★Do you really need a rebuild?

There’s been some talk on the forums today about the article I wrote called do I need a rebuild.

Even though the article is over two years old, I still get people emailing me about it almost every week. Understandably most of these emails are questions from people left more confused than enlightened.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about this whole concept and whilst I still love the idea of a rebuild, I think that the metaphor of a building and it’s foundations wasn’t the best way to represent a persons mind or ‘self’.

My current thinking says that a better analogy is the often used muddy glass of water.

The building analogy implies that a person is a simple layered structure, and my article suggested a rebuild meant tearing down the upper levels in order to address issues with the foundations.

The problem is that you can’t simply throw aside parts of your self, especially the deeper ‘core values’ and whilst I still believe that there are certain techniques or ways of causing instant and lasting changes to your self, I’ve become a firm believer in gradual attainment.

These days, the muddy glass of water metaphor works for me because no matter what, life goes on. It’s very unlikely that you’ll ever be in a position where you can rebuild yourself like my initial article suggested.

You would need an incredibly supportive, unbiased and altruistic group of people around you almost full time, and to have any chance of success you’d need to stop everything else you were doing and focus entirely on the rebuild process.

Even if we assume that all went well and the rebuild was a huge success, the likelihood of the changes sticking are slim to none. In the initial article I mentioned how easy it is to be in a great mood when your on a lavish resort on a remote tropical island.

Life isn’t always like that though and unless the change can stand up against life’s inevitabilities then this kind of rebuild might be doing more harm than good.

So back to the glass of muddy water. How does this metaphor apply?

The muddy water is your mind, and all around the glass is the chaos that is the rest of the world. In amongst all of this, no matter where you are, you need to cultivate an inner calm that allows the mud inside your glass to settle.

When the mud settles you can clearly see the the ‘forest from the trees’ so to speak and identifying the root cause of issues becomes much easier.

That assumes of course that these issues manage to survive at all. You’ll probably find they loose their significance after seeing them in full light.

The best part about settling this muddy glass of water is that unlike the rebuilding metaphor, there is actually a simple answer the question ‘how?’

The answer is meditation.

Now I have to say that I’m not claiming to have settled my muddy water completely. In fact, I’ve got a long way to go. But I do have it on very good authority that this is the way forward, and my experiences so far suggest that this is absolutely correct.

The best part about this way of looking at things is that whoever you are, wherever you are, you can start right now and begin to see results.

There’s no massive upheaval, the barrier to entry is nearly none existent and I’m told that given enough time and practice, the path takes you right to the very end where you can enjoy that crystal clear water you’ve been yearning for.

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Just a couple of notes that might be worth mentioning.

First up, I mentioned in the initial article that these thoughts had only just occurred to me and that the theory was developing in ‘real time’. This is great because it allows people to follow along and offer input and suggestions and to work with me.

There is a downside though and that is that the when things are happening in real time, they aren’t very well tested. The meditation theory has been tested and I have already achieved results with it. However, I am still a student here and I probably always will be.

Some people spend years meditating in caves before they come back enlightened. Unfortunately I am unable to disappear into the forest right now. I practice every day and get out of it as much as I can, but it’s a gradual process and there’s no telling how long it takes to completely settle the mud.

As I said though, a teacher of mine insists that this is the way forward and he hasn’t been wrong yet.

Secondly, I first heard the glass of muddy water metaphor from a friend whilst discussing something quite unrelated. I mentioned it to a teacher of mine and he applied the metaphor more appropriately to meditation. So I cannot take credit for this :)

In response to Lee Nutter’s post:

Lee,here are some things I was drawn to in your earlier article:

“Pushing on is one alternative to the rebuild method of making progress”

I believe that is what motivated and creative people do-> They push on until what they are pushing on-> towards seems impossible, or their goals change and then it would seem time to “rebuild”.

The rebuilding process (or change) would either be for how they are doing what they are doing, what they want, their behavioral characteristics that limit themselves, ortheir core realizations about who they are in relation to their goals.

In terms of goal setting, I believe we’re always in a state of revision. As new information is presented, we can’t stick to the exact same goal or criteria for even having the goal; then time to rebuild.

Lee, I also was drawn to “if you were attempting to push on blindly despite the fact that your foundations were crumbling beneath you you probably wouldn’t get very far either”

Blindly is the word that caught my eye. If your foundation is crumbling, it is time to be less blind (learn more), or get some kind of needed resource you’re lacking (support, finances, healthy behaviors to best predict feeling and being well; like exercise and eating properly), and then refocus. If you have to-> refocus again. We can’t move forward blindly. We need to stay as aware as we can. It’s true sometimes we feel we’re acting in our best interests and we aren’t; often spinning our wheels. We need personal methods to measure our “successes” or it is difficult to ascertain our progress. What makes our endeavors feel and or be successful? That answer will most probably be unique to each individual.

And asking questions repeatedly like: is what you’re still going for what you still want and need? If not why not? And if it is how can I create ways to build a path to not only achieve what I’m going for, but make it invigorating and enlightening on the way, so I can keep the passion happening?

Yeah, it’s true be can’t always feel wonderful for things we must do; though some aspect of what we do has to have something in it that makes it all worth it.

Constant assessment will help us determine how much revision is needed. If we remain true to ourselves and our values, I think we stay on a path that helps us know what to do. Support in a community like the one you’ve built at bmindful is a comfortable place that helps many ask these pertinent questions (smiles)

For myself recently, I had to get to a place of real fatigue with my day to day stuff. It was definitely time to reassess, reevaluate or as you call it rebuild. So glad for the recent shift.

I thought I was rebuilding because I went away and slowed down. Are there lots of others feeling to do the same?

In response to laurie’s post:
I totally agree!

I actually chopped this article in half before I pressed the post button, but the other half of the article talked about being in the moment as a way of gauging your process.

In the moment you’re likely to make better decisions anyhow, but if you find that when you leave yourself on autopilot like this, and you’re heading off course then you need to recalibrate.

As you said, the way one goes about calibrating will be different each individual. Different things work for different people, but for me especially, meditation is how I do this.

Going back to the first post in this thread, meditation helps settle the water and allows my true purpose and values to become more obvious to me.

After I’ve reconnected with my values or purpose I can then use tools such as planning, goal setting and affirmations to refocus my attention, and then gauge my process by spending time in the moment again.

Of course it’s not always as clear cut as this as I meditate most days, try to live in the moment as often as possible and always try and work to a plan. But you get the idea :)

In response to freygan’s post:
Freya, I guess slowing down stops the water splashing around so much and helps settle the mud :P

This is in response to what Lee Nutter said about the two most common questions that he gets about rebuilding.

How do you know if you need rebuilding?
How do you go about doing it if you do?

My answer is very simple and straight forward.

How do you know if you need rebuilding?
First of all I want you to ask yourself a question. Why do I feel bad? I am not asking what specific situation caused you to feel that way. I want you to look a little deeper into yourself. Realize that you are nothing but a single organism. When you feel sad it is your “body’s” physiological response to an instance that turned out ‘not quite right’. It is your “mind” that labels that ‘feeling’ as ‘bad’.

What is common is for people to run from the feeling. They cover it up with alcohol, drugs (legal or prescription), shopping, hanging out with friends, work, tv, video games, schoolwork, hobbies, and anything else that takes your ‘mind’ off of it.

The original question was ‘how do you know if you need rebuilding’.
Well it really depends on your goals. If you are reading this then I will assume that you want to ‘feel better’ to some degree due to the nature of this web site. So lets continue.

Whenever you ‘feel’ anything. Anything. I want you to observe it for what it really is. No more running. Put “your mind’s eye” on the ‘pain’. Consider what you feel as ‘good’. It is your body giving you a report on what it is you just did. It is NORMAL to feel these feelings. 100% normal. You are not weird for having them. It is your style of dealing with them that is destructive.

The next question was ‘how do you go about rebuilding?’ That is where your ‘mind’ comes in. Your mind is a tool and loves to solve problems. After something happens that makes you ‘feel’ bad, when you have some time to yourself, analyze the situation that ‘caused’ the feelings. From there your mind will be able to make appropriate steps to ‘rebuild’.

Don’t know why certain people do things? News flash: All action is taken to relieve tension. Seems that it is primal human nature to not like tension. I say this due to the eons of suffering that humans have created in an attempt to relieve it. What does this mean to you? It means that EVERYONE wants SOMETHING. As much as you want to believe that your friend is selfless he or she is getting something from the interaction that outweighs the negative. There is much information out there on this subject so I won’t go into it here.

I believe that the human mind is naturally good. What makes it ‘go to the dark side’ is fear. It wants to run from its emotions and feelings and hide them through strength. So what does that mean? All ‘perceived’ strength is truly weakness and fear.

The main thing is to always stay present. Always ‘be’ in the ‘now’. This is not to say that you cannot use your mind when you want to. It means to STOP yourself from judging, analyzing, and thinking when your thought patterns have become repetitive and more destructive than helpful.

The human mind is sick and this is the medicine for it.

Please give feedback. I would love to defend my position.

Thanks for the post Lee!
I needed a rebuild but, made sure that my change could stand up against life’s inevitabilities. I needed the affirmations to stay focused.
I was sure i had heard of the metaphor you used! An Excellent one btw.
I beleive that meditation can also welcome negative thoughts, that’s why i use prayer. See you’s around!

In response to illusion555’s post:
“What is common is for people to run from the feeling. They cover it up with alcohol, drugs (legal or prescription), shopping, hanging out with friends, work, tv, video games, schoolwork, hobbies, and anything else that takes your ‘mind’ off of it.”-illusion
That is so true! I’m guilty of being a shopaholic, a crafter and a tv addict. I’m glad that they’re somewhat healthy occupations. I’ve never thought much of strength, i’m an emotional mess, despite my growth. I also need to STOP myself from judging, analyzing, and thinking when my thought patterns have become repetitive and more destructive than helpful. I agree with most of what you’ve said :) Everyone needs spiritual & personal strength!

After you ‘feel’ an emotion do not let it go. Have enough self awareness to realize that your body is trying to tell you something. Do not ‘stuff’ it deep down. Hold on to it until you can find some time to focus all of your thoughts and energy into it. Focus on what it is you felt and why.

Are you looking for a little change?

Then use your mind to think of what it is you may have done that created the negative outcome. Other people can project negative energy too. Do not judge them. If you emit a more powerful positive vibe then their negativity will be vaporized.

At first I would not recommend analyzing your emotions or the emotions of others in public. It takes quite a bit of effort to be able to talk with others about emotions and have the conversation be productive.

Usually, what I have found is that it is better to not talk about the emotions directly. It is better to just always have a stronger positive charge that dissolves the other persons ‘perceived crisis’. What tha heck does that mean? Lively up yourself like Bob Marley says. Do not talk with others about your problems…That just keeps them alive. Only project positive energy and others will feel it. Why take everything seriously? Don’t you know that logic kills emotion? Relax. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen.

Here is a quote from Tyler Durden in Fight Club:
“Stop trying to control everything, and JUST LET GO!”

I wasn’t sure where to post this, but this seems like a good place.

I was walking around in a thrift store today. I always find great books there for “super cheap”. I got “Think and Grow Rich” the other day for 50cents. Anyway, I noticed an old year book from when I was in high-school. I flipped through it and found my old picture. WOW! Whatever happened to THAT guy? He was really a good looking dude. Why was he so consumed with what everyone else thought? Well, the answer is that he was young and immature. Who said, “youth is wasted on the young”? How true that is, wouldn’t it be great to know then what you know now? Well, we can’t go back in time, but we CAN remake ourselves. I would encourage you guys to dig out an old year-book, find your picture and do a little thinking. It’s really pretty motivating.

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
You found your Year Book in a thrift store??? And you got those great books for a dollar???? I do believe you’re in the flow(:

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In response to themadcookieman’s post:
Hello again MCM! Rebuild->good thread for me as well.

At first when I took an honest look at all I REALLY wanted to rebuild, I was uncomfortable. Though, I am someone who wants to confront what is, so I kept goin for it.

I’m in a good place myself. I don’t even mind the baby steps, because I know they are leading me on an excellent adventure.

I’m ready. And sounds like you are too! (smiles and smiles)