intro post #1 of 4 /Effect Driven-New Way to Happiness/FREE WORKSHOP

 Announcing Free and Ridiculously Rewarding Bmindful Workshop 

  The workshop is now open, all welcome! For those of you who are familiar with Happiness Meetings-threads...like those... feel free to process on the page & return as often as you like.

- -★★ Effect Driven-NewWay to Happiness[WORKSHOP#1 OF 4]

This workshops-thread is open now  Friday  02/24/17 
I now introduce to you The Magician;Laura Kohn

While my credentials label me as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Board Certified Hypnotherapist, I think of myself more as a magician. I help others to see, connect with, and create magic in their lives. I want to help people return to the place where they can live in wonderment, where they know how to play, and where instead of aspiring to live in the “know” they aspire to live in the mystery of life and the universe. My psychological bent if you will, is Jungian but nontraditional. I help people explore the relevance of ancient wisdom traditions, indigenous teachings, and the esoteric philosophies and how they can apply this information to their lives today to make miracles happen. Do you remember when you were able to play with wild abandon and entertain yourself for hours on end just by using your imagination and creativity? That my friends is the trip I intend to take you on. Along the way I hope to impart some interesting and useful information but most of all I want us to have FUN! I don’t purport to peddle truth, I’m here to give you ways to think about things. Join our group of explorers of consciousness and learn to reclaim the wonderment and innocence at the core of your being once again. The Magician has come to town and has many wonders to show the most discriminating of seekers!

_{Laura Kohn is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Board Certified Hypnotherapist in private practice in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. She does in person counseling, hypnotherapy, and group workshops around the country. She works with clients in person, over Skype, and by phone. She is also CEO of The Ascendant Empowerment Foundation which seeks to change the paradigm from scarcity and competition, to collaboration and abundance by showing its students the just and proper exercise of power through in person trainings and experiential workshops. You can check out her Facebook pages at “Laura Kohn Group” or “The Ascendant Empowerment Foundation” or visit her website at .LauraKohnGroup.com and www.aefoundation.com for info on upcoming workshops or trainings.} 

Bmindful presents to you, facilitator: Laura Kohn;Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Board Certified Hypnotherapist aka The Magician

Laura shares about this workshop,

Effect Driven - A New Way to Happiness

Learn how to side step limiting beliefs and create what you want in the moment by being “Effect Driven”. This workshop will explore the reasons why pursuing goals isn’t the sole path to happiness, and how you can move beyond lack and limitation in order to experience reality differently by opening up your ability to be flexible in your thinking. You’ll learn how your system of beliefs can both limit and empower you and how to operate from the present moment without letting past baggage and negative lessons rule the day. You’ll become more flexible, creative, and resourceful by making a few minor shifts in your thought process by being able to recognize the filters of beliefs that limit your happiness and define your current reality. Become the author of your story and write the best narrative possible for your life by becoming a conscious creator of your reality.In week one we will explore why nothing is true, right, or correct and how you can use this simple idea to see and experience greater options for happiness in your life. We’ll explore how dogma and rigid paradigms trap people and limit their creativity and ability to create what they desire. We’ll also give you some tools to see where you might have limiting belief systems controlling your reality unconsciously and how to break free of them in any given moment. Through story lines, metaphor, and exercises we’ll explore a different way to pursue happiness that puts you in more conscious control of the creation of your reality.

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I’m so excited and honored to share this information with you all. I’ll be here every Friday from 11:00 to 12:00 live to talk and chat with anyone who would like to go deeper into the material. As a psychotherapist, my busy season is all year, so while I might not be able to respond immediately to any questions posted in the thread on a daily basis, rest assured I’ll be checking in regularly and I will eventually get back to everyone. ~The Magician

So  lovelies today I would like to talk about our system of beliefs and why if you can step outside of thinking about things as true, right, or correct you might actually be much happier.  Much of this workshop will focus on the thinking processes that create our belief systems (both conscious and unconscious) and the means by which we can dismantle the negative impacts they can create and how we can make minor shifts in our thinking that open us up to living in ways that allow us to open to new possibilities, new opportunities, possibly even a new way to navigate reality.  For today’s discussion I would like to talk about what are a system of beliefs and the three biggest beliefs that cause much of the trouble and turmoil for most people.

So what is a system of beliefs, you might ask?

For the purposes of this workshop we might best describe our system of beliefs as a lens through which we view life.  Since this lens acts as a filter, what we get on our side of the lens is always a smaller version of reality.  This is due to the fact that our lens of filtration will primarily make us aware of the things in our environment that fit in with our existing beliefs.  A belief system can actually deprive us of opportunities or ideas which might otherwise have been open to us.  Because of this effect we won’t even know that information or ideas have been stripped of their totality and left us with a partial picture of reality instead of the whole.  Don’t believe me?  I offer you this simple scenario.  You are on your way to an important meeting and there is a lot of traffic on the road that is slowing you down.  As you attempt to exit the highway at your turn someone cuts you off.  Now 3 people might have let you merge other places along your route but when you walk in the door of the building do you remember the 3 people that let you merge or the one that cut you off?  If you have a belief system that says people are rude, or they are bad drivers, or you have to always be careful, I can assure you the 3 positive experiences won’t have even registered in your consciousness.

So let’s more clearly define a belief before we go any further.  I would tell you that a belief is an idea or concept we acknowledge as truth, even in the absence of irrefutable evidence or empirical proofs.  Think in terms of social, societal, religious, or political ideas and you can a picture of what I’m talking about.  These beliefs come to us through socialization, and indoctrination, but rarely do they come through physical or objective proofs.  So when we talk about our system of beliefs we are describing how we apply filters or lenses to what we see, think, or experience, and which in turn refines and narrows what we experience in our reality.  We each learn or absorb this process over decades and it simply becomes a type of worldview which often times then becomes unconscious to us.

Now not all belief systems act in a negative way.  Think of a solider in wartime.  Their belief system is crucial to their ability to do what they have to do.  If you are going to put your life on the line, you better belief in what the heck you are doing.  But a system of beliefs will only work beneficially up to a point.  For the solider returning to civilian life after tours of duty their belief systems need to be reworked so they can resume life in a peaceful environment.  Few of us are actually conscious of the extent to which our system of beliefs operates but many of us can see where someone else’s system of beliefs limits them.  It is just that it is easier to see them at play in others than in ourselves.

The primary flaw with any system of beliefs is the unconditional acceptance of what we accept as being true, right, or correct.  The fact is however, that as much as we may try we cannot fully comprehend truth or reality because everything we experience is filtered through the mind and is therefore subjective to some point.  Where objective reality functions just fine in physics, or chemistry, human interpretation must render these sciences subjectively observed and therefore not purely objective from a human standpoint.  That’s not to say an equation will have a different answer depending on the observer.  It’s just that the perspective is subjective and in that sense it is a subjective truth.  Much in the same way as two people standing side by side watching the sunset will see the unfolding scene from a slightly different perspective, however minimally.  The same subjective perspective, however slightly different, is also applied to what is true, what is right, and what is correct, even when we agree as a family, town, or congregation, so nothing is actually objective.   By virtue of being a human being you won’t ever be able to experience anything purely objectively for your experience of it is ultimately subjective and this ultimately can cause problems.  It’s no exaggeration to say a key to being free is to stop thinking in terms of things being true, right, or correct – all of which filters our thinking.  You see the mind will stop the ability to see other options when it perceives something as being ‘right’.  You will rarely hear a militant Jihadist or Ku Klux Klansman say “interesting perspective, thank you for enlightening me.”  They can be so dangerous because they think they are right, and what they believe is true and correct.  When we stop viewing life through the lenses of what is true, right, or correct we discover immediately that it’s not a belief system anymore and we discover that there are multiple rights, multiple truths, and multiple things are correct simultaneously.  Now we have many more options to choose from and this ultimately can lead to greater happiness.

It’s not a stretch to say that a healthy mental approach would include a flexibility of thinking.  For many psychologists mental illness is best observed through a rigidity of beliefs.  That’s not to say that everyone who is rigid in their beliefs is mentally ill, or those who are flexible in their thinking are mentally healthy.  We do however see that people who are flexible in their thinking tend to be happier than those who are not.  What tends to happen is that the more rigid our system of beliefs is the less we actually can see.  This is because all the input and data coming to our mind is being constantly filtered through preexisting and preconceived notions that dominate and manipulate how we experience life.  This can then close us off to having new experiences.  This leads people to only interact with those people who share their beliefs and then they aren’t ever exposed to any information that would dispute their beliefs and that’s how these things become a huge quagmire of dead end thinking and how it causes the same experiences to be relived over and over again.  I doubt you’ll see the Ku Klux Klanman at a Buddhist pot luck.

  Do you see a man playing a sax or a woman in this picture?  Which one is right?  It's a matter of perspective.

The power to think and be free of a system of beliefs requires us to enter a neutral zone or middle ground, where the qualifiers of ‘truth’ or ‘non-truth’ no longer hold captive our thinking processes.  This can only happen when we believe nothing, believe everything, or both.  To construct the best reality requires the best resources from the most number of options.  Abandoning a restrictive system of beliefs is the quickest and most efficient path towards freeing ourselves of rigidity of thought (and therefore limited options), and opening ourselves to all of our best possibilities.  Another way to say this is that context drives the best answer in any situation and given that the context can always change; there is no absolute right answers any way.  Now you could say it’s not right to kill others and most would agree with you hopefully, but what if you were a solider on a battlefield?  What if someone was coming at you with a machete?  You see even in the most extreme black and white cases the context of a situation can change the whole scenario.

What you see in the picture above will be determined by your personal filters.  Both perspectives happen simultaneously, but many times you will only be able to see one at a time thus limiting your reality.

So the best way to dismantle negative or limiting belief systems is to step outside of them so that they don’t even come into play.  Next time we are going to discuss how to do this in a way where you are still acting in a way that upholds your personal values but in a way where you have the ability to see more options available to you.  And for anyone who takes offense to anything I have said here I would tell you that nothing I’m telling you is right, true, or correct.  It’s just another way to think about things and when you think about things differently be curious to the effect it has.  It seems to be the fastest way of discovering your personal truth that I know of.  For now this Magician must take her leave, but I promise next week to pull another rabbit out of my hat for you! 

• Bits Of Wisdom For All  Insights from an Educational Psychologist and Mom/ Flexible thinking means finding more than one way to do something
• Cognitive Flexibility Cognitive flexibility has been more broadly described as the ability to adjust one’s thinking from old situations to new situations as well as the ability to overcome responses or thinking that have become habitual and adapt to new situations
• Become a More Flexible Thinker Learn about types of flexible thinking and how you can boost your skills.

Questions to go deeper:

We have dualistic beliefs programmed into our cultural, societal, and gender roles.  You find them in religion, politics, and pretty much everywhere you turn.  Often they operate underneath our conscious awareness as assumptions we merely take for granted without even questioning.  The problem with dualistic beliefs, (good/bad, right/wrong etc) is that once they are put into place they are rarely updated to factor in contextual circumstances.  The following questions are designed to have you start looking at where you hold dualistic beliefs, and whether or not they still serve you well.

1.  Briefly outline how you define success personally and professionally?
2. Are you where you want to be?  Is your model for success helping you or does it create problems for you?  Is your lens too narrow or too broad?  Do you ever take time to reevaluate your personal definitions?
3. Where in your life are you a perfectionist?  Where has this thinking benefited you, and where has it been a hindrance?
4. Do you think of yourself or others as being weak or strong?  Is this label applied to the physical, mental, or emotional aspects of how one shows up?  Does this thinking barriers or does it break down walls?  
5. What are some of your assumptions about gender roles?  Do you have a list of how men or women should behave or the responsibilities they should have?  Are these ideas different from generation to generation?  
6. Do you have assumptions as to who the breadwinner should be or who should pick up the check for dinner?  Do these beliefs expand or contract your ability to see other options?

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 23/02/2017. Last edited on 25/02/2017.

off to work(:

saving this place to organize/condense thoughts

2.   Are you where you want to be? In many ways absolutely.  I am of the belief, I Am where I am supposed to be and from here, I can be/go anywhere.   Is your model for success helping you or does it create problems for you? For the most part, it helps me. Problems?:  problems- some just respond to things... like nike- they just do it.   I have a sense of urgency, though take a scenic route..

It is not necessarily a problem, just this  'self imposed freedom'  to love and appreciate everything is mostly quite great, though it does create a lens that is sometimes so large, that detailing/narrowing it down 'for the world' ...takes awhile...because I love to soar w/in possibilities... It feels good to me... to be aware of the room... and create from there. My focus these days is to shorten this time & use energy to create more quickly...because for me now is the time. 

that's it for now

4. Do you think of yourself or others as being weak or strong?  Is this label applied to the physical, mental, or emotional aspects of how one shows up?  Does this thinking barriers or does it break down walls?

I love this question. I will allow it to sit w/me awhile-off to work

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 24/02/2017. Last edited on 23/07/2017.

"To alert you that you have allowed yourself to be taken over by psychological time, you can use a simple criterion. Ask yourself: Is there joy, ease, and lightness in what I am doing? If there isn’t, then time is covering up the present moment, and life is perceived as a burden or struggle.” —Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now  

•   beliefs: personal&  professional success/perfectionism/uncertainty: 2/24/17
• (last edit 12:06)  the Eckhart Tolle quote above  resonates with my  foundation for personal and professional success. Ideas like these have  added to my construction of beliefs over the years.
• To achieve 'this' success as outlined in the above quote, (ie  ease emanating from my spirit)...my life would be in harmony with whatever I am doing and for whatever result.That to me, is  success. I had to drown out the noise of others ideas of success to keep following my heart. The less traditional my life , the more it seemed I was able to create/co-create my own personal workability...which contributed to my growing belief system ...
• As I grew through experiences... my beliefs expanded ... because I saw what I can and can't do often stems from my perception. So my belief shifted to- more and more creation, which all can tap into.
• By deciding the experience  I desire...(more & more) I can step into it.

• More on success & beliefs:

  My mom, a bit of a self proclaimed...magical thinker assisted in  creating some of my beliefs I proudly adopted. Some events could've been much more (permanently) devastating in life than the way I experienced them,if it wasn't for that lens of believing I deserved a good life, and lots was up to me.

Being a success to me is being able to be myself, give of myself and transform myself. And if I able to do this simultaneously with &/ or for others… without a 'perfect map'  of everything ...I am a success. Sharing/caring well is vital.

Perfectionism:

When I can allow things to go 'wrong' and be 'out of order' I Am a success. I like order in my life, though I have been known to  decorate around what I'm given, like its a new hand/fresh start/a do over.

Detachment:

 Even with 'major stressors' , and I wonder am I ignoring my feelings.More and more I've learned my level of detachment between myself and events is valuable.

I perceive growth(: As I've gotten older, I  can/could step back and allow. I allow myself to question what I want and what  'seems' to be happening in its place. What was it I wanted, and why? Could it be occurring ... or something better ... and I just don't see? I make it back  to my  spirit-place 'where nothing is broken' ... and I trust from there. When I live this personally or professionally- at this time of my life and as I grew through things in life... this is  what I equate with success. I once heard the statement to look at the things you do, as something you get to do… a privilege. When I 'forget' that, and my  tasks personally and professionally become 'involved' , I can begin running into burn out and expectations.

• affirmation  I love what I don’t know, because I allow myself to be spoon fed by Source who Always does. 
•  Do I have to feel certain about will happen? No not the specifics, though I believe someway somehow what will be I can create with. Though whether I Am successful with what constitutes 'this' success target for me, I Am still a success, because I do know (logically, and more often than not) I Am  more than my experiences. While I can feel an array of emotions- this balancing thing is ok by me, because I trust ( way more often than not) -the process. I have noticed, this array I speak of has developed a more even keel ... as I allow.you asked for brief/I don't do brief(:

In your six probing questions I find that I have had many limiting beliefs in most areas of my life. I have journeyed through a little more than six decades and have seen many societal, political, religious, and familial beliefs change over time. I too have changed my beliefs about many things over the course of that period. One thing I have learned is that things I don't understand or believe have a way of positively influencing who I am through self education, acceptance, and trying to see things from others perspective. For me success is having my beliefs challenged and most of the time, having an ability to be nonjudgmental and respecting beliefs of others.  When I can remove myself from the situation and objectively examine the merits of alternative beliefs, then I have broadened my perspective and reduced the dissonance from my beliefs and others. 

For too many years I tried to live up to others expectations but now I am most comfortable being who I am at the present moment or becoming senile. Either way, it works for me. 

I have a long long standing appointment and will not be able to be with you live tomorrow, but that doesn't mean I'm dead. I'll read every word in this discussion. 

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 24/02/2017.

The Magician will be here every Friday from 11:00 to 12:00 live to talk and chat with anyone who would like to go deeper into the material. Even if you cannot make it during her hours with us / when she pops in... she will connect with you whenever she visits.

 So wonderful to have you back Magician! Thank you for bringing us more info to  inspire and create with!! 

  The workshop is now open, all welcome! For those of you who are familiar with Happiness Meetings-threads...like those... feel free to process on the page & return as often as you like.

Hi Poppy!  Good to hear from you again.  Yes we are programmed from birth to believe certain things and these beliefs get so embedded in our consciousness we don't even know they are beliefs. We mistake these beliefs for how reality works and that is where we get into trouble.  500 years ago everyone thought the Earth was flat.  There weren't any debates about it going on.  We see the same thing happening today.

I have been very interested watching the polarity of beliefs play out when it comes to politics lately. Never in my memory do I remember ever seeing such a great divide.  Half the people think the President is a genius and a Savior, and the other half think he's an idiot and the devil incarnate. That part is really nothing new, but what interests me is each side's inability to see the other side's point of view.  Because they can't see the "irrational and illogical views" of the other side they become frightened or angry because reality no longer works the way they thought it did.  People are enslaved by thinking of things as right, true, or correct and we no longer are homogeneous enough as a society to have a clear majority of what we believe is right, true, or correct.  Perhaps it is time to think about things differently.  

I agree with you that when you have to question your beliefs it's a good thing.  There was a time when we as a society applauded the idea of critical thinking and arriving at decisions on our own through our own exploration and contemplation.  When I have to look at a belief in a new light it allows me to see how I've programmed my reality and then I can decide if I want to change that or not.  I am like you where I first seek to understand where someone else is coming from.  Whether or not I agree with them is a second step, but many of us skip that first step and that is also a problem.  In seeking understanding you will often find compassion and a bit more compassion at the moment would be a good thing.

In response to AlwaysWonderfulPossibilities's post:

I love that quote.  What he is saying is very powerful as well.  Often times we overlay a system of beliefs on top of the present moment to the point that we can't eve see the present moment for what it is.  We never get there because we have created an artificial matrix we mistake for reality, but what we are really reacting to is our beliefs about the present moment, not the present moment.  That small differences causes many to suffer unwittingly.

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 24/02/2017. Last edited on 25/02/2017.

In response to The Magician's post:

Magician, Appreciating your responses, to both Poppy & I.  So much has come up for me regarding beliefs ... that already ... by reinforcing what works/what didn't has helped when I wrote... So true about small differences  causes many to suffer unwittingly.

I love all of what you said really "We never get there because we have created an artificial matrix we mistake for reality, but what we are really reacting to is our beliefs about the present moment, not the present moment.

perfect!!

About love/ Much conversation (circulating)... 'everywhere' ...  about how important it is to realize the 'unknowns' of what others may be experiencing. ....and 'a bit more compassion 'would be a good thing' as you put it. That's a success -belief to value for/ & in this world, for sure.

1. Briefly outline how you define success personally and professionally?

My personal definition of success iz the same professionally; Am I happy now? As long as I am focused on the now and I am finding joy in whatever I am doing I couldn’t be more successful.

2. Are you where you want to be? Is your model for success helping you or does it create problems for you? Is your lens too narrow or too broad? Do you ever take time to reevaluate your personal definitions?

I am where I am, and this iz where I want to be. It iz what I have created for myself and I will find whatever it iz in the moment that was meant for me to find happiness, growth, and make the most of it. The things that I don’t particularly like iz only contrast which then shows me what I do like and then I will focus on that or greater possibilities as they are unlimited but I wouldn’t even know they were possible unless I became conscious of them. It iz up to me at that moment to bring those new possibilities into my life instead of recreating and experiencing what I don’t like over and over again.

My current model for success certainly iz helping me, as of now I don’t see it creating problems. My past model I thought was helping me but then I seen how it was also limiting me until I finally decided it no longer served me and let it go. My current model may one day create limitations that become so problematic that I will let it go for a new model. I am learning to detach myself from things as I have noticed that when I do there are many other possibilities that I can choose for myself.

My lens can become broader and I do want that. The possibilities are endless so I know I may never know them all but it certainly wouldn’t hurt to continue opening myself up to all that there iz to choose from. The only way I have found to make this possible was by reading more and listening the perspective that others have. I don’t have to accept or reject anything as they are all just possibilities. The #1 thing I must keep in mind iz to have as much fun as I can in expanding my experience and myself while I’m here in this body.

One thing I have done for a very long time now has been reevaluating my personal definitions. This has been both a magnificent blessing and a problem. It allows me space to adapt and change while it makes it hard for others who are not so open to change and there are a lot more people out there that are simply not open to change and they spend much of their lives resisting the inevitable. I was once one of them and now I love to go with the flow of change instead of resisting it. I used to be attached to wanting to relate with others. I’m no longer attached to that and now I come across far more people that are a lot more like I am in that they just go with the flow of life learning to be more detached.

3. Where in your life are you a perfectionist? Where has this thinking benefited you, and where has it been a hindrance?

Everywhere in my life I WAS a perfectionist. I still find that I am in some regards but when it becomes clear that’s the role I have assumed it becomes easier to let it go. A dear friend here on bmindful had shared a thread with me that has been resonating with me for about a week now that I can feel it opening me up to be less critical of my writing. It gets in the way, the whole purpose to write and share then shifts to did I write this correctly? I want to improve my writing skills so I feel comfortable writing books. So I learn as I go and after having finished what I was writing I will go back over it again and again making changes that I am not satisfied with in the end I find that I’m not at all happy with what I wrote but when I was first writing I was very excited with it then it gets scraped. What I have noticed iz I’m in the now while writing but then I go into editing mode I shift my focus to the future. It’s the now that I must remain in. That’s where the joy iz found, it’s never in the future and the future focus often robs me of the joy in the now.

It only benefited me in regard to giving me a strong drive to go after what I dream and showed me that I do care a lot about my dreams and what I am doing with them. That’s about the only way I can think of that it benefited me, it was far more a hindrance though. I see how it served me but also how it doesn’t. I recognize it wasn’t all bad. It served a purpose for me but upon my realizing that it became a hindrance it was time to let it go and be free of it. I am still finding that I do it but it’s much easier to let it go once I realize that I am doing it. I can bless it as it blessed me because holding onto it consciously will only hinder me. At that point it iz now free to go with a blessing and my eternal gratitude and I too am free.

4. Do you think of yourself or others as being weak or strong? Is this label applied to the physical, mental, or emotional aspects of how one shows up? Does this thinking barriers or does it break down walls?

I did think all of us were either being weak or strong in different aspects. And as of recently, the last two months or so, thanks to Wayne Dyer and other spiritual teachers I’ve detached myself from this belief. If anything we’re strong and never actually weak. Let the weak say I AM strong. When we trust in our Higher Self then we know that we are strong.

The label of “being weak” iz a barrier in any of those aspects while “being strong” can become a barrier in any of those aspects as well but only if we allow the ego to take it over as being our strength. Going deeper within into the I Am presence that dwells within us all I find that all forms of weakness and even the egoic idea of strength dissolves in a moment and clarity then comes to me. I know then where my strength comes from and the ego iz then unmasked and I am freed from being dependent on it and the walls come tumbling down.

5. What are some of your assumptions about gender roles? Do you have a list of how men or women should behave or the responsibilities they should have? Are these ideas different from generation to generation?

I don’t have any assumptions about gender roles anymore. I let people be whomever they want to be. I have no molds for myself to fit and so I have none for them. I’ve been much happier since letting those assumptions go and give no more thought. People want to share their opinions and I say that’s great, it will serve a purpose for them and then they will realize it doesn’t at some point and they will be ready to let it go. When they ask my opinion I will tell them, I haven’t one. I’m not concerned with boxing people into some idea of who they must be as who they choose to be doesn’t have any impact on who I want to be. I am far happier around people who are not concerned with seeking the acceptance of others to be whoever they want to be. I admire those who are make no apologies for who they are. I am the same way. We don't live this way to challenge others, to set boundaries for them, nor does it have anything at all to do with them but everything to do with ourselves otherwise that would mean we do care what others think of us and that we do want their acceptance or approval to be who we want to be.

Of course those ideas differ generation from generation but it also changes throughout each each of their lives even if slightly. The universe has it's way to show them they are limiting themselves without taking away their illusion that anything actually iz ever changeless.

6. Do you have assumptions as to who the breadwinner should be or who should pick up the check for dinner? Do these beliefs expand or contract your ability to see other options?

No assumptions for me there and due to being exposed to some many different people while I was growing up this was something I had noticed radically changed in each household that I got to experience in some degree.

I have always questioned the most common traditions in this country. I gave up many of the holidays and many other traditions as well. Came to my own conclusions that these were programs that I didn’t have to follow and so I broke my ties to them. This caused problems with others who do think EVERYONE does this, this iz normal. They thought of me as weird, oh well, if that makes them feel good thinking so then call me weird. I was the one who did the research, knew how they came to be, how they affect people’s lives, and how it didn’t serve me, but I was the weird one that they found others who agreed. I noticed it felt really good to be weird, though I wasn’t weird in my mind, they were. They didn’t even want to know why I decided to give up such things, I didn’t judge them for wanting to keep their tradition, I was judging them for judging me but have since also let that go. It still causes a bit of a divide between people and me. They want to bond with others with their chosen beliefs and when they can’t bond with me in that regard then they make sure to let me know that they believe we are separate beings but I know otherwise. I will respect their position anyway and keep what I know to myself until they seem ready. It’s not my place to rob them of what they choose to believe.

It sure makes dating a bit harder though. I’m not at all traditional and there are a lot of women who want that kind of experience. This hasn’t changed at all from the time I was teen all the way up to now being 42 the majority of women I end up dating are still have those traditional expectations that to me just seems unrealistic and maybe why they are struggling with being single when I’m ok with where I am. No one iz going to complete me, only I can do that for myself and that’s exactly how I feel and I think what attracts some of them to me. It’s what a lot of them mention, they like my confidence and outlook but as soon as it doesn’t fit with what they hope for then there’s no more dates being planned…which I’m ok with it at that point too. I don’t want my life being structured by the traditional programming.





Those are deep questions for me and that's about as brief as I could be.

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 25/02/2017.

In response to iZUHM THA iNFiNiTE's post:I just got home and haven't read your post/though my gut knows I will enjoy(:

 glad you've joined in here iZ

I did read your last line: 
Those are deep questions for me and that's about as brief as I could be.

I actually condensed what I had written because... I  love to let my thoughts  flow like you (I don't do brief-either/not initially anyway)  Looking forward to getting back here/reading all you've shared & .... taking the written scenic route  even more myself(: 

In response to Poppy's post: When I can remove myself from the situation and objectively examine the merits of alternative beliefs, then I have broadened my perspective and reduced the dissonance from my beliefs and others.

I like how you expressed  detachment, broadening perspective and reducing dissonance re: yourself & others. That stayed with me today. Glad you're here too, of course Poppy! /I love thoughts on compassion for self/others  (the listening better/ attempting to hear more ... from the place of another)... I always hear that kindness/awareness you share in your comments 

________________

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 25/02/2017.

In response to iZUHM THA iNFiNiTE's post: you had written:to be less critical of my writing. It gets in the way, the whole purpose to write and share then shifts to did I write this correctly? I want to improve my writing skills so I feel comfortable writing books. So I learn as I go and after having finished what I was writing I will go back over it again and again making changes that I am not satisfied with in the end I find that I’m not at all happy with what I wrote but when I was first writing I was very excited with it then it gets scraped. What I have noticed iz I’m in the now while writing but then I go into editing mode I shift my focus to the future. It’s the now that I must remain in. That’s where the joy iz found, it’s never in the future and the future focus often robs me of the joy in the now.

This is a topic I have longed to write about, and you spoke directly to my heart. Thank you for sharing. I will begin this post, and will hold this space to most definitely return to. Thank you iZ.

In response to AlwaysWonderfulPossibilities's post:

Yes I hear you.  Rarely is there anything in the now that needs to be fixed, changed, or shifted.  It's when we think about the past or worry about the future we feel the need to rearrange the present.  Often I am asked how does one "let go" and be in the present?  In that question is an assumption that something must be "done" to let go.  It appears to me that the trick is actually the opposite.  Nothing must be done to let go that's how you do it.  When one looks at it that way, a whole different way of thinking is allowed to be accessed.  Why?  Because if you aren't looking for something to do (which does not exist) you start seeing what it (what exists).  

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 25/02/2017.

In response to The Magician's post:

You are content, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are consciousness, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are light, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are truth, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are the way, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are reality, not the one who lacks or seeks it.

You are innocence, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are wholeness, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are ecstasy, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are freedom, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are the kingdom, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are divinity, not the one who lacks or seeks it.

You are purpose, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are passion, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are clarity, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are oneness, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are the all, not the one who lacks or seeks it.
You are love, not the one who lacks or seeks it. author ~Matt Kahn

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 30/05/2019.

In response to The Magician's post:

love this that Magician responded with

In response to AlwaysWonderfulPossibilities's post:

Yes I hear you.  Rarely is there anything in the now that needs to be fixed, changed, or shifted.  It's when we think about the past or worry about the future we feel the need to rearrange the present.  Often I am asked how does one "let go" and be in the present?  In that question is an assumption that something must be "done" to let go.  It appears to me that the trick is actually the opposite.  Nothing must be done to let go that's how you do it.  When one looks at it that way, a whole different way of thinking is allowed to be accessed.  Why?  Because if you aren't looking for something to do (which does not exist) you start seeing what it (what exists).  

and

In response to The Magician's post:

Great inspiration-today!

...  Often times we overlay a system of beliefs on top of the present moment to the point that we can't eve see the present moment for what it is.  We never get there because we have created an artificial matrix we mistake for reality, but what we are really reacting to is our beliefs about the present moment, not the present moment.  That small differences causes many to suffer unwittingly.