Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles.
Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have periods of closeness and periods of distance. We have times of coming together and times of separating to work on individual issues.
We have times of love and joy, and times of anger.
Sometimes, the dimensions of relationships change as we go through changes. Sometimes, life brings us new friends or a new loved one to teach us the next lesson.
That does not mean the old friend disappears forever. It means we have entered a new cycle.
We do not have to control the course of our relationships, whether these be friendships or love relationships. We do not have to satisfy our need to control by imposing a static form on relationships.
Let it flow. Be open to the cycles. Love will not disappear. The bond between friends will not sever. Things do not remain the same forever, especially when we are growing and changing at such a rapid pace.
Trust the flow. Take care of yourself, but be willing to let people go. Hanging on to them too tightly will make them disappear.
The old adage about love still holds true: If it’s meant to be, it will be. And if you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, the love is yours.
Today, I accept the cyclical nature of life and relationships. I will strive to go with the flow. I will strive for harmony with my own needs and the needs of the other person.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©***********, Hazelden Foundation.
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Okay so I don’t know about you guys, but I am a control freak. I am the girl who holds on too tight (strategically avoiding seeming clingy) to relationships. I like to define them. I hate the part where I don’t know where we stand. I want concrete and I want closure. And if someone starts to distance themselves (or I perceive them to be distancing themselves) I freak. Anxiety city. I get weird. I try to distance myself so that they will “realize that I won’t be around forever”, and inevitably the relationship falls apart. I have always wondered why this is, and have repeatedly made the same mistake over and over and over again. Trying to control the cycles of relationships. Trying to control how other people feel. Trying to control the outcome of situations that regardless, no matter how hard I try ARE OUT OF MY CONTROL. It does not matter what game I play. If a relationship is not meant to be, it won’t be.
So I try to control and the relationship falls apart, and then I go into a complex about why I am not good enough. I alternate between why I am not good enough to what is wrong with them for not wanting me. Back and forth, back and forth. Making assumptions. Making reasoning. Trying to gain closure within myself. Making assumptions about why other people do the things they do is such a waste of my energy. Who cares WHY they don’t want me in their life. There are better questions to be asking myself:
Do I want them in my life or do I want them to want me in theirs more?
And if they don’t want me in their life why am I wasting any more of my time on the relationship?
If people want me in their life, they will keep me there. I don’t have to obsess or hold on too tightly. A relationship that is meant to be will be. As long as I put love, respect, kindness, and mostly MYSELF [and not my crazy controlling self, but myself) into it.. thats all I should have to do. Relationships don’t need to be and should not be difficult to maintain. And if I do find that a relationship is taking too much energy, maybe the relationship is entering a new cycle. And I need to let that happen. I can’t fight the cycles of life. I’m not god.
Today, I accept the cyclical nature of life and relationships. I will strive to go with the flow. I will strive for harmony with my own needs and the needs of the other person.
How can you use that meditation in your life?
