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★I'm Glad Life Isn't About Quick Fixes

I’m so grateful life offers me a chance to work on myself.

Joy is not always about the perfect outcome, as it is the challenge and the opportunity to be the best you can be. No this isn’t an ad to join the army..lol

In all seriousness, there are endless configurations of what we can think about..There are various understandings to investigate and challenge ourselves with.

I’d like this thread to be (another) open forum to discuss & question things and respond to what we ‘get’ right now..about living life on life’s terms, moving forward and acceptance.

I just posted the following (item I found online) on another thread, about the beauty/joy in continued growth with wherever each person is..in their life:

When I am feeling..Judgmental. I have an opportunity to become more… Accepting & compassionate When I am feeling Confused I have an opportunity to become more… Educated, enlightened, informed When I am feeling..Critical I have an opportunity to become more… Compassionate When I am feeling.. Needy, Weak, Dependent I have an opportunity to become more… Strong, Confident, Independent When I am feeling Pessimistic I have an opportunity to become more… Optimistic When I am feeling.. Self-blaming I have an opportunity to become more… Self-accepting, self-compassionate When I am feeling..self-destructive Insecure I have an opportunity to become more… Self-secure

Looking forward to this thread discussing your understanding/views on the leg-work in life. I’m interested in hearing your discipline(s), your thoughts, feelings…
Thanks in advance for a thread I’m believing is going to be one many will share important things..

I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions, Sensations ,
& Feelings

This is a really important one for me at the moment.
Have lots to share, but gotta go for now – but I will be back with my news on doing the leg-work and seeing the results!!
Marvellous manifestations are now taking shape since I joined this thread….

I’ll be back.
Have a great weekend everyone… x

A full and thankful heart..

“There will come a time when you believe everything
is finished. That will be the beginning.”
— Louis L’Amour: Was an American writer

I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions, Sensations ,
& Feelings

Dogen wrote something called Instructions for the Tenzo. A Tenzo is the head cook in a Zen Monastery. Part of it reads:

“If you only have wild grasses with which to make a broth, do not disdain them. If you have ingredients for a creamy soup do not be delighted. Where there is no attachment, there can be no aversion. Do not be careless with poor ingredients and do not depend on fine ingredients to do your work for you but work with everything with the same sincerity.”

Sometimes you will only have wild grasses. Sometimes you’ll have ingredients for a creamy soup. Either way, the Tenzo needs to feed the monks. Either way, he needs to make a meal out of it.

We have grown up with all kinds of quick fixes available to us. Most of these aren’t fixes, but merely distractions. The problem is that we can remain distracted almost indefinitely, at least until we get really sick, or die. But being distracted isn’t living your life. Being distracted isn’t true happiness.

Why do we feel the need to look the other way when things don’t go as planned? Why can’t we sit amongst this life we’ve helped create and appreciate it for what it is. Why do we always need to be adding something, or taking something away? Do you want to live your life, or do you want to live a lie?

Quick fixes are looking the other way. To really live your life, you have to be involved. You have to relate to it, even if things aren’t going to plan. You can’t do the leg work until you relate to it and know where to start. Until you relate to it, and get involved in your life, you’ll never get anywhere.

“How easy it is in our life, to miss what’s being offered.” — Paul Haller

Being a careful observer and seeking to understand each lesson sent to us in the form of various life events and circumstances helps boost a feeling of spiritual connection. Being mindful rather than acting like a pinball constantly reacting by impulse is comforting and freeing. How do we decide on a balance between control and responsibility: between our ego and the universal will? Isn’t it the strength of our faith and the consistency of our focus which allows us to share in the vast abundance of the universe? Ramblin’ Jan

In response to jancydat’s post:
Hello Jan,
I like your wording of spiritual connection,and your analogy of the pinball.

I like your statements about the balancing act between:
control and responsibility, & ego and the “universal will”
And so agree about the strength of our faith, and the consistency of real focus and the rewards they bring.

Nicely said.

I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions, Sensations ,
& Feelings

In response to Lee Nutter’s post:
Hello Lee(:

I’m hoping I hear more from you. I’d love for you to elaborate on connecting versus attachment.

When you refer to a lack of attachment, do you mean not needing to have/ not a must to have?

In regard to connection to something, are you saying most people are blindly making choices, and/or their motives are not their own?

In regard to adding or taking away things to appreciate:

If we appreciate, and we have found ways to appreciate more (tailor things to something we like more), is that losing appreciation from any part of it’s original form..necessarily?

I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions, Sensations ,
& Feelings

In response to Laurie Is Having Another Great Day~‘s post:
Life is not about quick fixes….so so true.

Since I joined bmindful I have gradually experienced the benefits of affirmations coming into fruition in my daily life.
There are two ways that it has worked for me.
Firstly, the daily affirmations keep the present focussed on the positive and therefore attracting more of the same from my daily interactions with people around me. Instant daily goodness such as using your blue mirror.
And secondly, the long term effects, which are the goal seeking affirmations and the stuff that manifests in life due to persistence, working the dreams, using affirmations consistently, eft, visualisations, vision boards etc This is where the leg-work really counts and what you put in is what you get out.
They work hand in hand…
The daily stuff keeps you on the right track for the big goal seeking stuff and when you work at it, it works for you…..

I am living proof – believe me. When I started coming to this site I was bummed out by a job that ‘didnt require my education etc’ (see my rather negative profile at the beginning)…My ego was getting ahead of myself thinking I was ‘too good’ for this job. When I started having gratitude for it, and using my education and skills to do the best job I could do rather than belittling the job, and furthermore applying a positive attitude to every task (one of my affirmations) I began to love my job and be respected for my abilities and skills etc etc

It gets better still…..

Since I ditched the attitude problem and the ego, replacing it with humility, grace and positivity to do the job well, my financial worries were no longer ‘worries’. I was grateful for what I earned and affirmed that I was drawing opportunties towards me and guess what….?
Last week I had a salary increase and bonus for my extra input and was given recognition for my ability to increase my role.

Thankyou bmindful! Trust me, if you put in the leg work, change your mindset and persist – ANYTHING is possible!

A full and thankful heart..

Laurie, attachment is clinging, usually to your ideas. Ideas about life, about people, about objects, situations and circumstances.

I’ve had people say to me that the Buddhist concept of ‘non-attachment’ is the reason they couldn’t get into Buddhist practice. How could you not be ‘attached’ to your loved ones? How could you practicing ‘non-attachment’ do anything but keep people at a distance?

The truth is that it’s your attachment to your ideas that keep people at a distance. It’s your attachment to your ideas about things that keeps you apart from things as it is. (Suzuki Roshi is famous for saying this – things as it is) It’s your ideas that prevent you from being intimate with things, people, circumstances.

Robert Aitken Roshi talks about validating shadows. (He’s quoting someone, but I forget who) When you get caught up in your ideas about something, you are validating shadows. Your ideas and the actual person / object / circumstances are totally separate. When you approach a circumstance with preconceived ideas about how things should be, how you’d like them to be, what kind of person he or she is, how much you like or dislike them, you distance yourself from what is actually going on.

To really be intimate with someone you need to let them be themselves, and you need to appreciate them for who they are. Not who you think they are. To be really intimate with a situation or circumstance you have to enter it without expectations, with a beginners mind. As the situation unfolds you need to be completely present and not get caught up in your ideas about what could be added or taken away to make things better.

Of course this is really hard. We all have an idea about how things should be. Because of attachment it’s incredibly hard to let go of your ideals. But you practice letting go of your discursive thinking and returning to the present moment again and again and again.

“How easy it is in our life, to miss what’s being offered.” — Paul Haller

Self less

Want less
Appreciate more
Judge less
Love more

See control
is an illusion

Janonymous

In response to Lee Nutter’s post:
It sounds like the healthy thing “we” gravitate toward. Though, in Buddism, how is one sure that the ideas are not preconceived? What are some good methods for this “fresh eyes” approach to be “there” and maintain this goal/stance?

I do my best with this with my own relationship. The more I start over each day, I see even more reasons to enjoy my husband in my life (for a relationship and/ for just enjoying his growth as a person).

An example of allowing someone to be who they are does come to mind..

There is someone I know that repeatedly has shown behaviors that aren’t my favorite(:
Though with “a fresh eyes approach”, I can love him for who he is, and just dislike his behaviors. This is how I see “detachment”.

Like “everything”, I see the possible practice of being “completely” detached of preconceived ideas about people, places and things would require balance.

Because (for now) it is my “belief” that some preconceived ideas actually keep you safe, allow you to feel more joy and direct you well.

Though while all of this may be 1 big illusion, so far some of this I’m referring to feels like hindsight understanding that “works”.

What’s your view?

I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions, Sensations ,
& Feelings

All ideas you have about a situation before coming into it are inevitably preconceived :) Anything you come up with during an interaction are ‘validating shadows’ and preventing you from being intimate with it.

The only way to not to ‘validate shadows’ is to practice being present. The most efficient way to practice doing this is meditation, especially Zazen style meditation.

Getting started is really easy. Sit down, relax and let your vision blur. Then, simply count your breath from one to ten. Every time you get interrupted by thought, gently bring your focus back onto your breath and start the count again. If you happen to get to ten (frighteningly unlikely at first!) then simply start again at one. Start off with ten or fifteen minute sessions.

Robert Aitken Roshi says that ‘Zazen itself teaches zazen’. That’s not to say you don’t need a teacher, it just means that you can’t learn zazen without doing zazen, and the more you practice, the better you get at it, although that’s not your goal. Any idea’s you have about gaining a particular way of being, or a particular state of mind are self defeating, if you’re lost in thought, you’re not doing zazen :)

Intertwined with being present is accepting things as it is. Being accepting is much easier when you don’t have stories running through your head about how things should be, or why they are the way they are. As feelings or emotions come up, don’t ignore them or block them out. Acknowledge and really feel them, but don’t tell yourself stories about them. Just be with them, even if they are unpleasant. Give them space to express themselves, they’ve probably been repressed for a long time :)

As for preconceived ideas keeping you safe, it’s unlikely :) If you mean from emotional pain, this is untrue. It’s true that you can be hurt by people, but the majority of the hurt comes from the stories you’ve told yourself about this person, and how they should be. Basically, what hurts is the difference between your ideals and reality. If you don’t have a (usually) unrealistic ideal for a person to live up to, they can’t ‘let you down’. If a person has legitimately hurt you, you only have to deal with the hurt and not the thousands of stories people tend to build up around the pain (in what usually seems to be a way of distracting themselves from the real pain, maybe an attempt to to ‘dilute’ the intensity of it, I don’t know)

As for getting yourself into trouble because of not having preconceived ideas, that’s unlikely too. We are hard wired with a fight or flight response. This isn’t about being above reality, it’s very much about relating to it, as it is. If you find yourself in a dangerous situation, your body will respond accordingly. In a previous paragraph I talked about not blocking feelings or emotions, being present allows them to come up and when they do it’s sometimes appropriate to take action and get the hell out of there :) Being caught up in your head means you’re less likely to notice real danger even when it’s up in your face. You’re too busy with your ideas about what you think it is.

As for preconceived ideas allowing you to feel more joy, that’s possible, but if it’s the case, it’s unfortunately a lie :) If you need to tell stories to make yourself feel joy, then you are disconnected from reality. You are either living a life you’d rather not and are using these stories to distract you from that fact (which means you’re suppressing your inner most desires too, btw) or you’re missing out on the real joy that’s available in your life right now. Your stories about a person or circumstance prevent you from really connecting with it. You get attached to these stories and are never truly able to really connect with things as it is.

It’s true that letting go of your stories might open you up to parts of your life that really aren’t that pleasant. Maybe I’m lucky, but for me, I found that as much as it did that, it did far more good than bad. I’m less likely to hold grudges which would have prevented me from enjoying certain things in life, it’s made me really appreciate things that I’d decided weren’t all that worthwhile. It has opened my eyes to how soul destroying my old work was and made me go back to school. It showed me how selfish I’d been in the past and how, in so many ways, I’d been so short sighted and ignorant.

Of course it’s a work in progress. You have to keep practicing. You don’t attain a particular state and then all of a sudden you’re free from suffering and able to be present and let go of all your stories, not at all. You still make mistakes, sometimes big ones. But you’re more able to admit them, and put things right. You get over your self (btw I love your poem jancydat!) and really start opening up to other people. You really start living again, even (and sometimes especially) when things don’t go your way. You open yourself up to ‘life, uncut’ (sorry, I know this is a cheesy metaphor) so yeah, sometimes it hurts. But more often than not it’s beautiful, and because you got over yourself, and your stories about life, you are actually able to enjoy it, connect with it, you’ve opened yourself up to it.

“How easy it is in our life, to miss what’s being offered.” — Paul Haller

There’s a quote I like from Fight Club: “I say never be perfect, I say never be complete.”

I had appended a kind of disclaimer to the end of my previous message, but decided to delete it. I didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t believe in what I had said. Anyway, in my disclaimer it said that I am talking only from my own limited understanding and experience. I am not a Zen teacher, I am only a simple disciple. But the part of the disclaimer most relevant to your post was that I am far from perfect, and plan to always be that way.

At the Zen centre, we chant the Bodhisattva Vows, the ‘Great Vows For All’:

The many beings are numberless, I vow to save them.
Greed, hatred and ignorance rise endlessly, I vow to abandon them.
Dharma gates are countless, I vow to wake to them.
The Buddha’s way is unsurpassed, I vow to embody it fully.

It’s interesting to note some of the words that you use, ie: “can we get to this fresh place.” I’m not picking on you, this is the human condition :) We all want to attain some kind of state where everything is alright from then on. Unfortunately though, due to the impermanent nature of all things, this just isn’t possible. (This goes back to the post on letting go of goals I wrote not long ago)

Whilst it is possible to achieve certain goals (say paying off a loan, getting a promotion at work, finding a compatible mate and falling deeply in love) even then it’s far from permanent (you’ll buy another house, loose your job, or you or your partner will pass away) Some people say that this isn’t so nice to talk about, but it’s a fact of life, and not only acknowledging it, but learning to accept it is an important part of Buddhism.

There will never be a time when you’ve figured it all out. My understanding of Zen is that your ultimate ‘goal’ should be to learn to settle in the incompleteness, learn to see the completeness of the incomplete. (The Heart Sutra says ‘Form is Emptiness, Emptiness is Form) Ed Brown of the San Francisco Zen Center uses “a duck, riding on the waves, one hundred feet beyond the surf” as an apt metaphor. “It can rest while the atlantic heaves, because, it rests in the atlantic.”

So back to the Bodhisattva’s Vows. You might notice that these are impossible ideals. Each one of them is impossible to attain. Robert Aitken Roshi, in his book “Taking the Path of Zen” Robert Aitken Roshi says: “nobody fulfills these ‘great vows for all,’ but we vow to fulfill them as best we can. They are our path.”

When you start Zen practice you get taught breath counting meditation. You get taught to count fully and completely “one”. Once again in “Taking the Path of Zen” someone asks Robert Aitken Roshi “Isn’t dreaming of seduction full and complete?” He answers “Of course it is! Nothing missing! Nothing left over! By all means, sit there and continue to dream of seduction. You might be consistent in philosophy. But I want to be consistent in practice.” I suppose ‘seduction’ here is the seductive notion of an attainment that makes everything all fine and dandy. Where ‘everything is wrapped up in a neat little package’ (this is a quote from philosopher Matt Groening of the Simpsons fame, believe it or not.)

I’m paraphrasing and / or reading into what you’re saying here, but you are right when you say that it’s impossible to look at something without bringing with us what we know about the world. In Buddhism this is your karma. This is not a preconceived idea though :)

Of course if you walk down the middle of the road, you’re likely to get run over, so you walk on the footpath. If you put your hand on a hot stove, it’s going to seriously hurt. This isn’t a story, or preconceived idea though, it’s a fact. According to the dictionary ‘preconceived’ means ‘formed before having the evidence for its truth.’ A hot stove is hot, Buddhism doesn’t deny this. (Incidentally, this is why science is unlikely to ‘disprove’ Buddhist theory anytime soon. Buddhism is about seeing ‘things, as it is’, where as science is, more often than not, only trying to make things seem to be a certain way in order to make a profit. But that’s another topic.)

There are other aspects of Buddhism. For example the ten grave precepts which are kind of like the ten commandments in Christianity (although they are not ‘commands’). Robert Aitken Roshi calls these ‘expressions of compassion’ and they help us fulfill the Bodhisattva Vows. They help us on our way. Obviously the best way to put these things into action is to practice them. When you’re thinking about these you’re not to so much in the moment are you? But that’s what you have to do. Eventually they’ll become habit, just like we habitually ‘love’ our partners. Not that this habit is good and bad. It’s effortless to love our partners, but it’s also this habituated behavior that makes things seem stale and boring. It’s people attachment to that habitual behavior that causes the staleness to continue. It takes a beginners mind to bring the love back into the relationship. Form is emptiness, emptiness is form.

I really don’t know where to stop, so I’ll leave it at that for now…

Do I believe that there are other paths? Sure. My limited experience with the other major religions of the world tell me that they all contain identical notions about the nature of reality. They all suggest contemplative and meditative practices as a way of realizing it too. (See this Wikipedia article) Unfortunately this aspect of religion has been censored out of most religions (or at the very least de-emphasized) probably because it caused people to question the way the churches and religious organizations were going about their business. (that last bit is an outrageous claim really and I don’t have any evidence on hand to back it up. It is the way it seems to be though.)

Anyway, this whole post is a bit of a contrivance. Talking in this way is the finger pointing at the moon, and I’m probably not pointing anybody at anything anyway. I’m not a Zen teacher and it’s impossible to isolate a single aspect of a tightly interconnected teaching without mentioning every other aspect of that said teaching.

If I had to summarize I suppose it all comes down to this. We are talking about a ‘pure’ state of existence which is impossible to attain. (Pure and impure is dualistic thinking, something we’re trying to avoid in Buddhism) All we can do is the best we can. Practice. By all means fine tune your understanding, but practice is the best way to do that anyway. Robert Aitken Roshi said ‘Zazen itself teaches Zazen’. Practice should be your main meal, all this malarkey that I’ve just posted, or whatever other else you read should just be the desert (You can thank Brad Warner for that metaphor!)

P.S – when I say Buddhism, I’m talking about Zen. Whilst I have been exposed to other forms of Buddhism (the Tibetan Gelug Tradition in particular) I am most familiar with, and primarily a student of Zen Buddhism. What I talk about in this post applies to Zen, and might not necessarily be true of other Buddhist traditions. Also, it is an incomplete explanation and probably riddled with error and misunderstanding. If you are seriously interested in Buddhism, check out the reading list from the San Francisco Zen Center’s web site, at the very least grab some books by Robert Aitken Roshi and Shunryu Suzuki Roshi. Oh, and don’t forget to practice!

“How easy it is in our life, to miss what’s being offered.” — Paul Haller

In response to Lee Nutter’s post:Slide22.PNG

I enjoyed your thoughts Lee

My favorite 'place' you spoke of is to be able to settle in incompleteness.'

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

And in response to jancydat’s post:
Janomous,I’m enjoying your posts.Thank you!

I think it is time for your book(:
Your publisher awaits 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In response to anoushka's post:

your positivity is refreshing and look forward to hearing where they lead, because it always shows up powerfully in your life. Thank you for sharing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Related threads in process

Being Transformed By Love/Happiness Meeting 2017

A Very Quick Fix 2016

Quick Fixes 2009

 

 

 

I AM
Peaceful:
Emotions, Sensations ,
& Feelings

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