I Made a Change Today - And It Worked!!!

Some of you are aware of my other post about my relationship, and know I’m going through a hard time.

When I’m having trouble, one of the hardest things for me to do is let other people know that I am in pain, particularly people who I actually know in real life, friends even. If you want help, the internet is a pretty easy place – there are places just like this to come to for support if your mind and heart are open to it. But real life can be a different story.

I was taught early on by my mother and father than if there was ever anything “wrong” with me then I’d better keep it to myself, because it was too difficult for them to handle, seeing as how I was supposed to be the “perfect kid” and all :( I grew up thinking that it was burdensome for me to share what I was feeling with others, so I kept a lot inside.

But today, I decided to do something different.

I went to church, and then went downstairs for coffee hour to see my friends. I had tea and said hello, and when one came by and said “Hi! Haven’t seen you in a while? How are things? You doing okay?” I looked at him, teared up and said, “No…I’m not okay. I’m having a hard time.” He hugged me and took me over to a corner to talk. He offered some great advice for my situation, as well as a guy’s perspective. And then, when I came back around the rest of the people, who saw me start crying, they asked, and I was truthful about my situation. I didn’t go into too too much detail, but enough to really express my feelings.

No one treated me like a burden. Everyone offered their sympathy and support.

It was one of the most freeing things I’ve done for myself in a long time.

I’m so happy to know you have people to receive some personal support and comfort from. Remember, be true to yourself. Love, Jan

Wow! That was a great risk you took!! I am proud of you. As someone who grew up in a household with the same attitude, I can understand very well… except I don’t think that I’ve ever gone the steps you have. What a role model you are for me!!

In response to SweetStrongSoul’s post:
My parents had a very similar attitude when I was growing up. I never felt I could speak to either of my parents when I felt sad and as a result grew up with very little confidence in myself.

Things have changed now and I feel comfortable confiding in friends and my husband.

Its great that you have such good caring friends and that you had the courage to express your feelings.

i’m so proud of you for taking that brave step ,i always say i’m fine even when i’m falling to bits inside because i feel i shouldn’t upset others ,i did it with a c b t councellor also as i didn’t want to moan .You opened up in the best place and i’m really pleased your freinds were so kind .I think you are going to grow so much on this site and its lovely getting to know you ,love flowergirl

Opening up to friends is pretty hard sometimes; especially if you come from a tradition of stoicism. But once you make that leap, as you have done, SweetStrongSoul, it is incredible. It makes you wonder why you never did it before. Like many people here in this forum, I was raised in a similar way. It caused a lot of problems and unnecessary pain. What I’ve learned from being open and sharing myself is that it comes down to one thing: BEING HONEST. Honest with yourself and honest with others. There is no other way.