Ok…I’m going to be blunt, in the hope it will jar you enough to really examine, what is REALLY going on with your emotional issues with others (if you understand it, it has the potential to dramatically improve all your relationships, whether they are casual, in passing or ongoing, personal or work related)

NO ONE ELSE IS EVER CAUSING YOU TO FEEL ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

So, when you BELIEVE, for example, any other person is MAKING you feel however you do, YOU are not taking RESPONSIBILITY for how you feel and this is unfair and unjust, which is also to say, it’s unkind because WE also wouldn’t want others to blame or make US responsible for however they feel.

Whether we know it, or like it or not, EACH OF US is causing OURSELVES to feel however we do about EVERYTHING.

But what stands in the way of you or anyone understanding this? our own BELIEFS.

Because of what most of us observed as children, we unwittingly picked up the BELIEF that ‘others are at least sometimes responsible for how we feel’ and once we BELIEVE something we tend to NOT question it, instead we tend to look for things that reinforce, support, justify and perpetuate it.

Where might you have ‘learned’ to believe others can be or are responsible for how you feel?

As a child, how often did you hear some version of ‘you make me so angry’ or ‘you’ve made me so happy’ Everytime you heard such things you learned or considered the idea, others may not be responsible for how they feel, which then leads you to conclude “I MAY NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW I FEEL.

Or did you ever do something, and then saw your mom get upset and maybe your dad said ‘see what you’ve done, you’ve gone and upset your mom’ or, did you ever see or hear some adult complaining about some world event, did you ever hear someone say ‘it’s their fault i’m upset, or even, did you ever hear people even blame the weather for how they feel, Ooooh,the rain makes me feel sad.

Do you see, that this is false? Do you see that it’s only how a person thinks ABOUT something that causes how they feel.

EXAMPLES.

Get stuck in traffic, do you feel calm or annoyed? it depends on how you think ABOUT it.

Get criticism from someone, does it disturb you, or can you deal with it calmly, constructively? it depends on how you think ABOUT it.

OR EVEN.

You get praise for something, how do you feel about it? It’s possible not to feel good, it depends on how you think ABOUT it.

Notice some wrinkles under your eyes, does it upset you or not? It depends on how you think ABOUT it.

You think about something you want that you don’t yet have, does it upset you or uplift you? It depends on how you think ABOUT it.

Someone is late to meet you or doesn’t keep their word, are you upset or not? It depends on how you think ABOUT it.

Even this, you notice you’re having a negative thought about yourself, you notice you’re demeaning yourself or putting yourself down in some way, do you get or stay upset or not? It depends on how you think ABOUT it.

If you grasp that how we feel depends on how we think ABOUT things, you then grasp that how we feel is only OUR creation or responsibility.

I don't know how this thread makes me feel but I know what I think about it! It's a great thread!

Oh yeah it's not the thread that "makes" me feel anything. How I feel at any given moment in any given circumstance iz only dependent on how I decide I will feel about it. When I had finally learned that was true that I could choose how I felt not matter what the circumstances were it was quite an empowering moment for me. The memory of that moment iz still very exciting for me when I think about how it had really hit home for me. It further liberated me and had a tremendous effect on the expanding of my consciousness.

Once I also realized that I wasn't the thinker but my mind iz the thinker and that I am the observer watching thoughts come and go but the self-aware "I" always remains, it never leaves. That's really who I am, not the thinker. What a great relief it was to know that I was not the thinker or that I was my thoughts. Not only was it a relief but this opened the door for me to go beyond realizing I was not my body, I was not my name, I was not my past, I was not what I do, or any of those things we attach to our I Amness that either we blame for causing us pain and suffering or we put far too much pride into these attachments and we can spend our whole lives chasing fulfillment that will continually evade us. My fulfillment in life iz something I experience everyday. It's not in the future. Fulfillment iz not out reach for me anymore, I fulfill each day I am given now.

Learning that I wasn't the thinker allowed me to not only disidentify with the false self but also helped me to realize that I had more power than I was even aware of having. I had the power all along to decide how I felt about anything. I wasn't actually a victim of circumstances like I believed for vast majority of my journey here. I really was the creator of my circumstances and I could just as easily redefine any situation to better serve me.

I didn't give in to blame shifting anymore which was something I did a lot of that often left me feeling powerless over my emotions and in many dealings with people I felt just had my number. It made complete sense to me that no one could "make" me feel anything, I was the one making myself feel the way that I was. I was unconsciously reacting to external stimuli in circumstances that I created by default but even these default creations were serving me in a powerful way.

I was playing right into the hands of some people without it even so much as registering. I don't think the majority of my "opponents" realized it either but one thing humans are good at iz convincing each other to push their own buttons but they think they are the button pusher and the other person thinks their buttons are being pushed and think that they have no control over any of it but they actually do and always have. They are just not conscious of it yet.

I made a conscious decision instead of seeing obstacles I now only see opportunities. Today this iz my reality.

I made a conscious decision to stop focusing so much attention on problems, redefine them as a challenge and then turn my attention to seeking the solution(s). Today this iz how I go about finding solutions where most people don't want anything to do with it so they won't learn from it and these things will keep repeating themselves until the individual learns from it. If they won't I will and I will either give them solution or they can pay me for fixing their perceived "problems." I like being of service so that works great for me.

I made another conscious decision to stop labeling my circumstances as "negative" and started defining them as invaluable lessons which then my focus quickly shifts from the external circumstances to going within myself and asking what iz it that I am avoiding right now or what could I learn from this situation here?

These were all game changers for me. I took my power back and responsibility for all that I experience in my journey instead of blame shifting or physiologically projecting my negative emotions and assumptions on others feeling like I was the victim but in reality I was victimizing them with the very things I thought they were doing to me. Thank you Sigmund Freud for that breakthough! 

In all honesty I can say that I no longer experience negative circumstances because I have the ability to define things in a way that will better serve me. I don't make myself out to be a victim anymore because I know I have a very long history of overcoming everything I have faced in all my years on this earth. I'm never a victim but always a victor, never a loser but I am always a winner.

I have a lovely life and things are always working out for me.

That was once just an affirmation for me but I kept on affirming that statement despite what my circumstances reflected back to me and eventually it became my reality. I think I began seeing the results reflected in the external world after about 2 months of persistently affirming that statement. It's more my reality now than it's an affirmation of my reality, if that makes any sense at all.

I haven't yet found a better definition for the not so pleasant moments when I know I am about to learn something of value but that unpleasant feeling only lasts until I become aware of the solution. Then it actually becomes an all around pleasant experience. However, that little bit of resistance iz still there and I think your thread here iz bringing me a bit closer to overcoming even that resistance I have been wanting to do away with knowing it's served it's purpose and it's time for me to release it.

I want to redefine those unpleasant beginning moments to something that I can feel enthusiastic about, grateful for, and empowered by it all to just welcome those moments more openly without any resistance whatsoever knowing that I am entirely capable of overcoming any challenge presented to me. I always have. I think we all do but I'll let people define their own experiences.

Hmm...now, how will I define it so next time such a challenge comes to me I can think of it enthusiastically, be grateful for it occurring, and feel up to the challenge? 

If any of you have some suggestions please by all means share them with me. I'm all ears. 

None of this iz to say that I don't have times that I suffer. I do have my moments thought they are much fewer and in between as they had been when I thought I was the thinker. Suffering has become a teacher as well. Again I will post quotes from Eckhart Tolle as his books have been very empowering for me. My Higher Self apparently loves him so Eckhart Tolle.

Great post my friend! -iZ

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 24/04/2017.

In response to iZUHM THA iNFiNiTE's post:

Wow! I love this! I really loved how you began your post too!

• Oh yeah it's not the thread that "makes" me feel anything. How I feel at any given moment in any given circumstance iz only dependent on how I decide I will feel about it.   When I had finally learned that was true that I could choose how I felt not matter what the circumstances were it was quite an empowering moment for me. The memory of that moment iz still very exciting for me when I think about how it had really hit home for me. It further liberated me and had a tremendous effect on the expanding of my consciousness.

 Powerfully beautiful post iZ!

Wonderful thread Robert!

& as Robert stated:

Whether we know it, or like it or not, EACH OF US is causing OURSELVES to feel however we do about EVERYTHING.

If you grasp that how we feel depends on how we think ABOUT things, you then grasp that how we feel is only OUR creation or responsibility.

In response to AlwaysWonderfulPossibilities's post:

I could say that "makes" me feel good but that's not accurate as we have brought that into the light of our awareness. It's fascinating when you look at it. If I were to just accept that your post makes me feel good then I stay unconscious of why I am deciding to allow myself to feel good after reading your response. When I accept responsibility for how I am feeling and why I am thinking the way that I am about it I become more present and conscious. It's amazing how everything seems to really reflect back our core divine essence. Yet when we refuse to accept responsibility and instead project things upon others we feel powerless and take things more personally. You said something to me that made me feel good/bad, it was you over there and me over here that had no control of the situation nor over my own feelings and thoughts. 

A vast difference from where my mindset was when I believed I was my mind and to where I am today that I know that my mind iz designed to serve me not I serve it yet when I am present then not only does my mind serve me I still serve it in a much more loving and responsible way. If I were to continue to project responsibility onto others I would forever remain a victim to my circumstances and would be seeking fulfillment rather than consciously fulfilling every moment that I have. No one else nor nothing else could ever fulfill any moment for me, it iz I that fulfills everything else in every moment. 

I'm now often trying to find the right words to share with others that I am choosing to be happy by what they are sharing with me because I really don't want to say "That makes me happy to hear you say that" when that's not true. That's what I have been calling "unconscious talk" and I know it always carries underlying limiting beliefs with them and I'm still rooting out all limiting beliefs that no longer serve me so I must let go of all that unconscious talk as well. Most would probably find it peculiar if I said, "I am choosing to feel joy upon reading your comment." It sounds almost robotic and while I am aware that some robots are not thinking on their own I'm not aware of any Artificial Intelligence that can feel emotions yet. I am always trying to find words that those who are operating consciously in the present can relate to while also snapping people out of their unconscious state. Eckhart Tolle has mastered that art and he does with such few words at that.

That's what I love about words because we can give them a lot of power, even unconsciously. From a state of being unconscious we still give words the power to heal, to uplift, to inspire, to empower, to motivate, to create, to express, and of course all the opposite things we give words the power to do.

The inner exploration iz no less thrilling than exploring our external world. We have a great advantage when exploring our internal self because we can do it anywhere at any moment and not have to travel great distances like we do with exploring our external world.

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 31/08/2018. Last edited on 12/03/2020.

love these!

Loving ourselves allows us to be our authentic selves, allows to love and have compassion for others, and lets us observe all without judgement.... Everything begins well with authentic love and acceptance!

enjoyed reading this thread 

note to self-return to it!

~~~~~~~

2019

“While some of our deepest wounds come from feeling abandoned by others, it is surprising to see how often we abandon ourselves through the way we view life. It’s natural to perceive through a lens of blame at the moment of emotional impact, but each stage of surrender offers us time and space to regroup and open our viewpoints for our highest evolutionary benefit. It’s okay to feel wronged by people or traumatized by circumstances. This reveals anger as a faithful guardian reminding us how overwhelmed we are by the outcomes at hand. While we will inevitably use each trauma as a catalyst for our deepest growth, such anger informs us when the highest importance is being attentive to our own experiences like a faithful companion. As waves of emotion begin to settle, we may ask ourselves, “Although I feel wronged, what am I going to do about it?” Will we allow experiences of disappointment or even cruelty to inspire our most courageous decisions and willingness to evolve? When viewing others as characters who have wronged us, a moment of personal abandonment occurs. Instead of remaining present to the sheer devastation we feel, a need to align with ego can occur through the blaming of others. While it seems nearly instinctive to see life as the comings and goings of how people treat us, when focused on cultivating our most Divine qualities, pain often confirms how quickly we are shifting from ego to soul. From the soul’s perspective, pain represents the initial steps out of the identity and reference points of an old reality as we make our way into a brand new paradigm of being. The more this process is attempted to be rushed, the more insufferable it becomes. To end the agony of personal abandonment, we enter the first stage of surrender by asking the following question: Am I seeing this moment in a way that helps or hurts me? From the standpoint of ego, life is a play of me versus you or us versus them. But from the soul’s perspective, characters are like instruments that help develop and uncover the melody of our highest vibration. Even when the friction of conflict seems to divide people, as souls we are working together to play out the exact roles to clear, activate, and awaken our true radiance. The more aligned in Source energy we become, the easier each moment of transformation tends to feel. This doesn’t mean we are immune to disappointment, heartbreak, or devastation. Instead, we are keenly aware of how often life is giving us the chance to grow and expand. A willingness to be stretched and re-created into a more refined form is a testament to the fiercely liberated nature of our soul. To the ego, the soul’s willingness to grow under the threat of any circumstance seems foolish, shortsighted, and insane. This is because the ego can only interpret that reality as worry, anticipation, and regret.” ―

Matt Kahn, Everything Is Here to Help You: A Loving Guide to Your Soul's Evolution

In response to iZUHM THA iNFiNiTE's post:

I hear you, and you are relaying some valuable info... 

For myself (at this time), detaching from the delight or the lack of with regard to others... is necessary more when one feels they are creating themselves from the feedback of others... 

Forming authentic relationships with others continues to teach me (along with other experience)... I must truly come from my heart place-for me first.

Experience has shown me...the criticism of others or the applause... cannot be a good foundation... As part of my process.... I know it wouldn't feel good to go  whichever way the wind blows./ One thing (of a few tools) (: that works for me... is I ask myself would I be saying/thinking/feeling the same thing if no one could read/listen/partake in any interaction with me. 

I enjoy sharing my good feelings with others about them. I enjoy hearing kindness from others... as long as it is genuine. Though the ticket is- it is the icing on my personal cake. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

you reminded me of a funny reaction I had when I was on hold for a particular business call...when you said  I'm not aware of any Artificial Intelligence that can feel emotions yet.

The automated system in a very personable-human voice said... they were so sorry I had to wait so long. I don't get angry easily...though this created some anger in me. 

I felt... it is bad enough I have less interaction with humans in this day and age in areas of service, and I just had a computer tell me they felt sorry. (anyway-guess you had to be there -lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

˚ allowing all good 💗  

Posted on 12/03/2020. Last edited on 14/08/2022.

HOW NOT TO LET ANNOYING PEOPLE ANNOY YOULink

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 22/06/2023.

Enjoyed rereading this thread