Right now at my job there have been a good number of terminations of employees that have worked here for several years. Before this happened there have been whispers about our diminishing customer base. Sales are down, and management has been having all of these secret meetings and people have been disappearing right and left for whatever reason.

Over the past few months I’ve become increasingly paranoid about job loss with the economy downfall and the situation at work. I have lost my job in the past from a layoff and a termination as well and it really upsets me to see things like this going on around me. I begin to worry about what is on the horizon. Ever since my year anniversary in my current department, I’d been asking my manager for feedback on my work and performance but have been brushed off. That was way back in February of this year.

More recently, in our company there has been a lot of strange restructuring and relocating and transferring of employees to different departments. My department in particular has lost 4 members from an already small staff of 9 at the beginning of this year. One resignation, one termination, and two internal transfers. I have watched our department shrink considerably over the past 10 months. And just recently my manager has brought up the importance of performance evaluations NOW, rather than when I asked for it almost 8 months ago, it was just dismissed and swept under the rug into the abyss.

So my concern now is that she has delayed AGAIN my evaluation, which was supposed to occur last Friday, she just calls out on PTO, and goes M.I.A, with no explanation and no apology. She’s gone an entire week and has not spoken to me about it what-so-ever.

I have made a decision. In situations like this in the past I would lose sleep over it, oh my God, what am I going to do if I lose my job. Years ago I’d obsess over it jump at every noise and get startled easily. Not this time. I’ve decided to not worry over things I can’t control.

I come to work on time, do an extreme amount of work greater than my colleagues so hey, it’s the best I can do. If my job folds it definitely won’t be my doing. So in this case, I am making the decision to not worry over something I have no control over. However I DO have control over how I feel and how I want to conduct myself in my personal life. I’m choosing to remain happy and carefree no matter what happens around me. I am supposed to have my evaluation this afternoon an hour before my shift ends, which is my normal time for one on one meetings anyway. I will update this later with the outcome when I finally receive the results of my performance evaluation.