Show me a person who says “I never judge” and I will present to you a person with a sadly blank mind.:)
One can read article after article chiding us ‘not to judge’… and yes, I know what they have in mind is akin to sitting on one’s Better Than’s, or gossiping about someone in a negative way… the kind of talk or thoughts that ‘put others down.’
Its fairly easy to be aware when we are busy doing THAT kind of judging… and its certainly not ‘good’… however that kind of judgment is the end result…the overt conscious act…of expressing to ourselves or others what we feel is Right or Wrong about a person or situation.
To me, that is not the most ‘dangerous’ form of judgment. The kind that is hidden amongst our Unexamined Beliefs, to me, is what we need to be mindful of. Its that part of us that says THIS simply is the TRUTH…and anything out of line with IT is simply ‘wrong.’
Now we all judge at all times…although some of you may think I am over using the word ‘judge’…and that’s ok. We are constantly thinking, sorting through our thoughts and making decisions, consciously or unconsciously… we might not say I am JUDGING my clothes and THIS is the outfit I am wearing today. :)
So…you may say: the kind of judgment that is ‘wrong’ is when it actually hurts someone in some way… I won’t disagree… but we can harm OURSELVES far more by our own unexamined judgments (beliefs) than we realize…
I know many people may say “I really don’t do that”…and say all kinds of nice, warm, fuzzy things about ourselves… but me thinketh we exaggerate quite a bit when we do that.
So…its all in the ‘tude, bro…as the old 50’s saying went. We WILL NEVER reach that point where our minds are Free of Judgment… so…its all in how we handle it…what our attitude is towards what we really want and what we KNOW makes us FEEL GOOD…really good…not: HA HA I WAS RIGHT good. :)
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TO BE CONTINUED (please no comments until this is completed..thanks)
A Sad…and Very Unusual Experience today…
Funny how this fits in quite well with “We All Judge” … here is a story that confirms that we need to practice Unconditional Love..
Late today I had a most unusual experience…which resulted in a very unexpected reaction on my part. Meeting with my Coffee Gang friends in Starbucks we found out that ‘some guy’ OD’d in King Sooper’s men’s bathroom. Naturally, our reaction was that of strange shock… I mean…what does one say…really… You ‘think’ a lot about it and your mind is full of all kinds of emotions. After I got home, walked into my apartment, I burst into tears. All of a sudden, the only question I could think of about this man was “I wonder if anybody had invited him for Thanksgiving dinner…”… and I just felt immeasurably sad for this person who had to die this way. Did anyone really care about him? Did anyone actually LOVE him? Would anybody miss him personally? Did he have a family…was he homeless? Did he commit suicide or was it accidental…does it really make any difference? For those who want to judge him in any way, …maybe you shouldn’t…Life has a way, through our soul’s own choosing, to experience events that help us to ‘understand’ including: do not judge or condemn. So, I just sent him a hug and told him to please enjoy his next life and may it be full of happy moments… That feels pretty good, actually, to love unconditionally….which simply means: allowing … We allow others to experience what they need…and they allow us the same. Namaste’…and Peace to you, Mister Whoever You Were…
You know…its much easier to NOT have feelings of critical judgment against someone (or thing) when you don’t really know the person, what he or she looks like, acts like, etc… Or if you don’t have details about an event… but when we DO know those things…its emotionally different for us. I found myself wondering this morning—had I SEEN or known the man who died yesterday…what I have felt the same amount of compassion? These are poignant questions that can cause discomfort.
Let’s pretend: sitting in a coffee shop, ‘observing and listening to’ the people who walk in.
A young fellow walks in whose shirt is filthy dirty…around the collar and cuffs…doesn’t he care? What’s his problem looking like that. Yuk.
An elderly lady walks in, dressed in expensive clothes. Suppose she is a snob. She won’t smile at anyone. Looks unhappy.
A couple of 20 some girls share a table. They are VERY loud. They are both overweight…but…not too much so. Dressed nicely. Nice hair.
Young girl is sitting with a laptop muttering to herself and slamming papers on the table. What’s up with her?
A homeless guy walks in, starts begging for me and is asked to leave… I have very mixed feelings. Wonder if he was in one of those stinkin’ wars and is a discarded vet. Damn government.
A young mother walks in followed by a toddler that she isn’t paying any attention to… She better be more careful and pay more attention to him…does she even CARE about him? He picks up a bottled water from the case and drops it…she yells at him. She shouldn’t be a mother.
OK, you get the picture. Was I being judgmental. YES. I am sure many of you could say things like ‘just don’t pay attention to others…mind your own business’ … But I betcha my bottom dollar, my thoughts were not TOOOO unlike those you would have had yourself. :) So…what to do?
I think Pema Chodron (as well as many other good teachers) have some very good suggestions…without being critical or ‘judgmental’ of us! :)
Next time.
Pema Chodron…a Buddhist nun who has written some very excellent books, has this to say: “When thoughts arise that are making you upset, instead of trying to stifle them…simply say “Just thinking…just thinking.”
This is releasing yourself from self-judgment. Being angry and upset with yourself for your emotional or mental state does NOT make it ‘go away’ neither does it change it. To force yourself to ‘think nice thoughts’ does not work, either. To mentally picture yourself ‘stepping back from’ your thoughts…perhaps picturing the wearisome monkey mind as a river roaring PAST you and flowing away…knowing you are NOT that river … this, I have discovered, helps me.
Being ‘mindful’ is the art of detaching from whatever you are doing or thinking…realizing it is not ‘the real you’…and observing what is going on with you. This truly helps to ‘calm one down’…
Most often when we feel really upset…its because we are ‘judging’…either ourselves or others for ‘not doing things right’ of we would be ok…
Yes, we create our own reality… but it is, I believe, an easier job when we learn to be mindful and stop coming down ON OURSELVES… we truly are harder on ourselves than others. Someone once said, “The less you judge yourself, the less you judge others” …and I believe this is true.
Judging, choosing, deciding, reacting, is just part of you and what we are…its our ‘human’ side… and no, of course its not ‘all bad’… Our emotional reaction to our thinking is The Big Clue on whether or not we are Feeding the Judgmental Mind set… if we feel content, at ease, happy, etc… we are just Letting It Be…a good sign we are detaching…being Mindful…and REMEMBERING that we truly ARE a loving Spirit…
We are SUCH Drama Queens!! And sometimes one has to laugh while ‘stepping back’… and realizing that regardless of the situation…with ourselves or what we observe in others… its all drama. We are the Directors and The Play Writers… Lets just take it easy. Not be so serious. Stop thinking we need to be ‘better than’ others or better than ‘what we are now.’ In other words, we really need to Lighten Up. We are not here to ‘save others’ or even ourselves. We are here for the experience and we CAN write a LOT more laughter and joy into our scripts… You see somebody doing something you don’t approve of… maybe just Let it Go. If you are meant to ‘do something’ you will know if its Love Oriented or not. Same way in thinking about ourselves.
Enjoying reading your thread-blog…
Some of your thoughts in the last post reminded me of a quote which is meaningful to me by Jennifer Louden (a women’s life-coach) “Our potential isn’t something to be reached, it’s something to be trusted”
I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions,
Sensations ,
& Feelings
THANKS, Appreciating!
I love that quote by Jennifer Louden… Allow, allow, allow…:)
Betty
“ release and let go “:http://www.unityfh.com/1/cotw/affirmation.asp?printview=315&artID=33011 example of a releasing- Little Prayer
(some call this detaching… becoming grounded… To me it is ‘simply’ self care with love)
- ~
in response to Bluesand - I thank YOU.
in response to Bluesand - Some other quotes by J.Louden… which reminded me of your words/ideas/feelings
Cast yourself as the lead in the story of your life.
Frame that story as worthwhile, beautiful, important, even epic.
Dress accordingly for the adventure ahead Jennifer Louden
Follow the timing of your human life. Sally Kempton tells the story of two radical callings in her life, and both times, she took the time she needed to make the changes she was called to make. You are living in a human body with human limits and needs. Proceed accordingly. (Note: your journey may be metaphorical, completely internal, quietly subtle and it is no less sheroic. You define what all of this looks like. Always.) ~Jennifer Louden
Let love carry you forward. Not duty, not shame, not guilt. Love. ~Jennifer Louden- ~
I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions,
Sensations ,
& Feelings
Thanks, friends, for your comments.
Wellllll….when it comes to ‘judging’ …has there been ANY event in the good ol’ US of A that has stirred up more of that stuff called ‘judgment’ than what happened in Ferguson??? Ay yi yi… Good job, Powers that Be (not OUR powers though, right?! :)
I could go on endlessly about this story when it comes to what I have heard and observed ‘other’ people saying…but that doesn’t have a ‘good effect’ on any thing or any of us.
So! What can “WE” take away and learn from this highly charged emotional incident???
The only thing that is expected of us is to look WITHIN ourselves and be painfully honest… As B. Marciniak’s Pleiadians once said in a work shop some years back: “You can fairly easily fool others…you can even fool your ego-self (we do this more often than we like to admit)…BUT…(and this is a biiiig but! :)(my words) …You can NEVER fool your consciousness.”
It was not too hard for me to pick up on certain things that people said in re Ferguson… some of those things were said 1) to be accepted by others, 2) to appear politically correct, and 3) to say things to impress others because they were, of course, aligned with Truth and Righteousness…
All of our opinions, reactions, and judgments come from one thing and one thing only: OUR BELIEFS. If one is prone to a religious bent, I’m sure you have heard the biblical passage: “It is done unto you according to your beliefs.” That is Creating Your Own Reality in a nutshell. We practice affirmations to strengthen, change, or, in some cases, loosen our grasp on non-productive beliefs.
The slightly ironic part about beliefs is: we don’t always actually KNOW what we believe. But that doesn’t prevent things from manifesting from those beliefs. What you believe in most STRONGLY is what usually appears most frequently in our lives…
Now…what does this have to do with Ferguson… ?? That will have to wait for the next segment… because I have an appt. to keep! :) Toodeloo for now.