changing others minds

The topic here for me is “can you change the way others think with your thoughts? what doese everyone think?

Changing the way others think is supposed to be part of my job, but I confess I don’t do it. I simply wait for their thinking to change.

I read the book “Influence” that madcookieman recommended, and still I don’t actively try to influence, other than by what comes naturally. Jeff, what was that book called? “Compliance Marketing” or something like that.

Along with you, Raven, I am interested in what others think about this.

I remember recommending “Influence” by Cialdini, but I don’t remember one called “Compliance Marketing”. I really got a lot out of “Influence”. It certainly makes you more aware, doesn’t it. I think it’s fine to use your communication skills to ‘influence’ others as long as it’s not done to trick or manipulate. We influence or are influenced all the time whether we are aware of it or not; might as well be aware of it – how to ‘use’ it, or how to ‘defend’ against it. Did I recommend something along the lines of “Compliance Marketing”? I just can’t recall at the moment. I don’t remember reading a book with that title.

No you’re right. It was “Influence”. Compliance was just a theme throughout the book. Thanks for reminding me! Jeez my memory sucks.

Anyways, Raven, here’s what the book maybe said. You can change people’s thinking. And of course, your own thinking will affect them, but usually it takes visible and audible cues too. People are influenced by those they respect, their peers, authority, and other points of reference I can’t recall right now.

One of the main points of that book is to make us more aware of how our ‘auto-pilot’ kicks in in certain circumstances and that there are lots of people/companies/politicians/organizations that take knowingly take advantage of this.

Another of my favorite things in the book is a discussion of ‘buy-in’. If you can get someone to ‘buy-in’ to what you are selling they will then look for reasons to support their own decision to ‘buy-in’ – if that makes sense. For example, let’s say I’m promoting socialism. I give you a plausible argument that sounds good so that you will accept what I’m saying as true, even though it may not be true. Once you accept the false-premise you will build supporting arguments for your accepted belief. Later on someone can demonstrate that the original argument was false, but it no longer matters because you have built ‘new legs’ under the false belief. People will often seek out and latch on to weak evidence to support something rather than consider whether or not it is logical to do so.

Another part of the book I remember was a section on ‘hazing’. The purpose of hazing is to create a type of buy in. It can have a purpose, but often it is just to create an illusion of value where there is none in reality. In the marines it can create a sense of brotherhood that can be important in life and death situations. When a fraternity at a college hazes people it’s just stupid.

Another section talked about, and I can’t remember the term, but I’ll call it diluted responsibility, anyway, if you are having a medical emergency and need help and you are in a crowded place, you are less likely to get help than you would if you were in a place with few people around. People tend to assume that someone will handle it – they pass the buck. It can be that they think someone else will be more qualified to help, but whatever the reason if you are in a situation like that and need help you should point to someone and get their attention and tell them specifically to get you some help. “Hey, you, in the red t-shirt, yes, YOU, I’m having a problem, call 911”, or whatever. I’m sure you’ve heard about the story where a woman was killed in New York years ago and there were all kinds of witnesses and nobody called the police. The woman was screaming. People saw the attack. The attacker left. No one called for help. The attacker came back and finished the job. The incident led to an important study, bla, bla, bla, anyway it was interesting stuff.

Another common thing that is exploited is the idea that expensive = good and inexpensive = bad.

Another one is ‘reciprocation’ which is when someone (often artfully and subtly) does you a favor which puts you in their debt. You find yourself doing favors, making donations, buying stuff, recommending stuff, giving sales leads, and on and on and on to people you hardly know or may not even like. Reciprocation is POWERFUL. And it’s ‘sociological/biological’ so that it’s easy to exploit. The Krishna’s got famous for this type of exploitation at airports a few decades ago.

There are lots of other neat things in the book.

People tend to follow the man in the suit and tie; he can be a complete moron, but they will follow him. Also, people tend to believe – automatically, mind you – that attractive people are more intelligent. Did you know that you should keep a picture of a cute baby in your wallet? If you ever lose it you are FAR more likely to get it back. Okay, so someone of a different ethnicity/culture than you drops an envelope as they are walking down the street and don’t notice that they have dropped it – you are far less likely to pick up the envelope and chase down the man to return it than you would if he “looked like you”. Think you’re the exception, well, hate to burst your bubble, but you ain’t.