Articles On This Subject:
6 tips to help you feel more confident and in control of your life as a teen
Itmay sound a little cheesy, but feeling good about who you are — that is, having a healthy amount of self-esteem and self-confidence — is one of those things that will help make your life happier and more successful. Having confidence in yourself and your abilities goes a long way whether you’re facing a tough decision, adapting to a new situation or standing up against peer pressure. Here are some tips on how to build your self-esteem.
1. Take a deep breath.
Staying relaxed and being laid-back in general can help you see the bigger picture and not sweat the small stuff so much. It’s also a good frame of mind to be in when you’re taking a close look at the things you’re not so good at.
2. Take inventory of your strengths.
Everybody’s good at something, and many people are good at quite a few things. Even if you don’t have a talent or strength that you’re aware of, you probably have some interests you can develop into strengths.
Make a list of a few things you’re good at and a few things you’re interested in and would like to be better at. Share this list with your parents, an aunt or uncle, or a teacher you like and trust. They can probably help you find other things you’re good at, too, and help you come up with a plan for developing other skills and interests.
3. Realize your limits.
Nobody’s perfect — not even close. It may not always seem this way, but it’s true. So if you weren’t born a good singer, a super athlete or an “A” student, that’s OK. You have a personality and a perspective on the world that’s all your own and completely valuable — even if you suck at basketball, have a big nose or look terrible in leggings. 4. Stop putting yourself down. Now!
One of the biggest things that keeps people from achieving their goals — and feeling good about themselves — is negative self-talk. In other words, telling yourself that you’re a loser or a failure puts a big damper on your ability to get what you want and be who you want.
If you don’t do well at a particular project or task, it doesn’t mean that you never will. Perhaps you weren’t prepared or the time simply wasn’t right. It doesn’t mean that you’re a lousy human being or that you’ll never succeed. It’s OK to be upset for a bit when things don’t go your way, but after a little while, let it go and move on. You’ll be that much closer to achieving what you want if you do.
5. Celebrate progress and small victories.
Did you pass your driver’s test or give a killer speech despite feeling nervous? Give credit where credit’s due: You did it, and you rule! And guess what? You can tackle bigger, harder projects, too.6. Pat yourself on the back every day.
Find a few small things that you did well each day. Whether it’s waking up on time, smiling at the dorky hall monitor or sending a card to your grandmother, a lot of good can be accomplished in one day — and it’s something to take pride in.
Self-confidence is freedom from doubt, faith in yourself and in your abilities, self esteem, and the inner conviction that you can go through any task or action. It is the mark of inner strength.
Developing self confidence is a must, if you wish to succeed in life. You can develop self confidence by developing concentration power, willpower and self discipline. You can also develop it by doing small things in your day-to-day life that strengthen it, such as making a small decision about any matter and following it, overcoming laziness, or trying to talk with someone that you feel a little shy of facing.
Self confidence is affected by how you think and believe people see you. The matter is that you are not inside their heads, so you don’t really know what they are thinking of you. If you have low self-esteem, you would probably believe and feel that they don’t have a high opinion of you, which will of course undermine your self confidence.
You see, it is all in your mind, so why not believe and expect people to like and respect you? This will strengthen your self confidence. If you feel and visualize yourself as lacking self confidence you will behave accordingly, and people would treat you accordingly. If you see yourself in your mind’s eye as strong and assertive, you would broadcast this attitude to the people you meet, who would sense your inner strength and treat you accordingly.
Suggestions for developing self confidence:
Wear clothes that you feel comfortable with.
Keep your back straight.
Speak up.
Work up, walk, or engage yourself in any kind of sport.
Become an expert in something you like.
Never procrastinate.
Don’t be shy to compliment people.
Focus on what you are doing.
Self esteem, inner strength and self confidence are interrelated, by developing one of them you strengthen and develop the others.
Healthy self-esteem means thinking as highly of yourself as you think of your friends and peers. We are so used to negative feedback that we are more aware of our weaknesses than our strengths. We are often taught we will “fail,” so it is often hard to enjoy success, no matter how small each “success” might be.
What is Self-Esteem?
According to Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D., a noted author and expert on the subject, “Self-esteem is the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness.”
Why is High Self-Esteem Necessary?
As Branden notes, “Positive self-esteem is the immune system of the spirit, helping an individual face life problems and bounce back from adversity.” So high self-esteem is crucial during the turbulence of your teenage years.
How Can A Teen Build Self-Esteem?
The process is simple, but putting it to work is difficult. Self-esteem is built upon the experience of success. Think of it as a circular process. When people experience success, they grow in self-confidence. As self-confidence grows, they feel empowered to face new challenges. As they succeed in confronting each challenge, they develop the capacity to cope with whatever life throws their way. That feeling leads to further growth of self-confidence, self-reliance and self-esteem.
To Maintain Healthy Self-Esteem:
Celebrate your strengths and achievements.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
Don’t dwell on your weaknesses; every human has them.
Change the way you talk to yourself—stop putting yourself down!
Be sure that you are not judging yourself against unreasonable standards.
Berating yourself for your weaknesses is self-defeating. Use that energy for positive thoughts about you.
People With High Self-Esteem Are:.
Able to accept and learn from their own mistakes.
Confident without being obnoxious or conceited.
Not devastated by criticism.
Not overly defensive when questioned.
Not easily defeated by setbacks and obstacles.
Unlikely to feel a need to put others down.
Open and assertive in communicating their needs.
Not overly worried about failing or looking foolish.
Not harshly or destructively critical of themselves.
Not aggressively driven to prove themselves.
Able to laugh at themselves, not taking themselves too seriously.
Why Do You Think You Have So Few Strengths Worth Celebrating?
Because everyone has always pointed out your shortcomings?
Because you rarely get any positive feedback for a job well done?
Because the things you do well are so familiar to you that you take them for granted?
Because you have learned to focus only on your mistakes?
When You Make A Mistake, Do You Say…
“What an idiot! How can you be so stupid?”
“Can’t you get anything right? What a loser!”
“There you go again! You’re not really up to it, are you?”
Who else has talked to you this way in the past? Why are you still listening To them?
You can’t change your past, but you can change the way you talk to yourself today. Start by making a LONG list of all the good things you have ever done. Catch yourself saying nasty things to yourself, then STOP. Recite your list of achievements to yourself. Convince yourself to be proud of what you have done and what you are working on doing; on anything you have done for another person; on any improvement in your school work; or on how well you manage your time, your money, your friends or your schedule..
The six happiness tools in this guide include: practicing appreciation; making choices; building personal power; leading with your strengths; employing constructive language; and living multidimensionally.
Our self esteem is instilled in us during our youth. Being constantly criticized by family, friends, and society tends to slowly strip us of our feelings of self worth. Our low self esteem strips us of our self confidence to make even the smallest of decisions. We think little of ourselves, and feel we do not deserve to be happy. Improving your self esteem increases your confidence and is a first step towards finding happiness and a better life. You gain this confidence by believing that you are unique, you are special, and that you deserve to have your dreams come true!
edit Steps1 Start with the small things. Take small steps and make small choices to gain confidence in your ability to make a decision. As you become secure in your ability to make good choices, you will gain confidence in yourself, and be more secure about your abilities in general.
For example, if purchasing jeans makes you nervous because of having to decide on brands, colors, and styles, then just take the plunge. This is a minor decision that can always be rectified by exchanging the jeans if you really feel you made a wrong decision. However, try to stick to your original choice.
Buy a shirt next, to go with the jeans. Take your time trying on different styles and colors. When you feel a bit of excitement inside of you, you will know you are making a good decision, so buy it. It is that inner feeling that will help you build up your feeling of self worth. You will begin to think, ‘If I can do this well, I can do other things!’ Your confidence grows, and so does your self esteem. Confidence and self worth go hand in hand.
Wear your jeans and shirt the next time you go to meet friends. Show off your outfit. You will know by the compliments you get that you did indeed make a good decision. Smile and be proud of yourself because you took the first step of many in gaining confidence in yourself via your ability to make decisions. The new found confidence comes from your willingness to assert yourself and make a simple decision.
2Don’t always try to please others. It is considerate to care about others’ feelings but your needs are important also. Do not try to be like someone else either. You will be at your best when you are being yourself because of your uniqueness. Strive to be your best, do not criticize yourself if you fall short of your expectations.3Avoid negative people. People who have a negative attitude which may rub off on you are not good for you. If you’re timid, loud and aggressive people are probably not good for you, and vice versa. Whatever you do, do not compare yourself to others. Just be the best that you can be.4Face your fears and learn from your failures. We only fail when we do not make the best out of adversity. When something doesn’t go the way we would like it to, there is something to be learned from that, which can be applied next time you are in a similar situation. Get up and try again.5Stop the negative thoughts. Try positive thinking on for size. The term “self-fulfilling prophecy” in relation to self-esteem basically states that whatever you believe about you, whether it be perfect or totally off base, becomes true. If you constantly tell yourself you are stupid or that you will never achieve success, you will in turn act as such. So, make a habit out of saying positive things about yourself and use the self-fulfilling prophecy to your advantage. Look in a mirror and see the good things such as if you have big brown eyes say “Wow I have big cute brown eyes!” or “My freckles are so cute!“6Improve your self confidence. You can do this by simply doing things that you make you feel good, like accomplishing something. Accomplishment is the key ingredient to gaining self confidence. Just do it, don’t worry about making mistakes. We all make mistakes.7Do something to impress yourself. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or vet’s office. Be a Big Brother or Sister. Help someone else. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than seeing how your help can make someone else’s load a little lighter. Take a class, study hard, and pass – learn something useful or interesting. It could be photography, oil painting, a literature appreciation class, or beginning guitar. Do a daring feat: bungee jump off a bridge, skydive, go hang gliding (all with a guide, of course). Accomplishment raises self-esteem by raising self confidence.8Don’t worry about being “perfect.” Aiming for perfection in life is a lost cause because it is different things to different people. Nobody is perfect in the eyes of everyone else, so by trying to be perfect you may just be setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. Instead, seek to achieve goals. For example, take a class in the visual arts. The visual arts allow you to explore yourself and find “perfection” in “imperfections”. This self exploration, artistic knowledge, and the accomplishment of finishing the class can do wonders for your self-esteem.9Learn to appreciate yourself. Everyone has strengths, weaknesses, habits, and principles that define who you are and can make you distinctive. Spend more time focusing on the qualities about yourself that you like and less on the ones that you dislike. You can better accomplish this by taking up hobbies and projects that you can do that will make use of your strengths. Additionally, by starting on some projects that emphasize your good traits, it will keep you busy so you will end up spending less time thinking about your weaknesses.10Reward yourself when you succeed. Bask in the glow of your successes. You deserve to have your dreams, and you can make them come true. Believe in yourself completely, and others will also believe and trust in you. When you accomplish something always treat yourself to something wonderful.
A good trick to starting to build self-confidence is to pick something about yourself that you do like (EVERYONE has as least one aspect about them that they like) and create a phrase: “I’m (aspect) and I’m awesome!” Then pick something that you want to improve: “I’m going to ________ and life will rock even more because ______!” Pick a time to repeat this mantra, like every time you brush your teeth or rub your eyes. Examples: “I’m a good artist! I’m going to be less shy and life will rock even more because more people will see my art!” “I’m bisexual! I’m going to be open about it and life will rock even more because people will know me better!”
Don’t feel like you are not good enough because you have been created the way that you should be, and that is what makes you individual.
Your inner strength will enable you to reach your goals in life. If you fall down, pick yourself up and try again.
As your self confidence builds, you will feel better about yourself, and your self esteem will grow from the inside out.
Not all decisions may turn out to be right ones. Just keep in mind that right or wrong, you are the one who makes the decisions in your life. Because you are responsible for your choices, you have the power to change your situation. Do not let your confidence disappear because you made one wrong choice. Do not let the feeling of self worth that you have built up crumble and fall. There are other choices to be made; believe you can make them, and you will! Remember that most people will tell you that they would rather regret things they did do than things they didn’t do. Be bold! And comfort yourself, if something doesn’t quite work as well as hoped, that at least you tried something.
Choices are made by individuals and their ability look deeply into themselves and say ‘I can do that’ or ‘I would like that’.
Decisions will not be only about what to buy or wear. We have to make decisions all of our lives about many details, circumstances, and people. It can be where to live, what type of person to marry, a choice of a job or career, where to go to school, or whether or not to go on to College. It could be if you move to another State, or to another country.
Every day look at yourself in the mirror. Try to find something to admire about yourself, and try to say some positive things about yourself and your accomplishments and achievements.
Make sure your self talk is positive at all times. Tell yourself how great you are, or how good you look today, anything positive about yourself to help you feel confident. Make being positive your natural state of being.
Visualize yourself being surrounded by people, who are patting you on the back or shaking your hand, or standing clapping you. Visualization is a very powerful tool to use.
The most important thing of all is that you have to believe in yourself. If you believe you can, then you will be able to.
Once you convince your subconscious the way you want to be, you will find that you will start to become far more confident and life will be the way you want it.
Be assertive. Boosting your self-esteem is all about getting what you need/want. So do things for your own sake. Remember, you must help yourself first before you can help others. You can’t lose or give away what you don’t have so be selfish and when you come to a higher level to yourself you can start helping others with lower self-esteem. And at the end only you will recollect what you have done and define who you are and what you’re about.
Listen to a song that suits your mood. There is a song for almost everything! When you jam to a favorite tune that you can relate to, it gives you confidence.
edit WarningsSome decisions will involve another person, a medical decision, or where to live if you marry. Therefore, some decisions may have to be made jointly. You might have to compromise, but once your self confidence becomes something that you can rely upon, that inner feeling of self worth will guide you through tough joint decisions.
The opposite feeling of self-esteem is anxiety. But don’t immediately dismiss this feeling. Feeling anxious is not a good nor a bad feeling. It’s just a mechanism of yourself of telling you that there’s something wrong and you need to act upon it. Anxiety is the fuel to responding to what is wrong and thus developing self esteem.
Be careful not to overdo your esteem-building, as it could lead to conceit and arrogance if not done in moderation.
Everyone goes through the phases of feeling low or high i.e. low or high self esteem. This happens especially; if you judge yourself by your successes or failures (as others do). If you learn to estimate yourself by the nature of actions (e.g. their benefit to the society), then you are likely to develop high self esteem (respect yourself) without any disrespect or bitterness about others. .