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★★Just for laughs

OMG, I have finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side, THERE IS NOTHING RIGHT, and on the right side, THERE IS NOTHING LEFT!!

I've been hiding from exercise. I'm in the fitness protection program

I told you that I do NOT have Alzheimers. I have "some-timers"

Sometimes I remember and sometimes I don't

The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee

I don't drink these days. I'm allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs

Robert Downey junior

I Am living a Divine plan

liking this! Thank you, Happy!

I Am living a Divine plan

Saw this one & liked:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice. - 

I Am living a Divine plan

You may not have lost all your marbles, but there's definitely a hole in the bag

Laughter is the best medicine ... but if you're laughing for no reason, you may need medicine

MY NEW DIET: DAY 1

I have removed all bad food from the house. It was delicious

- monday

- Tuesday

- Wednesday

- Thursday

- Blink

- Monday

NIGHT - Can't find comfortable position in bed

MORNING - Every position is comfortable

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he's cleaned the whole house.

You need to get a life when,

you start looking through a friends profile on facebook and end up on their 2nd cousins sisters best friends brothers grandmas profile looking at vacation photos from 2010

WARNING!!!

I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake, which means I'm sober, hungry and very pi*s*d off, so proceed with caution.

I can't sleep ... I just know that right now, at this very moment, someone is misspelling something on the internet

People who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they can't even finish the joke because they're laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people.

Last year I joined a support group for anti social people. We haven't met yet

 

 

Clean underwear?? ... Mom, if I were in an accident I'd probably sh*t my pants anyway

 

I don't have wrinkles. I just have a more relaxed type of skin than others

50 Funniest Pictures Of The Month - OMG Cheese

“We’ll pick you up”

In response to Serenity Bay's post:

Aint that the truth, LOL

Who cares if we're getting older? We still ROCK!

WHEN WE WERE KIDS, you didn't have to say "Don't try this at home" because we weren't all a bunch of morons

That awkward moment when a nap becomes sleep and you wake up confused about what year it is

IN BED ... It's 6am, you close you eyes for 5 minutes. It's 7-45am

AT WORK ... It's 1-30pm, you close your eyes for 5 minutes. It's 1-31pm

If you look in the mirror and see crows feet, cellulite, saggy boobs and bingo wings, don't despair, at least your eyesight is ok

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE FOR LAZINESS

(But if you find one, please let me know)

 

There is no louder sound than the crunch of something you're not supposed to be eating

You think you ROCKED my world? Honey, you didn't even rattle the headboard

Are you always such a SMARTASS?

NOPE ....

Sometimes I'm asleep

Aww

my middle finger

likes you

LIFE TIP:

When nothing goes right

Go to bed

Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh, I put up with you. So we're even.

WARNING: Going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday

I haven't lost my mind .. half of it just wandered off, and the other half went looking for it

Jack and Jill went up the hill and planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass

Now his front two teeth are missing

1) Denial

2) Anger

3) bargaining

4) depression

5) Acceptance

- My stages of getting ready for work

I have a sleeping disorder. It's called children

The only thing worse than a house full of noisy kids is a house full of quiet ones.

That's when the real sh*t goes down

COFFEE - Starter fluid for the morning impaired

Some days you feel like you're surrounded by idiots. Other days, you realize it's not only some days

I don't understand why people have to get ready for bed. I'm always ready for bed

In response to Spread a little happiness's post:

that is funny

 

actually lots of very cute ones on your thread

thanks-spreading a little happiness

Affirmation Quick Searchaffirmation tags
♫Frampton I love enjoying this surrender. It is always beyond my wildest imagination of completion

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you moan and groan. I will make you beg me to stop. When I am finished you will be weak for days.

SINCERELY,

THE FLU

Most people won't admit their faults

I WOULD

If I had any

I really need a day between every day,

to recover from the day before and prepare for the day coming

I still miss my EX,

but my aim is improving

Doctors say that drinking 8 glasses of water a day helps keep your skin looking younger. My advice? drink 8 glasses of wine a day and you won't give a damn how old you look

ALRIGHT ...

Who pushed the fast forward button on my weekend?

That sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more than you

Why is it always so easy to solve your friend's problems?

Aint it nice when you get the silent treatment, cause you don't have to listen to their b**sh*t anymore

Whoever put the words "morning and good" together was obviously mentally unbalanced

Does running way from your responsibilities count as exercise?

SHHH, Can you hear that? Yep, it's my beautiful soft warm bed calling my name. I really must go and see what it wants

"Grandpa, if you give me one dollar I'll tell you who sleeps with grandma when you're not at home ..  Here, I'll give you five dollars, who is it?

Me ...!

Pampered cows produce spoiled milk

Affirmation Quick Searchaffirmation tags
♫Frampton I love enjoying this surrender. It is always beyond my wildest imagination of completion

No matter what life throws at you... at the end of the day your dog still loves you

I should go to bed but the internet needs me

I want to sleep, but my brain won't stop talking to itself

The world is full of protons, neutrons, electrons and morons

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it

575a49e1923386c6b4e71cd4a15b27b2.jpg

“We’ll pick you up”

“We’ll pick you up”

images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcSjka7sQTB0kAcVXEzFh2l4c-81WkRz1ich-tI-IUSu85GIdvAq

Affirmation Quick Searchaffirmation tags
♫Frampton I love enjoying this surrender. It is always beyond my wildest imagination of completion

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