★15 time outs for partners

Here are fifteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you pay the small attentions that are so integral to lasting intimacy.

Day One: Spend 15 minutes kissing. Many married couples report that the simple act of kissing is the first part of intimacy to disappear. Today, recapture the power of the smooch.

Day Two: Today, declare a personal moratorium on criticism. Pay attention to the number of negative thoughts you have about the actions of your spouse. How critical are you? How does being critical make you feel? Even when we don’t give voice to our criticism, it drains our energy and keeps us focused on negative thoughts.

Day Three: Call, email, or write your mother-in-law (or send a simple bouquet of flowers). Let her know how grateful you are for her child.

Day Four: Spoon.

Day Five: Reflect on your first date with your mate, writing down as many details as you can remember. Now make plans to recreate it.

Day Six: Spend tonight in your guest room. Pretend that you and your spouse are on a romantic vacation in a distant port.

Day Seven: What’s your spouse’s favorite cookie? Bake a batch.

Day Eight: Tape-record a love message (sexy or sentimental) on a cassette tape. Put it in your spouse’s car with a Post-it note that says “Play Me.”

Day Nine: Declare today a “Forgiveness Day.” Are you holding a grudge, however deep, about something your mate has done or said? Get to the bottom of it today. Then work on letting it go.

Day Ten: Assess your listening skills with your spouse. Just for today, slow down and try not to interrupt.

Day Eleven: Write a note and stash it where you know your spouse will find it some time throughout the day. This can be as simple as a lipstick kiss on a folded napkin or as elaborate as an original poem. (For a special touch, fold a Hershey’s kiss inside.)

Day Twelve: Leave a sexy voice message on your mate’s voicemail.

Day Thirteen: Trying to control your spouse can lead to feelings of resentment and disempowerment. Today, reflect on situations that make you want to control or manipulate. Then work on letting go.

Day Fourteen: List all the reasons you love your mate. For 15 minutes, just let your pen move. Don’t stop to think too hard about the task. Just write. Then present your list.

Day Fifteen: Ask the kids to write down a few of the things they love about your parenting partner. Encourage them to be as specific as possible. Write them down on slips of paper, put them in an envelope and place it on your spouse’s dashboard for a heartwarming surprise.
Now spend some time creating your own 15-minute romantic gifts for one another.

From momscape.com

P.S. Don’t forget to add your love affirmations on your notes!

How do you do

Enjoy,
Mary

˚ state of calm 💗thank you  

Posted on 30/09/2009.

In response to godscreation’s post:
I think it is very important to keep things fun with your spouse.

This year we will married 30 years, and we are still like “lovebirds”

Little things like things you mention are important. I remember once we were getting too busy, and decided can’t let that happen. And we had read it took x # of hugs to maintain a relationship x # of hugs to go beyond maintenance. I can’t remember the # now. So even though we were hustling around one another trying to do our personal routines and go our separate ways to leave every morning and coming home tired from a days work, we mechanically began a ritual to give those hugs…sometimes all in a row quickly. We were determined to have the number. We did this everyday, as though if we didn’t there was a penalty, and soon it became a habit, and soon time was made no matter what to get in our hugs without rushing them.

I’ll look up the number, and see if I can find it anywhere. It was fun trying.

When you accept nothing but a trusting loving relationship, the outcome is so wonderful.

˚ state of calm 💗thank you  

Posted on 30/09/2009.

In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post:
*Found the article*! In his article, Have you Hugged Anyone Lately, Parveen Chopra quotes family therapist Virginia Satir: “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

I think we at least 15(: We wanted lots of benefits!

In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post:

Great info Laurie I will certainly start with my hugs today. It’s so nice to hear about married people or partners who love each other so much. That’s why I put up this thread.

At the moment there is no significant other for me but that doesn’t mean I won’t put a little help in to those who do! Mother Theresa had such a glow about her because she was always giving hugs and compassion to everyone she met. We can all surely use them. Love, love, love those benefits!

BIG HUGS,
Mary

This is so lovely GC!!

I am gonna start with day 1 today – I have forgotten what it feels like to kiss for fifteen minutes non-stop…..

It sounds like fun! Getting married soon, so need to remind ourselves how it all began….‘it started with a kiss’ (Hot Chocolate song!!)

Thanks GC – I will let you know how it goes down with my hubby-to-be. I bet he will be surprised! Tee Hee!

In response to godscreation’s post:

It’s not that you don’t a significant partner. You just haven’t met them YET. :)

While you are taking this time to heal and grow – make a list of all the ideal qualities your soon-to-meet partner has – as detailed as possible. Imagine all of the things you will do together.

Truly, I have a feeling that your significant person is on the horizon and you are so close to meeting. I think the universe is just waiting for you to be very clear in your mind who that person is (inside).

——-

On a side note, I have been married 11 1/2 years. For a while, I wasn’t married to my ideal partner. When I got clear what I wanted – and put it on paper (very important) – it is amazing how much better things became. I noticed two things happening. One, I began asking for what I wanted. Two, I no longer accepted behavior that was insulting to me and voiced it. Equally important, I wasn’t tied to the outcome. Either I was happy in the relationship – or I could walk and become equally as happy by myself. Its amazing when you become clear about your needs – how much life quickly conforms to them. :)

In response to meditatingmama’s post:
In response to anoushka_f’s post:

anoushka I am very exicited for you and your upcoming marriage have fun coming up with ideas.

MM Thank you for your info I actually have been thinking about the man I want in my life. Writing it down is a great idea and affirming along with it. Thank you all so much for your lovely words!

Group hugs,
Mary

It definitely is a wonderful reminder for all of us who are into a relationship for long or are intending to get into one.
We have been married for more than 17 1/2 yrs and every morning my hubby enjoys his cup of tea, infact he cann’t do without it and I just can’t have tea! Even though he knows my answer, every morning he asks me to join him for tea. I really find it very touching and loving.

Well here’s my update of day one!!

My fiancee was ever so surprised and appreciative. I think ‘Wow’ were his first words, quickly followed by ‘I havent had one of those kisses in a long time’…

His face lit up like the young nervous man he was on our first date. Got goosebumps. Was very nice. Didnt last fifteen minutes – but nevertheless was a very MINDFUL Kiss full of love, given with time and attention – You are so right, this is one of the first things we do at the start of a relationship, yet we forget to do this later as married couples….

Eager to make this a daily ritual – or at least weekly!!!
Eager to assess day two and criticism…..I wonder how that will make me feel to eliminate negative thoughts and comments towards my partners actions.

Thanks GC!!!

Anoushka :o)

In response to SONIA’s post:
Sonia, that is so lovely of your husband. ;o)

In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post:
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement Laurie. I am off home now and will put this into practice…..

Much love,
Anoushka

In response to godscreation’s post:
Update: This is working wonders in the run-up towards the wedding.
I am finding myself falling in love with my partner all over again. Noticing the things I was beginning to take for granted. I have become more mindful of our relationship and appreicating that what we have is so very special. I was getting snappy and irritable with him for a while and there was no reason – simply closing down and not letting love in!

I think there could be many more personal additions to this list. Things that you could be mindful of for 15mins that is unique to your relationship. For me, I could be more mindful of the little things he does to make my world more comfortable. I often take for granted that if I have cooked, he has laready washed up without me even seeing the mess build up. I could also, shut my mouth for 15mins!!! SILENCE IS GOLDEN. I often forget that he likes peace and quiet and a litlle quiet time is good for his patient and peaceful character!!!

So my two new 15min time-outs are:

a) SHUT UP!
b) Appreciate the little things and do something nice in return e.g foot massage whilst watching tv in the evening.

Thanks GC. You have really worked wonders for my gratitude levels of my soon-to-be husband, and its making me feel great as a result!

Bless you,
Anoushka

˚ state of calm 💗thank you  

Posted on 07/10/2009.

I think the tickets to remember are:
-> the person you marry is your life-partner
-> life is ever-changing and time is ??

When things are good they go by quickly. When things are not they don’t.

So why not make it as good as possible, always starting each day brand new with gratitude and reverence for each moment together.

I’ve met so many people who haven’t experienced ‘things’ in life to understand “this is it”.

If you’ve ever experienced health issues or losses, you know the fragility of the capsules we were born into.

You can’t live the life as “the couple”, and you can’t live the life as your partner. Though you can live your life as person who appreciates and loves, so that person who you’ve agreed to share your life with you, gets the chance to be with you under the best circumstances possible, the same way we want to be experienced with them. At least that’s my take(:

Well said, dear! I haven’t been married as long as you have – but I can tell you that nearly twelve years has afforded me some pretty high highs and some definitely LOW lows. If you are in a marriage only for the good times, you will never stay married!!

In response to meditatingmama’s post:
In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post:
In response to anoushka_f’s post:

This is such wonderful news to read. We all need good energy around us and what a great way you all have treated your sweethearts. It gives hope to “newlyweds”. Love is a committment for the good and not so good times. The test of time that still holds two wonderful people together! Now that’s power. Here is a loving song for you all from way back when. I love it so much enjoy.

Sweetheart

Ah L’amour! (: (;

Mary

In response to godscreation’s post:
Hi GC – I have come to re-visit this thread and see whats next on this list for me to do – not least because it improves my relationship with my soon-to-be hubby, but because it gets me out of ‘self’ and helps me focus on others which is so rewarding.
I did ‘day three’ last night – not consciously aware I was doing it, but after I had done it I remembered this thread!

A simple loving gesture towards my mother-in-law ‘to-be’ made me aware of my marriage to his family and what a beautiful thing that is…..

I will definitely do day four – its still one we do a lot because of the weather!!! Day five will be fun and a great thing for me to bring up over the weekend.

This is such a great post and I would like to share something I wrote awhile back with regards to my marriage.

The Peppy Princess

I have been married for over 22 years, my first marriage, his second; we are still very much in-love.

The one thing my mom told me before I got married was to ask yourself, if you could be married to this person for the rest of your life exactly the way they are now. Not changing anything about them at all.

If you can honestly answer yes then that person is right for you. In any relationship, each one should give 100%.

I will try all the suggestions, but I think in my case it will have to over weeks instead of days. My husband is a Truck Driver and out on the road for weeks at a time and then home for just a few days.

Man, all this LOVE talk is making me ready to meet a HOT CHICK over in New Zealand!!!

I have added a song that fits this thread, check it out at One Song a Day tread.