★Rules vs Values

One of the most interesting conversations I have ever had, was with a woman twice my age, and infinitely more wise. She said that as you get older, your goal should be to attempt to eliminate contradictions from your life and to slowly figure out how to streamline your consciousness so that there was no conflicting emotions getting in your way. This woman was an astounding person. I don’t think I have met anyone else like her before or since.

I grasped the depth of the conversation immediately, and spent the next few weeks in deep contemplation. This happened nearly 12 months ago from today as I write this article, and I still spend a considerable amount of time thinking about this. Every time I give it some of my attention, the the concept becomes increasingly more profound.

This conversation was the catalyst for several epiphanies I have since had, and continue to have. This article attempts to describe one such epiphany, the difference between rules and values.

We all know what rules are. Society exists as it does because of rules. We call these rules laws, and as with most rules, there are consequences for breaking them. The consequences for breaking the law are usually negative. Laws are put in place to ensure people behave in what is considered to be socially acceptable behavior and acting in a contrary manner will usually result in you being looked down upon by society, and you will sometimes receive fines or jail time.

There is nothing overly profound about all of this until you bring values and circumstances into the equation. Rules are very dependent on circumstance. In some cases the law takes this into account, an example would be intent. The consequences for someone who does something intentionally are different than they would be should the person be able to prove the action was accidental. Fair enough, what does this have to do with values?

Values are things I consider unbreakable. There is a saying ‘rules are made to be broken’ and this would apply for example in photography. Once you understand the ‘rule of thirds’ you can break the rule to take an even better picture than you could have by sticking to the rules. Values on the other hand should never be broken and it should be your right to stand up for your values when challenged.

This may seem to go against a core value (how ironic) that I hold. From the movie Fight Club, ‘May I never be perfect. May I never be complete.’ This same concept is expressed slightly less eloquently by Anthony Robbins (CANI – Constant And Never-ending Improvement) and of course by the Japanese with ‘Kaizen’. But, doesn’t making a value unbreakable go against this? I don’t think so, and here is why.

A decision making technique I use to avoid procrastination is this. When I need to make a decision, I go looking for the facts required to make my decision, then AS SOON as I have enough information to make a decision I make it. This avoids procrastination in the form of ‘maximizing’ (see The Paradox Of Choice – Barry Schwartz) This is not to say that I am settling with second best, it just means that as of now, with the information available to me, this is the best decision I can make. This is how I decide on everything in life, including my values.

So, if I learn something that proves my current values to be incongruent with these new facts, then I can change my values. If this is the case, how do they differ from rules? The reason they differ is this, although my values might change, while they exist they are unbreakable. They dictate certain things about the way I live my life and that is how it is. Rules depend on circumstance where as values stay the same regardless.
A perfect example is my being a vegetarian. This is a value and not a rule, so it is not something I break when I feel like it nor when I get challenged (which happens often) I haven’t always been a vegetarian, and some of my favorite dishes were non-vegetarian, but I no longer eat them nor any other meat dishes. Why? It is difficult for some people to understand, but I am a vegetarian now.

This is a value I have put in place because I have found through research and trial and error, that being this way is the best thing for me right now. It is congruent with the rest of my current values, I appreciate the health benefits associated with being a vegetarian, and although it isn’t the reason I became a vegetarian I am sympathetic towards the related moral and ethical issues.

As you can see, eliminating contradictions is hard work, but differentiating between circumstance and new knowledge is something that needs to happen if you want to stick to your values but break the rules on the odd occasion. But if you want to be forever improving yourself and your situation, and by reading this you probably do, then it is something you may need to think about.

I would love to hear your comments and suggestions. This post was converted automatically from the old bmindful article archive. Some of the mentioned links or references may no longer exist.