The following is an excerpt from Get Off Your “But”
by Sean Stephenson.
Words hold the power to destroy, but they also hold the power to create. This is because words do more than define our experiences.
In many cases they actually create them.
Help me finish the following phrase: “If you can’t say something nice…”
That’s right: “don’t say anything at all.” Most of us only think of that phrase in terms of how we talk to others. But what about how we talk to ourselves? If we say something nice to ourselves, it can be wonderful, encouraging, uplifting. And if we say something negative or critical or depressing to ourselves, it can be absolutely devastating.
What about that little voice that lives inside all of us? You know what I’m talking about. Listen. I bet you can hear it right now: “What voice? I don’t have a little voice. This Sean guy is crazy. I ate too much and feel bloated. I’m tired. That girl over there doesn’t like me. Did I leave the stove on?
Yeah, that voice. It’s constantly talking to us. During the day it chatters in the background, making us feel insecure or sad, and at night it narrates our dreams and nightmares and keeps us awake with worry. That voice is not something we need to be afraid of; it’s something we need to take control of. Think of the voice as a two-year-old child. What would happen if a two-year-old reached out of her highchair for more dessert and you ignored her? Maybe she would scream and cry until you at least paid attention to her. Sadly, this is what happens to our internal voice. I have found that most people never deal with their inner voice until it gets too loud and starts acting disrespectful.
To escape this internal turmoil, we often numb ourselves into oblivion by overeating, watching too much TV, having impersonal sex, drinking too much alcohol, using drugs… the list goes on. For some people, the inner voice gets so hurtful that they believe that the only way they can shut it off is by taking their own life. This is not the outcome I want for you or anyone else in the world.
Like good parents of demanding two-year-olds, we need to take control and start parenting our inner voice. Would you talk to your child or best friend the way you sometimes talk to yourself? I didn’t think so.
If we catch ourselves saying mean things to ourselves – “You’re too fat! No one will ever love you! You can’t do anything right!” – we have to intervene and say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m just a little [tired, scared, overwhelmed] right now.” Apologizing to ourselves is a foreign concept, but it’s necessary.
We must respect ourselves. Practice talking to yourself the way you would talk to a best friend, a mentor, or someone you really look up to. Trust me, life will place plenty of obstacles in your path.
You can’t afford to be one of them yourself.