a minute I seriously wondered if I had actually altered the outside world or been transported to a place in the middle of no-where. It just seemed impossible that I could have been sitting amongst this racket and yet been in a place of absolute quiet, stillness and tranquility.

I am incredibly grateful to have experienced this in my practice. The hard part now is going back into my next meditation with beginners eyes and no expectations.

I have only really tried to meditate a few times in my life. On the few occasions I did get into what I guess was a meditative state I felt sort of out of my body. On some occasions I literall saw bright light. On others I felt like I was out in space, like a space ship. Have you experienced that sort of sensation. Sometimes I would feel as though I were connecting with another consciousness.

I never was disciplined enough to make it a habit. I do sometimes make myself calm my own breathing when I have a lot on my mind and can’t get to sleep. I find it very helpful. It’s suprising how tense your breathing can get without even realising it. I also consciously relax my forehead and scalp, then return my focus to my breathing, then back to my scalp. I do this back and forth and when I finally start relaxing I let my mind go, I let it drift to whatever it wants to think about. I usually wind of thinking of something like floating in space or some crazy notion and before I know it I’m off to sleep.

I know exactly what you mean when you can’t stop your mind. I seldom have that problem anymore though and I really think what I’ve described above would be worth giving a shot.

Anyway, I don’t generally like to leave such an absolutely unpolished and poorly written post, but I just wanted to share a bit and I don’t feel like fine tuning right now. I do have a couple of books with some meditations in them. Maybe I’ll post them. You could too. That would probably be a good and worthwile topic for the site.

˚clarity, self expression, creativity  

Posted on 12/03/2009.

First, I’d like to say hooray for the busy mind. That needs just as much applause as the mind that can be quieted. [There are some people that can never get the thoughts going]

Next, in re:to quieting the busy mind, possibly before meditation, how about centering exercises or as Jeff TMCM (Themadcookieman), expressed, a relaxation exercise, relaxaing your body with your mind, and mind will follow.

Do you have some exercises you do for centering? Like seeing energy go from 3rd eye (middle of forehead) in a circular motion thru bottom of feet-repeatedly. I think Lee, you had mentioned once, a good one you do.

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
It wasn’t so unpolished! :)

The physical relaxation is an important first step. One of my teachers runs through the physical relaxation out loud at the beginning of every meditation session.

At first this was a little distracting and I just wanted to get into it, but he gets really specific and if you concentrate you can actually relax more than you are doing, even if you think you’re already relaxed (if that makes sense!)

After the physical relaxation I usually turn the breath, either focusing on the nostrils, or just slowly increasing the length of the breath.

Once I’ve totally settled there’s a number of things I might do. Usually a breathe meditation (nine point breathing or something) visualizations or affirmations.

I think the energy thing you were referring Laurie was a visualization that I do sometimes where I get really vivid images in my mind of a blue energy entering into my feet, circling my body and escaping through either my finger tips or my crown.

The busy mind isn’t so much of an issue anymore, I can usually control it fairly easily, through meditation :)

As far as centering goes, I’m actually pretty good at centering with a deep breath. It’s usually a large, slightly exaggerated breath where I tilt my head back and close my eyes and take a couple of seconds to accept things as they are.

Once again, I can usually do this fairly easily, the problem is remembering to do it :) I’ve been fairly good with this too recently though.

Anyway, talk about a poorly written post, I’m so tired I’m not even going to re-read this :)

˚clarity, self expression, creativity  

Posted on 12/03/2009.

Not unpolished to me, Lee (: Understood everything quite well. And when you go over the things you do to center yourself, I add them to my list of things to try. Ideas you mention always considered with high regard.

˚clarity, self expression, creativity  

Posted on 12/03/2009. Last edited on 23/03/2009.

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
And you too, “Themadcookieman”, no need for rewrites, loved your relaxation ideas and reminders to do so. Thank you.

I was just led to this thread and thanks for the discussion of meditation. I keep hearing of the many benefits one might receive from meditating and I have intended to do it —- many times;). This is a nudge for me to try again because I need some of those benefits… One very important thing I have heard here is that the racket behind my eyes is not uncommon and I should persist in my attempts to grow with meditation. Thanks Lee and thanks for bmindful! Yay You!

Today I took my kids to the swimming pool. While they were playing and having a good time, I was just floating on my back in total relaxation. I found myself in one of those weird almost trance-like states where I am watching myself float from above myself. I was so flipping relaxed and I could feel the water from a total awareness state. Let me tell you, so many ideas were flowing through me, I wish I had a mental tape recorder. This has only happened to me once before – but I imagine this is what a productive meditation would be like.

PS: The kids were under the watchful eye of the other adults with us. No child was harmed in this. :)

I have some books with some meditations in them. If some of you want me to I’ll post them.