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★A lttle humor from down under

Enjoy (:

A little humour from down under!

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

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> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). > A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. __________________________________________________ > Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

> A:Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
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> Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden) > A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water. __________________________________________________ > Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

> A: What did your last slave die of?
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> Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

> A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-l-ia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
… Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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> Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA ) > A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions. _________________________________________________ > Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK ) > A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do… __________________________________________________ > Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA ) > A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is… Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. __________________________________________________ > Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK ) > A: You are a British politician, right? __________________________________________________ > Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal. __________________________________________________

> Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. __________________________________________________

> Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA< /FONT> ) > A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. __________________________________________________ > Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)

> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. _________________________ _________________________

> Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France ) > A: Only at Christmas. __________________________________________________ > Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) > A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it.

Funny
Offensive maybe, but definitely funny!

In response to BKW’s post:

Please forgive me didn’t mean to offend anyone.

It’s all in good fun. If we (American’s) can’t laugh at ourselves, we shouldn’t be laughing at others.

I think that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time and the best part is the people who asked the questions are really wanting to know the answers. That could be very sad if it wasn’t so funny. These are the things that Jeff Foxworthy has made millions with. Stupid people should have to wear a sign saying that they are stupid, would save a lot of time when talking to them. Hee Hee.

Attitude Life Coach, helping others to see the Power of a Positive Attitude with Affirmations and Gratitudes, Learn to be The Creator of Your Life.

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