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discussion★Birth of a Relationship

A relationship is a birth of a new entity. It involves moving from an “I” context to a “We” context without sacrifice. This doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and patience. Clarity is needed. Both people must prepare for the experience.

A relationship cycle moves from birth through the apex of life to death and rebirth. Completion may occur through the death of one of the partners or through the agreement of partners that the relationship no longer serves their mutual growth. No relationship lasts forever. And many wonderful, important relationships last for five, ten, or twenty years.

All of us must confront the myth that being in a committed relationship means that we must be together forever. Every relationship has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The way that we end our relationships is as important as the way that we begin them. Part Three of this book deals with how we move from the “We” context back to the “I” context with gratitude to our partners for what we have learned together. It helps us to separate with love.

Relationship is the most challenging spiritual path available to us today on the planet. No other path brings up our buried doubts, fears and insecurities for healing so definitively. It takes great courage for us to see the parts of ourselves that we have trouble accepting being mirrored back to us by our partners. Yet, by making peace with our partners, we make peace within ourselves and we come to experience our own wholeness.

Relationship is not just a quest for the romantic myth of happiness. That quest is over and done with in the first year for most couples. It is much more challenging than that. It is a quest for the Holy Grail itself, for authenticity in the midst of compromise, for understanding in the midst of pain. It is a shamanic journey with all of its unexpected twists and turns along the way. Sometimes it seems that our partner is more our adversary or opponent than our companion and friend. The face we see in the mirror is always changing.

The truth is that in the most profound relationships our deepest fears come up for healing. They come up because we feel safe enough with our partner to look at the shadowy aspects of ourselves and begin to integrate them into our awareness.

Not everyone is up to the depth of this dance. Sometimes we run away from the challenges of relationship before we have learned our lessons. That’s why commitment is so important.

Committed couples stay together until they have learned all that they can teach one another. They know that they have reached this point when they can release each other with love, gratitude and respect. Anything less than this is not completion, but flight.

The spiritual principles in this book will help you and your partner hang in there through the ups and downs of your relationship so that you can learn and grow together. As long as there is growth and honesty, the relationship is healthy and is worthy of your commitment.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that it’s perfect. Even in the best relationships, doubts and fears continue to arise for both partners. However, couples on the path learn to hold those doubts and fears with compassion. They learn to be patient with and accepting of each other. That is what being in relationship teaches them.

As difficult as the journey sometimes seems, it has breathtaking moments. The hard shell around the heart begins to crack open. Where fear used to hold us back, we learn to take little steps forward. We take risks, walk through our fears. We learn to trust each other.

We experience a gentleness born of the struggle, a sweetness born of the pain. There is a twinkle in the eyes that meet beyond the gravity of desire. There is an inner knowingness of self, of other: a surrender into the heart of acceptance and love.

I love your posts Judiann! You write so honestly and with a certain insight that is so truthful.

This part is so true…
“As long as there is growth and honesty, the relationship is healthy and is worthy of your commitment.”
Lee and I try to ensure this every step of way. There is no point communicating if it is not honest and growing together makes your relationship all the more worthwhile and fulfilling.
After being in a relationship for a long time I think it is important for both partners to look back on where they have come. This is the only way to appreciate what the ‘we’ is and, if necessary, separate with “gratitude” like you said.

Which book are you reading from?

In response to melt86’s post:
In response to Judiann’s post:
I have to agree with you both about the many-faceted beauty in a healthy relationship. One reason of a few, I do all I do for myself spiritually is because I feel it brings more to what I have to my relationship. The worst that can happen is I’ll be where I need to be. The best is I’ll have that, and so much more with my trusted best friend. My spouse is one of the best things about my life; been together more than 1/2 of my life. Very important for me to be true to myself. It is important for us to walk together as 2 individuals. It is too easy to meld into one, if not careful.

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♫Frampton I love enjoying this surrender. It is always beyond my wildest imagination of completion

G’day again Melt,

You and Lee are both a prime example of acceptance and love!

I don’t read many books due to the time factor in my life, but I am writing one called “A Soul Surrender”. I’m sure many ppl will benefit from it once it is published. My guides always give me so many messages to tell ppl, so I’m just ‘passing it on’. (just the ‘messenger’ lol)

I like to keep the horizon in sight … it’s important to stay focused in what you would like to achieve in your lives together.

Thanks for your reply Melt,
With love and acceptance,
Jude xxx ooo

G’day Laurie,

Thank you for your reply … You have mentioned the many-faceted beauty in a healthy relationship. This is so true … it is important to recognize the unique and indiviual traits of the ppl you have a relationship with.
A brilliant beautiful and uniquely faceted diamond … so rare and no two the same. It is beauty to behold, love and respect. The reflections they emit are seen differently by every individual.
Love and respect the unique differences in every relationship.
With love, light and protection,
Jude xxx ooo

Right now, I’m not a big fan of the one intimate person relationship. I’ve tried it on and off for years and now I’m worn out from it all.

I’m having a rest, a well deserved sabbatical from the grind of “working it out with the BIG relationship mirror”.

I think that ALL relationships have a start, middle and end. It’s natural like the rhythm of the day and the cycle of the year. I used to think it was going to be “forever”, but that is not true, being a scientist, I can see the data and extrapolate that I don’t live forever :)


G’day there freygan,

I’m so sorry to hear that your intimate relationships have fallen short! But I am happy to hear that you’re working it out with that big relationship mirror!

Physical, intimate relationships DO have a start, middle and an end. However, a relationship of a spiritual kind becomes one with the Universe and lasts eternally. Have you read my forum post about “A Soul is a Bubble”? Being a scientist, you may find it a little more influential on your soul.

All the best for your future relationships freygan! :)

With love, light and protection,
Jude xxx ooo

I’ll go read it again. I was thinking my most rewarding relationship is the one I have with my son.


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