★The Chicken & The Egg, or how to create a breakthrough?

Looking for additional guidelines on how to sharpen my affirmations I joined bmindful. I’ll try to give a brief overview of where I came from and where I’m now. I was brought up by a single parent with a WW2 trauma, was mentally abused by her and lived most of my childhood in insecurity. So self-confidence is not exactly my strongest asset. I was forecasted to end up overdosed in the gutter before 20 but I took a different route because I’m still here. In fact, I have a lovely and supporting wife and I’m a very loving father of 2, who feel very secure. Seeing them grow and approaching the world with great confidence is very rewarding. As a person I’m a nice guy, a loyal friend and a valuable member of the board in my society, according to my surroundings. In that field I’m pretty confident and doing well.

However, there is still a massive obstacle to tear down. My lack of progress is focussed around my work and my economical situation. My professional qualities are recognised by the few clients I have but their number is poor. Former colleagues I still work with, acknowledge these qualities as well. The past year I’ve read and worked with Wallace Wattles book, Canfield’s success principles and a few others in the past. Despite that I’m still impeded by a very, very destructive sub consciousness. For every good vision or affirmation my subconscious is immediately there to engage my positive thoughts and to undermine progress. I’m working with 2-3 affirmations which I also use in front of the mirror for over 2 months daily, haven’t lead to any significant progress yet. Compared to a year ago, I’m really more positive despite my economic situation which is far worse than a year ago. Although I’m a good visualiser and can see a lot (I work in advertising so it’s almost 2nd nature) the negative counterpart is often stronger.

To finally get ahead in my work and really flourish, I see this as the key obstacle that keeps me from my well-needed breakthrough. And that brings me to the chicken & the egg. No matter what book you read on this matter, the starting point is always to feel good. And stay good for a long period in order to grow, build upon and benefit form your progress. I totally agree. But so far I’ve never read what you can do to keep that state coming from a background like mine. And when your market is almost completely collapsed. Living and acting in confidence that things will turn out good on time is something that my mind can handle but not my body. In other words, I can’t really feel that which is also needed. I know, everyone will experience some regression every now and then. But the past years, every time after a little period of progress I get thrown back into a situation of survival instead of staying in the living-mode. And I’m tired of having to live in survival-mode. I know that I’m awfully good at it, hey I’ve done it most part of my life, but it doesn’t bring me any further.

So how do I create a permanent breach in this wall? Please share your insights or send some positive vibes. I can use both ;-)

˚state of wonderful  

Posted on 16/12/2009.

Please describe what it is you want to feel. Start there..define it..Maybe doing this will assist you, and those who are responding.

˚state of wonderful  

Posted on 16/12/2009.

The blue mirror exercise has been one of my favorites for quick corners to turn

In response to Zen’s post:

Zen coming from a traumatic childhood is something that we have to work extra hard at. Look for the good in your life now. Just the mere fact that you have a loving marriage and children in itself is a huge success. It means that you were your own parents and you past on the loving thoughts to your family. They will not suffer what you went through. You are already a winner! I have done self help for over 24 years and read almost all books on the subject. When we are children we had no one to advise us so we had to make our own choices.

Some not so good. Zen what progress are you speaking about? If it’s more money a bigger house a fancy car. They really mean nothing it’s the warmth and love that we feel that is the most important. If it’s financial look to work for the thing you love the best. That is where the happiness and finances work together for you you may even get your family involved. Otherwise you will be working all the time and your children come home to a fancy house with no one there. Please look into Judiann’s story here on bmindful she is a true inspiration. May you have many blessings,

Peace,
Mary

Zen, I’d like to share a few more thoughts. The list of books above are great, Lauri and GC and many other on bmindful have read many. One thing I want to mention is that there is no “quick fix”. All of this stuff takes time and effort. The secrets of success aren’t really secrets at all. Some things might resonate better for different people, but the tools are already there. We just have to pick the tools we wanna work with.

˚state of wonderful  

Posted on 16/12/2009. Last edited on 14/01/2010.

In response to themadcookieman’s post:
And as you know MCM it’s about books, audios..But it’s also about being uncomfortable sometimes…for awhile..sometimes a long while lol. Now why would I laugh at that?..because it’s true…sometimes.

The more we accept life doesn’t always feel good..it begins to feel better. Though it’s good to give yourself permission to feel lots of joy.
Make sure you’re taking good care of yourself, because good health plays a large role role in how you feel too(:

This comes from something called “ How to Have a Healthy Lifestyle with a Busy Schedule” by Sabrina Ryan and Anne Kowlaski, OCPA, Spring 2009 The list is posted in my home, and I find it helps me make better decisions.

WHY BE HEALTHY?
22 REASONS WHY.

1. Vitality
2. An abundance of energy
to do everything you want to do
3. Happiness
4. Love and closeness with others
5. Satisfaction and fufillment in life
6. Healing symptoms and disease
7. Symptoms and disease going way
8. Relief from the suffering that goes with the symptoms of disease.
9. Inner Peace
10. Being symptom and disease free
11. Mental focus, memory, and clarity (no brain fog)
12. Being awake and fully alive everyday (not dragging through stuff and surviving)
13. Being present and having the ability to be with people.
14. No worry or fear.
15. Being confident in yourself
16. Being complete and happy
17. The ability to deal with issues that arise simply and with ease
18. Having better health now, for security for yourself and your family later.
19. More time to do what you want
20. Simpler choices
21. Looking great, feeling good, reducing fat, and having tons of energy
22. Being satisfied, and not being hungry all of the time.

It’s interesting that you posted that Laurie, here’s a list I found today when I was going through some old papers. As a matter of fact, I think YOU sent it to me.

Physical Benefits of Exercise
Strengthens the heart
Improves lung capacity
Increases metabolic rate
Improves cholesterol levels
Lowers blood pressure
Facilitates digestion
Increases flexibility and endurance
Increases bone density
Helps control blood sugar
Helps control weight
Enhances immunity

Mental & Emotional Benefits of Exercise
Enhances self esteem
Improves concentration
Reduces stress
Promotes positive mental attitude
Promotes emotional stability
Increases mental energy
Improves sleep patterns
Increases sense of well being
Reduces negative emotions
Relieves anxiety and tension
Relieves depression and fatigue
Improves quality of life

Wow, thanks for all these responses! I’ve added some books to my Amazon shopping list. Some of them you mentioned were already on my list. For now I can respond to a few questions that are easy to answer. For others I first have to do some homework to give a proper response.

Let me get one question out of the way: I’m not after a quick fix. At age 22, two people in in my family disclosed some important information about my background. They were and sometimes still are, my guardian angels. Before that nobody ever told me explicit that it wasn’t my fault and that my situation could still be ‘helped’. Until then I was brought up with the message that I was no good and never would be. Then my journey in healing started. That was 20 years ago, so it’s safe to say I’m not busy with a quick fix.

As for the progress I’m after, it’s simply about more (steady) clients and truly benefit from the qualities I have, acknowledged by my surroundings. Yes a bigger car would help and yes, a quieter house where we’re not being disturbed by the barking dogs of our neighbours as we walk through our own little garden or have a peaceful conversation in our living room without ‘enjoying’ the Dolby surround set of those same neighbours would help. And yes, not worrying about how the next month rent (that’s rent, not mortgage) is going to be paid would be helpful. So I think it’s safe to say that these too are not excessive pursuits. Having peace of mind about basic things like these would free up room for more positive feeling, thinking and acting. And as a more successful professional I would be able to generate this wealth. Besides that, not having to worry about all that would make me a better parent and spouse too.

Well that’s it for now. I first have to take an aspirin or two and catch some sleep. Then I can pursue after all your books, links and recommendations. Since I’m Europe based and most of the books are based on American culture, it takes a while extra to apply an idea from one situation to another. Lots of solutions mentioned in for instance the Canfield book simply don’t work in Europe or their leverage is just a fraction. But the things that are truly universal sure work. I’ve already experienced that. So it could take a while for my next post. But again, really, really, thanks.

Hello Zen! These simple things jump to the top of my list. You need to love yourself, put the past away and BELIEVE your affirmations. Practice really does help because, if you’re like me, you do these things and repeat, and repeat, and … The other and perhaps more important thing is to be grateful. Looking at your description of your family, you should be able to feel the gratitude — especially if you stay in this moment with all your talent and blessings. I tell you from experience this is good medicine and just a step in the right direction. I look forward to your posts and smiles. Jan

˚state of wonderful  

Posted on 16/12/2009. Last edited on 17/12/2009.

In response to Zen’s post:
That’s great that you’ve turned the negative around where it counts..(:

The money part of course is about good affirmative prayerful thought, but like everything else it is about making a plan and working it.

Prayerful affirmations are helpful to me;process affirmations.

Hope you come back and let us know how your plans and your journey are going(:

Much love and respect for whatever you choose.(:

In response to Zen’s post:

Zen I know exactly what you are talking about at this time the best thing one could do is just keep it simple. Praying, meditating and anything that will allow you to feel calm. For me the affirmations at first were just repetative and didn’t help. It was writing down the things that I was grateful for helped me to accept the affirmations later.

Then the negative starts in and says, “yeah right that’s great.” But sooner or later you meet someone in a worse situation then your own and they are still surviving you start to say yeah I am grateful for my life.

I live in California and there are no kidding at this time 110,000 families that are homeless. That’s right families. The other evening it was 28 degrees which is unusual for CA and all those children with their families sleeping in the park. Not sure where their next meal is coming from. There were agencies giving them food but those were stopped. No warmth, no covers because others are stealing them. Homeless shelters are filled up very quickly.

It’s clear to me that you are not looking for a quick fix but for someone to understand your situation. When we are children we rely on adults to support us and some of them don’t. It is not something you just forget it is there for life but you accept it and move on when you can.

Remember Zen what was done to you was clearly not your fault you were just a child trying to survive. The person that helped me the most was Louise Hay I would listen to her tapes every night before bed and did it for about 10 years. Somewhere in those years life starting changing for me.

Zen things will change and can change. Don’t forget here in America many are having a hard time financially. Businesses are not doing so good.

The best affirmation for me is the one Jose Silva coined, “Everyday and in every way, I am better, better and better.

Homeless

When I get stuck on a dilemma, I stop and start looking at whatever it is my dilemma and ask myself so what is the worst case here, what happens if I don’t get what it is I want. What happens then? What would that mean? How horrible is that? etc. Then alternatives come into mind.

Some 8 years ago there was a recession in my area of work (I am also a freelancer) and my pretty sure contract and the one following it were cancelled ahead of their times and I was left without a client. I was panicking big time looking for a client for months and getting very discouraging answers (not just nos). I was panicking so much that I did not dare check my bank account in order not to see the minus sign. Did affirmations, meditation etc. in order to keep calm, but still panicked. Until one day I stopped and thought, ok, what is the worst case? My line of work is not desired anymore? And right there I had an alternative thought/answer: So what? I can still do waitressing! (Not very desirable for back then 40 year old who had worked for well known companies for 15 years)

Having come up with this alternative, that it is not that horrible that I was out of job then, made me relax, I went away for a few days to visit friends. Believe it or not, right then I got a call from a client, for whom I am still working today.

Thanks for all your responses, they help to look at my situation from a different angle. Again. It It’s not that I’m ungrateful for the things achieved, on the contrary, every day I go over the things I’m grateful for and it helps to feel a little better. So I have that incorporated in my daily routine.

I was literally brought up with the message “you’re no good” and that I was “different” in the negative way and naive as I still am believed it to some extent but not completely. I was placed in a foster home for a few years with the same message. This period saved me from worse but I got some more scratches along the way. A few foster kids were very good of getting me falsely accused in numerous situations. Up till today this is still one of my week spots and of course not helping me in raising self esteem.

Having operated too long in survival-mode I made a lot of wrong choices because I didn’t have the confidence, thought it was a too big risk, or was simply scared. So I missed out on a lot good opportunities that would have brought me way, way further as where I am now. I would have learned more, earned more and experienced more. This is not complaining about my past, and what I have missed, it’s about how to finally and permanently get out of survival-mode. And how affirmations and other routines give me the strength and feeling that I can break down the barrier. I hope this is still an affirmation thread ;-)

What others say to or about us can affect us for sure; however what we speak to ourselves is much more powerful than anything anyone can ever say to us or about us. Speak positive about yourself each moment in your life. Counteract on all the negative talk that you have absorbed throughout your life. In time, the positive feedback you give to yourself will begin to overshadow the negative talk you have heard throughout the years. The self image damage did not occur over night, and unfortunately, the self image repair won’t occur overnight either. However, when you begin to truly love yourself, you can accept it all, but still through it all, love yourelf for all you are, for simply being! Blessings to you and your journey….

CordieB.

In response to cordieb’s post:
Very very wise words CordieB.