★The Ugly Side of Positive Thinking

But, but, but… This post is going to have a few buts in it. I sometimes think we are willfully blind to reality. Positive thinking is wonderful, there are lots of benefits that can come from positive thinking, BUT it is not a magic pill. It is sometimes portrayed that way. Picturing yourself in your mind doing something can help you to actually do something, BUT it isn’t going to happen magically. You actually have to get off your butt and DO. Do we con ourselves? I think that often we do. There are certain realities in the world that blind optimism will not deter: Hurricane Katrina, 9/11, earthquakes, tsunamis. We cannot simply wish things like an economic collapse away. Some disasters can be avoided if we embrace reality, BUT some can’t. I think American’s are especially bad about being blindly optimistic. Maybe it is because so many of the people pulling the strings have never suffered. I don’t know. I do know that we often proclaim to the world that we are the “Greatest Nation in the World”. I would be the first to stand up and say that there are many great things about America. Our Constitution is something very special that we shouldn’t take for granted, BUT, you know, our prisons are bursting at the seems. Our middle class is disappearing, our infrastructure is breaking down, drug-use is rampant, we use more anti-depressants than anyone else, we are surpassed by many nations in science, reading and math, we waste tons of money on worthless government bureaucracies and yet we are the most “optimistic” of people. When “they” measure the happiness of the people in countries from around the world we always fall far short of first place. I wonder where we would be without all the anti-depressants? I am not trying to bring anyone down, BUT I am trying to make sure you are not hanging your hopes on magic beans.

Now, my child, go and meditate…

I’m always content to read your style of writing. It doesn’t bring me down, it makes me think. Thank you for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!.You aren’t being negative…you are pointing out the ugly side of what exists.

We are such an overwhelmed nation…with good reason.-> The world has changed…lots of extremes. People believe they have the answers for others, and they use a one size fits all ruler/rule-book to measure how their neighbor is and what their neighbor should be doing.

I think much of our difficulties lie in materialism and an entitlement mentality coupled with a dumbing-down of society. Don’t you feel like our society is too outwardly focused. God is dead. Well, he’s not dead, but we sure are trying to kill him. Going back to the entitlement thing, do you remember the audio clip that was played over and over in the media about the “Obama money”? I have literally seen clips of people who honestly believed that Obama was going to start paying their bills. I have seen parodies of these people also, but they were based on actual statements from people who were completely serious.

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
People are trying so hard to survive…that being compassionate/helping/changing things for others/& ‘the world’ is an area which needs to be revisited (understatement)

Yes…the God-focus (or those who say Higher Power- focus)… seem to be disintegrating from the country…(not a favorite thing of mine)…But it is more the hatred, rampant/blatant disrespect/disregard for others…(true violence)that causes the worst disturbance! …difficult (for me) to know what a culture(s)is/are believing/doing…

• …feelings of entitlement and or neediness are often issues for indiv’s defining to others how they’d like to be respected. … blurred by individual or /cultural group/upbringing/life experiences…

• As we all progress as individuals…we will have more to give, and better able to discern where and how to apply our energies. -It is simply just so important to keep some sort of “balance” with maintaining yourself first…and then seeing where you fit into the rest of the universe. If I had the “luxury” of time management ‘completely’ on my terms…I know I would be a different with how and where I apply focus… for myself and many.

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
I dont think positive thinking its self has an ugly side, but some people think you can use positive thinking alone to make life better and that there is no need to do anything practical (do the footwork as Laurie calls it).

If we look at a happy fulfilled life as a tapestry then life itself is the canvas, doing the footwork is the thread and positive thinking is the needle guiding the thread through. If you actually had a tapestry making kit you could try pushing the thread through the holes without the needle, but it would be difficult and thats how life can be if we never think positive, but if we just live by positive thinking alone (weaving a needle through the holes with no thread attached) then we wont get the finished result. in other words we could find we’re not getting the best out of life.

Real positive thinking and self-belief propell us to take action to improve our own lives and help others as well

The other side of positive thinking is negative thinking. We’re all really good at telling ourselves stories. The only real difference between a ‘positive’ person, and a ‘negative’ person is the stories they tell themselves. We ALL have this amazing ability to tell ourselves stories. The positive thinking movement has realised this and suggests that we can have happier, more productive and fulfilling lives if we change the narrative in our head. This is true, and it can be used to great effect.

There’s two problems with this though. The first is that whilst, for the moment, you might be happier and more productive, you’re still training yourself to take the stories in your head seriously. It wouldn’t work if you didn’t. The more you practice with this, the more seriously you take the stories, the further from reality you risk going. As has been said already in this thread, it’s one thing to affirm an intention to exercise regularly and actually get up and do it, it’s another thing entirely to trick yourself into believing you’re healthy and active when that is far from the reality of the situation.

The other problem is the dualistic nature of the practice. If there’s positive, there’s negative, and although we see them as opposite extremes, if there’s positive then right there next to it is negative. Our carefully crafted stories about ourselves that we take so seriously can quickly confirm our worst fears and all it takes is the smallest most minute shift in your narrative.

So what’s the solution? In my humble opinion, MCM has the answer in his post: “go and meditate” he says. Of course meditation has come to mean all kinds of things, and of course there’s all kind of “guaranteed” quick fix courses, books, methods and seminars. Call me a skeptic, but I don’t believe in magic quick fixes. Those convincing stories that we tell ourselves come from decades of conditioning. No internet download is going to change that, no matter if it’s fifty dollars or five hundred.

But maybe, just maybe, over time, if you sit here, amongst it all, letting go of these stories and slowing down, you’ll learn to settle into what is and just… be. Maybe, in time and through experience, we’ll develop an understanding of reality and learn to accept the way things are, and really live the life we already have.

This isn’t a magic pill either. If you have an terminal illness, you’ll still have a terminal illness. If you are in a lot of debt, you’ll still have to get up and go to work and pay it off. If you’re building a house, you’ll probably run over budget and the build might take three months longer than you had planned. If you’ve got a big nose and huge ears, you’ll still have a big nose and huge ears.

But if you’re unhealthy or overweight, perhaps you will come to terms with that, and realise that something needs to be done. Perhaps by stopping, you’ll notice the effects of your actions and start having a healthy sandwich instead of a McDonalds meal. You’ll take the stairs instead of the lifts. Perhaps by stopping, you’ll notice that whenever you drink that much you wake up feeling miserable, and you’ll stop at one or two glasses instead of two or three bottles. Maybe, you’ll notice that when you speak to people in that particular way that you do, they take offense and there are more compassionate ways of dealing with these things when they come up. And on, and on.

So there’s no magic here. No instant gratification. It takes patience, practice and determination, but I don’t know, perhaps in thirty years you’ll wake up one day and have a glass of water, look out the window and notice the cool morning air on your skin. Maybe you’ll still be paying off your house, maybe you won’t be a millionaire, maybe you’ll still be single. But at that moment, nothing will be missing.

We’ll see what happens anyway, maybe in 50 years I’ll have something to report :)