★Challenging people and how to deal

Hey folks,

I am challenged by a particular person, my instructor to be particular.

The facts:
-I see her 5 days a week (past Sept-end of May)
-She is bipolar

How I feel:
-Like I am walking on eggshells
-Like she has it ‘out’ for me
-She favours others

What bugs me the most:
-That this even bothers me
-That I should be showing her compassion and I struggle with that

Anyone been in a situation like this?

Hey Raylene, sounds like a difficult situation. What stands out to me is the “walking on eggshells” part. Don’t let people mistreat you! You deserve respect, there is no need to walk on eggshells. You are a powerful, competent, intelligent person. How is it that you’ve given someone the power to make you feel this way? If I saw someone running over you I would set them straight, but since I’m not there you may have to do it for yourself. Time for a fierce conversation. Talk to a couple of your real friends and see what they have to say about this situation. (Of course, by real friends, I mean your close friends that you actually hang out with in the physical world.) Would you stand by and let someone run roughshod over one of YOUR friends or family members? Nope, I didn’t think so. Let those close to you know what’s going on, most likely they will support you. Be willing to walk away from a crappy relationship. Even if you have to be stuck in such a situation for right now, it doesn’t have to be permanent. If you are going to stay, you’re gonna’ have to either fix it, suffer, or leave it.

Thank you, madcookieman. I have talked about it but it is the general consensus that she has the power and could make my life even more stressful. I am writing down everything that happens and taking it to the Deam after I have the Certificate paper in my hand.

Good for you! How much longer do you have to put up with it? Maybe it’s best to ride it out, but if you are going to be stuck with this person for a long time you might need to have a confrontation of some sort. Have you spoken with the dean already? There are plenty of wack job professors out there. Been watching the news this week?

Sounds like my boss…and one or two others.

I may end up taking your advice too madcookieman. Not like I want to but it would be for my own good.

You guys go HERE and listen to the first two songs, okay?

Listened to more than the 1st two. Funny! Thanks for making me laugh. After the lousey weekend I just had, I sure needed that.

Bullies are very weak on the inside. They collapse when confronted. They have inflated ego’s and are very afraid. They are afraid of being exposed – that people will see the real person and judge them as lacking in some way. There might be circumstances when confronting one might be physically dangerous, but most of the time not. Be the strong person you are when confronting them. It’s tough when a bully has some sort of power or authority over you, but it is important to stand up for yourself. Once a bully realizes that you’re not someone they can just run over the bullying will more than likely stop. If not, then stronger measures will be needed. When a person in authority is doing the bullying the documentation will be invaluable. Also, if bullying is taking place it is very likely that others recognize what is happening as well and will back you up. It’s also very possible you are not the only one being bullied. It wouldn’t surprise me if the bully is actually the victim of bullying herself. Perhaps she is being bullied at home, or has been bullied in the past. Whatever the reason, it is no excuse. Being assertive and standing up for yourself doesn’t mean being mean or hateful, it just means standing up for yourself. You are a powerful force, don’t forget it. Ever!!! (I need to remind myself of that too!) You are a beacon of light for others.

I watched a television show the other night called “Undercover Boss”. In the episode the manager of a Hooters was demeaning the girls who worked for him. It made me disgusted and angry. He made them have a contest where they had to bury their faces in a plate of beans and eat like pigs. He was exposed because of the television show, but if just ONE of the girls had stood up to him he would have crumbled, they just needed a leader, someone who was unafraid, someone with inner strength. In truth the manager was just an insecure coward and a bully. He had them “conned”. For the most part people will accept you for how you present yourself. What messages are we sending that says “it’s okay to bully me”? Hopefully, being exposed will make him learn a little and grow as a person which is the best thing for him.

Finally, it’s easy for me to say all of that. I’m not in your situation, and things can look quite different from the inside. Things can look different from the outside. Ever been so emotionally attached to something that you couldn’t see/think/reason clearly? I know I have. What would someone you truly respect say about what you should do?

Wonderful, thanks SO much for your help with this, my friend. I have noticed her backing down when confronted. This is a lesson that has been following me around for years. It needs to end.

I see her until the end of May. Sometimes another instructor comes in and gives us a break. I haven’t spoken to the dean for fear of reprimand. June, me thinks.

For my health, I have to figure out a better way of not letting her get to me. It’s a waste of my energy. It’s her issue and not mine. I know she triggers me but perhaps if I heal my past, this won’t get to me so deeply.

Hugs to you!

Update- wow, thank you Universe.

The instructor asked the class to tell her things that are and are not wokring about the class. Including her and the other students. I was able to get my points out there (all anomously, of course)! It felt scary and good too.

We went through each point. She apologized about the stuff that she was responsible for and vowed to work on it. Super good.

:)

"Buddha was speaking in a village square one day, when one of the inhabitants started to abuse him. Buddha paused and said to the man, " If you offer me a piece of paper and I refuse to accept it, what happens to the paper?" "Why, it stays with me, of course," the villager replied. Buddha smiled gently, " And that is exactly what I am doing with your abuse, "he said, " I am not accepting it, therefore it stays with you" ~ Gautama Buddha