I am so grateful you all for your kindness and encouragement ,i hope you dont mind me asking for help .I always thought burnout was something people in high power stressful jobs experienced but a comment i read the other day really struck me -
“burnout is less a sign of failure and more that you gave yourself away “
I was in tears as that is so true .As i looked back over the last 30 years i can see how i lost bits of myself along the way ,ihope this doesn’t sound like a poor me post butyou folks are so positive ,caring and gratefull and are role models i feel honoured to call freinds
I got married at 21 to a man who turned out to be very abusive ,emotionally and mentally and during a 9 year marriage he convinced me i was ugly,useless ,fat – 5feet 7 inches and a size 10- 12 uk .When we split up he told me he only became a foster parent as it would stop me going out to work – i used to work in a hospital for children who were very physically and mentally handicapped and loved my job .So we fostered 15 babies over time ,all so in need of loveing care ,they were from homes of drug takers ,violent parents ,prostitutes etc and were emotionally exhausting to care for but i did love it .
We dvorced and after a while i met my kids dad ,he was so different with me but had no patience with the kids and was a bully they became scaredof him so i was with them all the time ,we split up andi have been a single mum ever since -12 years .My kids are great and have had some tough times with school bullies etc but have never given me any trouble .My daughter has battled for 5 years with anorexia ,depression ,self harming and at one time suicidal thoughts and was in a unit for 5 months where i visited every day – 4 hours train travel .Thankfully she is now into recovery and trying so hard to beat this awfull illness .I have ulcerative colitis ,sciatica,arthritis,scoliosis and high blood pressure and feel totally exhausted most of the time .I have battled depression and a feeling of being very close to having a total breakdown and my idea of heaven at the moment would be a week away ,on my own near a beach or out in the countryside where i can sleep,walk ,cry without worrying anyone ,read or just sit peacefully .My mum died 2 years ago and my kids dad died 4 years ago and it feels as though my shoulders are getting to week to cope .I do try to be positive and when im on here or talking to someone im o k but then when it comes to actually doing things i retreat into this switched off ,cant think straight ,no motivation muddled person , i was wondering if i was developing something like altziemers but i think looking back its the stress i am carrying deep inside like a giant ball of cement .M y g p would just provide more pills ,can anyone help with any advice please and im sorry to be so negative .I feel theres a wonderfull new direction in life for me but i havent the energy to get started .Thanks for reading this long post ,love flowergirl
You are not negative…and you are not feeling sorry for yourself. You are on an even greater road to self care..by expressing and sharing your awareness. Off to work right now..but I’m sure we will all be able to share well here for you(: Just know you are better better all of the time..And the best is yet to come(:
BE YOU
In response to flowergirl’s post:
Dear dear beautiful flowergirl. What you have done is give so much of yourself. You are only human and tirelessly you have worked so hard to help others get on their feet to a happy life. Don’t feel guilty or feel like a loser. You definitely need time for yourself. Their may be some forms of getting some help. I will write you personally. You are a loving soul in need of love yourself.
Blessings to you always,
Mary
In response to Godscreation’s post:
In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:
thank you both so much ,your posts feel like a hug saying “ you will be o k “ and it means so much to me ,love and hugs flowergirl
In response to flowergirl’s post:
Strongly recommend this newsletter and free audio
You won’t regret her audio! Hope you get sound very soon.
BE YOU
hi Laurie ,thanks i signed up for it ,sadly cant hear audio but looks a lovely site ,will look out for newsletter,love flowergirl