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★Basic Rights In A Relationship and Criteria To Evaluate New Relationship

Its been a busy day today and while I am sitting here thinking about how my day went with my partner and kids, I realised I havent shared with you something that I think it very important. Its about our basic rights in any relationship and a criteria to evaluate when you are in a new relationship.

Hope it is of some help for you to help valuate where you are in your relationship or in the process of starting a new one.

BASIC RIGHTS IN ANY RELATIONSHIP

The right to goodwill from the other.

The right to emotional support.

The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.

The right to have our feelings and experience acknowledged as real.

The right to receive a sincere apology.

The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.

The right to live free from accusation and blame.

The right to live free from criticism and judgment.

The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.

The right to encouragement.

The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.

The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.

The right to be called by no name that devalues you.

The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

The right to protect own physical and emotional health.

The right to be treated with respect.

The right to express your own beliefs, feelings, opinions, convictions, values and traditions.

QUESTIONS BELOW PRESENT A CRITERIA BY WHICH TO EVALUATE WHEN STARTING ANY NEW RELATIONSHIP

Does he/she have a sense of joy in life?

Do I enjoy his/her ideas, and do I feel a rapport with him/her?

Do I feel a real connection, laughing together and catching meanings in the same way?

Is there a best-friend quality to my relationship?

Do I feel relaxed with him/her?

Can I really be myself without criticism?

Does he/her share his/her interests with me and express an interest in mine?

Does he/she speak openly and honestly about himself/herself?

Do I feel warmth and understanding from him/her?

Is his/her humour often at the expense of others, or is it bitter or intimidating, or does it make me uncomfortable?

Does he/she seem distrustful of a number of other people?

Does he/she argue against my thoughts, ideas, feelings, and experiences?

Is time spent with him/her not as pleasant as I usually anticipate?

Is his/her world composed of ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys’?

Does he/she seem to understand or remember things differently from me?

Does he/she make assumptions about me based on anecdotal evidence?

Most important of all are your own feelings. If you experience the slightest feeling that something is wrong, it is.

It is time to move on to find someone that will love and respect you with all his/her heart.

(This information has hit hard for me now and I am going to follow the process of sorting out my own relationship and valuating it properly. There are some that need sorting out for sure.)

“Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks for sharing. This is a good eye opener!! Even the best of marriages have issues that are brought out here that could be worked on – for sure!!

I am living in many dimensions at once; the appearance of being trapped in time and space is only an illusion.

Thank you very much for posting this. :)

In response to Pure Essence’s post:
I also think it’s a great list of things that could help determine a relationship being wonderful;for example, a relationship-gratitude list, for those things that may exist.

Another item I’d like to add to the list toward growth in a relationship:
->is being able to stand at the precipice of change together. Because each person grows and so does the relationship, to always make time to discuss change would be a nice one(:

I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions, Sensations ,
& Feelings

I’m pissed of in my marriage at present. I would rather be on my own. I’m sick of pretending. I don’t know why he sticks around, he says he loves me. He will never be what I want and it is unfair of me to want him to be someone he is not. No one is perfect, no one is a “complete package”. I can make a list of the things he does right. I could make a longer list what what I feel I am missing out on, knowing full well there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I have plenty of faults too. He does nothing ‘wrong’: there is no violence, cheating, addictions etc. He does nothing ‘right’ either: my pathetic little list: he won’t go for walks with me, he doesn’t like to socialise with my friends, he never taught our children his native language, he doesn’t read, he watches crappy action movies, he smokes drinks too much beer doesn’t care about his health, he has to be forced to do any sort of activity with the kids, he doesn’t realise how good we have it, worst of all he never talks about anything. He vacuums, mops & does dishes – some women would kill for a husband like mine.

“Even if you’re on the right track – you’ll get run over if you just sit there” Will Rogers

The fact that he does nothing wrong, does not touch on why things aren’t ok? I don’t know your particulars, though have you ever thought of marriage counseling, just to get a 3rd party listening to you both to help you move forward? Maybe forward is separately. Though, I’m sure you’d like to feel and know you’ve tried ‘it all’.

I’m sending you big hugs, and lots of loving prayer(:

I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions, Sensations ,
& Feelings

In response to laurie’s post:

Oh yes I do like what you have said Laurie!

“Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

In response to Vivi is focused’s post:

((BIG cuddle and flowers)) for you Vivi, sending much love to you always

“Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks PE & Laurie, I’m OK, just ARRGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Even if you’re on the right track – you’ll get run over if you just sit there” Will Rogers

Hello fellow lovers of mankind!

There is a challenge I have had for sometime and it keeps coming up. Being that music is my favorite love it started me going to karaorke clubs. One of my closest friends loves to flirt a lot and even with someones husband or boyfriend. This has happened since we were young and more so since I sing and she doesn’t. It’s causing problems with other friends.
She makes rude comments about how others look and how they sing and at times is bossy.

We had an argument last week and all the good things I have been practicing went out the door. I rudely explained why it was time to go our separate ways. She started to cry and it broke my heart to see her like that because she has been going through some tough times so I apologized to her and to myself for reacting.

She really has some great qualities that’s why we remained friends for 30+ years. Most of the time I have ignored her need for so much attention until she physically came on to a very handsome boyfiend I had and right in front of her husband and me too! We quickly left but I was seeing red. Many years ago she asked an ex boyfriend of mine out on a date. Recently if I get any kind of attention she doesn’t like it and will go out of her way to make men notice her.

Yet she has demonstrated a whole lot of love for me. I’ve been searching for answers at this point I don’t know what to do because hurting someone back doesn’t do any good. It should be done in a positive way that will benefit her in the future and those around her too.

One good thing that happend with this was the (observer)my subconscious mind showed me how terrible I acted and allowed me to gather my thoughts. Learning to have the art of not being offended will allow people to be free. It is my problem for allowing others to make me feel bad. Do any of you have any suggestions? Happiness and blessings to all of you.

Peace,
Mary

“I am a beacon of light for others around me.”

Yet she has demonstrated a whole lot of love for me. I’ve been searching for answers at this point I don’t know what to do because hurting someone back doesn’t do any good. It should be done in a positive way that will benefit her in the future and those around her too. Please if you can give me some suggestions I will put them to use. Thank you and blessings to all of you.

Peace,
Mary

Sorry I repeated the same line twice.

In response to godscreation’s post:

-I’m sure, being the person you are focused on being, you didn’t like your words being rude. -and that you’re sorry things have been tough in her world, and you always wish her well.None of us are perfect people. It’s great you apologized to her about how your points came out.-Because, you can Hate someones behavior, and still Love them.

She is not supportive of you, because she doesn’t support or care for herself. -She definitely sounds like someone that has a compulsion to act out.

You don’t have to associate with people just because you care for them. You can express you love her, and will always have special feelings for her, because you do share some good history, though at this time in your life, you need friends who demonstratively support values that are loving, kind and respectful->the way you interpret them.

Everyone needs a support system of sorts. Ask her if she has people to discuss her thoughts and feelings with. You can even tell her, you basically need space, to see if that will assist her in understanding how very important everything you’ve said to her is.

And you keep her in your prayers, and you love her.

I don’t know her, and that’s off the cuff(:

Hope it has something in there that is helpful(:

And not that this part is very important, did you know in re:to your post being repeated, you can go back and edit or delete anything you’ve posted anytime?

I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions, Sensations ,
& Feelings

Thank you Laurie for your wise advice. It is very helpful to me. It sure is good to have loving people you can turn to when we have challenges.
Thank you also for the info on editing my posts. Blessings and happiness always.

Mary

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