HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY _ OFFLOAD HERE

Hey all of you there, I am feeling very low today. seems like my heart is sinking. The morning started off well but had a tiff with a colleague at work and whenever I am faced with these issues I get very upset. I am not a very strict person and do not really keep a tight tab on my juniors. I keep trying to help and encourage them and I think they misunderstand this. Lately I have become a little more strict with respect to their arrival in the morning and work performance. When I questioned the late arrival of a junior who works directly under me, he misbehaved. This has really upset me…… I am feeling very bad.

Dear Sonia,
It just goes to show that even the very best of us can have an off day and it is totally acceptable to be feeling low about it…..but now we have to turn it around so that it doesnt manifest further.

This event could totally work in your favour – so, fine he may have mocked the situation a little – because his pride and ego have been hurt – but if its your job to alert him of lateness or under performing, then you are in NO fault whatsoever. He needs to come off his ‘high horse’ and accept this criticism and after a little time he will end up respecting you more for what you have said. There is no point being a doormat simply to be ‘liked’. It is far more important to be gently assertive, as I think you have been, in order to put things right.

Your part is simply professional and his…perhaps a little immature???
Either way, once the pride takes a knock these attitudes tend to bite back as ‘self defence’. I dont think it was meant personally to you – he was protecting himself from the embarrassment of his wrong-doings.

Sonia, you are so strong spiritually and I know you can turn this around for your own good. Pray for this young man…..and remain the humble, fair and loyal employer/employee that you are. Your humility will shine through. The fact that you are even feeling low about it simply shows how human you are and sensitive to other peoples negative attitudes – its totally normal, but you have the power to change how you feel about this….
Live in the solution and try not to get beaten by his negative response….Praying for him will certainly help that.

Anoushka has said it all. My thoughts are with you dear Sonia. You have done the right thing and there is nothing to blame yourself for. If his reaction is pulling energy from you, remember pranic healing, and give him the energy but not your owns :-)
You are a great, loving and at the same time assertive senior and everybody respects you.

In response to aftab’s post:
In response to anoushka’s post:
Thank you so much Anoushka and Aftab. You really have helped me deal with it and calm down. Though my heart kept telling me its Ok but my mind wanted me to take an action. I even thought of issuing a note for misbehaviour but held back.
Surely by sending my prayers and energy my own recovery will be faster and in fact after having gone thru your posts I am really feeling very calm. I will make sure that in my evening prayers I will add a special prayer for this colleague.
Thanks for making me walk the correct path.These gentle reminders are actually a big force and support. I am so fortunate to be part of bmindful.
Thanks .

In response to SONIA’s post:
Yay Sonia!! Am so pleased our community is working in this way.
I hope many more people come in and add to this thread – its a great idea. Plus, I hope Laurie and other wise members have more pearls to add to your dilemma – the more opinions offered, the more love shared. We are all here for you. I for one, admire you a lot Sonia – and as Afi said, dont forget your pranic healing in this situation. It sounds like he needs some!! :)

Sonia,

I’m a little late getting into the mix here and others have already given you some wonderful thoughts. I’ll add this – I’ve had wonderful success with the advice of none other than the “dog whisperer” Cesar Milan. CALM ASSERTIVE ENERGY. ALL living beings respond to true leadership….alpha dogs are the alphas not because they yell, bite or have to convince anyone they should be – they simply have the belief in themselves. They send out that expectation and the others follow.

I have found that the more upset I allow myself to become, the more the other person escalates….if I stay calm, things are better. It’s working in my classroom and in my home. Calm, assertive energy has become a bit of a mantra for me.

Remember, you can only receive what you are putting out there. Start with you….the others will follow.

In response to jfowler’s post:

I agree with your dog whisperer lol.
I have found in situations at work, when it is any associate (supervisor, or any coworker) that I have to say something other than what they want to say/hear, your method is perfect ->calm assertive energy. Some things just are… When something just is.., you say it as confidently as my name is.. It just is. If you were saying what you’re name is, would you care if someone disagreed? (:

Beyond that in re: to work, this is a recent affirmative prayer I’ve written. Hope it helps others.

I pray for harmonious- respectful-spiritual- loving growth for all of the people at all of our current places of employment. And this is so. Amen.
~ I pray and ALLOW for the even-better opportunities (that are always present), blessed with Gods love/spiritual perfection to arrive in perfect timing. Within all of our opportunities I pray and believe we will receive financial reward beyond our known wants/needs, while utilizing our greatest creative desires. Within these phenomenal opportunities that keep coming our way , we regularly give something wonderful of value to many. And this is all so. Amen.

In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post: This is GREAT Laurie. I will certainly get some use out of this one. Its beautifully worded and targets the situation in the SOLUTION….I love it.

Directing the energy onto GOOD for others is the way to go rather than feeling the resentment well up internally and subsequently towards yourself.
Thanks Laurie – I knew you would have great input to share with Sonia.
God bless you. x

Wow. The bmindful community in effect. Someone is hurting, they ask for help; they get help, love, and support. That’s wonderful.

Thank you so much all of you.
Our Buddhism practise says just this… whenever someone is harming you or is being negative towards you, just send lots of prayers and positive energy, because it means this person is the channel for you to eradicate your negative karma and instead of being upset just pray for the happiness of such a person. A person who takes it upon himself/herslf to negate your negative karma is in fact a friend and not a foe. This is reinforced in my Pranic Healing practice also where we send lots of cooling energy and positive thoughts when someone is angry with us. This really helps to change the environment.
Thanks for the gentle reminders..
Sometimes we all are aware of what to do when such and such thing happens but we are not able to put it to use. These gentle reminders are actually a great support.
Thanks. Thank you all so much. :)

In response to jfowler’s post:

In response to SONIA’s post:

Sonia because you are a gentle spirit some people take that in regards that they can do as they please. You exercised your authority and your employee was taken aback.

Now he has a new respect for you because in reality you are saving his job. Even when our parents reprimanded us we didn’t like it but it made us better people later on in life. Hopefully he will learn from this lesson. You did the right thing.

jfowler I too really believe in Cesar Millan I believe he has telepathic communication with animals. He said that he would observe them and knew that there was always an alpha male or alpha female. It’s interesting how exercising them first took the aggression out of them. Too bad we don’t have employees exercise before they start work. It would surely release a lot of endorphins. I know Japan does that.

Peace,
Mary

I am going for a family wedding. Out here weddings are a big affair and people are really interested in what others are wearing. It actually is at times a show of wealth. I don’t conform to this and sometimes I feel lost.I hate this show off thing and just appreciate the natural and gentle version of things. When alone I fully understand what is good for me and what are my views about certain issues but when I am surrounded by others sometimes I get carried away and try to do things to please them, though I may be uncomfortable. This causes a lot of stress later. Why don’t I have the confidence to stick to my beliefs?

In response to SONIA’s post:
Sonia, I am so with you on the way you feel about ‘showing off’. That whole concept of ‘dressing to impress’ is something that makes me cringe. There is so much more value in having subtle grace and humilty and dressing comfortably and more understated…..
I dont feel comfortable at weddings like this because everyone is so judgemental. Its more to do with how much ‘bling’ you possess and how well groomed you are, not how happy and fulfilled you are….Rather than asking how you are in general, in life etc, the questions would be to do with your career ‘what are are you doing with yourself these days?’ and where you live.

I have to say you are a cut above the rest Sonia and whether you conform to this or not your natural beauty will shine and your positivity will be radiant. Make-up and jewellery cant create what you have…:)

Our outsides are a reflection of our insides. How we feel about ourselves will be relfected in how we carry ourselves and the peace others feel when with us.

While external appearances are superficial, there is something to be said for how lovingly you care for your body/face/hair. Don’t get me wrong I’m NOT advocating dressing to impress anyone else but I think it’s a commentary on how someone feels about themselves when they choose what they wear, how they groom etc. By wearing what makes you feel wonderful says that you know you are beautiful inside and out and you deserve only the best for you.

Material things cannot make up for a lack of true self love and compassion for others either. We all know people who think that the fancier their clothes and hair and nails, the better they are as people.

I think the balance lies somewhere in between. Wear what you love, what makes you feel good – comfortable, beautiful, happy. Care nothing for what you ‘should’ wear. Adorn yourself as an act of self love, not for approval from others. Focus on the love of the event – the joining of two lives into one….love yourself….the people around you will see THAT in you – not what you’re wearing.

Thanks for all the support and positivity, Anoushka and jfowler.
I had a good time at the wedding because I carried my peace and identity with me. WHat suits my inner personality made me look wonderful on the outside as well.
Thanks for the gentle reminders.
Such an interaction with likeminded people does make me feel more confident and also helps me to follow my path.
I am fortunate to have you all around me:)

Morning started off really well. Great begining…..
But just around b’fast time recd a call from an acquintance about a common friend losing his wife…really sad. At the time when you are thru with your family responsibility one really looks forward to spending quality time together, and when death comes knocking like this one feels totally helpless…
What is there in life? All the time we are living, working, planning and executing for our best days ahead. Instead of enjoying the moment we are living in future which is a mystery!
Why do I make mountains out of mole-hills? Why are such irrelevant things so important to me? Why can’t I forgive and forget? Why is my ego so fragile that it is hurt by a mere glance? Why can’t I find my purpose? Why does it feel that I am groping in the dark for that speck of enlightenement? Why does it happen that whenever I feel I am close to understanding the truth something comes up to show me my ignorance???
Today I am again feeling lost at the impermanance of it all. I fully understand that we all are just playing out parts in a very well scripted play and the higher power is controlling us. He has the control over the buttons. When this is the truth then what am I searching for? Why can’t I accept it all…..

Lovely Sonia,
I just woke up to your post, and want to first express my sincere condolences to you. My prayers go out to you, your friend who lost his wife, to his family, and all those who mourn her->to have much strength, peace and feeling the love of the Creator.

Sonia, I understand you questioning everything, because how much can we truly be certain of? It is the big events like these that help remind us how we want to live with what we do grasp, and to keep our head and heart open to connect where we should, and let go of what we should.

It is a never ending process, with a finite time attached->therefore we can only choose the most important areas to keep as important, and decide how to make them important.

When we build our lives around loved ones, which we will do, we are always working on a balance (a progressive balance, not a perfect one)

Isn’t this why we say our best days are in the moment of our todays?

As I grow older, and my family gets smaller and smaller, I try not to resemble the comic strip I once saw, where the young romantic is reading some involved love story yearning for that in her life, and as she is reading she is interrupted by her husband who is trying to get a kiss, and she screams in an irritated voice, “can’t you see I’m reading?”

Life happens while we are doing other things. what is it that you feel is important in your life, take a step back, and claim it as your focus.

Daily feel what is important in your life with those that help to create that importance.

You cannot change others; by chance you may have those moments that you help to create things so perfectly… Remember those moments..It will always remind you that your puzzle pieces aren’t so random(:

Always love yourself a hair more than you love those you love the most, so you can take good care of you, so you can experience the joy that always exists with others for as long as you are physically, emotionally, spiritually ..can on the highest level you can.

We aren’t perfect beings, we will get irritated with others..but deal as quickly as you can.. All relationships, even the one you have with yourself, needs patience, forgiveness and much love.

Forgive your imperfections…with God’s help. When you learn to forgive yourself with all of the attached complexities, you will more easily forgive others. Because we only know so much at any given time.

Yes, as you say so much is a mystery. There is a part that isn’t a huge mystery; it’s love.

You, Sonia.. embody so much love. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be the complex loving spiritual woman you are! We all make less “mountains out of mole-hills” with time as we see and remember what you understand this moment. Something tells me, forgiving and and forgetting will come much easier to you, after experiences like these. Something also tells me your ego will be less fragile with experiences like these.

We all enjoy feeling and being loved..That’s why loving ourselves and
focusing on that being a powerful and forgiving love helps us want less from others. We even see mistreatment different, because we begin to take things less personally.

You ask wonderful questions. Something tells me, you needed these questions..You probably on some level have been asking them for awhile.

What makes you think you haven’t found your purpose? We are complex beings, who need to keep what we can simple. Purpose finding is a progressive goal.

No matter how you look at your day, you only have 24 hours in each one.
Life being a process..we can only choose the purposes that “truly” offer the greatest amount a fulfillment to our spirit. We get to know what this is only after seeing what is truly finite, and what are the gifts that keep on giving..rather than rob ourselves and others.

We are all truly ignorant about the many pieces of things we come across.
We all want to find exactly what you said..things that ring true to our spirit.

Truth, is a personal thing..and with the questions you’ve raised, it sounds like you know about what you can’t know, and grasp onto what you can, until you find out there’s more..And that’s all we can do.

You have so many wonderful things that are going on all of the time, and it’s only by some wonderful miraculous Energy that you can even put it together as beautifully always do.

And this process called acceptance..

is just that…an involved process, that we just get better and better at, as we see a need for its purpose..like now..

How can we accept an ever changing life, if we hang on to things that are fleeting?

So not an easy thing.

Though we are all in this together, and you lovely Sonia..I’m glad you’re part of what is in it with me(:

Much love,
Laurie

In response to Laurie Is Having Another Great Day~‘s post:
How can I thank you enough Laurie?
How can I ever stop feeling the gratitude for the forces of the nature that made me encounter ‘bmindful’?
Thanks for throwing light on matters that are disturbing to me at times….
Life truly happens while we are doing other things.. and I am often caught by surprise.
During the past of couple of years I have really made a sincere effort to get over my negative thinking pattern and I am glad that I have achieved partial success in my endeavours. Life has been good and adjusting to circumstances with a clear focus on my personal/spiritual advancement has been satisfactory by many standards.
As you put it Love is a total mystery for me. To love and how to express it has been my most complex battle. I have never been very sure about how to say it and how to express it effortlessly. My own delimmas about acceptance pull me back from complete surrender. I realize my weak points and make a sincere effort to improve them…

God has been kind, I have encountered all the right people, practices and opportunities in my life. The right time has never been a wasted effort. I am glad for my life.
To feel the beauty of it all and to appreciate the little miracles of life unfolding every second I have to be more accepting and loving.
To love myself is to love others as well…..this has been hard for me, the reasons are unknown to me.

One thing I am sure as the sun is that I have encountered the right people who will guide me, prod me, remind me, and take me forward…

The support from bmindful, and especially you Laurie, is truly very dear to me. Thanks for everything.

In response to SONIA’s post:
In response to Laurie Is Having Another Great Day~‘s post:
Thanks both of your for your words, I get alot from them. Especially what Laurie says: …. That’s why loving ourselves and
focusing on that being a powerful and forgiving love helps us want less from others. We even see mistreatment different, because we begin to take things less personally.
This is currently what I am duelling on – Taking things less personal.
Loving oneself, forgiving ones flaws and seeing ones perfection.

In response to SONIA’s post:
Sorry Sonia for the loss.

I just went to the store and had an argument with a woman who cut in front of me in line. We had words and I came home and cried because it makes me feel hypocrital trying to help others then arguing with someone else.

Recently anger has seem to come when I think how mean some people can be without regard for someones life or feelings. But aren’t I doing the same by acting mean? It makes me feel as though my spirituality is false.

Then my friend one of the older ladies who was being evicted, called me from the hosptial to tell me she was very sick and losing a lot of blood. It felt as though she was saying goodbye. Please keep this lady Maria in your prayers.

Bless you all,
Mary

In response to Godscreation’s post:
Hi Mary, you have a right to have your feelings (anger, sadness etc.) And there is no hypocracy there.
Since I was not very happy about not being able to control my emotions, I am now writting down my feelings by stating the situation, the emotions and the thoughts to it, in order to find the actual reason for those emotions and I am learing that it is allright to have them. I still am a good person :-)

Sending warm thoughts for Maria and ofcoarse everyone else.

In response to Godscreation’s post:
GC – I too suffer from this and wonder the same thing “is my spirituality false?”. Its a comfort to know I am not alone in this feeling.
Like Afi said we have a right to feel these feelings, its what we do with them that counts. Its because we are sensitive, and wouldnt behave like the lady in the supermarket so it upsets us to feel that others could be so insensitive. I am with you on this one. I look forward to the advice you recieve as it will help me too!

My prayers are with you and Maria. For you, that you may accept you cannot change this situation and for her strength in her time of need.

Blessings to both of you….and that lady in the supermarket….. :O)

In response to anoushka’s post:
In response to aftab’s post:

Thank you both ladies I had such a hard time sleeping last night. Sometimes it’s easy to take on too much and tha’ts what’s happened here. At the supermarket the cashier saw what happened but preferred to stay out of it. It made me feel so bad because it felt as though every bad thing that happened to me came to me at that moment and it was all I needed to lash back.

Yes anoushka and aftab it is ok to have those feelings but as you stated it’s what you do with them that counts. Today was another day of marketing and decided to exercise real good before going out that way the endorphins were there and allowed me to be in better spirits and not continue with anger.

Blessings to you both,

Mary

In response to Godscreation’s post:
Mary,

God is real.

Sometimes it is us, that are not so perfect. We were never meant to be, that’s why there is something Greater Than Us, that we can connect with for knowledge, wisdom and peace.

Sometimes God’s answer is no. Sometimes we need to take better care of ourselves so we feel better and behave appropriately.

It would add insult to injury to beat yourself up.

I’ve assisted the elderly before. One in particular passed a couple of years ago. I remember that “running on empty” feeling, after doing good things from my heart.

Though, it was lesson to me..No matter how much I love another, it won’t take the place of the love I need to have for myself, so I can best take care of me. If I have no me, what I offer others is less than …It comes from a place that little by little will be less than I have…even though my intentions are good.

I remember thinking it was funny that i didn’t know what day it was anymore…or if I had eaten enough, or kept up with my own exercise.

I use this expression a lot here..I’ll use it again:
always love yourself a hair more than anyone you love/and or caring for.

Love you, Laurie

In response to Laurie Is Having Another Great Day~‘s post:

This is true wisdom Laurie and I thank you for it.

Love Mary

It is a very valuable lesson Laurie. Thanks for the reminder. In this world where evryone is running after something or the other, we actually tend to forget to sit and listen to ourselves, to love ourselves.
Thanks so much :)

I need you bmindfullers!
I am overcome with a wave of negativity that I have not experienced in quite some time. Its old behaviour, old fears and old ‘poor me’s’….
I am feeling as if others are putting me down and trying to make me feel smal – which is ridiculous because only I can make that happen. If people be-little me its just me allowing myslef to feel belittled right??

I have a really sore head over this as deep down I know my worth but certain external issues/peoples words and actions are making me feel LOW and LESS THAN.

This is pathetic – please help me get out of this rut!!!!

Dear Anoushka: you have certainly come to the right place. We all have these times. Are we responding to a particular event or just under the weather? Whatever the cause, it’s alarming because we are luckier than most and have the great encouragement and comfort found on these forums and profiles. You have woven your golden strands of truth and wisdom throughout the site and now you know what to do. Be you. Love, Jan

Dear Anoushka:

I have an excercise for you: Make a list of TWENTY things that are amazing about you. NO LESS. More is fine – but you must not stop until you reach at least 20. I know it may be hard at first – but pay attention to the ideas that pop up or the thinking that ‘edits’ you are you write….those are the areas where you need to release self punishment, fear, criticism and just LOVE YOURSELF. Then, go to a mirror and took yourself in the eye and tell yourself “I love you” ….and REALLY mean it. Keep saying it until you can sound convincing to yourself.

Beating yourself up because you are having trouble staying positive all the time, is just another form of self denial and rejection. Accept yourself and love yourself for where you are right now. It is enough. You are wonderful and exactly where you need to be right now ….and perhaps all that is going on is a ‘growth spurt’ in your spiritual awareness.

I was in the grocery store last night…I’m sick and it’s been a long several weeks of over extending myself physically and emotionally. I was cranky and feeling resentful that I ‘had’ to be out doing errands instead of at home resting. I heard my own negativity and stopped myself. I replaced the words with “I give and receive love easily…I love myself and everyone loves me”. I felt calmer and easier ….then the miracle – I looked ahead of me and noticed an older couple….he was playfully tapping his wife on the bottom….and I felt surrounded by their love. I knew I wouldn’t have even NOTICED them 5 minutes ago….and it was a marvelous affirmation of the power of my mind to control my experience.

Awareness of our trigger points is the first step in freedom from them. LOVE YOURSELF through your rough spots….and so will we….we’re all here for you!

Jennifer

In response to jancydat’s post:
In response to jfowler’s post:

Thankyou so much for such wonderful words.
Jan, you have such an ecouraging spirit – I feel your love.
Jennifer, what a wonderful story and thankyou for that exercise which I WILL be doing as soon as I get back from work.
I do feel a lot better – as Jan says I came to the right place and deep down I knew my answers were here which somehow made me feel better gradually throughout the day. Just knowing that this IS just a rut and a ‘growth spurt’.

Its wonderful to offload. I subconsciously knew how to change the way I felt. Its such a wonderful feeling to be able to turn things around….

One additional thought –

It’s often the areas we are working on most which seem to ‘not work’ – like you’re focusing on increasing your wealth, and you lose your wallet….or you’re focusing on wellness and you catch a cold….hang tight, stay the course….it’s a sign that you are shifting and it’s WORKING – stay loving and patient with yourself and VERY soon, you’ll realize that you’ve come out the other side of this moment calmer, more centered and more joyful.

Love,
Jennifer

In response to jfowler’s post:
Wow! Thats such a wonderful thought. I like it…..
Thank you Jennifer.
Love and Blessings,
A

In response to anoushka’s post:
Anoushka, be kind to yourself. Don’t have a lot of time right now..but I have a little exercise for you, that I was reminded about by a bmindfuler’s writing.

I enhanced what I read a bit, to make it work for me..You try it..

A. List all of the roles you play in life.

B. List the functions of each role

C. List tasks you are doing and planning toward with each role.

Even before you finish, I guarantee an aha.

I went with a guy for 7 years and he broke up with me with no reason. He just said he didn’t want the relationship anymore. I am positive there was another woman all the signs were there. In the past it would devastate me if he said he didn’t like certain things about me and that we should break up. It hurt me so much I would beg him not to leave me. He liked that because he knew he could control me. Then when he left me I suffered for about a year and then starting going out and met another man.

This man was like this guys twin. Even worse except this time I didn’t stay to long in the relationship. At the beginning of this year there was one challenge with my sister and then decided to write it all out get it out of my mind and start having sum fun.

Then KARMA stepped in. Both of these men are looking for me now. The first one of 7 years keeps calling me because he wants to be my agent to get me to start doing shows that I can get paid for. I could surely use the money. Before I could answer he went out and bought cards with a theatrical name he gave me to give to any men or musicians who are interested in having me sing with them.

It threw me for a loop because he was always so sure of himself. Never told me he was sorry for leaving me or any explanation. I like him as a person but no longer have feelings of love for him.

Now the second man who I broke up with about 6 months ago had his friend call me just a few days ago. I no longer go to any of the places my ex goes too to sing. His friend grilled me as to where I go and I told him that it wasn’t important for him to know because I am sure he will tell my ex.

He wanted to know what I did for xmas and new years and with who. At that point I told him that I was busy and left. It’s funny how people think you will continue to be the same person you were before. My change of thoughts are I no longer want to be hurt and want to be tactful when telling the truth. If any of you have any suggestions as how to handle this first man because he is really pushing. Something he never did before. My friends tell me to just take the jobs he gives me and don’t let it get any further then that. He still reminds me of the rejection he gave me and that’s what makes it uncomfortable.

Blessings,
Mary

Mary, it seems like you have come such a long way and you just need reassurance that you ARE subconsciously avoiding past behaviour, old patterns that ended up getting you hurt etc and that is GREAT!
One of the best favours you can do for yourself is just avoid contact with anything negative from the past – thats just taking care of yourself.

I dont think its ‘Karma’ that they are looking for you…. – but instead, God’s little way of reminding you of the past, in order to assist your journey in the future. Those triggers and crutches all still exist, but YOU have changed now and no longer fall for the same nonsense, because you care for yourself now and only want to best for yourself – Right?

You are faced with the best challenge yet – the ability to say no and to avoid hurting yourself – because you can, and you dont need them. There is an abundance of work that feels right and IS right for you – better than these jobs offers. You are better now and deserve new and better opportunities too!
:O)

hi Mary ,when i read your posti realy felt for you but did not know how to reply ,my instinct said tell her to politly but firmly say no thanks .Anoushka says it all so well ,your peace of mind is valuable ,you are a stronger lady now ,dont let these men pull you back down ,love flowergirl

If you do not feel comfortable around him, then cut off the contacts, there is no need to torture yourself. On the other hand if you are alright to have him around you as an agent or a normal friend, then why not let him be your agent. You will not have any obligations since it will be a win-win situation anyway and only on professional level.

Offloading offloading offloading …………
Today I had lunch with a co-worker with whom I have lunch sporadically. She at some point told me that she has health issues and I had to dig and dig and had my suspecions etc. until she told me that the doctors have diagnosed her with Multiple Sclerosis. I realy had to fight not to fall into tears and cry right in front of her.
I have no idea anymore if she knows that my sister passed away less than a year ago suffering from MS.
I would not want anyone to go through what my sister went through. I felt so sorry and helpless.
She is very optimistic and says that she doesn’t believe it and that she will be fine and in any case it is a very mild.
Nevertheless, I feel so helpless, would love to take it away from her and throw it away, to make it unhappened.

In response to Godscreation’s post:

Mary,
You said:
“My change of thoughts are I no longer want to be hurt and want to be tactful when telling the truth. If any of you have any suggestions as how to handle this first man because he is really pushing. Something he never did before. My friends tell me to just take the jobs he gives me and don’t let it get any further then that. He still reminds me of the rejection he gave me and that’s what makes it uncomfortable”

Relationships can be so complex..But what I like is how you are looking out for you!

Why can’t you tell him his behavior he showed you in the past makes it hard to have him in any kind of a relationship..that you wish him well..but how do you know you can trust him sticking things out with you, the way he just left before w/o clarification of went wrong? Did you tell him..that really did a number on you? Are you willing to show him the new you, and take some risks for the sake of business? Or is this all too intertwined with hurt and things that don’t feel right? Can you find other ways of making your dreams real in the music business without having to relive this bad place in your history with him, in a new scenario?

What parts can you do..to bring any of the things you want to fruition in the music business world ? Whose help do you need, and is it worth it to you to include the people that may be pushy or disregard your feelings?

———————
You’ve pretty much said how you feel about you today..pretty great right?

if you can negotiate your new type of relationship with him..like Afi says..make it a win-win? Only you can answer that.
——————————————————

Much Love and Deep Respect,
Laurie

Hey there! Listen to your instincts! I SAID listen to your instincts. Is there a lot of negative energy generated when you think about all of this? The guy who wants to manage you has already behaved disrespectfully by making up your name and signing you up for some things without discussing it with you first.. I wonder if he is in it for your best interests…
Have you meditated on it? thinking about your affirmations and new insights and how you have been feeling without these people? Is this a challenge to help you with a lesson? Have I further confused the situation? I hope not. I want peace of mind, success in your endeavors and love to be the only things in your path. Love, Jan

In response to jancydat’s post:
Great advice! And I second that wish for Mary(:
Sorry it took me awhile to condense my thoughts..

In response to jancydat’s post:
In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:
In response to aftab’s post:
In response to flowergirl’s post:
In response to anoushka’s post:

Anoushka the reason I mentioned karma and didn’t clarify it is that these guys figured every person they met would be there for them like I was. When I let go and let God they have had a taste of their own medicine. What you said about “Those triggers and crutches all still exist” is so true and now it’s time to do what I know I can do. Thank you and love you!!!

Flowergirl right on!! Politely is what will be done.

Aftab that is what has me perplexed I could surely use the money. Can I just see it at a professional level is the key!

Laurie that is exactly what is going to happen tell him about his past behavior. In life if we cannot trust a person at a personal level then the same must be true for business.

jancydat excuse my language but my gut instinct says hell no!! You know who I should listen too! (:

Aftab there is a cure for MS and believe it or not is “Bee sting therapy” It is suppose to stop the MS from progressing. As long as she is not allergic to bee stings. I used it on my brother for an arthritic finger and it worked. But I got a bee from outside. These people raise their own.

Bees

In response to Godscreation’s post:
Thanks for the site..Found this on Spiritual Living there

In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:

Laurie this is a good reminder of how to keep things in the positive for all concerned thank you it is very helpful to me.

Blessings,
Mary

In response to Godscreation’s post:
My pleasure(:

The best to you always(:

We at bmindful do quite well, with the live and let live philosophy..though sometimes….just sometimes, there are some attitudes of others that I do wish I could turn down or off like a radio.

Maybe if we describe the attitude, and that’s it..it will also be a good-vent page. And maybe someone on bmindful, has dealt with similar personalities and turned it all around with their wonderful wisdom(:

What do you say..? Any attitudes you’d like to turn down (of others) that you have to deal with ..during your day/week..?
-don’t like when people assume how you think or feel, because you look like someone they know, and you had a facial expression like theirs

-don’t like when someone knocks everyone they come in contact with, to make themselves look good

-don’t like when others think being joyful is weird if you’re not doing something special

-don’t like when people have difficulty being happy for others accomplishments’

-don’t like when others make a practice of looking for flaw, and grabbing credit from others ideas

-behaviors where everyone else has an issue or problem, and self-inventory is ignored..(at least where it shows)

That’s my start..

Ahhh that feels better(:

I usually let behaviors slide and get on with my business. I do notice things..and these things occasionally are irksome. Thanks for let me get them out(:

i would like to make swearing silent.I dont mind the odd word if you drop a tin on your toe or somehing but its the constant use of the f word i hear in the town,on the bus ,its used at least once in every sentence by so many people .

also people who make fun of others ideas/way of living – we all deserve kindness and acceptance .

radios/c d ‘s on very loud in the summer ouside ,i sit out about 4 or 5 am in our garden because later on its deafening especially when the cans of beer come out .

sorry folks i sound like a grumpy old woman

Yesterday I had a growl at my next doors neighbours, every second day my neighbour and his girlfriend do is argue, I hear them calling each other freaks and other names and swear words also, things get thrown out the car door, she stumbles on the ground drank as, I see the car swaying backwards and forwards, both are hitting at eachother I presume, she slams the car door and walks down the driveway, he tries to run her over with his car, she ranting and raving, I see many other things happening, its was really getting up my wick so I went outside and told him to sort the sh.t out, I have kids inside who dont want to hear that stuff, and its getting a bit much…He tried to get me to understand where he is coming from, I am sorry its about my kids, I am no councilor for him, I speaking up for my kids…He sits in car for half hour while I desperately wait inside hoping he would hurry up as I have things I want to do outside…We should be able to go outside whenever we like and not stay locked up inside due to them having their way. I hope the message got through and I hope they sort their problems in private with a more loving approach to eachother…Neighbour dont need to hear that carry on especially when kids live within hearing distance…They freak out and I do too…If any more problems arise I will ring the police…That will stop it I am sure

hi pure Essence i really feel for you as we have similar families living here ,i dare not say anything because the repercushions could be awfull ,it has happened to others .I hope you can get things more peacefull ,take care ,love flowergirl

In response to Pure Essence’s post:
Hey PE!
I really feel for you and the wonderful upbringing you are trying to give to your kids.
The thing is, you ARE giving your kids the very best and showing them positive examples. The fact that they are exposed to the negative behaviour of your neighbours just reinforces the good work that you do. They know that this isnt the way they have been taught to behave, and the way they behave is reflective of your ways – not theirs. Perhaps its a positive thing that they are exposed to it…the ‘what not to do’ in life which is almost as effective as showing them ‘what to do’.

These people are obviously very unhappy – your kids will not follow that example naturally. They will naturally want whats best for them.
Perhaps praying for these neighbours might help?

I am confident your kids will not be negatively affected, provided you go about life as you normally do, with a loving attitude – that’s the lesson they will learn. There is much more power in a peaceful attitude than one of anger and resentment….

Blessings PE! x

This morning is a bit rough :( I had a lot of anxiety about the current state of my relationship. Worrying, hoping and praying that he will give things a chance and stay in the relationship.

But, I realize I ultimately have no control. I’m just afraid of being left again at an important moment in my life. I say “again” because a number of years ago, when I was a teenager, I went through a deep depression. I really needed my parents, but they left me to fend for myself and, even worse, thought I was an embarassment :(

And now, as some of you all who saw my other post know, I’m faced with a situation where I didn’t realize I had certain issues still which have taken its toll on the relationship. However, I am absolutely willing to work on them not just for my relationship, but mostly for MYSELF. But, it’s hard to focus on myself when someone I love may be thinking of leaving me :( It’s a very hard time…some moments are better than others for sure, I know I will get through this, and there may even be a positive result (he has not broken up with me yet, he just said he wants to take a week alone to think about how he really feels about a lot of things),but it’s hard. It’s really, really hard :(

Welcome Sweet strong Soul and I send you lots of positive, strengthening energy.
My advice to you is rather than thinking about your partner and what he might be thinking, doing etc, concentrate fully on your self love. Your natural ability to protect yourself is the only skill that needs nurturing right now to avoid falling into old traps/old behaviour/old pitfalls.

Affirmations such as:
“ I am right where I am supposed to be”
“ A accept the here and now and I am open to the opportunities that are before me”

“ I love and approve of myself as I am”
“ I release any fear of rejection or failure, because I AM WORTHY”

“I am at peace and comfortable with the my own space”

I know you can get through this SSS.
We are all with you.
God Bless x

In response to anoushka’s post:
Wonderful affirmations!

Thank you so much Anoushka.

“I am right where I am supposed to be.”

This one really hit home.

Thus far, I’ve been feeling lots of regret – regret for what I did do, regret for what I didn’t do, regret for what I didn’t know, etc.

But slowly, there’s been a voice emerging that’s been saying, “Perhaps this is what had to happen to you for you to finally break the chains that have been holding you back, so you can finally move forward and be free.”

And when I think about it, that blessing could come in two ways – it could come in the form of a continued relationship, where I am able to learn and grow with someone. Or, it could come in the form of a break-up, where I learn that even if I get attached to someone, open up my heart and then have things not go well and eventually end, then, even once the aftermath is all said and done, I will be okay.

But it’s hard to hear that voice sometimes, with all the din of the scared voices, the ones that come up when I am hurt, scared, angry or feel betrayed. But, I think if I keep listening to it, it will grow louder…

Awhile back I got this in a zen newsletter Leo Baubatta ..I believe is his name. I’ll check that out later…Mean time this letter was written to his 3 yr. old son. Thought you’d all like it too(:
zen habits
A Letter to My Son, on Starting Out In Life
Dear Seth,

You’re only three years old, and at this point in your life you can’t read, much less understand what I’m going to try to tell you in this letter. But I’ve been thinking a lot about the life that you have ahead of you, about my life so far as I reflect on what I’ve learned, and about my role as a dad in trying to prepare you for the trials that you will face in the coming years.

You won’t be able to understand this letter today, but someday, when you’re ready, I hope you will find some wisdom and value in what I share with you.

You are young, and life has yet to take its toll on you, to throw disappointments and heartaches and loneliness and struggles and pain into your path. You have not been worn down yet by long hours of thankless work, by the slings and arrows of everyday life.

For this, be thankful. You are at a wonderful stage of life. You have many wonderful stages of life still to come, but they are not without their costs and perils.

I hope to help you along your path by sharing some of the best of what I’ve learned. As with any advice, take it with a grain of salt. What works for me might not work for you.

Life Can Be Cruel
There will be people in your life who won’t be very nice. They’ll tease you because you’re different, or for no good reason. They might try to bully you or hurt you.

There’s not much you can do about these people except to learn to deal with them, and learn to choose friends who are kind to you, who actually care about you, who make you feel good about yourself. When you find friends like this, hold on to them, treasure them, spend time with them, be kind to them, love them.

There will be times when you are met with disappointment instead of success. Life won’t always turn out the way you want. This is just another thing you’ll have to learn to deal with. But instead of letting these things get you down, push on. Accept disappointment and learn to persevere, to pursue your dreams despite pitfalls. Learn to turn negatives into positives, and you’ll do much better in life.

You will also face heartbreak and abandonment by those you love. I hope you don’t have to face this too much, but it happens. Again, not much you can do but to heal, and to move on with your life. Let these pains become stepping stones to better things in life, and learn to use them to make you stronger.

But Be Open to Life Anyway
Yes, you’ll find cruelty and suffering in your journey through life … but don’t let that close you to new things. Don’t retreat from life, don’t hide or wall yourself off. Be open to new things, new experiences, new people.

You might get your heart broken 10 times, but find the most wonderful woman the 11th time. If you shut yourself off from love, you’ll miss out on that woman, and the happiest times of your life.

You might get teased and bullied and hurt by people you meet … and then after meeting dozens of jerks, find a true friend. If you close yourself off to new people, and don’t open your heart to them, you’ll avoid pain … but also lose out on meeting some incredible people, who will be there during the toughest times of your life and create some of the best times of your life.

You will fail many times but if you allow that to stop you from trying, you will miss out on the amazing feeling of success once you reach new heights with your accomplishments. Failure is a stepping stone to success.

Life Isn’t a Competition
You will meet many people who will try to outdo you, in school, in college, at work. They’ll try to have nicer cars, bigger houses, nicer clothes, cooler gadgets. To them, life is a competition — they have to do better than their peers to be happy.

Here’s a secret: life isn’t a competition. It’s a journey. If you spend that journey always trying to impress others, to outdo others, you’re wasting your journey. Instead, learn to enjoy the journey. Make it a journey of happiness, of constant learning, of continual improvement, of love.

Don’t worry about having a nicer car or house or anything material, or even a better-paying job. None of that matters a whit, and none of it will make you happier. You’ll acquire these things and then only want more. Instead, learn to be satisfied with having enough — and then use the time you would have wasted trying to earn money to buy those things … use that time doing things you love.

Find your passion, and pursue it doggedly. Don’t settle for a job that pays the bills. Life is too short to waste on a job you hate.

Love Should Be Your Rule
If there’s a single word you should live your life by, it should be this: Love. It might sound corny, I know … but trust me, there’s no better rule in life.

Some would live by the rule of success. Their lives will be stressful, unhappy and shallow.

Others would live by the rule of selfishness — putting their needs above those of others. They will live lonely lives, and will also be unhappy.

Still others will live by the rule of righteousness — trying to show the right path, and admonishing anyone who doesn’t live by that path. They are concerned with others, but in a negative way, and in the end will only have their own righteousness to live with, and that’s a horrible companion.

Live your life by the rule of love. Love your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, with all of your heart. Give to them what they need, and show them not cruelty nor disapproval nor coldness nor disappointment, but only love. Open your soul to them.

Love not only your loved ones, but your neighbors … your coworkers … strangers … your brothers and sisters in humanity. Offer anyone you meet a smile, a kind word, a kind gesture, a helping hand.

Love not only neighbors and strangers … but your enemy. The person who is cruelest to you, who has been unkind to you … love him. He is a tortured soul, and most in need of your love.

And most of all, love yourself. While others may criticize you, learn not to be so hard on yourself, to think that you’re ugly or dumb or unworthy of love … but to think instead that you are a wonderful human being, worthy of happiness and love … and learn to love yourself for who you are.

Finally, know that I love you and always will. You are starting out on a weird, scary, daunting, but ultimately incredibly wonderful journey, and I will be there for you when I can. Godspeed.

Love,
Your Dad

Laurie,

What a beautiful letter. I think I will ruminate on it after work.

BTW all – feeling much better today. Hope to keep the steady feeling going for the rest of the day and into the evening. Thanks so much for your encouragement.

Laurie thank you for a lovely post ,going to copy this out for my mixed up 17 year old son .

SweetStrongSoul ,its good to hear you are feeling better and i admire you so much for how you are learning so much about yourself and life through this experience by facing your feelings .Your name is so true for the person you are and i love your comment about listening to the voice and it growing louder .Look after yourself love flowergirl

Here’s a song that’s brough me a lot of comfort these last few days. When I listen to it, I have a special visulization. I picture myself going through my day, having a tough time like the song discusses, but right next to me the entire time is myself – as if I were my own guardian angel. This reminds me to always be there for myself during the hard times.

I’ll Be There – Weekend Players

On a rainy day
Troubled and lost your way
When things go wrong
And the day is long

And when you take the wrong turn
Get your fingers burned
And when you’re losin’ ground
Lost the day and don’t know what to do

I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there
I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there

Teetering on the brink
Like your poor heart could sink
When you labor in vain
Losing the game
When worry drags you down
Wear a weary frown
And when you’re feeling blue
When your worst nightmare comes true

I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there
I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there

I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there

When an ill wind blows
And all hope goes
And only heaven knows
Which way to go
To share the heavy load
Down the long and winding road
And when the sky falls in
And you don’t know where you’ve been or going to

I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there
I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there

When you’re ill at ease…
Down on your knees
Drowning your sorrows
Dreading about tomorrow
When you feel like you’re falling
Run ragged and run down
Fall and pray (Or fallen prey) to things you didn’t know too

(you didn’t ought to)
Fall and pray to

I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there
I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there

I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there
I’ll be there for you
I’ll be, be there
Be there
I’ll be there for you
Be there

In response to Pure Essence’s post:

Hi PE this may sound strange but it is a good thing because your children are learning about how people make their lives unhappy. You are doing everything in your power to give your children a happy life and they can see the difference.

The thing that is so sad is these people are not asking for help to make their lives better. Help is all around if we want it. It’s easy to stay in the same old mode even though it may be painful but at least they are use to it they think. It’s a high price to pay for the same old habits. Don’t worry about your children they are in very good hands with you. Send good thoughts to your neighbors to help them along a positive path you can ask your children to do the same. Miracles do happen! Blessings to you always PE.

Love Mary

In response to SweetStrongSoul’s post:

Dear sweetstrongsoul there is a saying that I truly love, “The strongest steel has to go through the hottest fire” why? Because it turns pure and brilliant. You have already started on your path to healing because you can recognise some of your challenges. Remember whatever happnes is because it is supposed to. In the end everything turns out all right.

May you find happiness, love and peace along your road. This song gives me great strength. “I say love it is a flower and you it’s only seed.”

The Rose

Peace,
Godscreation-Mary

In response to Laurie~LovesFocusingWell’s post:

Dear Lauire this letter really touched my soul. It made me cry which is not to easy for me to do. It is a long time coming to have a really good cry. So these words as well bring peace to my soul.

Change is gonna come

Love Mary