login to bmindful Sign up for your FREE bmindful account!

To get the most out of the bmindful forum, please sign up or log in!

★Gave Myself Permission To Move Forward

thread from 2009/feel free to add in the present!(:



Have you ever wondered, how often we get in our own way of moving forward because of uncertainties, or fears of success or fears of failure?

I have been doing a lot of powerful written affirmations lately, and today I felt a stronger real-go-ahead toward moving forward; as though I was my last obstacle in my way. I’ve been feeling more days of being-in the-flow, and feeling like I know that I know, that we truly are co-creators of not just a thing here and a thing there, but a big design of things in our own world, therefore affecting others, in good and healthy ways.

I know life doesn’t just happen the way we want it, by sitting on our laurels. Though, I’m learning more and more beyond the physical foot work, it is imperative to give yourself total permission (in various ways), to truly move forward, by way of affirming it as so (thoughts-out loud, silently, in writing, painting, and anyway that says good things are manifesting in the now. The with other like-minded positive people have been essential as part of my process; and for that I’m quite grateful.62c1755bf37b0c8a25343b5e1f813b3a.jpg

I honestly feel like today was the beginning of better things to come.Image result for another empowering day pic quote

What is your experience with giving yourself full permission to allow yourself to soar?

Laurie, I have been doing a lot of work on dealing with my own fears… of success!! (ironically, not of failure) It is rarely about my economic life, it is always surrounding relationships. Too weird… I have always been outgoing and rather gregarious, but for some reason become very shy and reserved (in person). This really limits my ability to create a “posse” (as my friends used to call each other when I lived in California) here in my new state. I fully understand how a large circle of like-minded people would expand my horizons and make life better and better, but when I start to creep out of my shell – YIKES! I lose my voice, put my head down, “tuck my tail between my legs”, and RUN LIKE HECK!!!

Any suggestions on how to quit being a turtle???

I am living in many dimensions at once; the appearance of being trapped in time and space is only an illusion.

Hi MM, I’m tired, though I believe you will be able to read through the lengthy off the cuff response, and make some sense out of it(:

Relationships are gifts we give to ourselves. Having you as a friend would be a true gift to anyone you meet. Each indiv. is a unique entity on their own unique journey. When meeting others, you’re on an adventure, that may be only minutes or something lengthy. This is exciting! Nothing you have to do, just something you have to be;you. The Loving MM.

Fear of success
What happens when you envision the comfort of new friendly people in your world face to face?

Fear of Failure
In re: to a possible fear of not being able to use your outgoing self in person, could it be because you’ve worked so hard on you, you may have expectations of the experience you want with others? Who wants anyone to attack wonderful work in progress?

Accepting ourselves, the work in progress, what we know and what we’ve yet to discover, and love it all; we also end up bringing along loving acceptance of others with us, that ohers sense. I believe it is generally returned;though, if it ever isn’t, it won’t be all that important when things come from a place of love. And then, the experience no longer has the power to overwhelm. It’s real and good. We then flow with it all, in a perfect way. Others will feel right at home with us as us w/them.

For comfort w/in groups w/ people you haven’t gotten to know, or yet to have real dealings with; well, comfort generally doesn’t happen simply because of the company of these new people. It will happen because you are comfortable with yourself, and trusting the uncertainty of what happens next;the I can’t control you->but I’m so happy to make your acqaintance mode.

If we foster love and only love in our hearts, we automatically offer someone something, without even opening our mouths. It’s in our smile, our stance and our delivery of everything we attempt to share.

I know you already know we must first make sure we’re in a good place with ourselves for ourselves (self esteem-wise) before nurturing a relationship with another. If not our expectations with others is colored with our own flaws.

For ex. we need to be at a good place w/:
-respecting ourselves and others
-accepting ourselves and others
-“being love”
-empowering yourself in healthy ways
-setting a balanced set of goals and working on attaining them
-living your life according to your own values
-taking responsibility for all parts of you

You’re someone who knows, in relationships we bring ourselves to the table. If we aren’t comfortable w/what that means to us, we will only be comfortable w/those who already gravitate lovingly to us; toward our stuff we tend to value in ourselves or our “wannabe-selves”. People who don’t know us, or question our very right to be, mess with any insecurities we may have (even on the smallest scale). So affirm the love that you are, and bring it with you whereever you go.The odds of good-stuff will be in your favor.

Though as far as affirmations, I’d write a bit of a scenario about all of the love you embody, and how you accept good loving people in your world now, with complete ease and comfort. Each relationship is a unique encounter; unlike like being on stage giving a rehearsed performance where we do our dance, and know the dance of others.

While positive affirmation truly assist, I say, again, relationships do require some work and asking ourselves some questions. Decide “who” you want to bring in your world, and ask yourself why? Can you demonstrate love without judging people’s personal constructs of love- so their love can shine too? Are you willing to share yourself, and teach people about yourself in ways that they can understand->even it takes time? And are you willing to allow others to try to share what they want and no more? Can others be different from you? Is it ok for to be different? If we believe at any moment that we understand who someone is before they let us know, we rob people of a cool thing. If we show patience, and make few assumptions we gain respect. We can anticipate good-stuff;just be patient with their details and style.

Situation A-If you were going to give a speech in front of 500 people and they all had different values and came from different cultures, you would assess and configure (if you will) your speech to accomodate the individuals as individuals while remaining true to yourself.

Situation B-If you were giving a speech to 500 people, all who knew you and already thought you were wonderful, had something somewhere in common with you, that you could relate to while being true to yourself->it would be a much easier scenario than situation A.
We are pretty familiar with our own uniqueness; if we have gaps in our understanding of the ‘others’, the person(s) you want to chat with,well, a bit of “people-stage fright” is inevitable. So just bring that loving-self, Mary to all of your encounters and enjoy the ride.
Relationships are an adventure.

I hope my rambling isn’t too redundant, and was clear and relevant to your turtle-question(smiles).

I too have had these kinds of fears of success in the past and in the present. Laurie, you summed it up quite well in your lengthy post lol, and gave some good advice. It is important to generate love from your own being. If you don’t than how can anyone love you. It comes from the saying “You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself”.

I find many people I meet though have the same issue. that somehow it has been misunderstood that if you love yourself you LOVE yourself and that is a bad thing. people shy away from being proud and showing to others that they do love and can love, beyond a close personal relationship with a spouse. I think this kind of feeling needs to be generated back into the culture and we are definitely not individuals here in this struggle.

In response to melt86’s post:
Hello Mel(:

Yeah, I do get winded lol. I try pretty hard to focus on things as a complete experience, for the person I’m responding to, I forget where I am haha. lol.

I guess we’ve all had these kinds of fears at sometime. And depending on the new experience, it isn’t improbable that the “turtle-stance” that MM so wonderfully shared, could happen again.

Though, as you so clearly stated how love must be generated from your own being and the fact that if you don’t than how can anyone love you.

I believe the misunderstanding that you mention about “if you love yourself that is a bad thing” , comes from one sided view on giving that often is taught in childhood by very well meaning parents.

We are taught not to be selfish and not so self centered. That is true, though that’s because as childen, that’s all we know. The universe at that time does revolve around us. As we begin to grow up, and we start receiving ‘tapes’ from caretakers, we then hear there is more to our world than simply us. At the time it’s a revelation of sorts to believe such a thing.

We then carry that revelation as Divine Truth into adulthood, not being aware, it’s then time to balance our understanding of love; the reasons, the focus and the “directions”.

I agree also Mel, with your statements of getting this idea back into our culture,that we need to love ourselves a hair more than those we love the most, so we have something to bring to the table to enrich our own life and the lives of others. We need to learn how to balance this-love thing so that we are more capable of loving others and ourselves better.

Another area, that I feel gets confused is that of ridding ourselves of ego, which is another winded bunch of thoughts I have lol. Though to keep it simple, I love the acronym for ego- Edging God Out. I’m aware we all call God by different names, the Higher Place, Higher Authority, Universe something else; though when we get away from that Higher Place, we turn to things (inside of us and outside), that keep us from the ability to truly love ourselves and others. Recently, relistened to an old Wayne Dyer tape, about finding the Sacred Self. It’s a good listen, if anyone is interested.

In response to laurie’s post:
In response to melt86’s post:

Thank you both for the great advice. It is so true.

Plus, I cannot live in the past. When I first moved here, I worked for a company that was ultra conservative Christian. I am married to a man of another faith. They did not trust him, ergo not trust me. They used to ask me if it was ok that I was damning myself and my children to hell because I was not attending their church. There was another employee who was Jewish. They used to talk trash about him behind his back – and they double checked all his paperwork, because “You know Jews”. The woman who worked in my position before me was Buddhist. They used to say, “She was such a nice woman, if she just wasn’t Buddhist, we could really have liked her.” I can pinpoint the day that I decided not to share any personal information with anyone in the company – or anywhere here in my community. I can remember thinking to myself, “O M Goodness, I have landed into a Bible Banging alternate reality!”.

You know, I hadn’t thought about this much, because it was so painful for me. But, after writing my original post and then going to bed – I had a dream about it. It suddenly occurred to me that I answered my own question. Why am I holding on to the anger and resentment for these people? They have been gone out of my life for a long time. I’m not sitting in my cubicle listening to nonstop Christian radio (which isn’t a bad thing, but it added to the atmosphere). I’m not sitting in the cubicle listening to them talk sweet to each other’s faces and then total trash when the other isn’t around. The hypocrisy is long gone. GET OVER IT!

Wow, what is that broken record all about??? There is no reason to hold on to those thoughts!! YUCK!!! Where did all that garbage come from???? Well, now I know where to start from!! I need to clean some mental house!! Call the Fly Lady! It’s time to declutter!!

I am living in many dimensions at once; the appearance of being trapped in time and space is only an illusion.

In response to meditatingmama’s post:
That was cool, Mary (:

And to me, that’s how it ‘all’ happens. We slowly rid of ourselves of things that are no longer relevant in today’s NEW context, NEW experience, that we are NOW making for our every moment NEW selves.(:

You know, I really have my “bad guys” to thank for where I am today. If it were not for them, I never would have had the impetus to start my own company and create the life I have today. I am so lucky and in a far better place health-wise, wealth-wise, and in happiness!! So, they did have their roles in my life. It is just time to forgive, forget, and move on to bigger and better creations!!

I am living in many dimensions at once; the appearance of being trapped in time and space is only an illusion.

In response to meditatingmama’s post:
What you said reminded me of why I’m grateful for “everything”. Like you said there are no accidents/coincidences. We grow and advance from it and through ‘it’ all, huh?

Sometimes it just takes awhile to get to see the grand picture!! But, it is always better, better, and BETTER!!!

I am living in many dimensions at once; the appearance of being trapped in time and space is only an illusion.

In response to meditatingmama’s post:

In response to laurie’s post:
In response to meditatingmama’s post:
Thanks to both of you for this post. I can completely relate to MMs frear and appreciate the advises here.

…what a wonderful world….

In response to laurie’s post:
I love the way you said

“ … that we need to love ourselves a hair more than those we love the most, so we have something to bring to the table to enrich our own life and the lives of others.”

Bring it to the table is such a strong metaphor. Like after a whole day’s work what have you got to show for it. After a life of conscious awareness have you got the love to show for it. It’s so passionate and on the line. There is no diddle daddling around when it comes down to that. Not enough people like to be so strong. It’s inspiring!

Lately I’ve been working hard in some unknown territories. It makes me wonder when I start to feel some discomfort is it fear? Maybe I just get bogged down with details of new things, when normal details of routine are sometimes a lot to maintain too. I love opportunity. I think I need to make room for it(:

In response to laurie- worksout-daily&w/everything she’s got~ ~‘s post:
You will make room for it, you can do anything Laurie :)

“Even if you’re on the right track – you’ll get run over if you just sit there” Will Rogers

Everyday each of us is getting closer to being the person we envision we should be. One of the biggest obstacles each of us faces is our old beliefs and the attitudes used when they were formed. To find an easy way to change old beliefs, please read My Blog it will help anyone reach the success we each deserve.

Attitude Life Coach, helping others to see the Power of a Positive Attitude with Affirmations and Gratitudes, Learn to be The Creator of Your Life.

Jump to Top ^^

To get the most out of the bmindful forum, please sign up or log in!

Related Content