how do i decide what to focus on please

Can anyone offer any advice please .I’m ata crossroads in my life and need to make some decisions / choices .I stayed home while kids were growing up ans also while my daughter has been too ill to leave .The fantastic news is that she is getting better and applied to go to college in september.As we live in the u k i have been lucky to be able to claim benefits due to being a single mum and also because of my health problems ,but want to come off them and support us myself .My mind is just buzzing with thinking and if i list the things im stressing about can anyone help ( that voice in my soul is saying trust the universe to show the way but i too need to act and not just think )
1) we want to move house but dont know where ,if my two youngest kids get into college we cant move too far We are in rented housing association house and can apply for a swap.
2) want to find a job and come off benefits
3) need to lose some weight and get out of habit of eating junk in bed
4)i need to get outof this rut im in .

my brain feels like a marshmallow ,im not really doing affirmations or growing spiritually at the moment ,i think im like the child hiding at the back of the room .Trying to be kind to myself but feeling so inefectual.
I have taken a couple of steps forwards – our home was fiull of clutter and i have got living room and dining room lovely ,i would invite anyone in them now – not through spending money – just clearing out ,cleaning and adding flowers ,candles and making crochet throws and cushions .
Also wrote to a healing place nearby to ask if they have any jobs doing anything – cleaning ,washing etc and lady has asked me to come in for a chat even though she saidthey have enough staff – its where i hope to do reiki attunements when i canpay for them- i go on 9th june as she is in glastonbury next week where they are being attuned as masters in reiki ( my ambition for next year )

Dear Flowergirl,
All your answers are right here!
Write things down

Try writing two columns one of what you dont want any more of, and cross them out. The other column being exactly what you want and more
“ Basic Principles”:http://bmindful.com/forum/thread/1514/-basic-personal-principles-or-universal-laws

Also, never worry about HOW you will get there, just write them down and trust the universe to take care of your list.

Also, remember to look how far you have come, especially with your daughter. Have gratitude for those momentus achievements/developments.
I remember how down you were at a time you thought she would never get better….. Well done on the de-clutter operation! It must feel wonderful to have space for all the new things coming into your life now….Believe it!!! :) xx

dear Anoushka thank you so much for your reply , i will do your suggestions and post again ,love flowergirl

In response to flowergirl’s post:

Hey flowergirl,

I am so pleased to hear your daughter is doing so well. I agree with Anoushka
and have a little more to add. First off I know it is really difficult to say you have something already when you really don’t. So my suggestion is to start focusing on just one of your goals at a time. Focus on the most important one and when that starts coming around, focus on the next step.

In order for any of us to live a better life, we have to do four things as stated in this great book I am reading “The Shadow Effect” by Deepak Chopra and two others. The key is to illuminate the Hidden Power of your true self. In other words you need to embrace the dark side of you, accept it for what it is and then use it to create something better.

All too often we try to change some aspect of our lives by eliminating the negative entirely. That is just not possible, you need both to remain balanced.

The first sentence in the book says; “The conflict between who we are and who we want to be is at the core of the human struggle.”

We were taught to fear the shadow side of life and the shadow side of ourselves. While in actuality, we are adding to the shadow’s strength. We must learn to take responsibly and acquire the knowledge that our dark side has to offer. No matter how hard we try we can not escape the dark side in ourselves, so the next best thing is to embrace it.

I will give you some more information on how to do this as soon as I can explain it, so everyone can get the meaning. To tip the scales in favor of the Light side of who we are there are 4 things we must do.

1. Stop projecting – This is done when we do not feel good enough and we start criticizing others to make us feel better then them. We are all equal no matter what anyone tells you. Projection puts us in a false state of self-acceptance. In order to reach the higher-realm which is our right. We need to stop criticizing to make ourselves feel better.

*2. Detach and let go
*3. Give up self-judgment
*4. Rebuild your emotional body.

*“The basic life choices are available to anyone. We make the opposite choices all the time. The shadow has persuaded us to blame others reather than take responsibility. It tells us that we are unworthy of love and respect. It promotes anger and fear as natural reactions to life. All of us are entangled in these disastrous choices. They stifle our lives and remove all joy. So nothin is more urgent than to turn the process around and the sooner the better.”

this is from the book and when we start looking at our life knowing the everyone on this planet has a dark side and they can handle it, and so can we, we just need to learn how.

I hope this tidbit of info. helped and I will get back to you on this if you want.

God Bless

Roxanne

*from the book “The Shadow Effect”

hi Rockswealth ,thanks for posting ,im so proud of my daughter and so relieved that she is eating more and determined to get strong .I love Deepak Chopra.I think i got too wrapped upin trying to chsnge everything at once and was thinking do we move first ,do i get a job first instead i now realise if i choose and start saying a few affirmations that cover things generally i can trust the universe to guide me .Im also starting a new gratituide journal and trying to be a bit gentler with myself as i was telling myself – i should be back working ,i should do this and that now that my daughter does not need full time care .I was forgetting that the last few years have been stressfull and that i need to heal myself too as i have a lot of unhealthy habits .My dark side was telling me i have done nothing for the last couple of years and im lazy etc .Gosh dont we let our minds get mudddled ,thanks for listening to my rambles .Going to do Anoushkas ideas now ,love flowergirl

Flowergirl,

So very happy for you, I know that the dark side can be redirected and I also know that when we are asking for something. We are not suppose to try and make it happen. We let our subconscious take care of it and just learn to be open to the possibilities. Everything will come to you keep doing what makes you feel good. Each of us has a reason for existence and it is something we really enjoy doing. so don’t worry about the how just know the end result and concentrate on that. Best to you Hun, I know you will be fine your heart is in the right place.

Take care and try not to let the Shadow take over. If nothing else when you feel stress coming on tap on it. If you need some words for specific problem let me know and I will set them up for you.

Bless you and yours,

Roxanne

hi Roxanne ,thanks for your encouragement .I’m letting go of feelings about the past and worrying about the future .Waking up being gratefull for every new day ,if i can go to bed and think – yes i have helped where i can ,im gratefull and im being kind to myself ,then i have made good use of that day .

I think my 2 biggest problems are getting out of bad habits with food and wasting tme sitting in this dozy state of mind like when you have been up all night and you are too tired to think – thats how my head is all the time .I suppose the 2 are probably linked
Its a lovely sunny day here so im washing everything in sight to get it pegged out ,take care ,love flowergirl .
P S this place im hoping to work at/learn reiki has a therapist who gived E F T ,will try to save up to go to her .

In response to flowergirl’s post:

Hi Flowergirl!(:
You said your 2 biggest problems were getting out of bad habits with food and wasting time sitting in this dozy state of mind like when you have been up all night and you are too tired to think.

My suggestion is start listening to motivational tapes regularly. Do you have a tape player? Does your sound on your computer work yet?

In response to flowergirl’s post:
In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:

This is an excellent idea Laurie. I listened to Louise Hay for years and it really helped.

Flowergil take baby steps. You can do it! Look you were so worried about your daughter and now she is better! Claim that miracle. Accept it. Just the mere idea of you “wanting” to do different things has already started you onto your road of success congratulations!!!

In response to Godscreation’s post:
In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:
hi Laurie ,thanks for post ,i have a c d player in my bedroom where i can play c d s ,unfortunatly p c is totally silent I have decided to have a shuffle round in my bedroom so will put c d player near my bed and i can listen to them instead of “ comfort eating “

hi godscreation ,thanks to you as well ,i have louise hay c d s as well as doreen virtue,eckart tolle,and lots of angel meditation/relaxaio c d s as well .
thank you both for helping me see the steps to take ,i had got into this way of telling myself i should be working ,i have done nothing for ages – i was totally discounting the fact that i had been my daughters carer and still am to a lesser degree as she is needing a lot of encouragement to not slip backwards .Its a perfect time for me to start a good example of eating healthy foods .You folks on here are such a blessing and in very gratefull ,love flowergirl

hi Flowergirl

Just checking in on you, I wanted to let you know that if you have some good meditative cd’s you can listen to them when you go to bed. Subliminal is the bomb, they really work and help me sleep. I listened to a guy the other day and he said that just by tapping anywhere a little when you feel a problem coming up will help release the energy block so you don’t feel the stress. I usually just tap on the collar bone point and tell myself everything is working out just like it should. A couple of affirmations while I am tapping and everything seems to relax. Also tapping can help with your food thing. When you feel the urge to eat something that is probably not healthy. Tap saying something like even though I know I am not suppose to eat this I completely love and accept myself. etc. by the time you have done a round you will have forgotten about the food you were going to eat. Just a few suggestions from the Tapping Rocks.

How do you like that name. LOL

Bless you and yours,

Rocks

hi Tapping Rocks – brilliant nane ,thanks for your post .It feels like im getting a little toolbox of ideas to break out of this habit of eating in bed ,it started as comfort eating but has just become a way of stuffing down feelings and emotions and they cant heal until i let them come up can they .Its time to be kind tomyself instead of trying to ignore feelings .I have a basket with the c d s in near my bed ,a journal and pen for writting downthoughts/feelings .love flowergirl

In response to rockswealth’s post:
In response to Godscreation’s post:
In response to flowergirl’s post:
It’s ‘no secret’ lol (: the kind of motivational tapes I have listened to(:

While The Secret and tapes like it, have wonderful ideas attached to it, I prefer Brian Tracy and Wayne Dyer and Anthony Robbins…depending on my mood.

If I feel like a need a common sense nudge-I go for Brian.
He spells things out over and over again, in different ways until, my subconscious screams with “I get it, I got it, I am doing it!(:

Then when I get truly complacent..or forget why did I want to do all of this stuff again-mode??lol I get Anthony Robbins out..He is the why-guy(:

Then if I need a spiritual current to add to the rest..I will listen to Wayne Dyer. Everyone is different..But I must tell you, while writing, prayer, exercise, eating well are top on my list..my tapes are HUGE too.

When I go through a whole day on the job, or engaged in things that are so busy..and I don’t feel like involving another person in my lists and goals (which is most of the time)..I turn on a tape/cd mentor whom I’ve already established resonates with my Higher Self. These guys have already done the research/done the work..and I get to reap the reward from their work..by simply being a “passive” listener. I don’t ever truly feel passive..I must be doing lots..

• It just doesn’t feel like it compared to writing,reading,meditating, exercising etc..And these tapes are so powerful.

Deep inside we all know what is right for ourselves. We know! Though if we get into a little rut of convincing ourselves of all of the reasons we are doing enough or the time isn’t right etc etc..We have talked ourselves into major procrastination.

Sometimes..and I say sometimes..it isn’t procrastination at all..we are prepping ourselves to go through our necessary stages all “being where we are supposed to be”..

I’m a firm believer of writing, because the written word allows us to see what we are truly saying to ourselves. And for myself if I want to take it a step further, I use a mini-tape player, and spill my guts, my excuses, my reasons,,and I don’t let me get away with anything. I hear my voice and I know that I know..what will change my circumstances.

I also am a firm believer of the Blue Mirror exercise..In an instant..I can go from a space of “don’t feel like it”..to yes! I want to and can do this..and I will begin now with a big-picture plan in mind.

I recently responded to Roxy’s statement in my Persistence thread..by sharing persistence is not a neat and tidy experience..It get’s messy.
We keep on keeping on..anyway we can..until we are experiencing routine..then true mastery and beating our goals with even more improvement.

The key is to drown out the tapes that say to yourself, “is this all you did?” Or at least answer the voice/tape with Nope! I did more than my eye can see because I am a work in progress that simply gets better better better moment by moment.

Take time to pace yourself and plan..Keep a good momentum,and don’t forget why you do what you do, and always remember you are enough, and you are right where you’re supposed to be. Praise yourself. Praise your Creator. Work as a Mighty Team with your Understanding of the Force that Created you(:

wow laurie you are fantastic – you should make tapes for others .I love your last 2 paragraphs especially being a work in progress ,and working as a mighty team – you have a way with words .My name should ne the goddess of procrastination – im so good at it .Love flowergirl

In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:
PS(:

Just take yourself by the hand..and look back on your earlier direction, and ask yourselves..are you truly further along?

I guarantee you will be able to answer that question, and you will know if you need to do more of something, less of something, stop something or change your course. You will also know how everything that happened before this moment brought you to this moment, allowing you to answer this question. You will also know if you are connecting the dots randomly or if there is rhyme or reason. You all know..I believe that(:

In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:
i am because im listening to the inner questions and also the answers but still have the odd fuzzy days where the mind boggles .I feel like i have been in a car park for a long time ,then the day i started this thread i jumped on a motor bike and stated going round and round a roundabout not knowing which road to take – now i know whichever road im on is the right one for now and i can always try a different one .

In response to flowergirl’s post:
The mind will boggle(: That is why I stated persistence is messy. It is not a clean neat ride from point A-Z. It stops at crossroads. It thinks it sees crossroads, when it simply needed a nap or hugs.

How exciting you are Flowergirl!
Love how you said, “Now ->I know whichever road I’m on is the right one for now and I can always try a different one”

You are and always have been wonderful

In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:
aw you are so kind -thank you .I just thought now ,i would not avoid going to a new town in case i go down a wrong road so my mind does not need to know the exact route to take before it moves forwards does it .Am keeping this image of myself on a big powerfull bike charging ahead some days with confidence and exitement and other days im in a hippie camper van trundling along and stopping for a brew ,sleep ,daydream whenever i feel like it – the journeys the soul part not the arrival .

i think its time to make a vision board ,feel like making something .

Laurie im so happy ,just went upstairs to check the name of a c d for your other thread and found allsorts i had forgotten ,including Louise Hay -Self Esteem Affirmations
and her You Can Heal Your Life study course on c d ,theres no stopping me now .thank you again ,you are all such wonderfull people on here .

In response to flowergirl’s post:

Love the visual you give of:

• a big powerful bike charging ahead with confidence and excitement
  and
• the other
  in a hippie camper van going along and stopping for a brew ,sleep ,daydream whenever you feel

• and the journey being the soul-part not the arrival .
  ——
  And love being part of your journey and you with mine(:

In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:
hitch a lift whenever you want my freind ,this is whats going on my vision board along with lots of other stuff ,will try to get one of my clever kids to put a photy on here when it’s done .

In response to flowergirl’s post:
Sooooooooo looking forward to it(:

In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:
be patient dear Laurie ,not started yet -feeling a bit foggy .

In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:
think i fell off the bike there by going backwards mentally and i realised how much i still carry around with me from the past ,a lot of journaling is called for and letting go of old hurts etc