♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 07/04/2017. Last edited on 14/04/2017.

Nancee53 and iZ- Wonderful Series-WONDERFUL YOU ★★Appreciation★★

I am loving so much what is going on -here on Bmindful these days! I'm believing others are appreciating too!

I would like to give a large thank you for the large and valuable inspiration, creativity, wisdom, love, kindness that have been flowing from regularly posted threads from Nancee53 & iZ ... in what we call our Bmindful Series. 

Thank you for your awesome contributions on the site & behind the scenes giving wherever you can to our Bmindful family !!

 To be continued... Though until then, please join me in thanking them for being ... who they are and what they continue to share so well with us!!

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 07/04/2017.

 The time and creativity that go into a Series... cannot be measured well. How does one measure love? Every week I look forward to another segment of these creations.

My goodness, we have iZ creating video threads inspired by his personal journey

Nancee touching our soul with her personal experiences, joyful nurturing & song.

And both giving us a dose of energized wisdom, loving-perfection to add to our day... to our lives

Thank you Nancee and IZ for your wonderful contributions!  I am inspired by all of the great work, and the lift that gives to all of us!!

It's an absolute pleasure and a joy to be here with so many amazing souls on this site. I am grateful for all the wonderful the encouragement and support this community iz so happy to share with one another. Love iz the foundation here, that's for sure!

Nancee has been here for us all since before I can remember and she invented kindness. And for iZ, do you ever sleep? You have added so much wisdom and knowledge to Bmindful, that I can't keep up with all your informative threads. Before I can properly comprehend and respond, three more threads are needing read. Both of your contributions are invaluable assets to our forum. Then there is also Always Wonderful Possibilities presenting us with Wonderful Possibilities. Thank you all so very much. 

Thanks Poppy! It's teachers like yourself that planted that seed of inspiration and greatness within me to be curious about life and to always question things. I would love to share with you the role teachers played in my life, a very instrumental role in a "problem child's" life.. They saved me from myself. This will be a long one so no hurry on the reply I just want to share this with you as I think you would relate with the teachers who hold a very special place in my heart. I am honored that they played a big part in my journey.

When I receive my class schedule in the 8th grade I ended up with the teacher I dreaded having the most. Mr. Weiss, he turned out to be the best teacher I had that year. I've had other amazing teachers just like him before and after. Mrs. Clinger my 5th grade teacher, I gave her such a hard time but she never gave up on me.  Mr. Christensen my 6th grade teacher for half of the year and then seen him again when I finally arrived at the junior high school that became a middle school that same year and I got to have him as a teacher again in computer class. I was even a teacher's aide for him. The teacher who took over for him in 6th Mrs. Larsen won me over as I lead the class against her after she took over as our permanent teacher. Mr. Sullivan, Mrs. Conkey, Mr. Livingston who lived a few blocks away from me and I would go visit him and his family all the time. 

I remember one day early on in Mr. Weiss' class, it was I think during the second week that he asked me to stay behind after the period ended and I instantly became defensive because that usually meant I did something that the teacher was going to confront me about. He told me to calm down and just relax and wait for the other students to leave he just wanted to talk to me. They usually said that to get me to calm down and then would confront me as soon as the classroom was cleared out but I huffed and puffed and gave him my thousand mile stare to show that I was ready for the pending battle I assumed was coming.

He then told me he wanted to commend me on the questions I had asked during the class. He could see that I was skeptical of what was said in our text books and that he said that he really appreciated that about me and that not a lot of his students ever do that and he wished that he had more students like me. That was a huge confidence booster for me because most teachers took my questioning as something personal as to challenge them just to be difficult which when they took it to mean that I would let it become that and I would then intentional challenge them feeling they made their mind up about me so I would live up to their expectations.

Initially it was because I didn't always trust what was being said in the books but there were times I gave teachers a hard time just be difficult but that was not something I did often. I had already seen discrepancies in what the older text books had said in comparison to the new ones when we were revisiting the same topics through the years.

He even told me that what he knew about history wasn't accurately taught in the curriculum and if it was up to him he would absolutely change things to reflect what was known to be the truth but he also cautioned me that the truth was usually lost in all the different sides told and we rarely would ever record history accurately until we learned to get along on the planet. He encouraged me to keep asking the questions that I did but to not to become disruptive and respect the answer he gave to the class but that he really liked my questions because it gave him an opportunity to give the other students something to think about it. I didn't really get what he meant back then but I certainly do now.  

He felt that any younger generation could see to it that we never repeat the same mistakes if we were at least given a chance with the truth coming out where we often teach our youth to have pride in nationalism only to promote war. He was the first teacher to tell me about Dwight Eisenhower's last speech and warning to the nation about the military industrial complex. That was mind blowing for me because it revealed so much of what I couldn't really put my finger but the narratives of the past wars often didn't resonate with me at all. It was war and they put so much pride in the books about it all. So many lives were lost it made no sense as to why the need to speak so highly about the victory.

He couldn't give me materials without that possibly becoming a problem for him as it did in the past with another student that he said was a lot like me who's parents raised a ruckus over giving their son materials and a repeat of that could mean he would lose his job but if I had a question about something and he knew he could refer me the materials to me and I could dig them up on my own mostly at the library at the school or the public city library. He would even take his own personal time to look into things for me to tell me what book or old newspaper to look into.

Some of my other teachers that I struggled with in most of our time together would sit me down for these heart to heart talks trying to make peace with me would often bring up my genuine interest I took in books. While most kids were looking for the Hardy Boys or some other work of fiction they wanted to do a report on I was looking for books that we didn't have at our school library but our school librarian would call the public library to see if they had the book I wanted and if they did my teachers would often give me an extra few days to get the book. I was in the 4th grade and reading books about social constructs that were full of words that I had to stop and look up or had to gloss over because I didn't have the time to look them up to see what they meant but a big topic for me was racism. I knew more about racism than most where two or three times my age and they would try to be dismissive with me because it's such a touchy subject that they were mostly ignorant about. I knew were much of their truth was based fallacies and the other adults would think it was hilarious to see a pre-teen give them a run for their money. All of this also revealed to me that adults were not the end all on every subject. They could be just as childish as the most childish kid on the playground and just as flippant and insulting if not worse when a child knows more about something about a touchy subject they know next to nothing about it. It gave me something to show that the adults who believed children should be seen but not heard can be very insecure and manipulative. 

Mr. Weiss encouraged me far more to spend a lot of time in the library. I was one of the last kids the other kids expected to see at the library who's parents forced them to come in and I was there on my own sometimes until it closed. I could even use the library's phone to call my mother to come pick me up or let her know I was on my way home. The librarians even asked if I wanted to volunteer with some of the students from the schools in the district to read to the pre-k kids on Tuesday nights which I agreed to and but girls from 3 different schools who volunteered heard a boy was volunteering which I was only boy so they really wanted to know who it was and when they were told it was me they said they no longer wanted to volunteer so the shocked librarians who thought I was great agreed to drop me so the girls would stay on because I wouldn't be able to do it all on my own. They were shocked that these kids from different schools were so fearful of me and even knew who I was. They still loved to see me there but they didn't get how anyone could have such a low opinion of me because I seemed like such a good and bright kid to them. I admitted to them I had a pretty bad reputation that wasn't what I wanted to have but it did keep the bullies at a distance from me. We had a lot of bullies at my school and my fighting them back gave me a reputation of being one of them which I couldn't stand because I didn't pick on anyone. I just defended myself each and every time they targeted me. That reputation followed from the 3rd grade on through the rest of my time in school and the violence only escalated. 

I was one of the smallest kids in my class. There was either one or two others that were smaller than me and the rest were usually bigger and I had a temper so I was often a target for kids who wanted to feel good about themselves or wanted to impress their friends. I would make them regret it though when the targeted me and only a few ever kept it up until I grew tired of being terrorized by them and would go on the offensive and viciously attack them as soon as they started up with me again. Those instances would end in my being suspended and threatened with being expelled. 

There were many fights that broke out in the middle of the class because they would threaten with violence after the class was over and went stepped outside or threaten me with a beating after school was out. These were kids I didn't stand a chance with facing them afterwards especially with the stress I would be feeling and not wanting to fight in the first place so I would use my anger and fear and the element of surprise give me an advantage and just attack them right then and there. 

I had an angry authoritarian 8th grade teacher that put up the biggest kid in the school to severely beat me up after school one day. I had no idea why he came after me in the first place but I never stayed down in a fight. If you were going to fight me you were going to have to beat me until I couldn't pick myself up anymore or just walk away from me because I wasn't going to run away. I wouldn't let anyone intimidate or think they could pick on me everyday. He beat me up really bad and even the other kids who at first loved seeing him thump on me soon were standing between us and asking him what his problem was with me anyway? 

They guilt tripped him so bad he unintentionally told on himself. It was something to the effect of, "He made Mrs. Pecararo cry to me about how he stresses her out and she can't get them to remove him from her class."

His own best friend blabbed to another kid that she paid him \ to beat me up. Of course they both denied this but they investigated her and the assistant principal assured me that if they found out she had anything to do with it not only would she be fired but that he would see to it that she was prosecuted. This was the first time I ever experienced him being angry at someone else on my behalf.

I asked to be removed from her class and they let me go to the 6th grade english class which was my homeroom teachers classroom and she and her aide, which was another student's mother that was involved with the PTA, would assist me with my classwork when I needed it. Mrs. Pec tried to talk to me about how she would never do that and that she wanted me to know that she didn't understand why that student who beat me would say that she had anything to do with him attacking me. I know she was lying to save her job, she knew she screwed up big time but I told her I believed her even though I really didn't. I felt sorry for her that she could ever let a child get her to that point that she would risk her career over it.

I wasn't the only student that had problems with her. She would often try to embarrass students and was very quick to yell at us, she was known as a no nonsense teacher that kids actually were scared of being singled out by her. I didn't like being yelled at, embarrassed by her stopping her lesson to stare me down and be a target for her put downs so we would go back and forth. A friend of mine that I still talk today who was actually a lot like me and a little shorter than me but had the same type of reputation as me would get into it with her. We kind of spurred each other one even though we had different periods with her. Word would get around real quick at school about the screaming matches in her classroom. We were the two that never backed down from her and often told her if she would just talk to us with respect we wouldn't give her a hard time but she would get even angrier telling us that we better respect our elders.

I just wanted the whole thing to end with her once and for all as I wasn't even in her class anymore and would never have to deal with her again. There were mornings I would enter her classroom and tell her I didn't want any problems that day with her and hoped that we could get along and she would bark at me anyway and tell me the only problems we had were the ones that I created, it was her classroom and I would respect her whether I like the way she ran it or not. I couldn't even make peace with her and when she would see that I really didn't want a problem with her that didn't stop her from intentionally trying to push my buttons. This was a teacher that would use me as a butt to her jokes when I wasn't giving her any problem at all and get the whole class laughing it up. They thought it was great that a teacher felt the same way they did about me so that would just set me off.

To have teachers like her made me really appreciate the more mature ones especially those who could see something good in me. I had far more kids and adults going out of their way to point out the negative things about me that I was already well aware of my faults and flaws that it was a relief to be around the teachers I had no problems with at all. Those who I had very good relationships with I didn't want to leave their classes which always seemed to go by faster than I would have liked them to. I would sigh as I headed to my locker to get the books and binders for the classes I had with teachers that were such a drag for me to have to spend any time with them at all. They didn't like me and I didn't like them but I felt like there's nothing I could but stand up for myself when they overstepped my boundaries which they felt they could do because I was only a child. I even had some tell me I had no rights because I was minor. I never understood if they really felt why on earth did they become a teacher? To have teachers and students who obviously didn't like me and loved to gang up on me as if their numbers against me would validate their shared low opinion of me and force me to face the facts that they were right about me but I was fighting for my self worth, I don't know what they were fighting for.

The teachers who let it be known they thought I was a punk kid inspired kids to gang up on me in the classroom. If I had to fight two kids in the classroom I would and it happened a few times after having a teacher say things like "It's no wonder you get into so many fights with other students." Comments in the classroom like that would give some kids the idea they had a green light to antagonize me until it escalated to them threatening me with violence. I might lose the fight but they would be in fight that really didn't want to be in or expect because they thought they would catch me somewhere else outside of the classroom and emasculate me in front of even more students than just those in the classroom. I had that happen to me enough times that I wasn't about to let it ever happen again. And they assumed that since I was suspended for fighting in the classroom before that I wouldn't dare do it again but that was their mistake. I told the Mr. Schaefer, the AP, time and again, that if I was threatened with violence I was going to act and that making a threat of violence iz no less a crime than the act of violence. If I believed they would make good on their threat I wasn't going to give them an advantage. I didn't just attack kids for making blanket threats, that happened a lot, it was when they kept assuring me or trying to torment that class was almost over and they had every intention to make good on their threats that I took action before they could. They backed me into the corner in fear of being beaten and embarrassed which ensure I would be teased by even more students but that was being entirely ignored. Being suspended or even arrested was simply a better alternative for me. 

He didn't listen to me until after I had hit another big kid in the head with metal stool in shop class. I was suspended and the teacher demanded that they have me arrested and be expelled despite him seeing the much larger kid punch me in the face first knocking me off my stool which I then picked it up by the legs and hit him over the head with the seat of it before jumping on top of him and pummeling him. The teacher jumped on top of me and held me down until the principal came and got me. He was even refusing to get off of me telling the AP to call the police that I used a deadly weapon in his classroom and that I was dangerous and needed to be dealt with. This happened months before the other even bigger kid who jumped in bike racks. I was suspended for two weeks after that, questioned by police, and they decided to not pursue the matter thanks to the principal and assistant principal as well as the kid and his parents telling the police they didn't want to press any charges. They gave me a stern warning that the next time I would be expelled from the school district which I actually wanted a fresh start but most of the fights I got into after that occurred off school grounds.

I had other teachers that were very vindictive. When Mr. Christensen picked me and my friend Sam who was the one that was just a bit smaller than me who had the same reputation among the staff and students he even told us. Mr. C was this guy that was 6'5" and 350+ lbs, he was a very big guy with a huge black beard but as intimidating as he looked he had an even bigger heart. He looked like a well dressed biker...lol. I had only one other teacher that I was fond of before him but he was the first teacher that really brought the good out of me. I didn't get into as much trouble at school when he became my teacher, my grades were up, I looked forward to being in his class everyday, and he wasn't just my teacher but someone I could really admire and look up to...literally. LoL!! He was like a friend to me and he didn't blame me for my temper or the trouble that I got into so often.

He was the first person in my life to ever have detached my attitude or problems as not being who I was. That was a foreign concept for me as everyone attributed my problems were me, "you're the problem." I heard it so much I believed it so when Mr. C said that to me I argued with him about it, that was me, I had problems and I just didn't know how to fix them yet. I was often told that I was my own worst enemy with a short fuse heading for a rough adulthood if I didn't learn how to control myself. I appreciated his kindness but I didn't want him to lie to me. He set me straight me. That was the first time I ever heard that we are not what we do. It didn't even make that much sense to me back then but I say it all the time now. It makes complete sense to me now and I'm far less judgmental than I have ever been in my life.

Before he took his new job half way through the school year I remember Sam and I waited for the other kids to take off outside for recess so we could tell him how much we were going to miss him and that we really didn't want him to go but we could see he was very happy about his new job. He admitted to us that he lost respect for the other two 6th grade teachers that he had worked with at that school for well over a decade when they asked him to take us as his students. They refused to be our teachers. He said that it saddened him to see teachers main concern was to keep two specific kids out of their classrooms that he thought needed them most. I got the best teacher out of the three so I'm glad they rejected me.

I had him as teacher again in the 7th grade back in 1987 in computer class. Then after that class had ended I was his teacher's aide for the whole semester. Normally a student could only be a TA for one quarter because so many kids wanted to be TAs especially for his class. He had a few kids that really wanted to be his aide but he talked to the principal and I got to remain his TA for the remainder of the year. When he told me the good news that was the first time I ever told a teacher or a man that was not a family for that matter that I loved him and he was the greatest teacher I ever had. I would always go see him while in the 8th grade and sometimes come back and visit him while I was still in High School. I hadn't seen him since my junior year. I turned 18 in September 3 weeks into the school in my senior year and was kicked out of school even though I had no problems at all in the first few weeks. They said in California they didn't have to allow me to attend the school because I was no longer a minor. Only two teachers voted to let me stay there. The principal made sure he rubbed my face in it before he had the security guard escort me off school property. It was bruise to me ego because he took so much pleasure giving me the news. I was rarely showing up to school anyway the year before and barely made into my senior year but I vowed to make my senior year the best year of school ever. It didn't end up that way...lol

After Mr. C left for his new job Mrs. Larsen who usually was our regular substitute when he wasn't there became our permanent teacher. I had problems with her for the first month or so before she gave me detention one day but I had no idea what was in store. Detention with her was a time she wanted to use to talk to me not just have me sit at my desk waiting to go home an hour after school. She even told me that she was going to change how she interacted with me, that she could see that using her authority only made me buck the system all the more which she told me I really needed to think more about not bucking the system or I was going to find the world to be much harsher than what I experienced in the school system. She kept her word to me and I kept my word with her and our relationship blossomed. She was awesome! Mr. C was the one that asked that she replace him and I'm so glad he did. Mr. C sure read people very well, like I said he had a huge heart. So I had 3 great teachers in a row and I wasn't getting into as much trouble until I enter a new school with kids I never knew before that came from the other local elementary schools. Instead of one teacher I now had 8 of them if you count the homeroom teacher. The homeroom teachers were pretty great though, they usually put a smile on our faces first thing in the morning.

Oddly enough today I have many friends that are teachers. These are great people themselves. They remind me of those teachers I had that were very supportive of me, who didn't judge me. My business partner iz also a school teacher. We've even worked with two of his old students which was pretty awesome.

The teachers that I had so much trouble with in past I can now appreciate them, even Mrs. Pecararo. They showed me that they were human, they had feelings and can make mistakes too. I'm sure I was quite an experience for them and one I hope that they were able to grow from as I was with them. I don't know if they appreciated me for it though...lol. For the sake of their own well being I hope so. To have teachers who stood beside me no matter what I did despite what really felted like the whole world was against me to stand beside me no matter what so many others demanding I be given up already was HUGE for me. I still love them for it and that love has only grown since then.

If they hadn't been there I'm fairly certain my little bit of self worth that remained would have evaporated and I might have gave into the temptation to take my own life. The thoughts certainly entered my mind but the first person I had ever seen die was when I was 6 years old. I seen a man commit suicide and I was very angry about it. I thought suicide as weak way to die, I was ok with dying but felt strongly against taking my own life. I hated that man for killing himself and giving me nightmares for many years after. I was already exposed to a great deal of violence but that was introduction to the concept of death. So in a way that distraught man who I watched immolate himself in his car in front of his girlfriend or wife and her mother kept me from committing suicide myself as a young teenager. He also again saved me before I nearly let the LAPD shot me down in the middle of one of the busiest intersections in Los Angeles.

They thought I matched the description of an armed robbery suspect and I was walking home from court and the judge slammed me with the highest fine he could give me, one I wouldn't be able to pay and would eventually have to go back to jail. I was at the early stages of having PTSD after a very traumatic experience with corrupt police. I was walking home crying and couldn't even stop myself life just seemed to be so hard and I was fantasizing about a car running me down in the street I even walked across the street when traffic had the right of way but all the cars stopped and were honking at me but I didn't care. I couldn't even get someone to run me over.

Then all of a sudden a police helicopter was circling over my head and I'm in the middle of the crosswalk and one cop car after another iz racing up to me skidding to stop with cops jumping out pointing their guns at me and yelling all these different contradictory commands at me. I had my hands in my pocket. It was hot out but I still had my coat on because I didn't want to see me crying as I walked home from the courthouse. This went on for a good 10 minutes at least and I was thinking if they think I'm armed with all these cops around if I pull out my hand like I might have a gun they will all shoot at me and I'm going to die to fast. This was a perfect way for me to end it all I thought.

So I just started saying goodbye to everyone in my head. I would see their faces and tell them goodbye I hope you can forgive me but I don't want to live anymore. Tears were rolling down my face, I looked up at the sky then all around me because I was building up my courage to do it. I just then noticed that crowds were forming at the corners and I looked over to the one directly across the street from the way that I was facing and I see this older woman possibly a grandmother with a little girl that was about the same age as I was about 6 years old standing in front of the woman. I got so mad at her and started cursing her out. Didn't she see that these cops were going to kill me any second and that I wasn't listening to them? She didn't move, didn't try to shield the child's eyes or anything, and that just broke my heart and my will. I just started sobbing, I fell to my knees and then laid my head against the street as the police all erupted yelling at me but I didn't care if they were going to open fire on me.

I didn't want that little girl to go through all that I had since I was 6 years old. I felt that it wasn't fair to me so how could I do that to her? The cops didn't open fire on me but the next thing I knew they were on jumping on top of me with their knees and twisting my arms up until they handcuffed me and put me into a squad car. When they came to question me about where was the gun I used in the robbery I told them I didn't know what they were talking about and just asking them why they didn't the just shoot me? I just wanted to die.

A call came over their radios and a bunch of them left. They found the one they were looking for but the cop who's car I was in now was concerned about my mental state. He asked if I needed to see a doctor I said no they couldn't help me. He kept telling me the way I was talking he was probably going to take me into custody and take me to the hospital for an evaluation. I told him I didn't care what he did. Then he closed the door left me alone for about 5 minutes and came back telling me I just matched the description was all but they had the guy in custody so I was free to go but he couldn't let me go if I was going to keep talking about wanting to die and asking me if I wanted to hurt myself and I said no. I asked him how long would I have to stay there if he took me to the hospital and he said at least 72 hours. I didn't like that option so I  just assured him I would be fine I was going to harm myself, I was just talking nonsense because I had a bad day. He let me out of the cuffs and let me go my way.

I had a few other incidents in the months following that with people putting guns in my face or to my head and I egged them on to go ahead and shoot me. My roommate tried to have me committed once but I bolted out of the back door when I looked through the peep hole and my roommate was busy using the bathroom. I put two and two together after having walked in on him and over heard him say "no I'll watch him until they get here" while he was on the phone and then hung up. He was acting like it was nothing and wouldn't tell me who he was talking to. I told him earlier that I was trying to convince myself that it would be ok to kill myself because no one would do it for me. I kept having close calls which on two of those occasions he was there when they put their guns to my head and something always stopped it from happening no matter how hard I tried to give them the reason to shoot me. I was even sabotaging my own efforts to die. I found some distractions to keep me busy for a few years after that but eventually it all caught up to me again and that's when I found myself in prison which iz where I had my awakening and everything changed. My depression, anxiety, and PTSD was all lifted from me in a really surreal moment that I was about to snap. I didn't snap though. I won't get into those details as this has already been a long enough reply..lol

If it wasn't for that man who killed himself in front of me. If it wasn't for those amazing teachers that I had, if it wasn't for first born son coming into my life when he did and his mother leaving us making me an 18 year old single father, if it weren't for the poor aim some had in trying to shot me, if it hadn't been for those people losing their nerve to just pull the trigger, if it weren't for that little girl on the corner about to see a man be shot to death in the middle of the street in a hail of gunfire, and if it weren't for my codependency I had to a narcissistic woman I would not be writing this right now. Just looking back at it all, there's no sadness, no regrets, no desire of changing any of it. All I have iz deep appreciation and so much love within when I look back. That's what all stands out to me, the love and appreciation. 

For the most part even though I felt liked, respected, and appreciated by some of my teachers I didn't think of it as their loving me back then. Today, I KNOW they loved me. Why else would they have put in so much effort for me when they didn't have to? They really stuck their necks out for me and a couple of them told me that's exactly why they became teachers and could never let a student think they weren't worth it. I had very little self worth but what I had left was only due to their showing me that I was worth it and that I needed to realize my own value. They knew I didn't see in me what they saw in me. Mr. Weiss told me that the desire to know the truth no matter what the truth turned out to be was the same spirit that all the people we credit for changing the world. While I don't have a desire to change the world, I have a desire to change myself and I know that in doing that the world mirrors that change but I think the world iz just learning like I did. The world can use some healing but the world iz whole and complete, and it will heal itself, it's happening now. I can see it now and I love those teachers more than ever who planted those seeds in me so long ago. 

That same vibration I could feel from them iz what I feel from you Poppy and it's pretty amazing because I can feel it through your words via the internet no less. The internet iz not often given that kind of credit. It really does make the world a bit smaller, forms communities that were once had no form at all. It only makes sense that since it's a physical creation it would have the ability to allow us to exchange energy and moments with people all over the planet. Humanity iz one big vital organism on this earth that's beginning to awaken to it's own self worth, just like I did as an individual. Despite what's all over the news these days and I don't even like to giving it any of my attention no matter what's going on in any part of the world right now. I haven't watched the news in over 4 years but people are talking so I hear about the things I'd rather not hear about. It's not about ignoring the facts. It's about my caring enough that I don't give it any of my energy at all. The energy of our awareness gives it energy. It starts with just one person then millions and even billions of people are giving it their energy. If no one gave that first person any attention to what they fear their efforts would fall flat. Instead I give world peace and well being all of my focus. That's how I rebel these days because I also know what it means to form resistance but that only expands the problems and I want to be the solution. To be the solution I must see the world as already at peace, already healed, and already in loving harmony with all that iz. I'm past that part of wanting to be the change I want see in the world, I am that change now, there's no other way to be the change then to be it now. I'm not going to wait for the right circumstances. I'm not going to pray about it because it's already done, that's how much faith I have in it, that's it's done and the world will have to reflect that back to me at some point. I've learned taking cues from our circumstances iz why we keep repeating less than stellar possibilities. Maybe that's what my teachers saw in me because I didn't come here to save the world or change it. I came here to be some part of the world to find my joy in it, to glorify my creator, to let my Higher Self be the only self that lives through me and not not the false self of my ego.

Even though we have "only" met here in this wonderful community of bmindful I can genuinely feel that you were one of those amazing teachers that I'm sure many of your students have fond memories of you and you are a big piece of them today as my teachers have become to me. I haven't talked to any of them in well over 25 years but I know where they are, they're living in me and I love that very special part of me that they have become one with me in.

If I hadn't experienced all that trouble including all that violence I may have never known this love. It's so odd to give any credit to the violence I hated so much, all that pain and suffering that nearly destroyed my journey and wanted it out of my life so bad and now it iz because I am peace itself. That's what all that dis-ease pointed me to...to true inner peace. I made peace with myself and I am always making peace with others and I give away peace to those who don't even want it but they have my peace even if they don't appreciate it and want it. I don't care, I give it to them anyway. It's unconditional. 

I turn the other cheek so they can slap me if it will make them feel better. I won't feel any pain at all because I will define it as peace. I won't feel any pain, it will be love that I feel. Who can tell me what I feel and how I should define it but me? I define it within my authority and others can define that act as "delusional" for themselves but never for me. No matter how it looks to them, they can't define it for me. They can only define that as their own experience through their perception and I can respect it but that takes nothing away from own power to define it as I see fit. I will define things in a way that will serve me and the world because I am the world not apart from it but of it. I see my own reflection in the world, all the beauty and not so beautiful parts that are reflecting back a desire to be accepted and then those parts that I become conscious of that have not yet been healed will be healed.

I don't see any wars within me anymore and it's just a matter of time before the world knows the inner peace I have now. The world iz my reflection, and I am smiling at in love and it has to smile back at me with love because I'm going to keep smiling and loving all that I see in the mirror until we're a match. 

♡ ˚Allowing Beautiful Thoughts  

Posted on 12/04/2017.

 In response to iZUHM THA iNFiNiTE's post: I know you said no one need hurry to reply... Your writing always prompts me with inspiration & a reply, so holding back was not an option(:

iZ, thank you for not only being you for you, though all you give to us via Bmindful forum.

Your generous way of being, creates the desire for others to share from a higher place, more openly here & everywhere.

And in re: to Bmindful, (your sharing on this forum)... opens doors for others to be their authentic selves even more. I love all you shared regarding from whence you came to the love & gratitude about it all. 

And  your last thoughts there had me glowing even more:

 I don't see any wars within me anymore and it's just a matter of time before the world knows the inner peace I have now. The world iz my reflection, and I am smiling at in love and it has to smile back at me with love because I'm going to keep smiling and loving all that I see in the mirror until we're a match.

Your sharing reinforces to all... harmony and moving forward  is an inside job.When you said you had many books in you... I am knowing this  inner expansive  journey of yours has much more to express.Looking forward to it. much love to you, our friend.

In response to iZUHM THA iNFiNiTE's post: I absolutely agree with your statement: It's an absolute pleasure and a joy to be here with so many amazing souls on this site 

This community  IS an absolute joy! And to all of Bmindful family -THANK YOU!

In response to iZUHM THA iNFiNiTE's post:

Blessed Violence 

Square pegs
Fit not
In round holes

Intellectual beauty
Not readily seen
Frequently hidden
Within and without

Frustration exploding
Anger dripping
Fighting fiercely

Sound artist
Painting smartly
Ears bleeding
Heart melting

Shining Spirit
Birthed in
Bathtub of light
Cleansed by repeated
Goodness Recognition
Until self is secure

Gratitude given
Better late than never
To self and others

An accepting creature
Molded by mentors
Reflecting golden images
Of what is, is, is!

Boldly path walking
Being the light
Of worldly love

One becomes two
Two becomes four
Four becomes
So many more

The tilting world
Now upside down
Thankful Love
Round abound

Square pegs
Rounding now
Easily fitting

Lesson learned
Your the teacher
Ignite the spark
For it is always there

You're Very Welcome!