☼ Mindfulness (Fresh Eyes in Relationships)

• • _{be love…fresh eyes…enjoying and honoring loved ones…mindfulness….intentions…..expectations…affirmations… self reflection…kindness…...foot work…commitment…joy}

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POST 1
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• • Louise Hay…complete CD I CAN DO IT – _{“As Louise discusses topics such as health, forgiveness, prosperity, creativity, relationships, job success, and self-esteem, you’ll see that affirmations are solutions that will replace whatever problem you might have in a particular area”}
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• • FRESH EYES – MINDFULNESS IN Close and Closer RELATIONSHIPS ...EACH DAY IS BRAND NEW

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• • _{thread being reorganized soon….it is like a crowded blog(: With a few tweaks} ..._{I’ll delete ALOT and minimize where hopefully will become more reader friendly soon} (: [ feel free to visit thread as is(:

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_{As you begin to state what you do want, rather than clamoring about what you don’t want, you come into your own power. When you come into your own power, you feel better. And when you feel better — those who love you also feel better}. _[]Abraham

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• • What is Mindfulness?
• • Examples-Informal practices for increasing mindfulness during the day
• • The Power of Intentions & examples
• • Pink Bubble Visualization

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• • 2 minute video Easy Mindfulness Exercises

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• • SHORT EXCERPT FROM SHORT BLOG-SEEING WITH FRESH EYES The next time you see somebody who is familiar to you, ask yourself if you are seeing this person with fresh eyes, as he or she really is, or if you are seeing only the reflection of your own thoughts about this person.Jon Kabat Zinn,
• • SHORT EXCERPT FROM SHORT BLOG-SEEING WITH FRESH EYES You might try to cultivate your own beginner’s mind in your daily life as an experiment. Next time you see somebody who is familiar to you, ask yourself if you are seeing this person with fresh eyes, as he or she really is, or if you are only seeing the reflection of your own thoughts about this person . Try it with your children, your spouse, your friends and co-workers, with your dog or cat if you have one. Try it with problems when they arise. Try it when you are outdoors in nature. Are you able to see the sky, the stars, the trees and the water and the stones, and really see them as they are right now with a clear and uncluttered mind? Or are you actually only seeing them through the veil of your own thoughts and opinions? Jon Kabat-Zinn, Full Catastrophe Living.

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• • Twelve Exercises for Mindful Relationships Adapted from Everyday Blessings[will add link soon] By Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn _{Siri Adi Kaur Khalsa Miami Beach, Florida}


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Try to imagine the world from the other person’s point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind yourself of who this person is and what he or she faces in the world.
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Imagine how you appear, and sound, from the other person’s point of view, i.e.., how it would be to relate to you today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, what you say? How do you want to relate to this person in this moment?
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Practice seeing the other person as perfect just the way they are. Try to stay mindful of seeing their sovereignty from moment to moment, and work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.
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Be mindful of your expectations of the other person and consider whether these expectations are truly in their best interest. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect the other person.
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Practice altruism, putting the needs of the other person above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn’t some common ground, where your true needs can also be met. You may be surprised at the overlap, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.
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When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still. Listen to what it is being said. Meditate on the whole, by bringing your full attention to the situation at hand, to the other person, to yourself, to the community. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking, even good thinking, and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what really needs to be done. If that is not clear in any moment, maybe the best thing is to not do anything until it becomes clearer. Sometimes it is good to remain silent.
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Try embodying silent presence. This will grow out of both formal and informal mindfulness practice over time, if you attend to how you carry yourself and what you project in body, mind, and speech. Listen carefully.
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Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. In Zen and the Art of Archery, Eugene Herrigel describes how he was taught to stand at the point of highest tension effortlessly without shooting the arrow. At the right moment, the arrow mysteriously shoots itself. Do this by practicing moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome. Simply bring your full awareness to this moment. Practice seeing that whatever comes up is workable, if you are willing to stand in this way in the present, trusting your intuition and best instincts. The other person needs you to be a center of balance and trustworthiness, a reliable landmark by which he or she can take a bearing within his or her own landscape. Arrow and target need each other. Forcing doesn’t help. They will find each other better through wise attention and patience.
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Apologize to the other person when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing. An apology demonstrates that you have thought about the situation and have come to see it more clearly, or perhaps more from the other person’s point of view. But we have to be mindful of being “sorry” too often; it loses its meaning if we are always saying it or if we make regret into a habit. Then it can become a way for us not to take responsibility for our actions. Be aware of this. Cooking in remorse on occasion is a good meditation. Don’t shut off the stove until the meal is ready.
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Every person is special and every person has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of the other person in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.
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There are very important times when we need to practice being clear and strong and unequivocal with another person. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness and generosity and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful relationships do not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid, domineering, and controlling.
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The greatest gift you can give another person is your self. This means that part of your work is to keep growing in self-knowledge and in awareness. We have to be grounded in the present moment to share what is deepest and best in ourselves. This is ongoing work, but it can be furthered by making a time for quiet contemplation. We only have right now. Let us use it to its best advantage, for the sake of the other person, and for our own self.
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Couples
What makes interconnections healthy is interdependency – not codependency. Paradoxically, interdependency requires two people capable of autonomy – the ability to function independently. When couples love each other, it’s normal to feel attached, desire closeness, be concerned for one another, and to depend upon each other. Their lives are intertwined, and they’re affected by and need each other. However, they share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings and actions and contribution to the relationship. Because they have self-esteem, they can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and don’t have to control someone else to feel okay. They can allow for each others’ differences and honor one another’s separateness. Thus, they’re not afraid to be honest and can listen to their partner’s feelings and needs without feeling guilty or becoming defensive. Since their self-esteem doesn’t depend upon their partner, they don’t fear intimacy, and independence doesn’t threaten the relationship. In fact, the relationship gives them each more freedom. There’s mutual respect and support for one another’s personal goals, but both are committed to the relationship. Darlene Lancer JD, MFT

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_{There are many factors related to background, upbringing, or circumstances that tend to be in a couple’s favor for having a successful marriage. Many couples will not have all of these factors in their favor and will still have successful marriages. Some with the odds in their favor will fail, nevertheless. Part of the difference lies in the extent to which couples take care of their marriage. Every marriage needs thought and effort to improve. by Thomas R. Lee, PhD Department of Family and Human Development Utah State University}

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• • [1]We cannot live other people’s lives or bear their burdens, no matter how much we love them.
• • [2]I choose to enjoy helping my family members in their personal growth.
• • [3]I choose to understand and practice total responsibility.
• • [4]I choose to be lovable and capable.

• • [5]I choose to be more conscious about my life than ever before.

_{the above 5 thoughts and affirmations taken from Dr. Robert Anthony} from this pdf

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From this article
• • The following affirmations comes from the article link above:
The following Self-Reflection Questions comes from article above:
• • >When I cook a meal, I do it with love. Not only do I foster good nutrition in my choices, but I also put special touches on it to let them know I care.
• • Is my commitment to my loved ones my highest priority?
• • How can I show my love to my family in my everyday activities?

• • Have I included time in my schedule for family activities?

• • article …Self Reflection Questions:
• Self-Reflection Questions:
• • What kind of effect do I have on others?
• • Do other people seem genuinely happy to see me?

• How can I increase my positive effect on others in my daily routines?
From this article
• • >I make it a point to say, “Thank you,” and I make my discussions encouraging and optimistic.
• • From This article-same site
• Self-Reflection Questions:
• • Have I created a strong foundation to support my transformation?
• • Have I become a place of shelter and rest to my family?
• • Have I nourished myself to continue my positive transformations?
• Today, I can ensure my betterment through nourishing my body and allowing my spirit to grow. I am a better spouse and/or parent because I continue to grow and transform myself. Everyone around me benefits from the positive energy I emit as I continue to grow and transform into a more enlightened being.
• A gentle and encouraging word, a smile to warm the heart and arms to wrap around those I love are things I have within me to offer.

• As I transform my spirit and continue to grow, I become strong and my foundation is able to sustain whatever comes my way.

• • From this article-same site
It is more than okay for me to have a healthy mind, body and spirit because the trio helps me to live my best life.
• Self-Reflection Questions:
• • What can I do to benefit my body?
• • How can I challenge my mind?
• • How can I nurture my spirit today?

• • affirmation & article- I give myself permission to be healthy in body, mind, and spirit

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✎ Writing For Your Life…Merle Field
Writing in the paradigm of prayer _{Merle Feld is a widely published poet, award-winning playwright, peace activist and educator}
-What do you especially want to remember today (focus on just one this morning): how to increase your patience? be courageous? don’t stereotype people, don’t be dismissive? how to work on dealing with frustration? anticipating and striving to manage your anger? remember to be open to joy? be in the moment? remember to be grateful? be gentle with yourself and your imperfections?
Begin by taking a few deep breaths, let go of the busyness of the day, the routine, the pressing demands. Claim the luxury and integrity of this time, allow it to nourish you.

-Recenter: what am I grateful for this afternoon, right now? Remember, describe, one small moment this morning that was a pleasure, that brought a smile, that was meaningful, rich.

-Slow down, stop, freeze frame: what do I want to change about how this day is going, how I am going in this day? Let the writing help you to reorient, shift, make a change.

-How am I living in my body today? Listen, with love – what do I need?

-Who am I, what do I cherish about myself? How can I make that manifest in my world today?

-Evening – Reflecting on the day that is coming to an end
(focus on just one of the following; perhaps give yourself a little more time for this writing)

-Remember something unique about the day, something wonderful, or troubling; or, notice a vivid image from the day; or, attend to the first memory that springs to mind, perhaps an overlooked, seemingly inconsequential moment: What happened? Explore in detail. And how is it significant for you?

(Remember, this is not a catalogue of the day’s events, it’s an opportunity to interpret, to make meaning, to integrate experiences that normally just rush by.)

-What did you learn today – about the world? another person? yourself?

-What delighted you? moved you? disturbed you? confused you? Tell the story.

-Did you challenge yourself today? take a risk? how? What happened?

-Were you afraid of something today? what? why? How did it turn out?

-How did you live in your body today? Why?

-With whom did you make a connection today? what happened?

-What surprised you today – and what is significant about that?

-What questions are you left with today?

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“When I care for myself I am preparing the ground to care for my family, my work, and the world” ~ Gail Straub

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• REFLECTIVE JOURNALING
• • Relationship Expectations-video/thread

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“When I care for myself I am preparing the ground to care for my family, my work, and the world” ~ Gail Straub
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• If I had Only One Minute Left to Live.. 1 min 7 sec

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EXCERPT FROM ARTICLE- ENJOYING THE PEOPLE WE LOVE-TINY BUDDHA
_{Psychologists suggest that healthy relationships have a five to one ratio of positive to negative interactions. I suspect the ratio holds true for positive to neutral interactions, as well. In other words: We need to enjoy other more often than we simply share space.}

• We need to make it a _priority to be silly, playful, spontaneous, generous, thoughtful, and affectionate.

• Sometimes we may not fully see the people we love because we’re too caught up in our own worries. Other times, it might be because we’re too comfortable to fully appreciate what comfort means.

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• • Intimacy
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• • The highest love a person can have for you is to wish you to evolve into the best person you can be. -David Viscott

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Scroll Down This Linked-site for good adjectives/feelings for expressing self…Feelings when your needs are satisfied and not satisfied-improve communication…scroll down this pdf for these words
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I will put in a word of prayer for each and every member of my family and ask God to take care of all their needs.

family – means everything to me..

POST 4

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I SAVOR EACH MOMENT OF EACH DAY
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Self-Reflection Questions….I SAVOR EACH MOMENT OF EACH DAY Self-Reflection Questions: 1. Do I savor each moment of each day? 2. Am I mindful that each day I have an opportunity to enjoy life? 3. How can I create a good moment today so that I may gift my future self with a beautiful memory?

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When I care for myself I am preparing the ground to care for my family, my work, and the world _{Gail Straub}
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SELF COMPASSION
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A Focus on the Family- Demonstrating Our Best
How will you honor your family today? What will you do to give your best? How will you speak to yourself…to best share what you have and best receive their gifts?

• Affirmations

Every day I give thanks for my wonderful family.
I always look forward to spending quality time with family.
I am open and affectionate with my family.
I am sensitive to my family’s needs.
I am so very grateful for my wonderful family.
My family and I enjoy a peaceful, harmonious life.
More Affirmations and Thoughts to Ponder in Process:

• • [1]We cannot live other people’s lives or bear their burdens, no matter how much we love them.
• • [2]I choose to enjoy helping my family members in their personal growth.
• • [3]I choose to understand and practice total responsibility.
• • [4]I choose to be lovable and capable.

• • [5]I choose to be more conscious about my life than ever before.
_{the above 5 thoughts and affirmations taken from Dr. Robert Anthony} from this pdf
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Sunshine On My Shoulder-John Denver
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Twelve Exercises for Mindful Parenting
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• • What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. Mother Teresa
• • Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden.Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing. – Jim Rohn
• • A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another.If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden. -Buddah
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• • The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself. -Unknown
• • A great spouse loves you exact the way you are. An extraordinary spouse helps you grow; inspires you to be, do and give your very best.-Fawn Weaver
• • The highest love a person can have for you is to wish you to evolve into the best person you can be. -David Viscott
• • What I love most about my home is who I share it with. -Tad Carpenter
• • “You might be tempted to avoid the messiness of daily living for the tranquility of stillness and peacefulness. This of course would be an attachment to stillness, and like any strong attachment, it leads to delusion. It arrests development and short-circuits the cultivation of wisdom.” Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are

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Thread currently being reorganized to be more reader friendly(:

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“A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another.
If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful
as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with
one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.”-Buddah

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valuable,lovable and irreplaceable
• AFFIRMATIONS BELOW ARE FROM LINK RIGHT ABOVE
• I am happy about where I am and also look forward to where I will be tomorrow.
• I have a healthy self-esteem because I know I am a unique and priceless individual. My love is pure and unselfish. I strive to be the very best I can be.
• Regardless of my efforts at self-improvement, I do not aim for perfection, as that would be impossible. I am happy about where I am and also look forward to where I will be tomorrow.
• My past experiences have molded me into what I am today. They are different from the experiences of any other person on this earth, making me totally unique. No one is just like me! I love my subtle differences and am grateful for them.
• I am valuable to my loved ones. I make it a point to make time for my family every day. I support and nurture them and show my love for them in my thoughts, words, and actions. They know that whenever they need me, I am there for them.
• I am valuable to my co-workers. I strive to do a fine job at work and foster a pleasant working atmosphere. I help my co-workers whenever I can lend a hand.

• Sure, it takes time, energy, and effort to live my life this way, but it is the way that fulfills me and makes me the irreplaceable person I am.

Today, I want to shine!
At my workplace, I plan to be a positive force for productivity. At home, I intend to instill a happy aura that everyone enjoys. And for myself, I choose to meditate and reflect on the good things of the day before I retire in the evening.
Self-Reflection Questions:
How am I valuable to myself and others?
Do I feel lovable? How can I strengthen this feeling?
What makes me irreplaceable?

POST 5

WHEN I PRAY I FEEL AN INTERIOR FREEDOM
Prayer makes me feel free to pursue a higher calling with passion and resolve. I believe that my prayers are heard and will be answered in divine time. Prayer gives me the confidence I need to trust in my Creator’s masterful plan.
Today, I am free be the best me I can be because I have deposited all my shortcomings in the arms of prayer and I know that my weaknesses are simply opportunities for prayer to reveal its power.

Self-Reflection Questions:
How do I feel when I pray?
Is there something in particular that I need to pray about today?
What causes me to worry?

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POST 6
As you begin to state what you do want, rather than clamoring about what you don’t want, you come into your own power. When you come into your own power, you feel better. And when you feel better — those who love you also feel better. -Abraham

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• Many Affirmations Here in this thread

• Marriage and/or Relationship Affirmations

Other Affirmations (beyond marriage) on that thread include Youthfulness Affirmations, Healthy Body Affirmations, Health and Well-being Affirmations, Fitness Affirmations, Energy Affirmations, Time Awareness Affirmations, Change Affirmations, Values Affirmations, Spirituality Affirmations, Attitude Affirmations, Balance Affirmations,Friendship Affirmations
Every day I give thanks for my wonderful family.
I always look forward to spending quality time with family.
I am open and affectionate with my family.
I am sensitive to my family’s needs.
I am so very grateful for my wonderful family.
My family and I enjoy a peaceful, harmonious life

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• Spending Family Time
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• • My Commitment to my loved ones is building forever roots-article/affirmations

Self-Reflection Questions:
Is my commitment to my loved ones my highest priority?
How can I show my love to my family in my everyday activities?
Have I included time in my schedule for family activities?

• • >high priority is for those I love. Showing them my love in all that I do and say is a positive force that brings lasting happiness to us all.
• • >The way I treat my loved ones nurtures and supports them.
• • >Today, I plan to spend some time with name___ (or each member of my family) and let my love shine through in my thoughts, words, and actions.

• • My Commitment to my loved ones is building forever roots-article/affirmations

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“It is better to light the candle, than chase away the darkness” Maria Fontaine
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Affirmation:
I am happy about where I am and also look forward to where I will be tomorrow

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An Affirmation thread
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POWER YOUR LIFE WITH AFFIRMATIONS

POST 7

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Blessings/Quotes-Marriage

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audio/visual version-Blessing For A Marriage by James Dillet Freeman
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_{Blessing For A Marriage by James Dillet Freeman}

May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.

May you always need one another – not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with you and you.

May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces. May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you!” and take no notice of small faults.

If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.

May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another’s presence – no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities. May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it loving one another!
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Love & Marriage

One possible
reason America has
a high divorce rate
is because the
emphasis is on
finding someone
with a good heart
rather than
♥ developing a good
heart.
~ Puran Bair
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_{Marriage Joins Two People In The Circle Of Its Love Edmund O’Neill (b. 1929)}
Marriage is a commitment to life, the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other relationship can equal. It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.

Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships. A wife and a husband are each other’s best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. And there may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing, and the love of the other may resemble the tender caring of a parent or child.

Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher, commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly.

Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, new ways of expressing a love that is deeper than life.

When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people who love
each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

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_{I Promise by Dorothy R. Colgan}
I promise to give you the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person
and to realize that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.

I promise to share with you my time and my attention
and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how. Completely and forever.

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• • Marriage -Kahlil Gibran

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WHAT IS A HEALTHY FUNCTIONAL MARRIAGE ...by John Bradshaw[inner-child expert]
A healthy functional couple commit to each other through the power of will. They decide and choose to stand by each other, no matter what (for richer or poorness, in sickness and health, until death parts them) A good relationship is based on unconditional love. It’s not some maudlin feeling – it’s a decision .
A healthy functional relationship is based on equality, the equality of two self actualizing spiritual beings who connect at the level of their beingness. Each is a whole person. Each grows because of the love for the other, which by definition occasions spiritual growth.

Each partner in a healthy functional marriage knows that in the final analysis they are responsible for their own actions and happiness. Happiness cannot be the fruition of a mature process if it is dependent on something outside of itself. Life is a process of moving from environmental support to self-support. From puberty on, growing up and becoming mature means standing on one’s two feet and being independent and self-supporting. No relationship is healthy if it is based on incompleteness and neediness. Healthy relationships are mature, which means equal and self responsible.

The mature self relationship image I like best is two people making music together. Each plays his own instrument and uses his own unique skills, but they play the same song. Each is a whole and complete. Each is independent and committed

Furthermore, in a healthy and committed relationship each partner has a commitment to discipline. Each is self-disciplined and is willing to apply discipline to the relationship. Discipline involves the use of four basic techniques of easing the suffering of life’s inevitable problems. Scott Peck, in his book, The Road Less Traveled, outlines these techniques.
They are:

• Delaying gratification
• Accepting responsibility for self
• Telling the truth and being dedicated to reality

• Bracketing ego needs for the sake of spiritual needs

Discipline is fueled by the commitment of love and is part of the commitment.
_{from Bradshaw On: The Family- A Revolutionary Way of Self Discovery}

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• Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true ☼Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

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POST 8

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• • this post is being saved to create more order to this thread

Post 9
☼ ►•On choosing: If there is something you wish to experience in your life, do not “want” it, choose it. _{quote from a great book The 8 Proven Secrets to SMART Success by Peggy McColl}

• ☼~☼~☼~☼~☼~☼~☼~☼
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• • _{Goals for Marriages excerpts from article by :Zainah Zainalabidin}
• • examples for goal setting in marriage

• • Setting goals in a marriage is as important as setting personal and professional goals. However, it is ironic that most people fail to set goals for their marriage. They set goals for their career, finance, health and they set goals to find their soul mate and get married.

Most people have the preconceived idea that once they are married everything would be fine. All their problems would be solved and they expect to live happily ever after on autopilot. This misleading notion may have stemmed from fairy tales that indoctrinated us when we were young. We are all familiar with the story of how the prince meets a beautiful girl, falls in love, gets married and they live happily ever after. Unfortunately, it is not as easy and smooth in the real world that we live in. Marriage requires work and effort from both spouses. Although love plays a major role in the marriage, that is only the beginning. It is crucial that you make a conscious and continuous effort to make your marriage a success.

Statistics show that almost half of marriages in the United States and other western countries end up in divorce. It is unfortunate that most couples do not give their marriage the proper attention and nourishment it needs to thrive. With the high rate of divorce it is obvious that you should spend time and effort to make sure that your marriage is a success. Your marriage should be your top priority. Do not just concentrate on your children, career and finance and neglect your relationship with your spouse. Ultimately your relationship at home with your spouse will determine how happy and successful you are. If you are unhappy in your marriage it will affect everything else in your life including your happiness, health, career and business. On the other hand, if you are happy at home you are more likely to succeed in everything else in life.

Of course when you are busy with your daily routine, it is easy to forget to nurture your relationship. It is easy to forget to be grateful for what you have. It is also easy to start criticizing your partner when things to go wrong. If you are not careful this will eventually lead to hostility and contempt and the end of your marriage.

Marriage does not have to be mundane and a struggle. So what is the recipe for a happy marriage? To make sure your marriage thrives, you should spend time planning your life together. Set goals for your marriage, short-term as well as long-term. Reflect on what both of you hope to achieve this year. Ask yourselves what you want to achieve in 5 years, in 10 years and 20 years down-the-line. If you set goals for your marriage you have a better chance of making your marriage a happy and fulfilling one.

So what is your recipe for a happy marriage? So what are your goals as a couple? How similar are your and your spouse’s goals for the marriage? Start by asking yourself “What do I want out of my marriage?” and “What do I want my marriage to look like in the future?” Spend an afternoon together with your spouse putting your goals down in writing. Schedule time with your partner to accomplish your goals together. Re-evaluate your goals on a regular basis. Be open in changing your goals.

So what should goals for marriages be? Goals for marriages should include all aspect of your marriage – physical, emotional, intellectual, finance, health, recreation, social, spiritual and everything else that could affect your marriage.

Like any other goal, goals for marriages need to be written down. The difference between a wish or a dream and a goal is that a goal is a wish or a dream that you have written down and take continuous action towards realizing it. For example, let’s say that both of you want more romance in your marriage. First you have to write it down. After that you have to ask yourselves why it is important for both you to achieve this goal. Ultimately you are more likely to achieve your goal if you have a compelling reason to do so. Then you have to be specific and ask yourself how you are going to achieve this. What do you have to do specifically? What is required to achieve this goal? Come up with your action plan. Next set a deadline when you want the goal to be accomplished. Brainstorm any obstacles that you would encounter en route to your goal. What obstacles can you expect? Last but not least come up with ideas how both you are going to overcome those obstacles. By setting your goals the smart way you are more likely to achieve your goals.

You also need to evaluate your personal goals to see if they are essentially in the marriage’s best interest. Go through your personal goals and ask, “Why do I want to achieve this goal?”, “Why is it important?” “If I achieve this goal how will it affect my marriage?” “Is this goal going to improve my marriage?” After answering these questions you might find that you need to revise your goals or create new ones. It is crucial that both of you are able to support each other in the achievement of individual and marital goals.

As you can see prioritizing and goal setting in marriage is essential. Remember, setting goals in a marriage allows both parties to work together for the enhancement of their marriage. Each partner gets to know what the other wants so the couple knows the path that their marriage is heading towards. Marriage does take work but by setting goals for your marriage you are on your way to a happier, healthier relationship. If your marriage is in trouble or stagnant, it is never too late to put your marriage back on track.

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• • HOW TO AVOID FINANCIAL DISAGREEMENTS

Make a Money Date- Talking about money is serious, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. Together you and your spouse need to set a time for discussing financial issues such as the budget, savings, and retirement. Dedicate all of your attention towards this meeting where neither one of you is distracted by phones ringing or children crying. Make a date out of the occasion by going to a local cafe with free Internet service. Bring your laptop along and use this quiet time outside of the house to focus on your financial future. Repeat these periodic meetings to ensure that both of you are meeting your goals.

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• budget I copy and paste this to word & personalize/edit it for many kinds of charts. Try it and see the clean looking planner you get(:

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• Bill Pay -editable
• BUDGET WORKSHEET EXAMPLE

• love this->great for both of you to communicate to one another -honey do list

• Prioritizing Bills
• pocket sized
• Monthly Bill Reminder 2
• Monthly Bill Reminder 1
• Daily Interactive Planner
• Monthly Checklist
☼ ►• Define Your Non-Negotiables

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• • FAMILY MEETINGS

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• • excerpt from article by Peggy McCall…entitled Your Thinking Stuff. _{A powerful goal focused technique: Write out a goal statement in your handwriting of what you want. Select one goal. Be clear on what you want.Be definitive. Write your goal in the present tense, using emotionally charged words and ensure your goal is written with positive words.Once you have his goal statement written, and you are happy with it, write it out 3 times a day 20 times each. Yes, you will be writing your one goal statement 60 times each and every day. That’s it! You write your goal 20 times in the morning, 20 times again mid day and 20 times before you go to bed. Don’t miss one time. Don’t cheat yourself. Write it out 20 times 3 times each day! Keep in mind this is a new discipline. Don’t start small and work your way up. Do it 20 times the first time, 20 times the next time and keep writing out your goal statement 20 times each time. You can do it. Here’s what will happen. Your focus will be intensified and it will happen on the first day that you do this exercise. Your focus will be consistent. As you write your goal statement, you’ll find ideas will start pouring into your mind. You’ll be amazed at how many ideas start to come to you. Also, your level of motivation will remain high, even when you don’t feel motivated or may be experiencing discouragement. This works! If you are serious about your goal do this. According to Jeanette Farmer from www.retrainthebrain.com, writing by hand stimulates the activity in the brain and impacts the emotional brain and the brain’s lower levels. Handwriting has been proven to be an effective way to “retrain the brain.” You may ask: “How long do I need to write out my goal statement 60 times every day?” My answer to you is this: “Keep doing it until you reach your goal}

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Free printables; free calendars, free tools to make lists, or stationary etc.

• Activity Log

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♥ – The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your
completeness. ~Neale Donald Walsch
♥ Marriage allows
partners the
great gift of
completing the
development of
each other’s
hearts
Jana Staton, PhD, LCPC
Daniel McMannis, M.Ed

POST 10

• • _{Becoming more neutral is the first step toward non-judgment. Eventually, you begin to see the deeper aspects of life and people that are really wonderful, some might even say divine. Instead of quickly identifying people’s faults and seeing them through that lens, you begin to lead with ♥love. Not only do the people around you start to look better, but your entire spirit is enhanced by that generous, life-giving quality. [Doc Childre and Howard Martin, The HeartMath Solution]}

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♥Be kind to yourself by — Ralph Marston Be kind to yourself. The better you feel, the more value you can create for your world. Learn from your mistakes, but don’t hound yourself relentlessly with them. Build for the future, but don’t withhold from yourself the joys that you can live right now. Delight in life’s pleasures without sinking into meaningless excess. Enjoy the beauty that surrounds you as it resonates with the beauty that is within you. Find genuine satisfaction in productive, meaningful effort. Give the best that you have, and discover the real, lasting treasures you receive from doing so. Provide yourself with the energy, commitment and determination to do much. And regularly give yourself some peaceful, relaxing time to do nothing.Treat yourself with kindness, courtesy, respect and the highest of expectations. For life is as good as you choose to make it.

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Self-Compassion
RELATED THREAD- SELF-COMPASSION...GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK

POST 11

• • excerpt from article What do you think is the most important ingredient in a good marriage?_{by Dr. H. Wallace Goddard} /What do you think is the most important ingredient in a good marriage? Many people would probably say that communication is most important. If communication is defined as talking about problems in the marriage then that idea is surely mistaken. Today many scholars would say that the most important element in a successful marriage is kindness! Kindness includes looking for the good in all the ordinary dealings with a partner. Rather than thinking about problems and annoyances, we can dwell on the good times and good qualities. In the gallery of our minds we can choose to hang memories of unhappiness and gloom or we can hang pictures of peaceful, caring times. Choosing to remember and cherish the good makes a big difference in the quality of the relationship.