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★Letting Go of the Past...By Being Your Present Self

So, as each day goes by, I continue to gain more and more valuable insights into myself and what I can take from my past relationship.

Those of us who have had difficult pasts which include actions for which we are afraid of people judging us may live in a constant state (albeit, somewhat latent) of fear whereby we’re terrified of being “exposed.” It’s what prevents us from developing true intimacy at times. Sometimes we erect really high walls to keep everything and everyone out.

But sometimes, we can’t help ourselves and, like the Ancient Mariner, want to tell our story over and over again, almost as if to dare people to act in a way which is consistent with our worst fears and experiences – that is, to see if they’re so revolted or afraid of us that they’ll run away.

We’d like to let go of our past, but don’t know how. However, what we fail to realize is that one crucial step to letting go for ourselves, for seeing that we are not who we used to be is to actually ALLOW potential partners to see us in the present.

When, how and whether or not we share sensitive information about ourselves is a tricky thing. But we do ourselves a gross injustice if we don’t give other people enough time to get to know who we are now as a person. Not only that, but we need to give ourselves enough time to become safe with that other person.

Is it a guarantee that a person will accept what you have to tell them? No. It still may be hard for them to hear. But at least, if they know who YOU are in the PRESENT, it’s much more likely that they will view what you have to tell them through the lense of who you are now.

Sorry, forgot to add one sentence to that last paragraph.

I meant to end with the following:

And if the person that they see in the present is someone that they really respect, admire and want to be closer to, the chances of them running away, believe it or not, are pretty slim to nill.

Saving parts of yourself to share at a later time when you’re ready is not hiding – it’s a form of self preservation and a way to prevent the past from coloring the different person that you are now.

Thank you, this is beautiful and very fitting for me.

…What makes you different, makes you beautiful…

dear SweetStrongSoul ,what an inspiring post you are growing so fast before our eyes ,i love that last sentence

prevent the past from colouring the different person that you are now

that is what Oprah calls a lightbulb moment for me,i have been colouring myself a gloomy grey/black colour ,from now on im going to be a rainbow person one day ,a pretty pastel the next but no more grey/black/navy blue ,thank you so much .love flowergirl

Thank you. Being someone who has grown and who is growing I am priming myself to receive all the love that I deserve, but understand that I cannot do this if I keep putting the crap before the pearls, and behaving as if I do not deserve.

“Saving parts of yourself to share at a later time when you’re ready is not hiding – it’s a form of self preservation and a way to prevent the past from coloring the different person that you are now.”

That is perfect and I am really trying to learn and internalize this one. Thank you.

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