★I'm Impressionable

I’ve just finished reading Sue’s post on energy seekers and it got me thinking about all sorts of things. Specifically the people I hang around and if they are ‘givers’ or ‘receivers’ of energy, and more importantly, what am I?

I got a little side tracked though and started thinking about all sorts of things but the biggest epiphany I came to was the conclusion that I’m damn impressionable.

I know that is not a trait that most people would admit too, but I think that it’s the thing that separates me from other impressionable people. See, the thing is that I KNOW I’m impressionable and so I intentionally hang around people whom I don’t mind ‘impressing’ upon me.

The problem arises when there’s people that I want to be impressed by, because I know that they will serve me well for life and then there’s the people that I want to be impressed by because I really enjoy their company and I like their interesting lifestyle.

There’s a couple of things about this. The first is that I’m fairly sure that it all comes down to ego… I KNOW what’s good for me, but the thing is that I need a really cool group of people around me to support that, but the thing is, the kind of people I like aren’t really at that level yet… (I know that sounds arrogant, but stay with me…)

I guess I could reframe this, and think that perhaps I’m cutting or leading edge and if I continue doing what I do then I’ll eventually be seen to be ‘cool’ (as far as I see ‘cool’ anyway) but the thing with that is that I KNOW I’m progressing, and by the time everyone else gets to a point where I am now, I’ll be somewhere else which is yet again not ‘cool’.

Note that when I say cool, I mean what I consider cool, so basically, I don’t consider myself cool. This is partially a limiting belief and partially my peer group, as in I don’t know a group of people that I can identify with. I think that my best mate and I are very much FORGING our own path, we are very different than everyone else.

On the one hand this is fantastic, but on the other hand (ie, my EGO’s hand) this is incredibly disappointing and weak because I am not able to do my own thing and just KNOW that it’s the right thing to do.

The thing is that I DO know that what I’m doing is the right thing to do. The problem is that society doesn’t think that way and this continues to have a negative effect on me because I’m so f——-g driven by ego. I’m SO F——-G HELD BACK BY THIS.

There’s two ways I can get around this, the first and most difficult is to let go of ego. The second is to find a peer group that I can totally identify with. The funny and almost ironic thing is that whilst the first one is MORE EFFORT because letting go of ego is F——-G HUGE it is actually more likely because I’m such a f——-g strange person that finding a peer group I can truly identify with is basically just not fucking going to happen and I feel that in the end, I’m probably the only person that won’t let ME down.

Also, for some strange reason I’m wondering if this is related to addiction to struggle. I haven’t mentioned it specifically but it’s a recurring theme that keeps on popping into my head as I write down this stream of consciousness. How is this dilemma addiction to struggle? Is it that this is just another problem I’ve invented because I need something else to ponder, is it something else or is it entirely unrelated?

I don’t know. Right now I’m just f——-g invigorated thanks to spending a night with the kind of people I admire most but I’m f——-g exhausted because I was fighting it all along KNOWING that these people are probably not going to serve me well in the long run.

I know I’m being very vague here but the details seem to be irrelevant. This is all about decisions and doing the right thing. I’m pretty sure I’m on the right path here, but it’s so hard to stay focused when you’re being pulled every which way. It’s especially hard when some of these distractions are so much damn fun, even though you KNOW they’re not that good for you.

I’m not 100% sure on how much I should elaborate on that but let me just be clear that I’m not implying anything here. Much like Sue’s Post this rant is basically about people and those that are good for you and how hard they are to find, and those that aren’t because they’re on a VERY different path but are so much fun to spend time with.

lol, I should have posted this to my (as yet) empty blog and password protected it haha. I’m am interested to hear people’s thoughts on it but understand that it’s probably difficult to say too much given how vague the post is :)

Wow Morgan, what a rant! The thing is – being impressionable is widespread – it’s commonly recognised that people you hang around influence you. It happens to everyone. That’s why you can be “guilty by association”.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting old (and grumpy!) or what, but I am tending towards having the group of peers who support me. My feelings and thoughts around this are “My time/energy is valuable, I just want to have the most supportive, nurturing friends and the best time whenever, wherever I am.” People who don’t support me, I allow them to continue in their lives, without me :)

As for the having fun with distractions – do you recognise these as addictions? I’m not sure about this? For my own personal addictions, I know that my thoughts are not always my friends. Like when I quit smoking. I had very persistent thoughts that said “One won’t hurt” “Just ONE!!!!” “It’s not that bad for you” etc etc. When I KNOW these are lies. Knowing is half the battle. The best thing to do is NOT to ignore these lies, but to replace them with positive affirmations. Nature abhors a vacuum, the mind has to latch onto something.

I have other thoughts too… but later :)

Morgan,
Letting go of ego is a heavy concept. I’d like to think that I am fairly conscious of when my ego is talking or being lead into a situation which hopefully enables me to think about the consequences a bit more thoroughly.

Could you say more about letting go of ego?

Morgan, I am butting in here with my thoughts. Letting go of ego is probably the hardest thing we have to do. You say you are impressionable, at least you know this and I think that’s halfway to dealing with with it or any other discovery we make about ourselves, so many people are unaware of any aspect of themselves and continue to look outside for answers. I believe that if you know you are doing the right thing and feel okay about it, then what other people think and say is none of your business, (someone told me that)and it is so true. No matter what you do or say someone will have an opinion about it, so best to be true to yourself. Our ego based thinking means we are all attached to pleasing others. Not sure now what this has to do with what you were talking about but obviously I feel a need to say it so bear with me!! lol. I, like freygan, try to be with like minded people who support my beliefs and let others just live theire lives without me, but that’s not always possible, living your truth in suburbia with all the elements of distraction is very difficult. The people that aren’t at what you call your level, will disappear from your life over time as you progress with your thinking and beliefs. This is what happened to me, I used to have a lot of people in my life and over the years many of them have disappeared for many reasons, mainly because I outgrew them and moved on, while they didn’t and the things they talked about or believed in didn’t suit me. There is no judgement here nor do I think I am better than them, just different. I have had people say to me, “how come you are always so calm about everything and you don’t get angry”. (Of course I do get angry but I only allow myself 30 secs.) How can I explain that to people. It’s an inner thing and most people don’t get it. This is why I love this site, everyone on here understands. If you want to read a good book about many things, including letting go of the ego. Read “The Power of Now” by Eckhardt Tolle. I read it constantly. Well amongst all those words I hope there is something useful, if not then I have got stuff of my chest anyway. Blessings

I totally agree with you, Mara… Seth teaches the same thing… without the ego we would lose our ‘guidance system’ so to speak. It serves a purpose. We need to find the balance between mind/logic and ego/emotions. Like you said, “the trick is knowing when and how to use it to our benefit, and not let it run us!” :)